De vine wine puns between my husband and I
πŸ‘︎ 218
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Stokesy6th
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Can I think of a red wine pun?

You bet Shiraz I can!

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2018
🚨︎ report
5 wine puns! 4 shit and 1 that's actually alright. youtube.com/watch?v=sWYvj…
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Elijah__James
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2018
🚨︎ report
Got my wife with wine pun

I was drinking wine with my wife, and she asked me if it was good, to which I responded:

"It's grape!" groans "Why are you wine-ing ?" groans intensify "Want me to put a cork in it?" facepalm desk "Vine, I'll stop."

She then pun-ished me with no more wine.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zxithedead
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2015
🚨︎ report
My 16 year old son spilled wine while I was doing my daily breathing exercises..

Smells like teen spirit

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/stent_kush
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13
🚨︎ report
The doctor said I should reduce my wine consumption...

After a test for my blood type came back as Cabern-A positive.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12
🚨︎ report
I’m going to start a brand of rice wine and I’ll call it for fucks.

Oh..... for fucks sake.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Briccone1979
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03
🚨︎ report
My wife had me put her wine in a basket

It turned out to be a fiasco

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tr1Optimum
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16
🚨︎ report
My wife gets mad whenever I mess with her red wine.

So I added fruit and lemonade to it and now she's sangria than ever

πŸ‘︎ 57
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ May 12
🚨︎ report
I made a joke about wine in my office, no one laughed

It did not age well

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ViShAl2212
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24
🚨︎ report
My friend liked to linger in the bathtub and drink wine...

He was a soak.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24
🚨︎ report
My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine.

Recently I added fruit and lemonade to it and now she's sangria than ever.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ May 06
🚨︎ report
I told my dad that "This wine smells funny"

He replied "because it's Shartonnay".

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rwwterp
πŸ“…︎ May 19
🚨︎ report
Why is Ireland like a bottle of wine?

It has a cork in it!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/leatherfrog
πŸ“…︎ May 01
🚨︎ report
Opening a bottle of wine is easy

But it’s also easy to screw it up

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AJNotMyRealName
πŸ“…︎ May 01
🚨︎ report
What did one bottle of wine say to the other?

When we work together, we are a grape team!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/walker_922
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25
🚨︎ report
Not my first pun but second pun here. Don't WINE about my Photoshop skills.
πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/c_lassi_k
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06
🚨︎ report
At what age do you start loving red wine?

When UB40.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JDDDouble
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14
🚨︎ report
Shaun the sheep wine...
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zaffhome
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04
🚨︎ report
What's Russians' favourite wine?

Sauvignon Blyat

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mongolskimongol
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29
🚨︎ report
I've trained my dog to bring me a glass of red wine.

It's a Bordeaux collie.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/huse789
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03
🚨︎ report
What the name of the best wine shop in town?

Best cellar

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ChewieShot
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23
🚨︎ report
I have some questions about your honey wine...

...and I want them answered immeadiately.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fizzmore
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20
🚨︎ report
How do Russians say they don't want any wine?

Cabernyet

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ImNotThaaatDrunk
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07
🚨︎ report
This contractor knocked on my door today and convinced me to invest in wine storage

He was a stellar cellar seller

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dadlifememes
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20
🚨︎ report
When you get wine hungover its called,

The grape depressing.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/oxfordthethird
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18
🚨︎ report
My mom asked me if I wanted a glass of wine. I said to her β€œwine not”
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ATMiceli
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
🚨︎ report
A local wine shop has jokes...
πŸ‘︎ 199
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JazzerAtHeart
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine.

I added some fruit and orange juiceβ€”now she’s sangria than ever.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2018
🚨︎ report
Mullet wine is my favourite winter drink
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/owlaven
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Isis has started making wine

They call it zinfidel

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ImNotThaaatDrunk
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Blursed wine
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sexysocialist_
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2019
🚨︎ report
A kid hit me with a bottle of wine, what a champagne in the ass

And then I hit him back and he kept on WINEing

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JyCKatharsis
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife gets mad because I keep messing with her red wine....

So I added some fruit and lemonade to it and now she sangria than ever

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/B-man44
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I've reduced my wine consumption to just one glass before bed

I went to bed 7 times last night

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
If you were 4 when "red red wine" was released.

UB40 now

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife took me to dinner tonight. She looked at my empty wine glass and asked if I’d like another one.

Why would I want two empty wine glasses.

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Beardmaster-flash
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2019
🚨︎ report
If you were a child when "Red Red Wine" came out....

UB40 'ish now

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Twigsnapper
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I phoned up the wine shop.

I said, "Hi, do you do deliveries?" He said, "Yes, sir. Of course." "Superb," I said, "I've got a Domino's Pizza ready to pick up."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
My doctor told me to drink two glasses of red wine after a hot bath...

...but I can't even finish drinking the hot bath...

πŸ‘︎ 600
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Customer- "Give me your dryest wine you've got" Bartender- "Sure mate coming right up"
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Funneljer
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
🚨︎ report
If you were 8 years old when β€œRed Red Wine” was released

UB40 now

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Acidmarkieee
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I cook with wine

Sometimes I even put it in the food

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/michaelveyrocks
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Coffee: You can do this. Wine: You don't have to do this.

Tequila: Holy smokes! Did you really just do that?

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine.

So I added some Sprite and oranges and now she’s sangria than ever.

πŸ‘︎ 68
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
🚨︎ report
What's a horse's favorite wine?

Chardonneeeeiiigh

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sinceubeenKHAAAN
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the bodybuilder pour wine on his stomach rather than drink it?

He was trying to abstain from alcohol

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/waddupmanitsjohn
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the glass of wine say to the beer?

