Did you know if you and your buddy fart at the same time it makes you Egyptian?
Because you have a Tutankhamun.
Note:I thought of this today I really hope the joke lands.
My buddy was showing me around his tool shed when he pointed at something and said, "That's my stepladder."
"I never got to know my real ladder."
God: *creates a worm* hello little buddy!
Worm: Thanks for the "worm" welcome haha...
God: * creates birds *.
Credit goes to my buddy Quinten who made this.
Why are DJs bad fishing buddies?
Because they keep dropping the bass.
A buddy of mine named his dog “5 Miles” so he could tell people he walked 5 miles
But today he ran over 5 Miles
I have a buddy who is a prominent geologist, but outside of work, he's very lazy and inactive.
He lives a sedimentary lifestyle
My buddy was promoted to quality inspector for the Canada Goose Jacket Company. He doesn't like it very much though...
...lately, he's been feeling down.
My buddy used his stimulus check to buy some baby chickens
He got his money for nothin’ and his chicks for free
My buddy used to paint these beautiful beach scapes when he lived on the coast, but since he’s moved away, he won’t paint any more.
I guess he’s now an ex-cape-artist...
My buddy and I used to be Marijuana dealers and we always split our profits evenly between us.
My buddy keeps asking me to blow cool air on him when he gets hot, and I don’t like it.
My buddy likes to jog in place on the rug in his hall.
My buddy says beer makes you smarter....
But I dont think itll make my budweiser
My buddy went bald years ago, but still carries around an old comb with him.
He just can't part with it.
One of my buddies asked me if I could find out what the largest organ in the human body was.
So I googled and told him exactly what I found.
Basically a skin for a friend.
By buddies and I were drinking beer and cracking jokes, but things started to get out of hand.
It was quite the brew-haha.
A crow invited his buddies over to hang out but they didn’t show up.
He was charged with attempted murder.
What did the tree say to his buddy, who was about to get in a fight?
My buddy Neil decided to get into a new kind of business designing keyholes for small houses
So we gave him the nickname shack keyhole Neil
My buddy got to the Nissan dealership just in time to buy his truck during a sales event.
It was the Final Frontier
My buddy asked if I would go on a man-date
Of course, that's mandatory
My buddy Ian is a strong proponent of state surveillance of citizens. I disagree and think it's a bad idea, so I said...
My buddy Miles went on a Europe trip after his graduation.
He loved the culture so much he changed his name to Kilometres.
In college, we had a buddy who always gave us suggestions as to what booze or drugs to try.
He was the original trip advisor.
My buddy Linux would always lead the lineup with a bunt and steal second shortly after. And no matter how bad I wanted to swing for the fences, if the batter before me didn't make first; coach would turn to me and say......
I asked my hiker buddy about where his last adventure was, but he couldn't answer me.
My buddy said 'There's only one thing about Halloween that scares me.'
I asked, 'Which is?'
'Exactly', he replied.
My buddy Jerry had to get taken to the hospital, unfortunately it looked like he needed to be operated on. He was unconscious and when he came to, he asked “what’s going to happen, am I going to be alright?”
I was gonna tell a story about my buddies jogging club,
But it's just a running joke among friends
At his wedding, my buddy called me the worst best man he has ever seen.
Why is Jesus a great gym buddy?
My buddy Juan and I went to China, and he won a scratcher lotto.
What did the drunk say to his buddies as he left the bar?
AL-CO-HOL you later!!
(Stole this from a show dont come for me)
A buddy asked me how many fish I caught
I told him it's not polite to fish and tell
A buddy of mine likes taking pictures of salmon in clothes
He says he likes shooting fish in apparel
My buddy once asked me what it's like to work as a high rise window washer...
I said it has its ups and downs.
My buddy was rushed into the hospital after showing decorticate posturing. He woke up and I asked him if he remembered anything.
He said it felt really apalling
My buddy invited me to go fishing with him.
But when he told me the fish were biting I said, “heck no!”
My buddy David has his ID stolen
My buddy said that it is Chile outside
But I’m pretty sure I’m still in the US
Our two buddies Bean and Jack was arrested yesterday for harassing women.
My buddy just told me he needs major surgery: he's having half his intestine removed.
(excuse my grammar that should be a semi-colon)
My buddy said he made a voodoo doll of me
I think he’s pulling my leg
My gaming buddy who works at Walter Reed told that he knows who the impostor is
He told me he "saw orange vented".
My buddy David had his ID stolen.
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