Beer Pun
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πŸ‘€︎ u/annevasian
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2019
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A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer

The bartender says we don't serve food here

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
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A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, β€œA beer please, ..."

"... and one for the road."

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
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Two extraordinarily large horses were sitting at the bar having a beer. Guy walks in and says to the bartender. "Hey, what's with the Clydesdales?" Bartender says,

"They're draft horses"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/timthedriller
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11
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[an actual conversation I had with my beer loving father]

Me: "Hey dad, hypothetically, if the world suddenly ran out of beer, what would you do?"

Dad: "I'd probably swap to pandas."

Me: "Is ... is that like a type of cider?"

Dad: "No, it's a black and white animal."

Me: "Dad? There aren't any pandas in New Zealand?"

Dad: "Well, there's no bears either."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yupitsnoone
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
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I put my root beer in a square glass

Now I just have beer

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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
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Why did the rabbit spill its beer?

It was too hoppy!

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer.

And a mop.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/starkers107
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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Why do frogs taste like beer?

Cause they are full of hops.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jj8o8
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
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What kind of beer does a vampire drink?

Bloodweiser

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Felix-the-Bear
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
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Why does beer make you have to pee so fast?

It doesn’t have to stop and change color.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hedgehog357
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
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What is the difference between deer nuts and beer nuts

Beer nuts are a $1:37. Deer nuts are under a buck.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrBacon2339
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
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My German friend Hans got so drunk on American light beer we had to carry him to the truck to go home...

We had to hold Hans.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
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I like to eat frogs, they taste like beer

Because they’re full of hops

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πŸ‘€︎ u/serialcompliment
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
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Drinking beer with a philosopher....

Makes you nothing Budweiser.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trelas_123
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
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Beer is like the sun...

It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
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How do you know when someone can't hold their beer?

When they bring a coaster.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AequitasKiller
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
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Son: What’s in that fancy beer mug on the mantel?

Me: Well, that’s your Uncle Frank. That’s where he wanted his remains. It was his favorite beer stein. He always said it would be funny. Never understood why.

Son: Maybe it’s so he could be Frank in Stein

Me: That son of a bitch!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StealthSpyda215
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
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The other day I was on the dock talking to two of my neighbors… One of them had a cooler full of beers and snacks… Pulling out a beer pops the top and opening a bag of chips, he says β€œMy wife’s an angel

I said, β€œyou’re lucky – mine is still alive…”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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They finally caught the guy who's been putting hot sauce in beer mugs

His name: Dr. Frank's-in-stein.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zombie-narwhals
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
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Whats a pirate's favorite beer?

PBRrrrrrrrrrrrr

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ether8
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
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A couple is sitting in the living room drinking beer

Out of the blue the husband says, β€œ I love you”

β€œ Is that you or the beer talking” asks the wife

β€œIt’s me” says the husband β€œtalking to the Beer”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfortaco
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
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A hotdog walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender replies, "Sorry, we dont serve food here".
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
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A horse walks into a bar and orders a beer

The barman says what's it with the long face

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrjaxson1111
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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What does a beer taste without yeast in it?

Unbeerable!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wunderbraten
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
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A drunk dude decided to drive and get more beer. After being pulled over and questioned by the cop, the cop said β€œ sir I’m going to have to put you under arrest.” The guy then said

Bud-wei-ser?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/exier--
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
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I poured root beer in a square glass, now I have only beer
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WetSoggyTaco
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
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What do you call a woman balancing a pint of beer on her head playing pool?

Beertrix potter

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Folically-endowed
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
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Why did Covid not get a beer at the bar?

Because Covid 19.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Oldebeard
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
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My friend thinks drinking beer makes him more intelligent.

I don’t think that makes my Budweiser.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
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What does a Rastafarian use to keep his beer cool in the hot tub?

A jah-koozie

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nsblues
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
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(very slightly vulgar) What’s the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?

Beer nuts are just over five dollars, deer nuts are only under a buck.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JohnnyBucanneer
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
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When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. Somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer. Always something more important to me...

Finally, she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.

I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.

I was gone only a minute and when I came out, I handed her a toothbrush.

I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a slight limp...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
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Did you hear about the penguin that couldn't order a beer sampler?

He was a flightless bird.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/badasscdub
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
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A mushroom walks into a bar and orders a beer.

A mushroom walks into a bar and orders a beer.

Bartender: "Sorry we done serve food here."

Mushroom: "Come on, I'm a fungi..."

PS. I know a similar joke was recently posted, but I've always loved this two parter version.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mykeythebee
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
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Police officer informs a wife that her husbund has been found drowned in a vat of beer.

The wife said "was it murder"? The officer said "no madam it was suicide" The wife said how" can you tell"? The police said - "On the cctv your husbund climbed out of the vat 5 times for a pee!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tiger7971
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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If I poured root beer into a square glass,

would I just have beer?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/knopper91
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2020
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When I worked at the Haunted Mansion, a guest once asked me if we had any beer available.

I said, "No. We only have spirits here."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KCPStudios
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
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Did you guys hear Ozzy Osbourne drank root beer in space?

Barq’s on the moon.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jdressen
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
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What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?

Beer nuts are $1.47, deer nuts are under a buck.

Made this joke up in the 3rd grade (you can't tell by the pricing). I'm very old now. Still a winner.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Irish_car_b0mb21
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
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Why do Germans love beer so much?

Because it’s Ale Mania!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/unityforall
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
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Bear walks into a bar. Bartender says - β€œwhat’ll you have?” Bear says β€œI’ll have a beer......... and...................... um.............. a bourbon.” Bartender says β€œalright. Say what’s with the big pause?”

Bear says β€œoh these? I was born with em.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
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Beer is the greatest beverage on earth.

That's my pint of view, anyway.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ScurvyDog509
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
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Did you know that Prophet Moses invented beer?

Hebrew

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrQuester
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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I put my root beer in a square glass

And now I have beer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DM_me_some_rice
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
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A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer.

The bartender says " sorry, we don't serve food here!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordAlgor7
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
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I poured root beer into a square glass

Now I just have beer

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PIatinumP0tato
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
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