I caught my son chewing on electrical cords.

So I had to ground him. He’s doing better currently, and now conducting himself properly.

πŸ‘︎ 19k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlabamaMayan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
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My son kept chewing on electrical cords...

I had to ground him. He’s doing better currently. He’s even conducting himself better. I don’t know watt got into him.

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dohpaz42
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
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I caught my daughter chewing on electrical cords.

So I had to ground her.

She's doing better currently, and now conducting herself properly.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Texgymratdad
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
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What cord is this?
πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SlovenianGregor
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
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Scientists have invented artificial vocal cords.

The result speaks for itself.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/danielsoft1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2020
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Some scientists were able to recreate human vocal cords in a petri dish...

The results pretty much speak for themselves...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Squidboy2002
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2019
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Cords
πŸ‘︎ 62
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ToxianLeader
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
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xxxTension Cord
πŸ‘︎ 75
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hamees007
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2019
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I miss my umbilical cord.. /r/Jokes/comments/edho39/…
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mr_reddit95
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Scientists have grown human vocal cords in a Petri dish.

The results speak for themselves.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aca6825
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
In the delivery room, doctor asks dad to cut the cord.

Dad looks at his newborn and says, "You heard the doc, you've got 30 days to find a job and move out."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spicy_aquatic
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2019
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My wife took my vocal cords

She left me absolutely speechless

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigboi360420
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2019
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Did you hear about the man who had his vocal cords removed?

It left him speechless

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πŸ‘€︎ u/imnotanugga
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2019
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Why did the spinal cord not want to sing in front of an audience?

It was nervous.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/P1NEAPPLE5
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2019
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My spinal cord was going to try stand up

but it got nervous.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sloanautomatic
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
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I love the fleeting second of shock you get when you stumble over an extension cord.

Seriously, what a power trip.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JediWithBenefits
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2018
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A friend asked me for help to mount his self-portrait on the wall the other day, so I went and bought him all the twisted cord that I could find...

β€œWhat’s all this for?” he asked...

β€œWell” I replied, β€œI’ve heard that if you give a man enough rope, he will hang himself”.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dens382
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2018
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Did you know it's illegal for the president to use an extension cord?

That'd be an overreach of his power.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kasegauner
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2018
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I often imagine the third letter in the alphabet as an inelastic cord.

It's a tendon C I have.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2018
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Scientists have recently engineered a new species of frog that have become immortal after removing their vocal cords

They can’t croak.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hidoshigo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2018
🚨︎ report
Hey dad, can you wind this cord up for me?

Dad: stupid, worthless good-for-nothing cord should be ashamed of yourself

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2018
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Did you hear about the rooster who had surgery on his vocal cords?

He's cockadoodledoing alright now

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ash92596
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2017
🚨︎ report
Scientists have grown working vocal cords in the lab.

The results speak for themselves.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/edhere
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2017
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I'll bet you thought this would be a joke about a straight cord.

I'm a frayed knot

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πŸ‘€︎ u/therealtechnird
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2017
🚨︎ report
Boss pulled a fridge cord out the other day

Was working on a high end home, just trying to hide a wire that went out to a wine cooler, and my boss accidentally pulls the cord out and says,

"Sorry fridge!"

Without skipping a beat, I reply,

"Don't worry, it's cool!"

I'm no dad, but he is, and he thought it was hilarious, and that he would tell his wife that one later.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2016
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Customer contemplates buying a cord and then says:

"Don't know if it'll work but might as well take a shot. Lincoln did."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr-Ultimate
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2016
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My friend got stabbed in the spinal cord with a set of keys!

he said his back locked up

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheBeerded
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2013
🚨︎ report
My nephew was playing with a corded telephone and walked so far the cord was stretched out. Enter my brother-in-law

"What are you doing? Making a long distance call?"


He was so proud of the joke he called me in as the only other person who would appreciate it.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JohnFoxpoint
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2015
🚨︎ report
I caught my son chewing on electrical cords.

So I had to ground him. He's doing better currently, and conducting himself properly.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/geek_fest
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I caught my kid chewing on the electrical cords

So I had to ground him He’s doing better currently And conducting himself properly...

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spartan-Yeet
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
My son kept chewing on electrical cords so I had to ground him..

He's doing better currently and conducting himself properly.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/champion-13
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
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My son kept chewing on the electrical cords so I had to ground him...

He’s doing better currently and conducting himself properly.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Evadguitar
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
🚨︎ report
My son kept chewing on electrical cords, so I had to ground him.

He’s doing better currently, and conducting himself properly

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lvrcerosis
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
My son kept chewing on electrical cords.

So I had to ground him. He’s doing better currently and he’s conducting himself properly.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PaintingViking
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I caught my son chewing on electrical cords,

so I had to ground him.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
🚨︎ report

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