I got carded at a liquor store and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out

The cashier said nevermind

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joseph-Stalin1945
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12
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Damn. Just got fired from my liquor store job. I spilled a bunch of vodka.

It was an Absolut mess.

(Credit Twitter user TheDillonOne)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bgva
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28
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How does a French lady hold her liquor?

By the ears!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PensionNo8124
πŸ“…︎ May 05
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Every time I go to the liquor store, a dude comes out of nowhere to give me advice on what to buy.

He’s my spirit guide.

Edit: Thanks guys.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
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Just stopped at the liquor store in Corydon, IN called β€˜Butt Drugs’

I told the clerk I’d like to try some of their finest beers and that I’d put enema order soon

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πŸ‘€︎ u/superto3
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25
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Two burglars are robbing a liquor store. One turns to the other and asks "Is this whiskey" ?

The other replies, "Yeah, but not as wisky as wobbing a bank"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
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My wife and kids put stickers all over a bottle of liquor for my dad for Christmas.

I said " Give him a gift of the Holiday Spirit".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShiverMeeTimberz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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If Tom Cruise owned a liquor store, what would he call it?

Whiskey Business

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Olaffubbuffalo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
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I've finally fused marijuana with hard liquor!

Go on, take pot shots at my invention!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
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Why did the ghost haunt the liquor store?

They had his favorite BOOze.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KarpGrinder
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
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The government started banning alcoholic drinks, so I'm selling liquor in secret.

It's a Whisky business

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RevanAndTheSithy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
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Have you heard of the japanise man who stole liquor from god?

He did it for god's sake.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/atvaisman
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2020
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I took my son to the bar on his 21st birthday. I found out he couldn’t handle his liquor.

It kept running through his hands.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2020
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What’s a sex offender’s favourite type of liquor

Rubbing alcohol

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PocketsJazz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2020
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Liquor?

I barely even know her

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cpirok25
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
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How do you kill a ghost with an icicle made of frozen liquor?

Spirit

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BinaryPeach
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2019
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A few Americans got sick after they couldn’t hold their liquor in Germany...

One in the group could be heard saying β€œman, Oktoberfest really brought out the wurst in us!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/karmatin
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2018
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I'd say this liquor is miles above the rest.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IanGecko
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2019
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What do you call someone who complains about liquor?

A winer

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πŸ‘€︎ u/firehead212
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2018
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How do you kill a ghost using liquor that has been frozen in the shape of an icicle?

Spear it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BinaryPeach
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
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My boss came into the office and poured us all shots to celebrate the birth of his daughter. I asked why the liquor had little bits of gold floating around in it, and he explained it was GoldschlΓ€ger

Weird flecks, but ok.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeCoT
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2018
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Haunted liquor store

So my fiancΓ©e and I were at Trader Joe’s, and there was a window you could see through into their liquor store. I turned to her while we were in line to check out and said:

Me: β€œI’m pretty sure that store is haunted.” FiancΓ©e: β€œWhat makes you say that?” M: β€œTheir sign says they have Spirits.β€œ

She let out the biggest groan of disgust while I teared up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/G1ZMO5
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2019
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If Tom Cruise owned a liquor company

Would it be a Whiskey Business?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/buckwheat202
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2019
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The liquor store has a baseball team

They're not the best, but they'll definitely give you a rum for your money

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Geropy86
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
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I work in a liquor store and got owned by an old guy who I thought had an honest question...

"How do they make Budweiser?" "Well, Budweiser is made partly from rice and uses forced carbonation, whereas most craft beer is made from barley and the carbonation comes from bottle conditioning." "No. They send him to school."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lux514
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2015
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I'm going to start a Japanese liquor company, call it "Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck"

Four fucks sake

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TmPeanut
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2018
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I saw a video of two guys robbing a liquor store using panty hose for disguise.

So they had to walk really close together.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zenpod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2018
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I have always wanted to open a liquor store...

But it's a whiskey business

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πŸ“…︎ May 05 2017
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I asked my dad what he thought about the tiny seagull that robbed the liquor store....

