I got carded at a liquor store and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out

The cashier said nevermind

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joseph-Stalin1945
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2021
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Every time I go to the liquor store, a dude comes out of nowhere to give me advice on what to buy.

He’s my spirit guide.

Edit: Thanks guys.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
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Just stopped at the liquor store in Corydon, IN called β€˜Butt Drugs’

I told the clerk I’d like to try some of their finest beers and that I’d put enema order soon

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πŸ‘€︎ u/superto3
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2021
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Two burglars are robbing a liquor store. One turns to the other and asks "Is this whiskey" ?

The other replies, "Yeah, but not as wisky as wobbing a bank"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
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If Tom Cruise owned a liquor store, what would he call it?

Whiskey Business

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Olaffubbuffalo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
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Why did the ghost haunt the liquor store?

They had his favorite BOOze.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KarpGrinder
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
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I'm buying a liquor store and I'm gonna have games in the back.

The sign will say "liquor in the front, poker in the rear"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Akabass1999
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
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Haunted liquor store

So my fiancΓ©e and I were at Trader Joe’s, and there was a window you could see through into their liquor store. I turned to her while we were in line to check out and said:

Me: β€œI’m pretty sure that store is haunted.” FiancΓ©e: β€œWhat makes you say that?” M: β€œTheir sign says they have Spirits.β€œ

She let out the biggest groan of disgust while I teared up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/G1ZMO5
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2019
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The liquor store has a baseball team

They're not the best, but they'll definitely give you a rum for your money

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Geropy86
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
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I work in a liquor store and got owned by an old guy who I thought had an honest question...

"How do they make Budweiser?" "Well, Budweiser is made partly from rice and uses forced carbonation, whereas most craft beer is made from barley and the carbonation comes from bottle conditioning." "No. They send him to school."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lux514
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2015
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I saw a video of two guys robbing a liquor store using panty hose for disguise.

So they had to walk really close together.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zenpod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2018
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A man walked into my liquor store. He examined the spirits behind me.

He said, "Have you got Jack Daniels Honey?"

I said, "We do, but don't call me that."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2018
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I have always wanted to open a liquor store...

But it's a whiskey business

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πŸ“…︎ May 05 2017
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I asked my dad what he thought about the tiny seagull that robbed the liquor store....

He said it was β€œa-wee-gull”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrazedInventor
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2018
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Dad went to the liquor store

Bought 2 bottles of wine and a 12 pack of beer. The clerk asked, "Will that be all for you, sir?"

"No, I'm sharing this with other people"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JayTee73
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2018
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This liquor store is haunted....

My coworker at a liquor store dropped this on our boss last night, credit to /u/TheCaliCashier. He isn't familiar with dadjokes so I had to bring it here for him.

TheCaliCashier: You know this store is haunted right?

Boss: Bullshit. I worked here twelve years and haven't seen anything.

TheCaliCashier: Well it is, but most the spirits are bottled.

Edit: Correcting punch line to actual delivery.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jibbajabbawock
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2015
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Thinking about opening a liquor/book store.

I'll call it "Tequila Mockingbird"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hsheridan531
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2017
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Got my wife at the liquor store

In my hometown liquor store there is a big sign on the door "take your hoods off" meaning the take the hood on your jacket off of your head so they can see your face. My jacket I was wearing has a removable hood, so I unzipped my hood and carried it with me. My wife didn't find it anywhere as funny as I did.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigsaskatuna
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2014
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So there was a liquor store on the way home and my dad capitalized on its title...

My parents and I were on our way home for spring break when my dad noticed a liquor store called "The Wine Spot." He pulled into the parking lot and started complaining "I'M TIRED, MY FEET HURT, I DON'T WANT TO DRIVE HOME" and pulled right back out. I didn't get it at first but my mom did and then I quickly followed and just lost it. Best dad joke he's done so far :')

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Farkuson
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2015
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So a man sees his pastor at a liquor store on Sunday...

A man sees a priest buying hard liquor on a Sunday at a shop down the street from the church the priest is the pastor of. Surprised, the man, who went to that church, asked why he was buying a 5th of Jagermeister.

The priest said, "it's an old catholic secret that Jagermeister helps ease constipation, which one of the nuns has.

So the guy shrugs and leaves, only to see the priest later that day, not halfway back to the church, drunk as a skunk in the gutter, tipping the brown paper bag with Jagermeister in it all the way back as he drinks it.

He pulls up in his car and asks, "I thought you said it was for a nun's constipation!?"

The priest grunted, "It is! She's going to shit herself when she sees me like this!"

I'm posting this, my grandfather's joke, in honor of him passing a few months ago.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/im_from_detroit
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2015
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A short exchange at the liquor store

So, I'm at the counter in a liquor store, where I see that the cashier is wearing a mock Sons of Anarchy shirt that says, "Sloths of Anarchy" and has a sloth as the logo. As he's ringing me up, I'm trying to think of the perfect way to compliment his shirt. AHA! THIS WILL BE PERFECT

He hands me my receipt and I say, "Hey man, I like the shirt" falling for my trap he replies, "Oh thanks dude, do you watch the show?" My genius reply:

"Yeah I did, but it was kinda slow"

He doesn't even notice and continues to ask if I watched the whole thing. Maybe the world isn't ready for my dad jokes.

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2015
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I asked my dad if he wanted to stop at the liquor outlet as we drove past it to get some beer... (the sign for the store said "Liquor Outlet")

He replied, "Liquor outlet? I hardly know her!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Coldbeerzz
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2016
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When the ghost backed into a fan, why did he go to the liquor store?

Because he'd heard that's where they retail spirits.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HandsomePotRoast
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2014
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Dadjoked at the liquor store today...

The computer at the liquor store froze while I was on cash. An older guy placed his booze on the counter and I said, "sorry, I can't serve you right now, the computer is froze." He looks me in the eye, says "well, it is pretty cold outside" and then walked away.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_dippinthewic
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2014
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Dadjoked my liquor store's employee

I got my hair cut the day before and I'm a regular at the liquor store next to my work so they know me pretty well.

I walked in and a girl who works there said "Oh, you cut your hair!"

"... No, someone else did!"

She sighed angrily and I giggled like a goddamn child.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ioftenfail
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2014
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Dadjoked at the liquor store

So my wife's birthday was coming up, and she really loves absinthe. Lately she had been talking about visiting some bars or restaurants that served it, so I decided to splurge a bit and buy her a set of glasses and spoons, along with a nice bottle of "the green fairy."

Doing a little research, I discovered that a local distillery produced a well-regarded version of it, so I decided to hit a few liquor stores around town to see if they carried it. As luck would have it, the first place I went to did have some in stock.

I took it up to the counter and got into a conversation with the cashier. I explained how this was going to be a birthday present for my wife, and hopefully it would score me a few points in the romance department. His response: "Well, you know what they say--absinthe makes the heart grow fonder!"

I was dumbstruck. He started to apologize for his "corny joke" (as he put it), but I waved him off and was finally able to commend him on his brilliance. The best part of all--I have a great dadjoke I can repeat to co-workers and family members (or anyone else who will listen) for repeated eye rolls and exasperated groans.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrdm242
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2014
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