I got carded at a liquor store and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out

The cashier said nevermind

πŸ‘οΈŽ 152
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Joseph-Stalin1945
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 12 2021
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Damn. Just got fired from my liquor store job. I spilled a bunch of vodka.

It was an Absolut mess.

(Credit Twitter user TheDillonOne)

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bgva
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 28 2021
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How does a French lady hold her liquor?

By the ears!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PensionNo8124
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 05 2021
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Every time I go to the liquor store, a dude comes out of nowhere to give me advice on what to buy.

He’s my spirit guide.

Edit: Thanks guys.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 03 2020
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Just stopped at the liquor store in Corydon, IN called β€˜Butt Drugs’

I told the clerk I’d like to try some of their finest beers and that I’d put enema order soon

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/superto3
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 25 2021
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Two burglars are robbing a liquor store. One turns to the other and asks "Is this whiskey" ?

The other replies, "Yeah, but not as wisky as wobbing a bank"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 214
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 27 2020
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My wife and kids put stickers all over a bottle of liquor for my dad for Christmas.

I said " Give him a gift of the Holiday Spirit".

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ShiverMeeTimberz
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 24 2020
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If Tom Cruise owned a liquor store, what would he call it?

Whiskey Business

πŸ‘οΈŽ 33
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Olaffubbuffalo
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 01 2020
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I've finally fused marijuana with hard liquor!

Go on, take pot shots at my invention!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 04 2020
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Why did the ghost haunt the liquor store?

They had his favorite BOOze.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/KarpGrinder
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 22 2020
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The government started banning alcoholic drinks, so I'm selling liquor in secret.

It's a Whisky business

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RevanAndTheSithy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 07 2020
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Have you heard of the japanise man who stole liquor from god?

He did it for god's sake.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/atvaisman
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 17 2020
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I took my son to the bar on his 21st birthday. I found out he couldn’t handle his liquor.

It kept running through his hands.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/labink
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 02 2020
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What’s a sex offender’s favourite type of liquor

Rubbing alcohol

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PocketsJazz
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 24 2020
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Liquor?

I barely even know her

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/cpirok25
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 10 2019
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How do you kill a ghost with an icicle made of frozen liquor?

Spirit

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BinaryPeach
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 11 2019
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A few Americans got sick after they couldn’t hold their liquor in Germany...

One in the group could be heard saying β€œman, Oktoberfest really brought out the wurst in us!”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/karmatin
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 30 2018
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I'd say this liquor is miles above the rest.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/IanGecko
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 08 2019
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What do you call someone who complains about liquor?

A winer

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/firehead212
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 26 2018
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My boss came into the office and poured us all shots to celebrate the birth of his daughter. I asked why the liquor had little bits of gold floating around in it, and he explained it was GoldschlΓ€ger

Weird flecks, but ok.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JoeCoT
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 30 2018
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Haunted liquor store

So my fiancΓ©e and I were at Trader Joe’s, and there was a window you could see through into their liquor store. I turned to her while we were in line to check out and said:

Me: β€œI’m pretty sure that store is haunted.” FiancΓ©e: β€œWhat makes you say that?” M: β€œTheir sign says they have Spirits.β€œ

She let out the biggest groan of disgust while I teared up.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 20
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/G1ZMO5
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 10 2019
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The liquor store has a baseball team

They're not the best, but they'll definitely give you a rum for your money

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Geropy86
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 17 2019
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I work in a liquor store and got owned by an old guy who I thought had an honest question...

"How do they make Budweiser?" "Well, Budweiser is made partly from rice and uses forced carbonation, whereas most craft beer is made from barley and the carbonation comes from bottle conditioning." "No. They send him to school."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 269
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/lux514
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 11 2015
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I'm going to start a Japanese liquor company, call it "Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck"

Four fucks sake

πŸ‘οΈŽ 70
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TmPeanut
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 14 2018
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I saw a video of two guys robbing a liquor store using panty hose for disguise.

So they had to walk really close together.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/zenpod
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 20 2018
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I have always wanted to open a liquor store...

But it's a whiskey business

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Humulus_Lupulus1992
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 05 2017
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I asked my dad what he thought about the tiny seagull that robbed the liquor store....

He said it was β€œa-wee-gull”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CrazedInventor
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 10 2018
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I've Been Finding Liquor Bottles By A Pond and Decided The Ducks Are Drinking Them

They're party fowl

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MuchoTornado
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 14 2018
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A man walked into my liquor store. He examined the spirits behind me.