He said it was β€œa-wee-gull”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrazedInventor
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2018
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I've Been Finding Liquor Bottles By A Pond and Decided The Ducks Are Drinking Them

They're party fowl

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MuchoTornado
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2018
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A man walked into my liquor store. He examined the spirits behind me.

He said, "Have you got Jack Daniels Honey?"

I said, "We do, but don't call me that."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2018
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Dad went to the liquor store

Bought 2 bottles of wine and a 12 pack of beer. The clerk asked, "Will that be all for you, sir?"

"No, I'm sharing this with other people"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JayTee73
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2018
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My dad handed me and my love interest a bottle of vodka and said we needed to liquor up, I replied....

"Liquor? I'm just trying to date her!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoDakZak
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2017
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Why couldn’t the dumbbell hold his liquor?

Because he was a light weight.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Delsincameback
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2018
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This liquor store is haunted....

My coworker at a liquor store dropped this on our boss last night, credit to /u/TheCaliCashier. He isn't familiar with dadjokes so I had to bring it here for him.

TheCaliCashier: You know this store is haunted right?

Boss: Bullshit. I worked here twelve years and haven't seen anything.

TheCaliCashier: Well it is, but most the spirits are bottled.

Edit: Correcting punch line to actual delivery.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jibbajabbawock
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2015
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What item in your bathroom has a liquor license?

The Bar of Soap

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PEACE1VLAKER
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2017
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Thinking about opening a liquor/book store.

I'll call it "Tequila Mockingbird"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hsheridan531
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2017
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Bought some liquor and cookies on the way to a party...

Wife was holding everything while I drove and I said "Let me know if I should pull over. If you can't hold your liquor, I'd rather you not toss your cookies in my car."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mjwhitta
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2017
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Got my wife at the liquor store

In my hometown liquor store there is a big sign on the door "take your hoods off" meaning the take the hood on your jacket off of your head so they can see your face. My jacket I was wearing has a removable hood, so I unzipped my hood and carried it with me. My wife didn't find it anywhere as funny as I did.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigsaskatuna
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2014
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So a man sees his pastor at a liquor store on Sunday...

A man sees a priest buying hard liquor on a Sunday at a shop down the street from the church the priest is the pastor of. Surprised, the man, who went to that church, asked why he was buying a 5th of Jagermeister.

The priest said, "it's an old catholic secret that Jagermeister helps ease constipation, which one of the nuns has.

So the guy shrugs and leaves, only to see the priest later that day, not halfway back to the church, drunk as a skunk in the gutter, tipping the brown paper bag with Jagermeister in it all the way back as he drinks it.

He pulls up in his car and asks, "I thought you said it was for a nun's constipation!?"

The priest grunted, "It is! She's going to shit herself when she sees me like this!"

I'm posting this, my grandfather's joke, in honor of him passing a few months ago.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/im_from_detroit
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2015
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So there was a liquor store on the way home and my dad capitalized on its title...

My parents and I were on our way home for spring break when my dad noticed a liquor store called "The Wine Spot." He pulled into the parking lot and started complaining "I'M TIRED, MY FEET HURT, I DON'T WANT TO DRIVE HOME" and pulled right back out. I didn't get it at first but my mom did and then I quickly followed and just lost it. Best dad joke he's done so far :')

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Farkuson
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2015
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A short exchange at the liquor store

So, I'm at the counter in a liquor store, where I see that the cashier is wearing a mock Sons of Anarchy shirt that says, "Sloths of Anarchy" and has a sloth as the logo. As he's ringing me up, I'm trying to think of the perfect way to compliment his shirt. AHA! THIS WILL BE PERFECT

He hands me my receipt and I say, "Hey man, I like the shirt" falling for my trap he replies, "Oh thanks dude, do you watch the show?" My genius reply:

"Yeah I did, but it was kinda slow"

He doesn't even notice and continues to ask if I watched the whole thing. Maybe the world isn't ready for my dad jokes.

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2015
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A few Americans got sick after they couldn’t hold their liquor in Germany...

One in the group could be heard saying β€œman, Oktoberfest really brat out the wurst in us!”

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/karmatin
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2018
🚨︎ report

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