The bartender says we don't serve food here
"... and one for the road."
"They're draft horses"
Me: "Hey dad, hypothetically, if the world suddenly ran out of beer, what would you do?"
Dad: "I'd probably swap to pandas."
Me: "Is ... is that like a type of cider?"
Dad: "No, it's a black and white animal."
Me: "Dad? There aren't any pandas in New Zealand?"
Dad: "Well, there's no bears either."
Now I just have beer
It was too hoppy!
Cause they are full of hops.
It doesn’t have to stop and change color.
Beer nuts are a $1:37. Deer nuts are under a buck.
We had to hold Hans.
Makes you nothing Budweiser.
It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist.
When they bring a coaster.
Me: Well, that’s your Uncle Frank. That’s where he wanted his remains. It was his favorite beer stein. He always said it would be funny. Never understood why.
Son: Maybe it’s so he could be Frank in Stein
Me: That son of a bitch!
I said, “you’re lucky – mine is still alive…”
His name: Dr. Frank's-in-stein.
Out of the blue the husband says, “ I love you”
“ Is that you or the beer talking” asks the wife
“It’s me” says the husband “talking to the Beer”
The barman says what's it with the long face
Because Covid 19.
I don’t think that makes my Budweiser.
Finally, she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.
I was gone only a minute and when I came out, I handed her a toothbrush.
I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a slight limp...
He was a flightless bird.
A mushroom walks into a bar and orders a beer.
Bartender: "Sorry we done serve food here."
Mushroom: "Come on, I'm a fungi..."
PS. I know a similar joke was recently posted, but I've always loved this two parter version.
The wife said "was it murder"? The officer said "no madam it was suicide" The wife said how" can you tell"? The police said - "On the cctv your husbund climbed out of the vat 5 times for a pee!"
I said, "No. We only have spirits here."
Barq’s on the moon.
Beer nuts are $1.47, deer nuts are under a buck.
Made this joke up in the 3rd grade (you can't tell by the pricing). I'm very old now. Still a winner.
Because it’s Ale Mania!!
Bear says “oh these? I was born with em.”
That's my pint of view, anyway.
And a mop.
And now I have beer.
Because they’re full of hops
Beer nuts are just over five dollars, deer nuts are only under a buck.
would I just have beer?
The bartender says " sorry, we don't serve food here!"