A bear goes to the bar and says "can I get one whiskey..................and one coke"
The bartender asked "why the big pause"
The bear replies "I was born with them"
π︎ 13k
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︎ May 03 2020
I used to think toking weed and snorting lines of coke made me a cool guy
but it was all just smoke and mirrors.
π︎ 97
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︎ Jun 13 2020
Bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender: "One whiskey and ................... one coke.
"Why the big pause?" - says the bartender.
"I don't know. I was born with them" - says the bear.
π︎ 960
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︎ Mar 25 2020
I called my wife and told her I'd pick up pizza and coke on my way back home from work, but she's not happy.
She still regrets letting me name the twins.
π︎ 8k
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︎ Jan 26 2020
I have a job crushing coke cans
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︎ May 29 2020
Nobody ever asks "How is Coke doing ?"
It's always "Is Pepsi ok ?"
π︎ 105
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︎ Apr 07 2020
Itβs a line of Coke!
π︎ 20
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︎ Apr 27 2020
Why shouldnβt you drink eight cokes?
>!Because you can throw seven up.!<
>!Credit to my wife, so /r/momjokes. She just told me this laughed more than I should have.!<
π︎ 2
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︎ May 21 2020
A panda walks into a bar and says to the bartender βIβll have a Scotch and . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Coke thank youβ. βSure thingβ the bartender replies and asks βbut whatβs with the big pause?
β
The panda holds up his hands and says βI was born with themβ
π︎ 430
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︎ Nov 08 2019
I called my wife and told her that I'll pick up pizza and coke on the way back from work. But it seems she was not happy.
She still regrets letting me name the kids.
π︎ 84
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︎ Jan 22 2020
I got hit in the head with a can of Diet Coke today.
Don't worry, I'm not hurt.
It was a soft drink.
π︎ 91
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︎ Nov 01 2019
Line of coke(has this been done?)
π︎ 15
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︎ Sep 28 2019
Must have been high on coke.
π︎ 77
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︎ Sep 15 2019
On a post about concrete coke
π︎ 16
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︎ Oct 04 2019
My health conscious date asked me how many liters are there in a glass of coke.
I said 4 liters, 9 if you include the glass.
She said: "What!?"
Me: Yea.
Liter C.
Liter O.
Liter K.
Liter E.
π︎ 108
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︎ Sep 10 2019
This bag of coke
π︎ 30
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︎ Sep 05 2019
I started selling coke last week...
Iβm already behind the 8 ball!
π︎ 3
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︎ Dec 26 2019
Why did Diet Coke join the KKK?
π︎ 5
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︎ Nov 17 2019
You're fired, Jack. The test results came back, and you tested positive for Coke
π︎ 117
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︎ May 01 2019
My friend hit me with a full bottle of Coke...
But it didn't hurt, because it was a soft drink!
π︎ 481
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︎ Dec 26 2018
I can't tell the difference between Coke and Pepsi...
π︎ 4
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︎ Oct 30 2019
My dog got a woof of some coke, it was a ruff day.
π︎ 2
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︎ Aug 29 2019
What do you call a bottle of Coke that explodes?
π︎ 4
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︎ Oct 13 2019
i once tried to squash a can of coke.
the end result was soda-pressing.
π︎ 10
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︎ Sep 28 2019
I tried coke once
Just to see if itβs all itβs cracked up to be
π︎ 7
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︎ Sep 15 2019
Mexican Coke is my favourite variety, especially because its from a specific area...
...guess that makes it a coke-lloquialism.
π︎ 2
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︎ Jul 29 2019
A man got hit in the head with a can of Coke
But he was alright because it was a soft drink
π︎ 14
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︎ Jul 04 2019
Before I had weights, I used to work out by lifting cases of Coke.
I had to stop, because it was soda pressing.
π︎ 63
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︎ Jun 01 2019
A bottle of coke just fell out of the fridge onto my foot.
Iβm so glad it was a soft drink
π︎ 68
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︎ Jul 15 2019
I got hit in the head today with a Diet Coke. Donβt worry. Iβm not hurt....
π︎ 27
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︎ Jun 16 2019
What happens when you drink 10 Cokes?
π︎ 8
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︎ Apr 12 2019
What does Diet Coke call Coca Cola after adoption?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jul 08 2019
I got hit by a can of coke earlier.
It didn't hurt though as it was a soft drink.
π︎ 115
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︎ Sep 11 2018
Coke on my BEBSI
π︎ 15
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︎ Feb 02 2019
Someone threw a bottle of coke at my head today
But I'm not hurt, don't worry. It was a soft drink
π︎ 10
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︎ May 24 2019
A man got hit in the head with a can of Coke.
Thank goodness it was a soft drink.
π︎ 21
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︎ Mar 06 2019
Someone threw a can of coke at my head today....
Im ok though, it was a soft drink
π︎ 58
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︎ Dec 18 2018
You shouldn't snort coke
You'll get ice cubes stuck in your nose.
π︎ 9
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︎ May 16 2019
I called my wife and said that Iβll pick up pizza and coke on the way home from work. But I was met with a stony silence.
I think she still regrets letting me name the kids.
