The largest container we have in our house is a tea pot. and I was extra thirsty so I wanted more water than usual. So I go to the freezer and load the teapot with some ice, and fill it up with water.
Fiancee: - "What are you making?"
me: - "Ice tea."
queue eye rolls from the fiancee.
A cantaconda
We're currently planning our wedding (by this, I mean she and her mother are).
She sent me a text earlier this morning saying "picking flowers for the wedding is hard :-("
I responded "Don't pick them yet, our wedding isn't for another three months, there's no way they'll stay fresh that long."
Anyways, I think the flowers are pink or something.
It was a marry Archie band.
So I asked her, "Is there a raisin you don't like my dry humor?"
But I got thirsty and instead I got de Beers.
We were driving through town and the annual festival was going on.
Fiancee: Corn Fest is back to being down town? What happened to it being at the airport?
Me: Not that many people went when it was held at the airport. I guess you could say, it never really took off.
I got the biggest groan and eyeroll ever.
Was telling the fiancée how much our copy machine at work sucks...
Me: So that's why we call it Bob Marley
Fiancée: Why would you call it that?
Me: Because it always be jammin'
I started laughing hysterically afterwards, and she just stared at me like I belong in a straight jacket.
I asked her how does it even get up there?? She replied, "Hot hair rises."
I opened the cupboard and out falls a bag of "Freshly ground coffee"
It bursts open as it lands on the floor...
I smirked and stated.
"It's okay, it'll be fine, it is ground coffee after all"
http://i.imgur.com/cDxysnF.png
The bridge was lit with green and red lights for Christmas. She said "they should've made it blue and white for Hanukkah", so I responded "well Hanukkah always gets passed over".
We are going around getting price quotes from venues for the wedding. At this one our host was typing out our quote and was having a rough time.
Lady: Alright, we will add in the shipping cost and, ahg, I can't spell today.
Me: T-O-D-A-Y
Groaning all around, I think I'll be ready for when we have kids.
Fiancee left for work without glasses, asks me to get them.
Enter the university coffee shop she works at, and hand her the glasses, saying loud enough for everyone to hear,
"You left these at my place last night"
and left, without another word.
Hour later on her break, she texts me, calling me an ass, and how she got such looks and snickers. It was wonderful.
I was eating some left over casserole from earlier in the week.
>Me: "You want me to warm you up some?"
>Her: "No, I dont trust it. I'm waiting to see if you get sick before I eat it." (she got food poisoning from some bad chicken a few weeks ago)
>Me: "Fair choice, I don't work till monday so I have some time to work through it if it's bad."
>Her: "Yeah, I thought eating it might be a little hairy."
>Me: "There wasnt any hair growing yet, I checked"
>Her: "..."
"The look" she gave me was more satisfying than I expected.
My youngest sister's birthday party was the other day, and a couple of her gifts were two books from the "Divergent" series. So my Grandmother asked her "What are all the books called?"
Sister: "Well, there's Divergent, Insurgent, Allegiant..."
Fiancee: "Detergent..."
Dad: "No, that's the clean version."
Her: If there's a Mrs. Dash, what does Mr. Dash do? Me: Oh, he's a stay-at-home dad, he takes care of their daughter, Emily. Her: (blank stare) Me: They call her Em. Her: (blank stare)
I then had to explain what an em dash is, but I still got a good laugh about it. She rolled over.
We live in a building with 2 levels of underground parking.
"I like parking on the first floor because the second floor is beneath me."
Backstory: We live near a place that makes amazing pulled pork sandwiches. In addition, to having an amazing sandwiches they have a really cool cashier named Diego who we built up a friendly relationship with. Unfortunately, we haven't gone to this sandwich place a while and during this lull Diego left his job.
Me: We really need to get a pulled pork sandwich one of these days.
Fiancee: I don't know. I just wouldn't be the same without Diego there.
Me: So what you're saying is you wouldn't go... Sans Diego?
We don't live in San Diego or anything but we do live in Southern California and I thought it was hilarious.
Fiancee hits off the rough and nails a tree. The ball bounced straight down somehow. Amazingly, she did it again on her next shot.
Hilarious as that was, she then manages to get out of the rough but hits another tree further down.
I look at her and go, "hey, it looks like you're tree for tree."
So many groans.
We were riding in the car and drove past a dead animal the other day...
Fiancee: "Did I tell you about the time I hit a frog while driving?... It was so gross. I didn't go back to see if it was still alive though."
Me: "I bet it croaked."
Groans were had, to say the least...
My father chimes in and says, "Boy, that sounds a-peel-ing."
Her: It's chilly.
Me: No, it's Philly!
Her: groan
We changed drivers as I got out and she got in she adjusted her seat, she was taking a while and said "I've just got to find my niche" To which I replied "They're connected to your legsh"
Me: I need to wash my hair. It's so dirty it almost doesn't look blonde anymore.
Him: Well kind of. It looks..... dirty blonde.
So she loves cooking and decided to make this spicy chicken soup that you put over rice. So I'm eating and she asks
Her "how do like it"
Me "its really good"
Her "I tried something different with the broth what do you think?"
Me "I like it, its just a good thing you didn't have anyone helping you"
Her "what why?
Me "because too many cooks could spoil the broth"
I then continued to sing it and she hates me and the song/video.
