Hen tie
πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Djhenry2018
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08
🚨︎ report
It's tie
πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Active_Ordinary
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05
🚨︎ report
Hen-Tie
πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tsdottom
πŸ“…︎ May 19
🚨︎ report
πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OkDeath
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22
🚨︎ report
Anyone remember the first Lennox Lewis - Evander Holyfield fight? I heard it was a black tie event.
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/puppylove1000
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21
🚨︎ report
Kids these days don't know how to tie dye properly

I guess you could say it's a dying art.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Youkalicious
πŸ“…︎ May 02
🚨︎ report
Why did the butter knife put on a bow tie?

Because he wanted to look sharp.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/afranc72
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23
🚨︎ report
I have a great business idea but i need someone to help me. I go to the toilet and you tie up bits of string.

I shit you knot

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ExistentialYurt
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24
🚨︎ report
Hen tie
πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pelizsombi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05
🚨︎ report
Son, can you tie this rope into loops while I go to the bathroom?

I shit, you knot.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RevanAndTheSithy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19
🚨︎ report
What do you call a 1000 pound gorilla with a suit and tie and a machine gun?

β€œSir”

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VictorHelios1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22
🚨︎ report
My mom and dad helped me tie my bow tie and I thought it looked cool

A parently knot

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Salmonduck
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I looked rather dapper in my pants, coat and tie, if I don't say so myself!

The clothes suited me.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11
🚨︎ report
how does Hitler tie his shoes?

little knotsies

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/darkrai8908
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
🚨︎ report
How does an ant put on a tie?

With a considerable deal of practice and skill and the correct combination of knots in the tie so it can properly be secured on the neck. It's an ant-tie joke.

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the tie say to the hat?

"You go on ahead, and I'll hang around here."

πŸ‘︎ 228
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aceofdarts68
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2019
🚨︎ report
My annoying coworker asked, "Can I tell you my favorite rope tie?"

I said, "Kenyan knot?"

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wizard7926
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.

The poor man dyed a loan.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
🚨︎ report
A monastery decided to liven up their old clothes by tie-dying them, but the fabric became stiff and uncomfortable. When the Abbott asked a sister to explain, she gave a simple reply:

"Old habits dye hard".

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tqtshesays
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I've been looking for a creative way to tell everyone that I value my personal space. I think I'll just tie hatchets to my legs and kick anyone who gets too close.

Because axe-shins speak louder than words

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Myusernameisfish
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you mindlessly tie a tie?

By knot thinking.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/samwaise
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
If you zip-tie a stick to a ladder the ladder becomes sticky
πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sandy_Paws021415
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fish in a tie?

Sofishticated

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GrantMC80
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you tie up an alien?

With an astroknot!

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bjlind718
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
🚨︎ report
What kind of tie does a pig wear?

A pig's tie

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/whynaut4
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I decided to tie up all the spaghetti together when I was drunk last night.

I ended up skipping dinner.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
🚨︎ report
My son tied his first tie today.

I looked at him and told him "Knot bad son."

πŸ‘︎ 53
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gir971
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2019
🚨︎ report
If I tie my golf partner on the back nine...

...what is the best kind of rope to use?

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/slowshot
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I came home really drunk last night and decided to tie all the spaghetti together when I sat down to eat.

I ended up skipping dinner.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2019
🚨︎ report
You may think the best gifts are given on Mother's Day, but Father's Day is usually a tie.
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Picker-Rick
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I bet the rooster likes chicken bdsm porn ... you know hen tie
πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/IDontGetIt404
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the hat say to the tie?

β€œYou hang around here…I’ll go on a head.”

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Radish00
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
🚨︎ report
At a formal event, roll your tie up into a little bundle just below the knot.

 

 

Then ask someone, "which of the 2 flaps do you think will unravel first?"

 

After they guess, let in unravel and go, "Its a tie!"

 

...continue doing this to every single person you can in the room wearing a shit eating grin the whole time, until your wife pulls you aside and tells you it's time to leave (out of embarrassment and frustration).

 

now you get to go back home and do Dad stuff as you please!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jakjaklivs
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Why does Donkey Kong wear a tie

He has important monkey business to attend to

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lagnaktor
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
🚨︎ report
My son told me that he didn’t need any help to put on his tie.

Fine. Suit yourself

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BadSymmetry
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2019
🚨︎ report
My boss asked me: Why you don't have a tie?

I said: Why knot

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tyyppi_00
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2018
🚨︎ report
The other night I went to a disco that required a tie for entry.

I didn't have one so I tied a set of jumper cables around my neck instead. The doorman looked me up and down warily and begrudgingly said, "Alright you can come in but don't start anything".

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
🚨︎ report
(Not mine) How did Hitler tie his shoes?

In knotzies

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RokuEGGSD
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Cac(tie)
πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tman2405
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2018
🚨︎ report
My friend bought a really expensive tie online, but there is a good chance it’s fake.

I think his ascot ripped off.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I cut a tie in half

And dropped them at the same time which half won?

Neither.

It was a tie.

πŸ‘︎ 69
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bearlegion
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I got an invite to a wedding that said "black tie only" But

when I got there, everyone else was in tuxedos.

πŸ‘︎ 148
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ihasanali
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2018
🚨︎ report
I was in a Tie & Dye tshirt making workshop. I had pun.
πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/enonimosu
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2018
🚨︎ report
So you want to tie two pieces of string together?

I think knot.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GI_gino
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2018
🚨︎ report
How did Hitler tie his boots?

In little Nazis

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tiptonite08
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the tie say to the hat?

You go on ahead, I’ll hang around.

