My fiancée and I were on a hike.

There was a detour to get to an overlook to see a waterfall. When we reached the overlook, there was thick shrubbery in front of us blocking the view of the waterfall.

Fiancée: Ugh, I can hear the falls but I can't see it.

Me: I guess it wasn't an overlook, it was an overhear.

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📅︎ May 17 2021
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My fiancée pulled a fast one on me last night while we were talking

Talking about our dog, Baxter, who is deaf, a little clumsy, and a big goofball

Her: You know, maybe he does have some neurological issues.

Me: Maybe. But we wouldn’t know for sure unless we get a CAT-scan, and we’re too poor for that.

Her: Well, in this case it would be a DOG-scan, right?

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👤︎ u/NC0828
📅︎ Feb 09 2021
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What food should you never give to two fiancées who ran away from home together?

Cantalope

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👤︎ u/Lorelerton
📅︎ Aug 03 2020
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My Fiancée was at the store earlier and she texted me saying, “Should I buy new beach towels?”

I wrote back, “Shore.”

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👤︎ u/srpjr3795
📅︎ Jul 12 2020
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My fiancée asked if I could sharpen her pencil. After the pencil had been sharpened, I continued to sharpen. She said “okay that’s enough!”

I said “I was just trying to make a point”.

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📅︎ Apr 06 2020
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My fiancée called me last night and said she was on the sofa with Ben & Jerry.

Sounded like she enjoyed her ménage à froid.

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👤︎ u/jocktx
📅︎ Nov 06 2019
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Jokingly told my fiancée that I want to change my name.

Her: To what?

Me: I don’t know yet

Her: That sounds nice. What nationality is that?

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👤︎ u/umadbro996
📅︎ Aug 01 2019
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I made a comment about an actresses short hair to my fiancée

Me: "Hmm, I wish I could pull off her short hair, I never could"
Him: "Aw, I'm sure you could. I'll hold her down while you yank it out"
Didn't see that coming.

Edit: thanks guys I didn't realise fiance/e has genders.

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👤︎ u/Lunadoll
📅︎ Mar 30 2015
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Conversation with my fiancées father (second yellow is her name) after reading r/dadjokes for too long...
👍︎ 2k
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📅︎ Sep 24 2013
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Dad joked my fiancée while mattress shopping

Yesterday, we went mattress shopping and ended up buying the second or third bed we laid on. In the car on the way back, I told her "That could have been a hasty decision, we should have slept on it first."

👍︎ 2k
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📅︎ Feb 16 2014
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My fiancée and I were talking about our upcoming wedding...

Her - "When we get married, can we honeymoon in Iceland?"

Me - "Sure."

Her - "And we can have a party in a fjord?"

Me - "We'd have a Fjord Fiesta."

Her - "Goddammit."

I'm getting an early start on this dad jokes thing.

👍︎ 574
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📅︎ Jul 24 2015
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Fiancée was distraught about killing a duck... tried cheering her up with a dad joke.

So my fiancée came home from work earlier this week, clearly upset. I asked what was wrong and she went on to tell me about how she accidentally ran over a duck.

In an attempt to comfort her, my compassionate and empathetic self responds with, "well I guess it's safe to say the duck suffered from a quacked skull huh?"

She was not amused.

👍︎ 456
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👤︎ u/Ih8YourCat
📅︎ Aug 23 2014
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Got my fiancée on the way to the gym

We were walking and eating a quick pre-workout snack when she said "well I guess that nut goes to the birds then" because she dropped a cashew she was about to eat.

I looked at her and asked "so would you call that a cashew-alty?"

She rolled her eyes and kept while I had to stop from laughing to much.

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👤︎ u/Branamp13
📅︎ Oct 20 2016
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Dadjoked my fiancée at dinner tonight

I got the all you can eat salad bar and got her some olives.

When I went back, I got her some additional olives.

She looked at them and said "are you trying to olive me to death?"

I replied "yes because olive you very much."

👍︎ 187
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📅︎ Dec 21 2014
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Got my fiancée. She is still my fiancée, but it was close.

We were driving by a vacant building that used to be a McDonald's. It's been vacant a few months and now there's a big "For Lease" sign on the property.

Her: "Looks like they're having trouble renting the McDonald's."
Me: "Yeah, I heard they had to hire a big realty company."
Her: "Really?"
Me: "Yeah. Old McDonald's has a firm."

The wedding is still on.

👍︎ 46
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👤︎ u/AdamHR
📅︎ Nov 23 2015
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Got my fiancée at the grocery store today

We were walking past the produce and she looks at me and says:

Fiancée: What do you want, apples or oranges? Me: It's hard to choose, they don't really compare.