Nothing... They barley knew each other.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/W1GHTY
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2019
🚨︎ report
If anyone could just reverse the process of making wine, that would be grape.
πŸ‘︎ 777
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Maax42_
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2018
🚨︎ report
Dad are like aged wine, They get better with each divorce.
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Trigrust
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2019
🚨︎ report
If someone could just reverse the process of making wine...

That would be grape.

πŸ‘︎ 154
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call Mexican wine?

Jose

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/subradu
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2019
🚨︎ report
If you age a wine for 12-13 years

Is it called a β€œteen” spirit? πŸ€”

πŸ‘︎ 60
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ky_tai
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2018
🚨︎ report
what is a horses favourite wine?

chardonneigh

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nana_had_a_fall
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2019
🚨︎ report
(X-post) There are some pretty big rumors about the wine industry.

I heard about it through the grapevine.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2019
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend was drinking wine but said it wasn’t good. I told her to quit wining.

This didn’t actually happen.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/desposito48
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
🚨︎ report
What is a pirate's favourite wine?

Yarrrrrdonnay

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Weezywezel
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2018
🚨︎ report
Have you heard about the new antidiuretic wine

Pinot More

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sheik92
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I was on a date and said to the waiter β€œI would love the bo-log-nayz and a white wine.” Laughing my date said β€œI didn’t know you spoke another language.”

I replied, β€œyeah, I’m trylingual.”

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sr_ChalupaBatman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Why didn’t anybody tell the wine their secrets?

Because he always spread rum-ours.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pdonkey
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
🚨︎ report
They say wine improves with age...

But I still hate it and I'm 45.

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2019
🚨︎ report
What kind of wine does the Fonz drink?

Charden-Ayyyy

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ihtzmein
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife and I were drinking wine last night, and she looked over to me and said: β€œWow... your cheeks get really red when you drink wine, it could be Rosacea.”

I looked back and her and naturally said: β€œ...actually it’s Cab.”

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dr00b
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a half wine/half whiskey mix?

Jacques Daniels

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wondering-knight
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend can't pronounce his Rs, so his butler stopped providing him with red wine.

Serves him white.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a dog that likes wine?

A cork-ie

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ghstmnky
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a dog stuck in a wine bottle?

A Corki.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife says she wants to order a glass of wine during our Valentine’s Day dinner.

She says she loves being carded.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RageMonster17
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Her: I took out this bottle of wine a minute ago. Can you explain why it is half empty?

Me: Because you are a pessimist?

πŸ‘︎ 55
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2018
🚨︎ report
I love to cook with wine.

Sometimes I even put it in the food.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fecaleus
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2018
🚨︎ report
What kind of wine goes in a broken glass?

Chardonnay

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ThriveBrewing
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Cut my hand opening a bottle of sparkling wine...

I guess every RosΓ© has its thorn!

πŸ‘︎ 461
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nemo_sum
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2016
🚨︎ report
So I just overheard my mom ask my dad for a sip of wine.

His response: β€œOk, Mississippi.”

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/samehereagain
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the grape do when he got stepped on?He let out a little wine
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Royalprincess19
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife always gets mad when I mess with her red wine…

So I added some Sprite and oranges to it and now she’s sangria then ever…

πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2017
🚨︎ report
β€œI just don’t understand people who drink wine without alcohol.”

β€œWell that’s just grape.

Juice.”

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Majojamo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2018
🚨︎ report
I bought some Barefoot wine but I couldn't drink any because I was wearing socks.
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2018
🚨︎ report
"Here's a complimentary bottle of wine," said the waitress.

"You're very handsome," the bottle told me.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a hangover from too much wine?

The Wrath of Grapes.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Toberoni
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?

No, but it serves her rite.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Udzu
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2018
🚨︎ report
What is John Wick's favorite wine?

Chianti Reeves

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NeeeonTrees
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the wine enthusiasts atttacking a cruise ship recently...?

....I heard they were sommelier pirates!

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ultra-saurus
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2016
🚨︎ report
What's Batmans favourite wine?

Shiraz al'Ghul

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LordCharco_iii
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2018
🚨︎ report
Why couldn't the wine taster get ahead in life...

He kept making pour decisions.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2017
🚨︎ report
Just saw a bottle of 10 year old wine.

Surely thats too young to be drinking

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2018
🚨︎ report
So I heard about a special kind of pit today, for storing things like beer and wine...

It's called an alco-hole.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Exposed_dancer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2018
🚨︎ report
My son asked why my friends and I had little birds on our wine glasses

I told him so I knew which one was mine. He told me they should be owls instead. β€œWhy?” I asked β€œSo you’d know whose whose”

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2018
🚨︎ report
What kind of dinosaur writes reviews of wine?

The connoisaur.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2018
🚨︎ report
Me, at a fancy restaurant: This wine is smooth, a little citrusy, with a mild touch of oak.

Waiter; Sir, you are drinking 7up.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2017
🚨︎ report
All wine lovers start with drinking port wine!

It's a gateway wine

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/caposkni
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2018
🚨︎ report
How do you make rice wine cold?

Remove the R.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CloverPixels
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2018
🚨︎ report
Japan And Spain Collaborate On New "Crunchy" Wine: Tempura-nillo news4sadpeople.com/post/1…
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sadrecipes
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2017
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend gets mad whenever I mess with her red wine.

So I added some fruit and lemonade to it, and now she sangria than ever.

πŸ‘︎ 429
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2019
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend gets mad whenever I mess with her red wine.

So I added some fruit and lemonade to it, and now she sangria than ever.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2019
🚨︎ report
If anyone could reverse the process of making wine, that would be grape.
πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lafleur2017
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2018
🚨︎ report

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