What is the best month to drink a lot of beer?
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︎ Feb 01 2021
A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer
The bartender says we don't serve food here
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︎ Oct 08 2020
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, βA beer please, ..."
"... and one for the road."
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︎ Sep 15 2020
How do you make a root beer float?
Give him a lifejacket!
From my 7 yr old.
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︎ Jan 20 2021
I know why beer and frog legs go together so well!
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︎ Jan 25 2021
Did you know frogs taste like beer?
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︎ Jan 13 2021
Two extraordinarily large horses were sitting at the bar having a beer. Guy walks in and says to the bartender. "Hey, what's with the Clydesdales?" Bartender says,
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︎ Jan 11 2021
[an actual conversation I had with my beer loving father]
Me: "Hey dad, hypothetically, if the world suddenly ran out of beer, what would you do?"
Dad: "I'd probably swap to pandas."
Me: "Is ... is that like a type of cider?"
Dad: "No, it's a black and white animal."
Me: "Dad? There aren't any pandas in New Zealand?"
Dad: "Well, there's no bears either."
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︎ Oct 20 2020
I put my root beer in a square glass
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︎ Dec 27 2020
Why did the rabbit spill its beer?
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︎ Dec 18 2020
What kind of beer does a vampire drink?
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︎ Oct 31 2020
What is the difference between deer nuts and beer nuts
Beer nuts are a $1:37. Deer nuts are under a buck.
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︎ Dec 05 2020
My German friend Hans got so drunk on American light beer we had to carry him to the truck to go home...
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︎ Dec 08 2020
Drinking beer with a philosopher....
Makes you nothing Budweiser.
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︎ Dec 05 2020
Beer is like the sun...
It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist.
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︎ Nov 02 2020
Son: Whatβs in that fancy beer mug on the mantel?
Me: Well, thatβs your Uncle Frank. Thatβs where he wanted his remains. It was his favorite beer stein. He always said it would be funny. Never understood why.
Son: Maybe itβs so he could be Frank in Stein
Me: That son of a bitch!
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︎ Oct 02 2020
How do you know when someone can't hold their beer?
When they bring a coaster.
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︎ Nov 11 2020
The other day I was on the dock talking to two of my neighborsβ¦ One of them had a cooler full of beers and snacksβ¦ Pulling out a beer pops the top and opening a bag of chips, he says βMy wifeβs an angel
I said, βyouβre lucky β mine is still aliveβ¦β
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︎ Nov 21 2020
Whats a pirate's favorite beer?
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︎ Nov 11 2020
They finally caught the guy who's been putting hot sauce in beer mugs
His name: Dr. Frank's-in-stein.
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︎ Nov 18 2020
A couple is sitting in the living room drinking beer
Out of the blue the husband says, β I love youβ
β Is that you or the beer talkingβ asks the wife
βItβs meβ says the husband βtalking to the Beerβ
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︎ Nov 18 2020
A horse walks into a bar and orders a beer
The barman says what's it with the long face
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︎ Nov 14 2020
What does a beer taste without yeast in it?
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︎ Oct 13 2020
I poured root beer in a square glass, now I have only beer
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︎ Jul 14 2020
A drunk dude decided to drive and get more beer. After being pulled over and questioned by the cop, the cop said β sir Iβm going to have to put you under arrest.β The guy then said
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︎ Nov 05 2020
Why did Covid not get a beer at the bar?
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︎ Sep 15 2020
What do you call a woman balancing a pint of beer on her head playing pool?
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︎ Oct 26 2020
My friend thinks drinking beer makes him more intelligent.
I donβt think that makes my Budweiser.
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︎ Oct 15 2020
What does a Rastafarian use to keep his beer cool in the hot tub?
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︎ Oct 12 2020
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. Somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer. Always something more important to me...
Finally, she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.
I was gone only a minute and when I came out, I handed her a toothbrush.
I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a slight limp...
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︎ Sep 03 2020
Did you hear about the penguin that couldn't order a beer sampler?
He was a flightless bird.
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︎ Oct 09 2020
Police officer informs a wife that her husbund has been found drowned in a vat of beer.
The wife said "was it murder"?
The officer said "no madam it was suicide"
The wife said how" can you tell"?
The police said -
"On the cctv your husbund climbed out of the vat 5 times for a pee!"
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︎ Sep 29 2020
A mushroom walks into a bar and orders a beer.
A mushroom walks into a bar and orders a beer.
Bartender: "Sorry we done serve food here."
Mushroom: "Come on, I'm a fungi..."
PS. I know a similar joke was recently posted, but I've always loved this two parter version.
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︎ Oct 09 2020
Did you guys hear Ozzy Osbourne drank root beer in space?
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︎ Sep 02 2020
When I worked at the Haunted Mansion, a guest once asked me if we had any beer available.
I said, "No. We only have spirits here."
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︎ Aug 28 2020
What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
Beer nuts are $1.47, deer nuts are under a buck.
Made this joke up in the 3rd grade (you can't tell by the pricing). I'm very old now. Still a winner.
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︎ Sep 05 2020
Beer is the greatest beverage on earth.
That's my pint of view, anyway.
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︎ Jul 16 2020
Bear walks into a bar. Bartender says - βwhatβll you have?β Bear says βIβll have a beer......... and...................... um.............. a bourbon.β Bartender says βalright. Say whatβs with the big pause?β
Bear says βoh these? I was born with em.β
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︎ Aug 18 2020
A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer.
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︎ Nov 20 2020
Why do frogs taste like beer?
Cause they are full of hops.
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︎ Dec 16 2020
I put my root beer in a square glass
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︎ Nov 10 2020
I like to eat frogs, they taste like beer
Because theyβre full of hops
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︎ Dec 10 2020
A hotdog walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender replies, "Sorry, we dont serve food here".
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︎ Oct 13 2020
(very slightly vulgar) Whatβs the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
Beer nuts are just over five dollars, deer nuts are only under a buck.
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︎ Jul 09 2020
If I poured root beer into a square glass,
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︎ Mar 29 2020
I poured root beer into a square glass
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︎ Jul 28 2020
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