Woman turned down the marriage proposal of a gardener. She wasn't ready to shear her life with him.
There are 2 unwritten rules for a successful marriage.
There are 3 rings in a failed marriage:
Engagement ring
Wedding ring
And suffering...
A husband and wife were at a marriage counselor. The wife complained, "he only talks about Star Wars! I've had it. I'm leaving him!" The counselor turned to the husband: "well?"
The husband looked at his wife and said, "divorce is strong with this one."
My time in the Boy Scouts really made me a supporter of gay marriage
It’s where I learned you can tie the knot in different ways
Define Marriage....
It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelors degree and a woman gets her masters.
Nate's mother asked him to delay the marriage by an year...
she wanted his fiance to mari_nate.
After 30 years of marriage, I can both proudly and firmly declare that I still wear the pants in my family...
My wife just tells me which ones to wear.
My wife said last night "You treat our marriage like it's some sort of game"
Which unfortunately cost her 12 points and a bonus chance
Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage and values.
Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?"
Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name"!
Thanks to our mutual dislike of newspaper puzzles, my wife and I have enjoyed a long and happy marriage. Thirty years and...
Therapist: It seems like you have an acute phobia of marriage. Do you understand the symptoms?
Man: Can’t say that I do.
Therapist: Exactly. That’s the main one.
A couple is in marriage counseling and the wife tells the therapist that the husband never buys her flowers...
The husband says that he didn’t know she sold flowers
My English grammar teacher was having some marriage problems and it was really getting to him, so the whole class joined in to buy him a gift
After we bought him a simple present, he was past tense
My 4 day work week is like my 21 year marriage
Why do less marriages take place in winter
Because most of the brides get cold feet.
What's the difference between a 10 yr job and a 10 yr marriage?
The job still sucks after 10 years
My parents used my Uber to go and file the application ending their marriage.
I gave the driver one star. He drove my parents to divorce.
Marriage is like a card game.
At first, you have two Hearts and a Diamond, but at the end, you'll want a Club and a Spade.
Thought you'd appreciate my dadjoke marriage proposal
Back when i got engaged in 2009, my now-wife and i went for a picnic. I had the engagement ring wrapped in tinfoil in the picnic bag.
When we were done eating, i took it out but didn't unwrap it, and then i sneakily dialed her cell number. This was a bit we would do every now and then (call each other in the same room) so it wasn't that unusual.
She picks up the phone and says, "oh hello, why are you calling?"
To which i respond,
"Oh i just felt like...
[Unwraps tinfoil]
Giving you a ring"
Is it the position of the full stop or going to prison is better than marriage?
Did you know the letter “H” in marriage represents happiness?
Marriage is like a deck of cards
It starts with Hearts and Diamonds and ends with a Club and a Spade
I used to own 3 ski lodges, one in the Alps, one in Aspen and one in France. When I got divorced the first 2 times, my exes each got a lodge as part of the settlement. The third marriage, I decided I needed a prenuptial agreement to cover my assets. It was all I could do!
It's my last resort!
Edit: changed "it was" to "it's"
My marriage is slowly turning into a melon farm.
I keep hearing Honeydew this, Honeydew that.
My wife said that videogames were ruining our marriage
What fruit always has a traditional marriage?
I had a marriage counselling session with my wife and we were prescribed Marital Arts classes, after which our relation became more violent...
I'm starting to think the therapist didn't make a spelling mistake.
My wife just said that in order for our marriage to work, we both need to make sacrifices.
I’m thinking of choosing a goat.
A young man was in love with two women and could not decide which of them to marry. Finally he went to a marriage counselor. When asked to describe his two loves, he noted that one was a great poet and the other made delicious pancakes...
"Oh." said the counselor. "I see what the problem is. You can't decide whether to marry for batter or verse."
Marriage is grand!
But a divorce is 10 grand
I made this cake for my stats teacher who got engaged. Our class is confident the marriage will be for a lifelong interval.
The therapist asked my wife why she wanted to end our marriage. She said she hated all the constant Star Wars puns. I look at the therapist and said, "Divorce is strong with this one!"
My wife asked me: "Why have you been reading our marriage certificate for an hour?"
I'm looking for the expiration date.
Marriage isn’t just a word. It’s a sentence.
They say marriage is like a workshop.
Where the man works and the women shops.
Why is gay marriage an issue?
Some people are fucking assholes!
After making out with my clone, I kept talking about how in my day, we didn't have sex until marriage.
There I go dating myself again.
My wife always said she believes in abstaining from sex before marriage...
The way things are going, I now think she meant her second marriage.
Marriage
Marriage is a 3 ring circus, fist comes the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, after that comes the suffering.
Therapist: You have acute marriage phobia. Do you understand the symptoms?
Me: I can’t say that I do.
Therapist: Exactly. That’s the main one.
There are 3 rings in marriage
Engagement ring
Wedding ring
Suffering
Marriage, it had a nice ring to it.
Marriage Counselor: Your wife says you never buy her flowers
I didnt know she sold flowers
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