Did you know if you and your buddy fart at the same time it makes you Egyptian?

Because you have a Tutankhamun.

Note:I thought of this today I really hope the joke lands.

πŸ‘︎ 508
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TLEToyu
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
🚨︎ report
My buddy was showing me around his tool shed when he pointed at something and said, "That's my stepladder."

"I never got to know my real ladder."

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2021
🚨︎ report
God: *creates a worm* hello little buddy!

Worm: Thanks for the "worm" welcome haha...

God: * creates birds *.

πŸ‘︎ 229
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2021
🚨︎ report
Credit goes to my buddy Quinten who made this.
πŸ‘︎ 77
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DutchHeIs
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Why are DJs bad fishing buddies?

Because they keep dropping the bass.

πŸ‘︎ 164
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mama_Bear15
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
🚨︎ report
A buddy of mine named his dog β€œ5 Miles” so he could tell people he walked 5 miles

But today he ran over 5 Miles

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GigaMike123
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I have a buddy who is a prominent geologist, but outside of work, he's very lazy and inactive.

He lives a sedimentary lifestyle

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sillymonkey829
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2021
🚨︎ report
My buddy was promoted to quality inspector for the Canada Goose Jacket Company. He doesn't like it very much though...

...lately, he's been feeling down.

πŸ‘︎ 235
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2021
🚨︎ report
My buddy used his stimulus check to buy some baby chickens

He got his money for nothin’ and his chicks for free

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/larryb78
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2021
🚨︎ report
My buddy used to paint these beautiful beach scapes when he lived on the coast, but since he’s moved away, he won’t paint any more.

I guess he’s now an ex-cape-artist...

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sully1227
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2021
🚨︎ report
My buddy and I used to be Marijuana dealers and we always split our profits evenly between us.

It was a joint operation

πŸ‘︎ 138
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πŸ‘€︎ u/333iamhalfevil
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2021
🚨︎ report
My buddy keeps asking me to blow cool air on him when he gets hot, and I don’t like it.

I’m not a fan.

πŸ‘︎ 158
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πŸ‘€︎ u/backalleywillie
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
🚨︎ report
My buddy likes to jog in place on the rug in his hall.

He’s a carpet runner.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2021
🚨︎ report
My buddy says beer makes you smarter....

But I dont think itll make my budweiser

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/proygratoke
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
🚨︎ report
My buddy went bald years ago, but still carries around an old comb with him.

He just can't part with it.

πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/habsfan1112
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
🚨︎ report
One of my buddies asked me if I could find out what the largest organ in the human body was.

So I googled and told him exactly what I found.

Basically a skin for a friend.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
🚨︎ report
By buddies and I were drinking beer and cracking jokes, but things started to get out of hand.

It was quite the brew-haha.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shu-di
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2021
🚨︎ report
A crow invited his buddies over to hang out but they didn’t show up.

He was charged with attempted murder.

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brainsonastick
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the tree say to his buddy, who was about to get in a fight?

I got your bark.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dwarerulz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2021
🚨︎ report
My buddy Neil decided to get into a new kind of business designing keyholes for small houses

So we gave him the nickname shack keyhole Neil

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Runningforbeer343
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
🚨︎ report
My buddy got to the Nissan dealership just in time to buy his truck during a sales event.

It was the Final Frontier

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SplashbackDeuce
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
My buddy asked if I would go on a man-date

Of course, that's mandatory

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dis907kid
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
🚨︎ report
My buddy Ian is a strong proponent of state surveillance of citizens. I disagree and think it's a bad idea, so I said...

"Or, well, Ian..."

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
🚨︎ report
My buddy Miles went on a Europe trip after his graduation.

He loved the culture so much he changed his name to Kilometres.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jay-ay
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
🚨︎ report
In college, we had a buddy who always gave us suggestions as to what booze or drugs to try.

He was the original trip advisor.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
🚨︎ report
My buddy Linux would always lead the lineup with a bunt and steal second shortly after. And no matter how bad I wanted to swing for the fences, if the batter before me didn't make first; coach would turn to me and say......

UBUNTU.

SurPise!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MatthewLee1980
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
🚨︎ report
I asked my hiker buddy about where his last adventure was, but he couldn't answer me.

He just trailed off.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
🚨︎ report
My buddy said 'There's only one thing about Halloween that scares me.'

I asked, 'Which is?'

'Exactly', he replied.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
🚨︎ report
My buddy Jerry had to get taken to the hospital, unfortunately it looked like he needed to be operated on. He was unconscious and when he came to, he asked β€œwhat’s going to happen, am I going to be alright?”

I told him; β€˜Surgery’.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BostonFan69
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I was gonna tell a story about my buddies jogging club,

But it's just a running joke among friends

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Craftninja7
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
At his wedding, my buddy called me the worst best man he has ever seen.

I was speechless.

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
The real Curdle Buddies
πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kwasiuman
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is Jesus a great gym buddy?

He'll show you the whey.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thesmartass1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
My buddy Juan and I went to China, and he won a scratcher lotto.

Juan won one yuan.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sister-Physter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the drunk say to his buddies as he left the bar?

AL-CO-HOL you later!!

(Stole this from a show dont come for me)

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/whuddupmama
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
A buddy asked me how many fish I caught

I told him it's not polite to fish and tell

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/remixclashes
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
A buddy of mine likes taking pictures of salmon in clothes

He says he likes shooting fish in apparel

πŸ‘︎ 121
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StAnger99
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
My buddy once asked me what it's like to work as a high rise window washer...

I said it has its ups and downs.

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Uglarinn
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
🚨︎ report
My buddy was rushed into the hospital after showing decorticate posturing. He woke up and I asked him if he remembered anything.

He said it felt really apalling

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Onechordbassist
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
My buddy invited me to go fishing with him.

But when he told me the fish were biting I said, β€œheck no!”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PulkPush
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
My buddy David has his ID stolen

Now he’s just Dav

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MissouriFred
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
My buddy said that it is Chile outside

But I’m pretty sure I’m still in the US

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Onionthe
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Our two buddies Bean and Jack was arrested yesterday for harassing women.

Jack and the Bean stalk.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
🚨︎ report
My buddy just told me he needs major surgery: he's having half his intestine removed.

(excuse my grammar that should be a semi-colon)

πŸ‘︎ 125
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
🚨︎ report
My buddy said he made a voodoo doll of me

I think he’s pulling my leg

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
🚨︎ report
My gaming buddy who works at Walter Reed told that he knows who the impostor is

He told me he "saw orange vented".

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GasDoves
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
My buddy David had his ID stolen.

I now call him Dav.

πŸ‘︎ 78
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
🚨︎ report

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