A bear goes to the bar and says "can I get one whiskey..................and one coke"

The bartender asked "why the big pause"

The bear replies "I was born with them"

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KillRespectively1
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2020
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I used to think toking weed and snorting lines of coke made me a cool guy

but it was all just smoke and mirrors.

πŸ‘︎ 97
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
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Bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender: "One whiskey and ................... one coke.

"Why the big pause?" - says the bartender.

"I don't know. I was born with them" - says the bear.

πŸ‘︎ 960
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πŸ‘€︎ u/woodybg
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
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I called my wife and told her I'd pick up pizza and coke on my way back home from work, but she's not happy.

She still regrets letting me name the twins.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2020
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I have a job crushing coke cans

It's soda depressing

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
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Nobody ever asks "How is Coke doing ?"

It's always "Is Pepsi ok ?"

πŸ‘︎ 105
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2020
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It’s a line of Coke!
πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Harmful_Sadness
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
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Why shouldn’t you drink eight cokes?

>!Because you can throw seven up.!<

>!Credit to my wife, so /r/momjokes. She just told me this laughed more than I should have.!<

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crs18
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
🚨︎ report
A panda walks into a bar and says to the bartender β€œI’ll have a Scotch and . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Coke thank you”. β€œSure thing” the bartender replies and asks β€œbut what’s with the big pause?

”

The panda holds up his hands and says β€œI was born with them”

πŸ‘︎ 430
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I called my wife and told her that I'll pick up pizza and coke on the way back from work. But it seems she was not happy.

She still regrets letting me name the kids.

πŸ‘︎ 84
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πŸ‘€︎ u/avigyan_33
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I got hit in the head with a can of Diet Coke today.

Don't worry, I'm not hurt. It was a soft drink.

πŸ‘︎ 91
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yeossin
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Line of coke(has this been done?)
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Monkey13049
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Must have been high on coke.
πŸ‘︎ 77
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AMswag123
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2019
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On a post about concrete coke
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
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My health conscious date asked me how many liters are there in a glass of coke.

I said 4 liters, 9 if you include the glass.

She said: "What!?"

Me: Yea.

Liter C.

Liter O.

Liter K.

Liter E.

πŸ‘︎ 108
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Decrith
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
🚨︎ report
This bag of coke
πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sanity__
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I started selling coke last week...

I’m already behind the 8 ball!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/diapered247at24
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2019
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Why did Diet Coke join the KKK?

Zero tolerance

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
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You're fired, Jack. The test results came back, and you tested positive for Coke
πŸ‘︎ 117
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moses10960
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend hit me with a full bottle of Coke...

But it didn't hurt, because it was a soft drink!

πŸ‘︎ 481
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tummy_Olamendi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2018
🚨︎ report
I can't tell the difference between Coke and Pepsi...

I think I'm Cola blind.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PeteAllan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
My dog got a woof of some coke, it was a ruff day.
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/accomjor
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a bottle of Coke that explodes?

Soda pop

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sooooolikeno
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
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i once tried to squash a can of coke.

the end result was soda-pressing.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LilPianoBoi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I tried coke once

Just to see if it’s all it’s cracked up to be

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/djskinnypenis69
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2019
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Mexican Coke is my favourite variety, especially because its from a specific area...

...guess that makes it a coke-lloquialism.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/symmetrygear
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
🚨︎ report
A man got hit in the head with a can of Coke

But he was alright because it was a soft drink

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jikuboi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Before I had weights, I used to work out by lifting cases of Coke.

I had to stop, because it was soda pressing.

πŸ‘︎ 63
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mortambulist
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2019
🚨︎ report
A bottle of coke just fell out of the fridge onto my foot.

I’m so glad it was a soft drink

πŸ‘︎ 68
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Nightman_82
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
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I got hit in the head today with a Diet Coke. Don’t worry. I’m not hurt....

It was a soft drink

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/danniemegz
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2019
🚨︎ report
What happens when you drink 10 Cokes?

You burp 7-up.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zackie-Chun
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
🚨︎ report
What does Diet Coke call Coca Cola after adoption?

Soda Pop

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cvzmir
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
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I got hit by a can of coke earlier.

It didn't hurt though as it was a soft drink.

πŸ‘︎ 115
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhiskersCleveland
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2018
🚨︎ report
Coke on my BEBSI
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iGlitchz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Someone threw a bottle of coke at my head today

But I'm not hurt, don't worry. It was a soft drink

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/inkedmetalgirl666
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2019
🚨︎ report
A man got hit in the head with a can of Coke.

Thank goodness it was a soft drink.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DanielSnelgar
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Someone threw a can of coke at my head today....

Im ok though, it was a soft drink

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrSmoogeh
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2018
🚨︎ report
You shouldn't snort coke

You'll get ice cubes stuck in your nose.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/j1ggy
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I called my wife and said that I’ll pick up pizza and coke on the way home from work. But I was met with a stony silence.

I think she still regrets letting me name the kids.

πŸ‘︎ 255
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2018
🚨︎ report
A man got hit hard in the head with a can of Coke

It’s alright though, it was a soft drink.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/coochiegoblin
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I let my kids taste coke for the first time...