π︎ 255
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︎ Sep 04 2018
A man got hit hard in the head with a can of Coke
Itβs alright though, it was a soft drink.
π︎ 8
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︎ Apr 27 2019
I let my kids taste coke for the first time...
... little shits blew the powder everywhere
π︎ 5
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︎ May 14 2019
I can hardly believe New Coke is coming back.
But stranger things have happened.
π︎ 3
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︎ May 24 2019
Is the President of Coca-cola a Coke Head ?
π︎ 3
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︎ Mar 14 2019
The difference between Meth and Coke...
π︎ 3
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︎ Jan 20 2019
TIL which state they make the 7.5oz cans of coke in...
π︎ 18
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︎ Oct 12 2018
Why did my dad not mind when I threw a coke at his head?
π︎ 1k
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︎ Mar 14 2015
I tried snorting coke once,
but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose!
π︎ 3
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︎ Aug 09 2018
I put my coke can next to my computer before picking up a phone call from your mom. I knocked it over.
I guess you could say that was poor product placement.
π︎ 6
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︎ Aug 06 2018
I think my brother has a coke problem
We are switching to sprite
π︎ 3
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︎ Aug 11 2018
Have I ever told you about my job at the Coke factory?
π︎ 7
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︎ Mar 26 2018
I was lying on the floor today, repeatedly lifting a 12-pack of Coke up and down off my chest...
...and all I could think was, "This is soda-pressing."
π︎ 7
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︎ Jan 22 2018
My dad told me that back in the day, there was a silent movie parody of Sherlock Holmes called βCoke Ennydayβ.
And I said, βIsnβt that a bit on the nose?β
π︎ 2
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︎ Aug 21 2018
Everytime i do coke...
I end up gettin ice in my nose
π︎ 5
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︎ May 14 2018
When I asked the can crusher at the Coke factory about his job...
....he said it was soda pressing.
:(
π︎ 4
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︎ Mar 12 2018
Watching a documentary on a guy who works 60 hours a week crushing coke cans.
π︎ 59
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︎ Mar 06 2017
How much do Coke bottles cost?
About a dollar a pop, soda speak.
π︎ 16
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︎ Jun 16 2017
Whats the difference between a 4 year old and a bag of coke?
Eric Clapton would never let a bag of coke fall out the window
π︎ 3
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︎ Oct 27 2017
Have you even opened that box of Coke yet? They've been sitting there for a month, are you even going to drink them?
Not yet, I like to have them just in case.
π︎ 2
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︎ Aug 25 2017
Dad with a line of coke
π︎ 90
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︎ Oct 20 2013
I found a line of coke in the bathroom! (I'm a dad, can you tell?)
π︎ 203
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︎ Nov 25 2013
how can you make a both comedian and a coke dealer hate you?
π︎ 7
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︎ Mar 14 2014
What did the empty Coke can say when his friend was crushed?
π︎ 10
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︎ Mar 23 2013
So I told my dad I've started drinking Jack and coke on the weekends.
My dad looked me square in the eyes and with 100% seriousness.
"Careful...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^gggggg
Do you realize how bad...
Coca Cola is for you?"
π︎ 7
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︎ Nov 18 2013
My experience growing up in a coke house...
When I was a child, I grew up in a coke house. I guess I can see the appeal in it. I tried it a few times and had a good time, but then one day a friend of mine introduced me to a new product. From that point on I knew I was a Pepsi guy.
π︎ 3
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︎ Dec 25 2013
A panda walks into a bar and says to the bartender βIβll have a Scotch and . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Coke thank youβ. βSure thingβ the bartender replies and asks βbut whatβs with the big pause?
β
The panda holds up his hands and says βI was born with themβ
π︎ 20
π
︎ Nov 12 2019
A panda walks into a bar and says to the bartender βIβll have a Scotch and . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Coke thank youβ. βSure thingβ the bartender replies and asks βbut whatβs with the big pause?
β
The panda holds up his hands and says βI was born with themβ
π︎ 7
π
︎ Nov 02 2019
A panda walks into a bar and says to the bartender βIβll have a Scotch and . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Coke thank youβ. βSure thingβ the bartender replies and asks βbut whatβs with the big pause?
β
The panda holds up his hands and says βI was born with themβ
π︎ 2
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︎ Nov 01 2019
I got hit in the head with a can of Diet Coke today.
Don't worry, I'm not hurt.
It was a soft drink.
π︎ 22
π
︎ Jul 15 2019
I got hit in the head with a can of Diet Coke today.
Donβt worry. Iβm not hurt
It was a soft drink
π︎ 113
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︎ Aug 02 2018
I got hit in the head with a can of some Diet Coke today...
But don't worry...I'm okay, it was a soft drink.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Mar 09 2019
I got hit in the head with a can of Diet Coke today!!
Don't worry, I'm not hurt. It was a soft drink...
π︎ 3
π
︎ Mar 22 2019
I got hit in the head with a can of Diet Coke today. Donβt worry, Iβm not hurt.
π︎ 133
π
︎ Feb 07 2018
I got hit in the head with a can of Diet Coke today.
Don't worry, I'm not hurt.
It was a soft drink.
π︎ 23
π
︎ Feb 21 2018
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