I married my wife for her looks

Just not the ones she been giving me lately.

Thanks for the silver ❀️

πŸ‘︎ 14k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Conviction666
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I once knew a girl who married a Chinese.

She had to Chang her last name.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BonsamBesuDMC2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09
🚨︎ report
I've never been married

but I've had a few near Mrs.

πŸ‘︎ 306
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/oh-no-gawdzirra
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to a wedding yesterday where two tv antennas got married

The wedding was horrible but the reception was great

πŸ‘︎ 71
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10
🚨︎ report
The Invisible Man married an invisible woman.

The kids were nothing to look at either.

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/farrukhsshah
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11
🚨︎ report
I must admit that I married your mum for her looks...

But not the one’s she’s been giving me lately

πŸ‘︎ 59
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
10 years ago I married my best friend

Our wives are still mad about it but we were drunk and thought it was funny

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sam_horvacraft
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Why couldn't the confederate soldier stay married?

Because he succeeded from the union

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bagel-X
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
🚨︎ report
Girlfriend wants to get married...

I don't want her to.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04
🚨︎ report
I married my wife because sometimes she does this thing with her mouth, that really pleases me.

Closes it.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11
🚨︎ report
What do you sing when a witch gets married?

Ding! Dong! The witch is wed!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AssCumBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06
🚨︎ report
My friend is married to a sadist. I asked her why she married the guy and she replied...

β€œBeats me”

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CaymanRich
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
2 pebbles washes up on the beach. One says to the other, "Are you married?"

Other replies, "No, I'm shingle."

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Two satellites decided to get married. The wedding wasn't much

But the reception was incredible.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
2 metal workers got married....

It was a beautiful welding.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
What is the only American State that has ever been married?

Mrs. Ippi.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rabid_Badger_83
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Can’t wait for the first married woman to walk on the red planet.

Just so I can ask if there’s wife on Mars.

πŸ‘︎ 58
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vbloke
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Three years ago I married my best friend...

My girlfriend was angry but Dave and I thought it was hilarious!

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/trendfoll
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
A man is incomplete until he’s married.

Then he’s finished.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the melons run away and get married instead of have a big church wedding like their parents wanted?

Because they could elope.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the mother melon say to her daughter when she wanted to run away to get married?

You cantaloupe!

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Albert Einstein married his cousin Elsa

Even his marriage was relative

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/siddharth_pillai
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when two Vietnamese people with common names get married?

A Nguyen-Nguyen situation

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pretzelzetzel
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
2 fruits were struggling to get married

I guess they can't elope

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BlackShadow153
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
A man who loved to catch butterflies married the woman of his dreams:

Annette.

πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Unfussed
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
TIL that Both Charles Darwin and Albert Einstein married their first cousins.

For both, it’s all relative.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CapnFancyPants
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Playboy are coming out with a new magazine, especially for married men.

Every month it's exactly the same woman.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Why can't melons get married

Because they're can't- elope

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/perrytheboss
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
How can a room full of married people be empty?

Because there’s not a single person there

πŸ‘︎ 80
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kennycrab12
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
If Ina Garten married Danny DeVito her new name would be...

Ina Garten DeVito honey,

Don’t you know that I’m lovin you

Ina Garten DeVito baby,

Don’t you know that I’ll always be true

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OxfordBombers
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Two bananas married without realising they were from the same tree.

They really split over it. It was a really slippery ordeal and peeled them apart.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Stormbreaker636
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when an older married gay couple make it a rule to go out at least once every 2 weeks?

A man-date mandate

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SusheeMonster
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Two antenna met on a roof and eventually got married

The ceremony wasn’t much but the reception was incredible

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Connor0388
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the two boa constrictors get married?

They had a crush on each other

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BlankPhotos
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Why don't eskimos get married?

Because they always get cold feet

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jmememan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I have been happily married now for 3 years

Out of a total of ten

πŸ‘︎ 201
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Two antennas got married...

The ceremony was ok, but the reception was excellent.

πŸ‘︎ 163
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Scoopski-Potatoes
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I’ve never been married.

But I’ve had a few near Mrs.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/potato_fish12
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I've never been married

But I've had a few near Mrs

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Brillmedal
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Two antennas meet on a rooftop and decided to get married

The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

πŸ‘︎ 67
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/soaraf
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I have never been married....

....but, I've had a few near Mrs.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What does an empty room and a room full of married people have in common?

You can’t find a single person in it.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kenduvo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the room packed with married people seem empty?

Because there wasn’t a single person there

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MangoAway17
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Two antennas got married

The reception was excellent.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Will7838
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Two antennas got married

The reception was great!

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AnGi3103
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Why can’t melons run away & get married?

Because they cantaloupe...

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BillyBob_TX
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
How can a room full of married people be empty?

Because there isn't a single person in the room

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/toolaroola12
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
How can a room of married people be empty?

There's not a single person there

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sss69sss
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Why don’t melons get married?

Because they cantaloupe.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/marlow05
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
🚨︎ report

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