... little shits blew the powder everywhere

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sleep_adict
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I can hardly believe New Coke is coming back.

But stranger things have happened.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aiaor
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Is the President of Coca-cola a Coke Head ?
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
🚨︎ report
The difference between Meth and Coke...

Is a fine line.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2019
🚨︎ report
TIL which state they make the 7.5oz cans of coke in...

Minnisoda

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/phillati0
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did my dad not mind when I threw a coke at his head?

Because its a soft drink

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LDM312
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2015
🚨︎ report
I tried snorting coke once,

but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/minetruly
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2018
🚨︎ report
I put my coke can next to my computer before picking up a phone call from your mom. I knocked it over.

I guess you could say that was poor product placement.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tamsynels
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2018
🚨︎ report
I think my brother has a coke problem

We are switching to sprite

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jonnytestfan17
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2018
🚨︎ report
Have I ever told you about my job at the Coke factory?

It was soda pressing.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/twelvegaugehigh
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2018
🚨︎ report
I was lying on the floor today, repeatedly lifting a 12-pack of Coke up and down off my chest...

...and all I could think was, "This is soda-pressing."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dcbluestar
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2018
🚨︎ report
My dad told me that back in the day, there was a silent movie parody of Sherlock Holmes called β€œCoke Ennyday”.

And I said, β€œIsn’t that a bit on the nose?”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Torley_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2018
🚨︎ report
Everytime i do coke...

I end up gettin ice in my nose

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jakeypoobear_22
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2018
🚨︎ report
When I asked the can crusher at the Coke factory about his job...

....he said it was soda pressing.

:(

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/daffydubs
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2018
🚨︎ report
Watching a documentary on a guy who works 60 hours a week crushing coke cans.

Soda pressing.

πŸ‘︎ 59
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IAMBiSH
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2017
🚨︎ report
How much do Coke bottles cost?

About a dollar a pop, soda speak.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rigglesbee
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2017
🚨︎ report
Whats the difference between a 4 year old and a bag of coke?

Eric Clapton would never let a bag of coke fall out the window

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vi77aiN
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2017
🚨︎ report
Have you even opened that box of Coke yet? They've been sitting there for a month, are you even going to drink them?

Not yet, I like to have them just in case.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CCoolant
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2017
🚨︎ report
Dad with a line of coke
πŸ‘︎ 90
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hypthekid
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2013
🚨︎ report
I found a line of coke in the bathroom! (I'm a dad, can you tell?)
πŸ‘︎ 203
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rockoswald
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2013
🚨︎ report
how can you make a both comedian and a coke dealer hate you?

steal their lines

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jtcor
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2014
🚨︎ report
What did the empty Coke can say when his friend was crushed?

That's so depressing.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/uehqetS
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2013
🚨︎ report
So I told my dad I've started drinking Jack and coke on the weekends.

My dad looked me square in the eyes and with 100% seriousness.

"Careful...

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^gggggg

Do you realize how bad...

Coca Cola is for you?"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shnazzyone
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2013
🚨︎ report
My experience growing up in a coke house...

When I was a child, I grew up in a coke house. I guess I can see the appeal in it. I tried it a few times and had a good time, but then one day a friend of mine introduced me to a new product. From that point on I knew I was a Pepsi guy.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bamhm182
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2013
🚨︎ report
A panda walks into a bar and says to the bartender β€œI’ll have a Scotch and . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Coke thank you”. β€œSure thing” the bartender replies and asks β€œbut what’s with the big pause?

”

The panda holds up his hands and says β€œI was born with them”

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
🚨︎ report
A panda walks into a bar and says to the bartender β€œI’ll have a Scotch and . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Coke thank you”. β€œSure thing” the bartender replies and asks β€œbut what’s with the big pause?

”

The panda holds up his hands and says β€œI was born with them”

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
🚨︎ report
A panda walks into a bar and says to the bartender β€œI’ll have a Scotch and . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Coke thank you”. β€œSure thing” the bartender replies and asks β€œbut what’s with the big pause?

”

The panda holds up his hands and says β€œI was born with them”

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I got hit in the head with a can of Diet Coke today.

Don't worry, I'm not hurt. It was a soft drink.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RobRoy333
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I got hit in the head with a can of Diet Coke today.

Don’t worry. I’m not hurt

It was a soft drink

πŸ‘︎ 113
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blue_Goblin_565
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2018
🚨︎ report
I got hit in the head with a can of some Diet Coke today...

But don't worry...I'm okay, it was a soft drink.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NuccSucc
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
🚨︎ report
I got hit in the head with a can of Diet Coke today!!

Don't worry, I'm not hurt. It was a soft drink...

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xdwaffles22
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I got hit in the head with a can of Diet Coke today. Don’t worry, I’m not hurt.

It was a soft drink

πŸ‘︎ 133
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Obie_Prod
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2018
🚨︎ report
I got hit in the head with a can of Diet Coke today.

Don't worry, I'm not hurt. It was a soft drink.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/metnem
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2018
🚨︎ report

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