grooms bride
πŸ‘︎ 197
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bitchyswiftie
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
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I went to a cannibal wedding. The Groom toasted the bridesmaids, The best man toasted the Bride and Groom and the father of the Bride toasted absent friends.....

It was one hell of a barbecue.

πŸ‘︎ 141
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2020
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Went to an artists wedding... There was the bride to be. The Groom to be. And heaps of pencils.

2B

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/garythesnail1996
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
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[Request] Can I have a dad joke to open my wedding speech? (Groom speaking)

Wedding is on Saturday, in Dorset uk. Requesting joke ideas in exchange for gratitude.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2018
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How do you call fights between groom and bride?

Martial Arts

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wuju420
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2018
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My Uncle asked me when I got married, if I knew why the groom's family is on the right.

He said it was because it was the last time that I was ever going to be right.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/baconia
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2016
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Father of the groom

Before my friend's wedding today, his dad walks in to the changing room and asks "Are you wearing two pairs of socks?" My friend says "No..." Father says "Well you should. I don't want you getting cold feet."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chime
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2013
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I have a very well groomed garden ornament that perpetually rocks back and forth in perfect rhythm

It's a metro-gnome

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DiamondChocobos
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
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I worked a place with strict grooming guidelines but we are currently closed for the duration.

Due to social distancing and other issues I am not going to cut my hair or trim my beard for a time. How long? Furlough time.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xstofer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2020
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I got a job grooming police horses

I hate working with the fuzz... But it's a stable job.

πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/justryingtokeepup
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2020
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The wedding went off without a hitch.

The groom stormed off and all the guests started fighting.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RootBoy42
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
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A very elderly gentleman, mid ninety's, very well dressed, hair well groomed, great suit, flower in his lapel smelling slightly of a good aftershave, presenting a well looked after image, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge…

Seated at the bar is an elderly lady, mid eighties.

The gentleman walks over, sits along side of her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, "So tell me, do I come here often?"

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
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My dad gave a speech at my big sisters wedding.

He had my sister put a hand in, her husband put his hand on top of hers, then she put her other hand over his, then his other hand over hers. Then he told her husband β€œThis is the last time you’ll ever have the upper hand”

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
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I sent my dog in to get groomed and neutered

And he came back partially bald.

[actual joke my mom told me 20 years ago about our dog]

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2019
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I'm picky about how my afro's groomed
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaxPaw
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2018
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I had to report a kid’s hair salon today

They were grooming children

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chrisvskris
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
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[At the wedding] Priest: Repeat after me...

Groom: After me..

Priest, looking at bride: Is he serious?

Bride: No, his name is Mike.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2019
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"I'd like to have a toast" said the father-in-law at his daughters wedding

"Add some jam on it," he continued

(Smh this wasn't appreciated enough at r/jokes)

πŸ‘︎ 974
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πŸ‘€︎ u/QueenKyoko
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2019
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An English lady, while vacationing in Switzerland, fell in love with a small town and the surrounding countryside.

She asked the pastor of a local church if he knew of any houses with rooms to rent that were close to town, but out in the country. The pastor kindly drove her out to see a house with a room to rent. She loved the house and decided to rent the room. Then, the lady returned to her home in England to make her final preparations to move to Switzerland.

When she arrived back home, the thought occurred to her that she had not seen a β€œW.C.” in the room or even down the hall. (A W.C. is short for β€œwater closet” and is what the English call a toilet.) So she immediately emailed the pastor to ask him where the β€œW.C.” is located.

The Swiss pastor had never heard of a β€œW.C.,” and so he Googled the abbreviation and found an article titled β€œWayside Chapels.” Thinking that the English lady was asking about a country church to attend near her new home, the pastor responded as follows:

Ms. Smith,

I look forward to your move. Regarding your question about the location of the W.C., the closest W.C. is situated only two miles from the room you have rented, in the center of a beautiful grove of pine trees. The W.C. has aΒ maximum occupancy of 229 people, but not that many people usually go on weekdays. I suggest youΒ plan to go on Thursday evenings when there is a sing-along. The acoustics are remarkable and the happy sounds of so many people echo throughout the W.C.

Sunday mornings are extremely crowded. The locals tend to arrive early and many bring their lunches to make a day of it. Those who arrive just in time can usually be squeezed into the W.C. before things start, but not always. Best to go early if you can!

It may interest you to know that my own daughter was married in the W.C. and it was there that she met her husband. I remember how everyone crowded in to sit close to the bride and groom. There were two people to a seat ordinarily occupied by one, but our friends and family were happy to share. Β I will admit that my wife and I felt particularly relieved when it was over. We were truly wiped out.

Because of my responsibilities in town, I can’t go as often as I used to. In fact, I haven’t been in well over a year. I can tell you I really miss regularly going to the W.C. Let’s plan on going together for your first visit. I can reserve us seats where you will be seen by all.

