What did the tie say to the hat?

You go on ahead, I’ll just hang around for a bit.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lucas_sc94
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
I didn't tie the knot till I was 38

I am hopeless with shoelaces.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
So, I was in a coffee shop drinking tea, and when I reached down to tie my shoe, my tea was gone!

I saw this guy with the same cup as me and chased him down the street. Finally caught up with him and realized...that’s not my cup of tea

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AwwwwwwYeahhhhhhh
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
A man wearing a tie fastner walks into the bar.

The barman says, "We don't like your tie pin here. "

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fish wearing a tie

Sofishticated

πŸ‘︎ 177
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/harvest86
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
i once attended a black-tie affair in flip-flops

it was quite the sandal.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/berninicaco3
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know sheep can tie up trees?

But I wood knot do that if I were ewe.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/transviolets
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife, Ming, told me, "You would look more professional without that funny bow tie." I have to wear it though. I explained to her, "My jokes aren't funny without...

my comedic tie, Ming."

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Have you ever seen me tie my shoelaces with my mind?

I thought knot.

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a cat in a Tie Fighter?

An Im-purr-ial pilot

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sprinbok-Gaming
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
🚨︎ report
A Pad-Tie.
πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/onemohrtime
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Hen tie
πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Djhenry2018
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Hen-Tie
πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tsdottom
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
🚨︎ report
πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OkDeath
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you do when a nintendo game ends in a tie?

You ask for a wiimatch.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fabulousump
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Went to Nordstrom’s to pick up a new tie for my sisters wedding. I was shocked to find that they only had two left.

Both were very nice but I couldn’t decide which I liked more.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dogsarmy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Someone wanted to fight about whether I was wearing a neck-tie or a cravat.

I don’t know who was right, either way my ascot kicked.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/joeocal
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
🚨︎ report
My kid thought I should be impressed that she made a zero out of a twist tie.

I told her she’s 7, she should know that means nothing.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ballatik
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Man looks everywhere for his colourful tie when his wife tells him "I'm afraid you can't wear it anymore". "Why?"

Tie died.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dinzll
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Anyone remember the first Lennox Lewis - Evander Holyfield fight? I heard it was a black tie event.
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/puppylove1000
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I have a great business idea but i need someone to help me. I go to the toilet and you tie up bits of string.

I shit you knot

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ExistentialYurt
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Hen tie
πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pelizsombi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Do You know how to tie the knot in space?

I'm floating away very quickly.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/camocase
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Kids these days don't know how to tie dye properly

I guess you could say it's a dying art.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Youkalicious
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the butter knife put on a bow tie?

Because he wanted to look sharp.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/afranc72
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a 1000 pound gorilla with a suit and tie and a machine gun?

β€œSir”

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VictorHelios1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Son, can you tie this rope into loops while I go to the bathroom?

I shit, you knot.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RevanAndTheSithy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2020
🚨︎ report
how does Hitler tie his shoes?

little knotsies

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/darkrai8908
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
🚨︎ report
How does an ant put on a tie?

With a considerable deal of practice and skill and the correct combination of knots in the tie so it can properly be secured on the neck. It's an ant-tie joke.

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I looked rather dapper in my pants, coat and tie, if I don't say so myself!

The clothes suited me.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2020
🚨︎ report
So the wife made me shred my favorite colored t-shirt, I named him Tie

I unfortunately had to tell the kids "Tie-Dyed"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Buttbits
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2020
🚨︎ report
My annoying coworker asked, "Can I tell you my favorite rope tie?"

I said, "Kenyan knot?"

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wizard7926
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you mindlessly tie a tie?

By knot thinking.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/samwaise
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
If you zip-tie a stick to a ladder the ladder becomes sticky
πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sandy_Paws021415
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2019
🚨︎ report
A monastery decided to liven up their old clothes by tie-dying them, but the fabric became stiff and uncomfortable. When the Abbott asked a sister to explain, she gave a simple reply:

"Old habits dye hard".

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tqtshesays
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.

The poor man dyed a loan.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you tie up an alien?

With an astroknot!

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bjlind718
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
🚨︎ report
My son tied his first tie today.

I looked at him and told him "Knot bad son."

πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gir971
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2019
🚨︎ report
What kind of tie does a pig wear?

A pig's tie

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/whynaut4
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
🚨︎ report
You may think the best gifts are given on Mother's Day, but Father's Day is usually a tie.
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Picker-Rick
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a Nazi who loves to tie knots and always says, "Nein!".

A Naughty Nazi.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tacosnarf
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Cac(tie)
πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tman2405
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the tie say to the hat?

"You go on ahead, and I'll hang around here."

πŸ‘︎ 225
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aceofdarts68
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fish in a tie?

Sofishticated

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GrantMC80
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
🚨︎ report
My boss asked me: Why you don't have a tie?

I said: Why knot

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tyyppi_00
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2018
🚨︎ report
How did Hitler tie his shoes?

In knotsies.

πŸ‘︎ 57
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/backrowtheater
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2019
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.