She rolled her eyes, but I heard the guy next to me chuckle.

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👤︎ u/thesean29
📅︎ May 18 2015
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My fiancée and I had our wedding shower today.

I greeted everyone like this:

"We thank you for all your presence here today. We especially thank you for all of your presents here today."

My fiancée groaned, my mom sighed, and I got blank stares from all of the women, but the men- the men all chuckled!

👍︎ 154
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👤︎ u/dforderp
📅︎ Mar 21 2015
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Fiancée: I'm full, but I don't want to waste the rest of this food.

Well, it's either going to go to waste or go to waist.

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📅︎ Jul 27 2015
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Just got my fiancée's entire family

Her aunt was looking for a toothbrush, she walks into the living room.

her: "has anyone seen a Frozen toothbrush?"

me: "yeah, but I let it go"

everyone: "groans"

👍︎ 35
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📅︎ Dec 31 2016
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My fiancée told me I was cheesy...

So I told her, "that's perfect since you're so winey!"

She didn't appreciate it as much as I did.

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👤︎ u/jb72123
📅︎ Jan 14 2016
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Got my fiancée tonight

Trying to open a condom but the wrapper wouldn't tear, "man, they really childproof these things, huh?"

👍︎ 36
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👤︎ u/illini211
📅︎ Jul 22 2015
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My fiancée just asked me if I thought she was human. I told her no I think you are a dolphin...

Because you have a porpoise in life.

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👤︎ u/theKenku
📅︎ Feb 06 2017
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Dadjoked my fiancée last night...

As she was doing her makeup in the car, she was looking around for something she lost.

Me: Did you lose your eyelash brush?

Her: Eyelash brush? That's not a thing.

Me: Sorry, eyelash comb.

Her: No! That's not a thing either!

Me: Hey now, there's no reason to lash out at me...

Her: glares

👍︎ 38
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📅︎ Feb 14 2015
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Heard this gem today at a craft store with my fiancée

We were looking for twine or something in the yarn section and this dad walks by with his two daughters, gives a huge yawn, and says, "WOW! That was a huge yarn" and then began to start chuckling uncontrollably.

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👤︎ u/wsmith27
📅︎ Jan 12 2014
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My fiancée and I were watching the olympics together this morning

" Did you know that Chiropractor is the most prevalent profession in Ukraine?"

"Hmm, I had no idea"

"Yeah, it's 'cause when you live there you crane your neck a lot"

eye roll

👍︎ 6
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📅︎ Aug 07 2016
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Sitting on the front porch and my fiancée's uncle got me good

We're talking about actors and he goes "hear about that poor actress who was recently stabbed in NY?....Reese....Reese...." Stupidly I reply "Witherspoon!?"

He happily proclaims: "No! With a Knife!"

👍︎ 40
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👤︎ u/dc8291
📅︎ Jul 29 2014
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Sitting at the top of the giant slide at a carnival with my fiancée.

Yell embarrassingly loudly, "HELLO FROM THE OTHER SLIIIIIIIIIIDE!"

👍︎ 3
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📅︎ Mar 16 2016
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More driving with the fiancée...

"Is that an abandoned adhesive factory?"

"Looks like they didn't stick around long!"

Unlike most of my jokes, she laughed pretty hard and I was more than a little proud of myself.

👍︎ 7
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📅︎ Mar 15 2015
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Fiancée got me in a role reversal

My fiancée is a graduate student. The cat likes to whine until she's picked up. As my fiancée was studying, the cat jumped up onto her desk.

Her (to the cat): "If you come over here, you're going to get held."

Me: "No, you're playing into her hand!"

Her: "She doesn't have any hands."

I must say, I'm a bit proud.

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👤︎ u/01hair
📅︎ Apr 09 2015
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Got my fiancée and her teenage siblings over group chat

Me: "Hey, have you guys heard of that new rapping toast?"

Them: "No, who?"

Me: "He crumbles under pressure and calls himself Ludacrust."

Them: Collective groans.

Fiancée: "You are way too proud of yourself."

👍︎ 3
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📅︎ Apr 11 2015
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Got my fiancée the other day

We were talking about her parents and younger sister who are in Disney world and she said "They are bringing me something frozen from Disney!" I turned to look at her and said "But won't it thaw out before it gets here?"

👍︎ 6
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👤︎ u/MaySun91
📅︎ Jun 16 2014
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Fiancée's back has been hurting.

Me: Then we should go to egypt posthaste! She:Why? Me: They have the best cairopractors! She: groan...

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👤︎ u/Kaptenenin
📅︎ Jan 27 2015
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