Sincerely,

Pastor Kurt Meier

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
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The letters W and Z were getting married, and they invited all the other letters to their wedding...

The only ones who didn't respond were the letters T, X and Y.

So W and Z ordered 23 catered meals: 2 for them and 21 for their guests.

The wedding was great, but there was trouble at the reception. The letter T came, even though she didn't RSVP.

When the meals were being passed out, the chef served the groom (W) and bride (Z) first, then asked everyone else to line up alphabetically to come get their prepared plates. As the last two letters approached the chef, he said "there must be a mistake. I only have one meal left." Just then, T grabbed the last meal, and rudely said to the other letter "Sucks to be U."

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
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Why did the horsekeeper stay at his job?

Stable income.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Klystron98
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2018
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Need help for wedding menu!

We have ice cream flavors like Mint to Be (Oreo mint) and Brownie Eyed Girl (chocolate Brownie, brides flavor) but need help for a name for vanilla cookie dough. It’s the grooms flavor, his name is Chris if that helps. THANKS REDDIT

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/airianathegreat
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2018
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Why did no one enjoy the cell phone's wedding?

The reception was terrible.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/twelvebars
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2017
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They were raised well

[wedding]

Priest: repeat after me

Groom: after me

P: ... [to bride] is he serious

Bride: no his name is gary

πŸ‘︎ 324
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tyre21
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2015
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My friend was telling me about a wedding he'll be attending soon

Him: "I'll be wearing the same kilt as the groom."

Me: "Really? How are you both going too fit in there?"

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JiberybobX
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2017
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All of this talk about cold feet on your wedding day is overblown...

I mean, mine were groom temperature.

--

^^I ^^just ^^got ^^some ^^great ^^groans ^^from ^^my ^^wife ^^and ^^two ^^of ^^our ^^soon-to-be ^^married ^^friends ^^with ^^this ^^one.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainPatent
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2017
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This farmer had a prize show bull.

This bull had won best in show awards. Groomed daily, perfect stance, it was a great bull.

One day the farmer goes out and sees the bull has gone cross-eyed. This was going to ruin ant chance of future awards, so he called the livestock vet out.

The veterinarian gets there and examines the bull, realizes he's seen this happen before and grabs a narrow metal tube from the back of his truck.

He brings the tube over and jams the tip of it into the bulls hind end and proceeds to blow as hard as he can through the end of it.

The farmer looks at the bulls eyes as the vet is blowing into the bulls backside and says "it's working! I see his eyes straightening right up, keep doing it!"

The vet blows and blows his face and cheeks turning red and finally says, "I'm out of breath I can't do it anymore, his eyes are almost straight you'll have to finish"

The farmer comes over and grabs the tube, pulls it out, turns it around and puts it back in the other way, the vet stops him and says, "What on Earth are you doing?"

The farmer says, "Well I don't want to put my mouth on the same end you did!"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Amd20555
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2018
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[Speakers]

It took decades, but finally, the the main stream media has been groomed into the best speakers you can buy

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sarah_Connor
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2017
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Request: Wedding Puns

Hello fellow pun connoisseurs,

Friends of mine just recently had a bit of a shotgun wedding. I'm vowing to prepare a statement for them in celebration The bride is particularly fond of puns. While I've been grooming myself for this for some time, any matrimonial/wedding puns that I might consider would be much appreciated. It would be the best, man!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/canadasecond
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2013
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Even at weddings he is prepared.

We are at a wedding, the bride and groom have yet to walk down the alter when I look at my father...

Me: "Crap. How much time do I have to go to the bathroom?"

Dad: "Pee now or forever hold your piss."

All veteran fathers rapidly blew air from their noses.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/I_love_fatties
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2014
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Well, that bites...

Groom bit by a rattlesnake on his wedding day, I heard the band played "it's a nice day for a bite wedding..."

http://www.denverpost.com/2016/06/21/colorado-wedding-rattlesnake-bites-groom/

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/awhitehatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2016
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Rehearsal dinners... when two dads combine their awesome powers

Wedding rehearsal dinner this past Friday. Father-of-the-groom is picking up the tab and the check arrives.

Father-of-the-bride: Hope you've got a good Visa!

Father-of-the-groom: Nope. I'm in the country illegally.

All dads in attendance laugh boisterously. Groom laughs while bride wonders what the hell she's gotten herself into.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dtsjr
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2014
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Dancing Dad

At a friend of mine's wedding reception, we were all dancing to "Sexy and I know it" by LMFAO. The groom's dad comes out and dances in the middle and before leaving the middle of the dance floor yells: "I'm sixty and I know it!"

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sgberghoff
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2013
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Dad joked the bride.

The father of the bride had the bride and groom face each other and place his hands on hers.

"Now this is the last time you'll ever have the upper hand."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/missmaia
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2014
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At a wedding, Priest: Repeat after me...

Groom: After me...

Priest, looking at bride: Is he serious?

Bride: No, his name is Gary.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2018
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