I married my wife for her looks
Just not the ones she been giving me lately.
Thanks for the silver β€οΈ
π︎ 14k
π
︎ Nov 04 2020
I once knew a girl who married a Chinese.
She had to Chang her last name.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 09 2021
I've never been married
but I've had a few near Mrs.
π︎ 306
π
︎ Dec 06 2020
I went to a wedding yesterday where two tv antennas got married
The wedding was horrible but the reception was great
π︎ 71
π
︎ Jan 10 2021
The Invisible Man married an invisible woman.
The kids were nothing to look at either.
π︎ 33
π
︎ Jan 11 2021
I must admit that I married your mum for her looks...
But not the oneβs sheβs been giving me lately
π︎ 59
π
︎ Dec 15 2020
10 years ago I married my best friend
Our wives are still mad about it but we were drunk and thought it was funny
π︎ 31
π
︎ Dec 13 2020
Why couldn't the confederate soldier stay married?
Because he succeeded from the union
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 08 2021
Girlfriend wants to get married...
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 04 2021
I married my wife because sometimes she does this thing with her mouth, that really pleases me.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 11 2021
What do you sing when a witch gets married?
Ding! Dong! The witch is wed!
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 06 2021
My friend is married to a sadist. I asked her why she married the guy and she replied...
π︎ 12
π
︎ Dec 22 2020
2 pebbles washes up on the beach. One says to the other, "Are you married?"
Other replies, "No, I'm shingle."
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 31 2020
Two satellites decided to get married. The wedding wasn't much
But the reception was incredible.
π︎ 17
π
︎ Dec 05 2020
2 metal workers got married....
It was a beautiful welding.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Dec 02 2020
What is the only American State that has ever been married?
π︎ 13
π
︎ Nov 24 2020
Canβt wait for the first married woman to walk on the red planet.
Just so I can ask if thereβs wife on Mars.
π︎ 58
π
︎ Nov 07 2020
Three years ago I married my best friend...
My girlfriend was angry but Dave and I thought it was hilarious!
π︎ 15
π
︎ Dec 01 2020
A man is incomplete until heβs married.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Nov 30 2020
Why did the melons run away and get married instead of have a big church wedding like their parents wanted?
Because they could elope.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 10 2020
What did the mother melon say to her daughter when she wanted to run away to get married?
π︎ 11
π
︎ Nov 30 2020
Albert Einstein married his cousin Elsa
Even his marriage was relative
π︎ 12
π
︎ Nov 29 2020
What do you call it when two Vietnamese people with common names get married?
A Nguyen-Nguyen situation
π︎ 14
π
︎ Dec 05 2020
2 fruits were struggling to get married
π︎ 14
π
︎ Nov 18 2020
A man who loved to catch butterflies married the woman of his dreams:
π︎ 49
π
︎ Nov 19 2020
TIL that Both Charles Darwin and Albert Einstein married their first cousins.
For both, itβs all relative.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Dec 02 2020
Playboy are coming out with a new magazine, especially for married men.
Every month it's exactly the same woman.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 07 2020
Why can't melons get married
Because they're can't- elope
π︎ 2
π
︎ Dec 05 2020
How can a room full of married people be empty?
Because thereβs not a single person there
π︎ 80
π
︎ Oct 21 2020
If Ina Garten married Danny DeVito her new name would be...
Ina Garten DeVito honey,
Donβt you know that Iβm lovin you
Ina Garten DeVito baby,
Donβt you know that Iβll always be true
π︎ 10
π
︎ Oct 30 2020
Two bananas married without realising they were from the same tree.
They really split over it. It was a really slippery ordeal and peeled them apart.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Nov 26 2020
What do you call it when an older married gay couple make it a rule to go out at least once every 2 weeks?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Nov 18 2020
Two antenna met on a roof and eventually got married
The ceremony wasnβt much but the reception was incredible
π︎ 8
π
︎ Nov 14 2020
Why did the two boa constrictors get married?
They had a crush on each other
π︎ 3
π
︎ Nov 20 2020
Why don't eskimos get married?
Because they always get cold feet
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 17 2020
I have been happily married now for 3 years
π︎ 201
π
︎ Aug 25 2020
Two antennas got married...
The ceremony was ok, but the reception was excellent.
π︎ 163
π
︎ Oct 28 2020
Iβve never been married.
But Iβve had a few near Mrs.
π︎ 30
π
︎ Dec 15 2020
I've never been married
But I've had a few near Mrs
π︎ 24
π
︎ Dec 10 2020
Two antennas meet on a rooftop and decided to get married
The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
π︎ 67
π
︎ Oct 26 2020
I have never been married....
....but, I've had a few near Mrs.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Dec 05 2020
What does an empty room and a room full of married people have in common?
You canβt find a single person in it.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Nov 16 2020
Why did the room packed with married people seem empty?
Because there wasnβt a single person there
π︎ 10
π
︎ Nov 17 2020
Two antennas got married
The reception was excellent.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Nov 05 2020
Two antennas got married
π︎ 15
π
︎ Nov 01 2020
Why canβt melons run away & get married?
Because they cantaloupe...
π︎ 25
π
︎ Oct 30 2020
How can a room full of married people be empty?
Because there isn't a single person in the room
π︎ 15
π
︎ Oct 21 2020
How can a room of married people be empty?
There's not a single person there
π︎ 10
π
︎ Oct 23 2020
Why donβt melons get married?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Oct 12 2020
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