I married my wife for her looks

Just not the ones she been giving me lately.

Thanks for the silver ❀️

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Conviction666
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I once knew a girl who married a Chinese.

She had to Chang her last name.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BonsamBesuDMC2
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 09 2021
🚨︎ report
I've never been married

but I've had a few near Mrs.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 306
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/oh-no-gawdzirra
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to a wedding yesterday where two tv antennas got married

The wedding was horrible but the reception was great

πŸ‘οΈŽ 71
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/I_Only_Have_One_Hand
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
The Invisible Man married an invisible woman.

The kids were nothing to look at either.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 33
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/farrukhsshah
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
I must admit that I married your mum for her looks...

But not the one’s she’s been giving me lately

πŸ‘οΈŽ 59
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
10 years ago I married my best friend

Our wives are still mad about it but we were drunk and thought it was funny

πŸ‘οΈŽ 31
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/sam_horvacraft
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Why couldn't the confederate soldier stay married?

Because he succeeded from the union

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Bagel-X
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 08 2021
🚨︎ report
Girlfriend wants to get married...

I don't want her to.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
I married my wife because sometimes she does this thing with her mouth, that really pleases me.

Closes it.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you sing when a witch gets married?

Ding! Dong! The witch is wed!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AssCumBoi
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 06 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend is married to a sadist. I asked her why she married the guy and she replied...

β€œBeats me”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CaymanRich
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
2 pebbles washes up on the beach. One says to the other, "Are you married?"

Other replies, "No, I'm shingle."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Two satellites decided to get married. The wedding wasn't much

But the reception was incredible.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
2 metal workers got married....

It was a beautiful welding.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
What is the only American State that has ever been married?

Mrs. Ippi.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Rabid_Badger_83
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Can’t wait for the first married woman to walk on the red planet.

Just so I can ask if there’s wife on Mars.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 58
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/vbloke
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Three years ago I married my best friend...

My girlfriend was angry but Dave and I thought it was hilarious!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/trendfoll
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
A man is incomplete until he’s married.

Then he’s finished.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the melons run away and get married instead of have a big church wedding like their parents wanted?

Because they could elope.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bunsofsteel_MRI_boy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the mother melon say to her daughter when she wanted to run away to get married?

You cantaloupe!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Ipromiseimreallycool
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Albert Einstein married his cousin Elsa

Even his marriage was relative

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/siddharth_pillai
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when two Vietnamese people with common names get married?

A Nguyen-Nguyen situation

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/pretzelzetzel
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
2 fruits were struggling to get married

I guess they can't elope

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BlackShadow153
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
A man who loved to catch butterflies married the woman of his dreams:

Annette.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 49
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Unfussed
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
TIL that Both Charles Darwin and Albert Einstein married their first cousins.

For both, it’s all relative.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CapnFancyPants
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Playboy are coming out with a new magazine, especially for married men.

Every month it's exactly the same woman.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Why can't melons get married

Because they're can't- elope

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/perrytheboss
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
How can a room full of married people be empty?

Because there’s not a single person there

πŸ‘οΈŽ 80
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kennycrab12
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
If Ina Garten married Danny DeVito her new name would be...

Ina Garten DeVito honey,

Don’t you know that I’m lovin you

Ina Garten DeVito baby,

Don’t you know that I’ll always be true

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/OxfordBombers
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Two bananas married without realising they were from the same tree.

They really split over it. It was a really slippery ordeal and peeled them apart.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Stormbreaker636
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when an older married gay couple make it a rule to go out at least once every 2 weeks?

A man-date mandate

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SusheeMonster
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Two antenna met on a roof and eventually got married

The ceremony wasn’t much but the reception was incredible

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Connor0388
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the two boa constrictors get married?

They had a crush on each other

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BlankPhotos
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Why don't eskimos get married?

Because they always get cold feet

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Jmememan
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I have been happily married now for 3 years

Out of a total of ten

πŸ‘οΈŽ 201
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Two antennas got married...

The ceremony was ok, but the reception was excellent.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 163
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Scoopski-Potatoes
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I’ve never been married.

But I’ve had a few near Mrs.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 30
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/potato_fish12
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I've never been married

But I've had a few near Mrs

πŸ‘οΈŽ 24
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Brillmedal
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Two antennas meet on a rooftop and decided to get married

The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 67
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/soaraf
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I have never been married....

....but, I've had a few near Mrs.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What does an empty room and a room full of married people have in common?

You can’t find a single person in it.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Kenduvo
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the room packed with married people seem empty?

Because there wasn’t a single person there

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MangoAway17
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Two antennas got married

The reception was excellent.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Will7838
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Two antennas got married

The reception was great!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AnGi3103
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Why can’t melons run away & get married?

Because they cantaloupe...

πŸ‘οΈŽ 25
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BillyBob_TX
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
How can a room full of married people be empty?

Because there isn't a single person in the room

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/toolaroola12
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
How can a room of married people be empty?

There's not a single person there

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/sss69sss
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Why don’t melons get married?

Because they cantaloupe.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/marlow05
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 12 2020
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.