πŸ‘︎ 79
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Robsta68
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2018
🚨︎ report
A comedian bent down to tie his shoe, so I said...

β€œThat joke was kinda reaching”

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you tie up a Martian?

With an astro-knot

πŸ‘︎ 92
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/justakansan
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2018
🚨︎ report
I roll up my tie

Then then underside...

I let them go...

It a TIE!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/quackers2020
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I walked into a bar and heard, β€œGreat tie!”

I looked around but didn't see anyone, then suddenly heard, β€œBeautiful suit!”

Wondering what was going on, I saw the bartender, walked up to him and asked, β€œI heard a voice talking about my suit and tie and that they looked cool, but no one’s around. Dude, what’s up?!”

The bartender smiled, β€œOh yeah, those are the peanuts. They’re complimentary!”

πŸ‘︎ 301
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2017
🚨︎ report
I’m gonna tie this rope in the shape of the letter Y.

Because Y knot.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Heisy123
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2018
🚨︎ report
I tried to tie my shoes with my teeth

I got a little tongue-tied thoug

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ISwearImNotABrony
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2018
🚨︎ report
Lights that are used to help tie shoes?

Lacer beams

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mmrtnt
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2018
🚨︎ report
"Aslan, where are you going with that brief case, and why are you wearing a tie?"

"Narnia business."

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dmomo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2018
🚨︎ report
Why is everyone so obsessed with tie dye mugs recently?

They all keep talking about watching a whirled cup

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/IchWillRingen
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2018
🚨︎ report
Dad: Hold on son, I need to tie my shoes

Son: Why is it taking so long?

Dad: This is no small feat!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/StarsDownLow
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2018
🚨︎ report
If somebody is hanged, why don't we say they were tie died?
πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tananar
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2018
🚨︎ report
How do Germans tie their shoes?

With little knotsies

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jilldcrawford
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2018
🚨︎ report
We had a contest at work for best neckwear. It was a tie.
πŸ‘︎ 140
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nate223
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2016
🚨︎ report
A woman tried to tie a watch around her stomach...

It was a waist of time.

πŸ‘︎ 169
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Aftermath16
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2017
🚨︎ report
Asked my wife which tie looked nicer, the red or the blue

She said it was a tie

πŸ‘︎ 211
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BetterThanOP
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2017
🚨︎ report
Construction of the railroad would fall behind if the tie-truck didn't arrive soon

The workers hoped it would soon so they could get back on track

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2018
🚨︎ report
How do Germans tie their shoelaces?

...in little knotsies.

πŸ‘︎ 577
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πŸ‘€︎ u/women_suck
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2015
🚨︎ report
I used to tie my watches to my belt

Until I realised it was just a waist of time

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NoWuckingFurries
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2018
🚨︎ report
How did Hitler tie his shoes?

Into little Nazis.

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/twells32
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2018
🚨︎ report
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/moses10960
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2017
🚨︎ report
I just saw an air freshener so big, they had to tie it to the top of the car!
πŸ‘︎ 97
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sangemini
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2015
🚨︎ report
I invented a new rope trick where you can tie the rope around nothing.

It's knot a not.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2018
🚨︎ report
Can you tie a piece of string with your mind?

Thought knot...

πŸ‘︎ 102
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LukeRobson
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2015
🚨︎ report
My CVS Receipt Was So Long, I Could Tie It Around My Waist...

It was a waist of paper.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/webguy1975
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2018
🚨︎ report
Enough about me, what do you think of my tie?

https://youtu.be/wMtsM-5qubI

I hope you like my first contribution to /dadjokes :)

πŸ‘︎ 200
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kennydoe
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2015
🚨︎ report
TIL that NASA had to develop a new way to tie the laces on the boots of the space suit

It's called an Astro knot

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/alfrednugent
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2017
🚨︎ report
Why is it a bad idea to tie all your watches into a belt?

Because, it's a waist of time...😎

πŸ‘︎ 119
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Garmana1
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2014
🚨︎ report
Son: Hey dad, do you want a tie dye shirt?

Me: Sure, but why? Son: Then you'll be a Tied Ad.

He is strong in the way of the dad joke.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KindaDutch
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2018
🚨︎ report
How did Hitler tie his shoesies?

In little Nazis.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/alchomist
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2016
🚨︎ report
You know no one ever teaches a shoe lace to tie itself

Yeah I guess you could say they're self taut

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JiberybobX
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2017
🚨︎ report
Why did the girl tie a Noma to the back of her head?

She wanted a punnytail.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/erinoco
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a penguin with a bow tie and a golden oak leaf?

Major Party Fowl

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ziggystarfist
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you use to tie a macaroni necklace together with?

String cheese.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/stinkpicklez
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2017
🚨︎ report
The punch line might tie in perfectly with the joke...

or it might knot.

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Litingphires
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2014
🚨︎ report
The Queen gives out OBEs to everyone now so this evening I'll be busy, I'm going to tie a rope to her and drag her behind my car...

I'm pulling an all-knighter.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BeardFM
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2016
🚨︎ report
What's a pilot's favorite tie?

A boeing

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kenreal
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2016
🚨︎ report
Why did Johnny Cash hire a man to make him tie dye shirts?

Just to watch him dye.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zoolilba
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2016
🚨︎ report
How did Hitler tie his shoes?

In knotsies.

πŸ‘︎ 62
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/backrowtheater
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the tie say to the hat?

You go on ahead and I'll hang around

πŸ‘︎ 94
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the tie say to the hat?

"You go on ahead, I'll hang around here"

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MightyMoist
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2018
🚨︎ report
How did Hitler tie his shoes?

In little Nazis...

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fellers85
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2018
🚨︎ report

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