The cast of β€œFriends” got stuck at sea in a boat, but thankfully nothing happened.

Because Lisa Kudrow.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2021
🚨︎ report
I have a list of friends who love palindromes!

Nell, Edna, Leon, Nedra, Anita, Rolf, Nora, Alice, Carol, Leo, Jane, Reed, Dena, Dale, Basil, Rae, Penny, Lana, Dave, Denny, Lena, Ida, Bernadette, Ben, Ray, Lila, Nina, Jo, Ira, Mara, Sara, Mario, Jan, Ina, Lily, Arne, Bette, Dan, Reba, Diane, Lynn, Ed, Eva, Dana, Lynne, Pearl, Isabel, Ada, Ned, Dee, Rena, Joel, Lora, Cecil, Aaron, Flora, Tina, Arden, Noel, and Ellen.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2021
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A friend of mine is quite well known for sweeping girls off their feet.

He’s an extremely aggressive janitor.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2021
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Friend of mine asked why I took a side job at the bakery

I told him I don’t knead the dough, but I do get a rise out of it

πŸ‘︎ 675
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πŸ‘€︎ u/troutslayer12
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2021
🚨︎ report
A man attends a funeral for his best friend. He approaches the grieving widow, gestures to the podium and asks; "May I say a word?" The widow responds "Of course.."

The man stands up and speaks "Plethora." and steps back down.

"Thank you..." says the Widow, "that really means a lot."

EDIT The responses here are incredible! πŸ‘Œ

πŸ‘︎ 177
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lady_emily_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2021
🚨︎ report
A couple of coffee beans were having a comedy show, just between friends...

It was a light roast!

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cameForTheGum
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend just threw a lump of cheese at me.

It wasn’t very mature.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eternal_Punshine
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend keeps saying β€œCheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.”

I know he means well.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KoalaTeaNip
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
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Yesterday a friend of mine told me he has a new job. He's garbage man now...

well, he didn't let that opportunity go to waste

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/myhomebasenl
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2021
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine tore his tongue in two in a freak accident.

I told him to get to the hospital lickety-split.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2021
🚨︎ report
I have a friend with no social skills and a Ph.D in the history of palindromes.

I call him Dr. Awkward.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Every time we go to the putting green, my friend has to bring along a bag of Pringles to munch on...

He always wants to practice his chipping.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2021
🚨︎ report
Friend sent me a timelapse of her folding cardboard boxes, this is how it went.
πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pauu3r
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2021
🚨︎ report
I went to the hardware store with a friend and the store had pallets of soil, seed, and fertilizer out front. We both stopped and looked at one of the pallets stacked high with bags of dried steer manure. The sign said, "Strict limit 2 per customer."

My friend looked at me and said, "I guess there's only so much shit you can take."

True story.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ObiWanKaDaddy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine was recently injured in a bad Peek-a-Boo accident

He’s currently in I-C-U

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/larryb78
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2021
🚨︎ report
A Jewish man was making tea for a group of his friends

Everyone enjoyed the tea that he brew

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tricky021993
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2021
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine runs a funeral home

People are dying to go there.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PensionNo8124
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2021
🚨︎ report
My lumberjack friend told me that he'd cut down a total of 13,207 trees.

When I asked how he managed to keep count,

He replied, "I keep a log"

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DementedOak
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine went bald years ago, but still carries around an old comb.

He just can't part with it.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeltaOne211
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine planned to use balloons to propose to his internet girlfriend, but then they finally met face to face.

He immediately popped the question.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend told me he's going to try to get a large group of wolves to separate from each other.

There's a lot to unpack there.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2021
🚨︎ report
A funeral director friend of mine bought a brand new Cadillac hearse.

People are dying to take a ride in it.

(As told by my friend the funeral director?

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PensionNo8124
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Whenever I assemble my IKEA furniture I always seek the advice of a friend.

His name is Manuel.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gherkinstein
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2021
🚨︎ report
A fungus was kicked out of his colony and asked why ... his friend replied:

You just don’t fit the mould.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/winkelschleifer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend Earl has a wife that is a bit obsessive about finding the total number of things in her everyday life...

She's a countess.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend from Prague came over to play D&D. Instead of just a face mask, he's wearing full body armor

The Czech is in the mail.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xwhy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
🚨︎ report
I owed my friend $20 so I gave a few dollars, some loose change, and a few small pieces of fried chicken

It was all legal tender

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2021
🚨︎ report
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.

Inside of a dog, it's much too dark to read.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/antiviolins
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
🚨︎ report
While waiting for a school-related live stream, me and my friend decided to throw words at each other and make puns out of them. This is one of my most proudest puns.
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anathex_Adv
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend bought a bunch of stumpy, fragrant mushrooms, claiming they were from Belgium. Are you kidding me? They’re clearly from Japan.

What a shit take.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elzuff
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2021
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns.

Toucan play at that game.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/adfunk101
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend makes a living off of being the sound of a clock.

Her actual words were, "I'm a tiktoker," but I knew what she meant.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Derpvboii
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
🚨︎ report
My stressed out Mexican friend is moving to a place where one can live a life of ease on 100 centavos a day...

He needs a change of peso.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2021
🚨︎ report
A friend demanded that I tell him about 2 types of water containers.

I responded with "Well dam!"

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HypnoSnurtle
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2021
🚨︎ report
There were a few irish friends in a pub and one of them was telling a joke about cows but no one laughed.

He should have told a udder joke

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AxhaLat
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
🚨︎ report
Who's the best friend of a french mechanic?

Alain Qui

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend got a role as an extra in a film. His job was to approach the lead actor and comb her hair away from the middle of her head...

It was a bit part.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2021
🚨︎ report
I have a good friend who wears clothes made of nothing but carpet.

Walter Wall.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/awesome_smokey
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine is a dermatologist

He started his career from scratch.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine makes good money selling camel’s milk, but he has to put up with surly camels all day.

It’s a drama dairy.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WCBrann
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2021
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine just said to me β€œI’m training to be garbage man”

I said β€œYou don’t need training for that! You just pick it up as you go along”

πŸ‘︎ 59
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OwenJthomas89
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
If a friend left you 12 bottles of wine on your doorstep, would you be extremely....

Grapeful.

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend became monk recently. I asked him if he'd take a vow of silence, but he didn't answer

I guess it goes without saying

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Westerfield
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine told me he was looking to buy stock in Bose.

I told him it would be a sound investment.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryguy2797
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend called me and said he lost the million dollar prize because he couldn't think of a neighbor to Saudi Arabia...

I said, "Oman!"

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
My friends and I were playing a game where you have to think of famous Johns. The game ends if you pick a John that is no longer with us.

It's all fun and games until someone gets Hurt.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryanooooo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.

" I know he means well.

πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ok-Salamander7965
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water."

i know he means well.

πŸ‘︎ 135
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hannahunfiltered
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
🚨︎ report

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