My next door neighbor and I are very good friends, so we decided to share our water supply, because..
A man attends a funeral for his best friend. He approaches the grieving widow, gestures to the podium and asks; "May I say a word?" The widow responds "Of course.."
The man stands up and speaks "Plethora." and steps back down.
"Thank you..." says the Widow, "that really means a lot."
EDIT The responses here are incredible! 👌
My friend just can't afford to pay his huge water bill...
I've just sent him a 'Get Well Soon' card.
My friend Tony asked me not to say his name backwards
My friend tried to steal a copy of "Free Fallin'" from a music store...
He was arrested for Petty theft.
My friend gets in debt and offers to work it off by redoing peoples' kitchens
but I wouldn't accept his counter offer.
I had a friend in high school that really wanted to become a pilot. His parents hated the idea. Every time he brought it up, they were like
I’ve started saying mucho to my Spanish speaking friends.
My friend has been going on and on at me to stop doing flamingo impressions.
In the end, I had to put my foot down.
I have a friend named Jack who can talk to vegetables
Jack and the beans talk!!!
Not sure if this qualifies as dad joke, but anyways here I go: I had to strongly disagree with a friend who accused me of being a severe fence-sitter
Then again, I get where he’s coming from.
I call my wife Doe and she calls me Buck. My friend thought this was weird, so I had to explain...
They're terms of endeerment.
David Schwimmer of Friends once had an opportunity to try out for the Olympics but decided against it.
He didn’t want to be an Olympic Schwimmer.
My friend claims the he accidentally glued himself to his autobiography, but I don’t believe him.
But that’s his story, and he’s sticking to it.
My doctor friend is addicted to hitting his patients on the knees to test their reflexes.
He really gets a kick out of it.
I have a friend who tried to take a selfie in the shower, but the image was too blurry.
He has selfie steam issues.
My friend built a fish pond and asked me to contribute....
I thinks he's trying to be Coy with me.
My friend cuts up his Indian bread to look like coins.
That's a bunch of naan cents.
A group of friends were walking around the beach looking to find a hotel to stay but they were all booked except for one, one of them said:
"Guys, that's our last resort."
My friend told me he was going to Bangladesh
My friend doesn't want anyone else to know that he used to play board games a lot.
He's had a checkered past.
I had a friend in the publishing industry who made calendars, but I had to end our friendship
He was always getting hung up on little things, and telling me that our days were numbered. I've turned the page.
I hear he's dating someone now though.
I wanted to go rock-climbing on Saturday but my best friend hated the idea.
He made the whole day very anti- climb- atic.
What did Edgar Allan Poe's friends say when he was about to crash into a tree?
My friends just told me that efts grow to be small salamanders that are usually semiaquatic as adults...
My friend just started his own business with the sole motivation to help affordably castrate male dogs.
That's true entrepreneutership
My friend wanted to work at a cemetery
I told him it was a dying business.
I went with my friend in med school to Disney World and he was getting antsy everytime we had to stand in line.
So I told him, "If you want to be a good doctor, you'll need more patients."
One of my friends was really in to fencing until his weapon broke
Apparently now it’s dull and pointless
My friend says to me, “What rhymes with orange?”
I told him, “No it doesn’t!”
I'm getting to be a typical old man. My kid brings her friends around and log on with their phones.
What do you say to a friend that owes you money?
I tried to tell my vaccinated friend a COVID joke.
I got a girlfriend by pretending that I play football. My friends don't think it's going to last but I don't worry.
She thinks that I'm a keeper.
I always make sure to say “Mucho” when around my Spanish speaking friends.
What did the religious donkey say to his sick friend?
The mayor in my city just passed law that male best friends have to have lunch together at least once a week
Well it’s not a law it’s a mandate
I think my friend might be married to a rocking chair
He always claims that his wife rocks
Every time we go to the putting green, my friend has to bring along a bag of Pringles to munch on...
He always wants to practice his chipping.
I sent this pun to my friend.
My best friend got sentenced to life in prison, and I wanted to console him
I said, "Imagine you're a cat!"
My friend claims he works in a soap factory, adding a key ingredient to the process...
My friend Tony asked me not to say his name backwards.
My friend tony asked me not to say his name backwards
My friend Tony asked my not to spell his name backwards...
My friend Tony asked me not to spell his name backwards
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