He said, "Have you got Jack Daniels Honey?"

I said, "We do, but don't call me that."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 31 2018
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Dad went to the liquor store

Bought 2 bottles of wine and a 12 pack of beer. The clerk asked, "Will that be all for you, sir?"

"No, I'm sharing this with other people"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JayTee73
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 26 2018
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My dad handed me and my love interest a bottle of vodka and said we needed to liquor up, I replied....

"Liquor? I'm just trying to date her!"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SoDakZak
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 10 2017
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Why couldn’t the dumbbell hold his liquor?

Because he was a light weight.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Delsincameback
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 28 2018
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This liquor store is haunted....

My coworker at a liquor store dropped this on our boss last night, credit to /u/TheCaliCashier. He isn't familiar with dadjokes so I had to bring it here for him.

TheCaliCashier: You know this store is haunted right?

Boss: Bullshit. I worked here twelve years and haven't seen anything.

TheCaliCashier: Well it is, but most the spirits are bottled.

Edit: Correcting punch line to actual delivery.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 151
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Jibbajabbawock
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 28 2015
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What item in your bathroom has a liquor license?

The Bar of Soap

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PEACE1VLAKER
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 21 2017
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Thinking about opening a liquor/book store.

I'll call it "Tequila Mockingbird"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/hsheridan531
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 01 2017
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Bought some liquor and cookies on the way to a party...

Wife was holding everything while I drove and I said "Let me know if I should pull over. If you can't hold your liquor, I'd rather you not toss your cookies in my car."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/mjwhitta
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 01 2017
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Got my wife at the liquor store

In my hometown liquor store there is a big sign on the door "take your hoods off" meaning the take the hood on your jacket off of your head so they can see your face. My jacket I was wearing has a removable hood, so I unzipped my hood and carried it with me. My wife didn't find it anywhere as funny as I did.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Bigsaskatuna
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 17 2014
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So a man sees his pastor at a liquor store on Sunday...

A man sees a priest buying hard liquor on a Sunday at a shop down the street from the church the priest is the pastor of. Surprised, the man, who went to that church, asked why he was buying a 5th of Jagermeister.

The priest said, "it's an old catholic secret that Jagermeister helps ease constipation, which one of the nuns has.

So the guy shrugs and leaves, only to see the priest later that day, not halfway back to the church, drunk as a skunk in the gutter, tipping the brown paper bag with Jagermeister in it all the way back as he drinks it.

He pulls up in his car and asks, "I thought you said it was for a nun's constipation!?"

The priest grunted, "It is! She's going to shit herself when she sees me like this!"

I'm posting this, my grandfather's joke, in honor of him passing a few months ago.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/im_from_detroit
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 29 2015
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So there was a liquor store on the way home and my dad capitalized on its title...

My parents and I were on our way home for spring break when my dad noticed a liquor store called "The Wine Spot." He pulled into the parking lot and started complaining "I'M TIRED, MY FEET HURT, I DON'T WANT TO DRIVE HOME" and pulled right back out. I didn't get it at first but my mom did and then I quickly followed and just lost it. Best dad joke he's done so far :')

πŸ‘οΈŽ 62
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Farkuson
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 28 2015
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A short exchange at the liquor store

So, I'm at the counter in a liquor store, where I see that the cashier is wearing a mock Sons of Anarchy shirt that says, "Sloths of Anarchy" and has a sloth as the logo. As he's ringing me up, I'm trying to think of the perfect way to compliment his shirt. AHA! THIS WILL BE PERFECT

He hands me my receipt and I say, "Hey man, I like the shirt" falling for my trap he replies, "Oh thanks dude, do you watch the show?" My genius reply:

"Yeah I did, but it was kinda slow"

He doesn't even notice and continues to ask if I watched the whole thing. Maybe the world isn't ready for my dad jokes.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 22
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Wafflestomperchicken
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 30 2015
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How do you kill a ghost using liquor that has been frozen in the shape of an icicle?

Spear it

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BinaryPeach
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 09 2019
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A few Americans got sick after they couldn’t hold their liquor in Germany...

One in the group could be heard saying β€œman, Oktoberfest really brat out the wurst in us!”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/karmatin
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 14 2018
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If Tom Cruise owned a liquor company

Would it be a Whiskey Business?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/buckwheat202
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 08 2019
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