My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.

So I have an uncle, once removed.

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
If a father in Iraq gifts his daughter a new bag, what will she say?

Thanks for the Baghdad!

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alpha_Supreme
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
A small boy went to sex ed class and then asked his father

is this a dad joke? No, son, its not. he replied. Can we stop it with all the sex jokes please? they aren't dad jokes and probably belong in plain old /r/jokes.

Sorry for the anti joke here, but its really getting old.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IGotSkills
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02
🚨︎ report
What did the father say to his trans girl child?

"You're no son of mine"

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DottComm2863
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07
🚨︎ report
What does a baby computer call its father?

Data

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fitzgerald1337
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend who is a panda makes a terrible father

Because all he does is eats, shoots and leaves

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/adam14brfc
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13
🚨︎ report
My father-in-law fell into a giant vat of sliced cabbage.

Now he's my father-in-slaw.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dudecancode
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
A father hands a burger to his son before vanishing

Before he leaves, the father says, β€œIt’s a bison burger”

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09
🚨︎ report
What did the father buffalo say to his son when he left to school ?

Bison

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedMusical
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What do Father Christmas's little helpers learn at school ?

The elf-abet

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vivaan765
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
🚨︎ report
To all you fathers, Merry Christmas and...

Feliz Navi Dad Joke!

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/weirdgroovynerd
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
🚨︎ report
[an actual conversation I had with my beer loving father]

Me: "Hey dad, hypothetically, if the world suddenly ran out of beer, what would you do?"

Dad: "I'd probably swap to pandas."

Me: "Is ... is that like a type of cider?"

Dad: "No, it's a black and white animal."

Me: "Dad? There aren't any pandas in New Zealand?"

Dad: "Well, there's no bears either."

πŸ‘︎ 458
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yupitsnoone
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
One of my fathers last wishes was to have his ashes pressed into a record....

It was his vinyl request.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
My father told me about an astronaut who suffocated because he left a vacuum upside down in an airlock

Father: What a horrible way to Dyson

Joke sucked, I know

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GeneraLi525
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I met a woman once at a party celebrating my father's 50th birthday.

We got to talking and I found out she worked as a stunt double on some pretty big name movie sets. She looked to be at least 10 years my senior but very fit and attractive and we both seemed to really be hitting it off.

Because all the immediate family in the local area had thrown a smaller, more private celebration for my father a few days prior, I didn't really feel a need to stick around any longer, so I asked the woman if she was interested in sharing some drinks with me at the nearby Hilton where I was staying. She happily accepted.

Suddenly, I turned towards the sound of my father's voice cheerfully calling out the name "Andra" (pronounced ON-druh) and my own as he approached. Andra, the woman I had been speaking with, turned towards him, glanced quickly back at me, then looked back again at my father and with a disconcerted look on her face exclaimed, "Oh brother!"

And that's when I realized the double, Aunt Andra.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/A__Wild__Goose
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
🚨︎ report
If Father Christmas played soccer, what position would he play ?

Santa forward.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know Father Time is actually really good at boxing?

Yeah, he can clock you a good one.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
To all of you who have been disowned by fathers. In honor of pride month and on behalf of all dads of R/dadjokes I just wanna say, buffalo.

Because you can always be our bi-son, and even if you don't feel like shooting straight, we will always be trans-parent with you. You are loved.

πŸ‘︎ 19k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fartingpinetree
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I became a father today, but no dad jokes are coming to me. I’m pretty bummed.

Luckily the neighbor hit me with a few good jokes as we got home! Cheered me right up!

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Po1sonator
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
🚨︎ report
My grand father always said "fight Fire with Fire".

He was a great man but a terrible Fireman

πŸ‘︎ 321
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πŸ‘€︎ u/harshamfk
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
"Ivanka... I am your father."

-Taxi Vader

πŸ‘︎ 422
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πŸ‘€︎ u/le672
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
As a transgender father, my son always complains that he can’t see me

Because am transparent

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ssigea
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a father that has changed gender and is slightly invisible?

Trans-parent

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/manpatpost
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I can now legally tell dad jokes so heres my favorite. What did the father buffalo say to his kid when he left for college?

Bi son!

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Samfeegan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
He has a one track mind. Mark Twain is his father.

His name is.....

Choo choo Twain!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RamSamG
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
A woman is at her deceased father's funeral.

The man sitting next to her asks, "Do you mind if I say a word?" "Absolutely", she responds. So the man walks up to the podium and clears his throat. "Plethora" he says. Then he comes and sits back down. "Thank you", the woman says. "That means a lot."

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kriskidd21
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I learned my jokes from my dad, who learned them from his father before him.

You could say I was grandfathered in.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LikeMatt
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
If you tell a dad joke without being a father...

Would that be considered a faux Pa?

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yelkyelk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
My father and I were leaving our hotel room in Iraq and he almost forgot his suitcase.

I said don’t forget your Baghdad.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/junior_bqx2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
*This is a literal Dad Joke my father used to tell when I was a kid about 30 years ago. He's almost 80 now and it still makes him laugh.* - So, there was this man named James Fart. Everybody made fun of him since he was very young. "James Fart! James Fart" the bullies used to make him cry...

He came of age among this suffering and at 21 was finally able to legally change his name. He arrived at the government office where he presented himself:

-I'm James Fart and I want to legally change my name!

Of course they laughed at him (everybody did) but eventually they all settled and came around to the situation.

-Ok, so... your current name is.. Β·chucklesΒ· James Fart... I'm sorry, I just...

-I know, everybody has been laughing at my name since as long as I can remember.

After a long and tedious process, everything is ready.

-Very well, sorry for the delays but you know how hard this protocols are. The good news: you are no longer "James Fart", what name do you want instead?

-Charles Fart.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gone11gone11
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the father ant said to his son when they moved to france from america?

Son, we are now Europeants!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoOne77492
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.

He didn’t want to make a spectacle.

πŸ‘︎ 273
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the vegetable never meet his father?

Because he had a dead beet dad.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wmd1234
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
My father was in the army...

And I remember he used to be stationed in exotic places all over the world. Once he came back home with a very exotic looking bird. I asked him what kind of a bird it was and he told me it’s a rare almost extinct species called a Foux (pronounced Foo). This foux was the apple of his eye and he would take care of the bird as if it was his own child. Sometime during this period the Foux began developing a real bad case of constipation and my father was really worried about it. He tried all kinds of medicines to make the Foux pass it’s bowels, but nothing was working. One day, during this period, I woke up to a huge argument taking place between my parents. My mom was accusing him of cheating on her during one of his tours, she had found some pictures of him and another woman and he was denying it vehemently. I realized then that my father had been quite the philanderer and this wasn’t the first time he had been caught. My mom was trying to get him to just admit to his indiscretion.

β€œWhy don’t you just admit it Harry”, she said;

but he stuck to his denial,

β€œYou think I could ever do something like this Sarah”, he said.

Right then amidst all this ruckus, the Foux began to take a dump, in the middle of the living room.

My mom looked at the bird, then looked back at my dad and with a sense of resignation she just said β€œWell if the Foux shits...”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RangaRedRascal
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What did E.T.'s father say to him when he got home?

Where on Earth have you been?

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/90eight
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
My father and were in the car and drove passed a cemetery.

Dad: How many dead people are in there?

Me: I have no idea

Dad: Hopefully all of them are.

Lame, I know, but this actually happened to me when I was 12

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pork85
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
How can you tell that a zombie used to be a father?

By his dead bod

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMordorlorian
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Leia: β€œYears ago you served my father in the Clone Wars...”

Dad: β€œWas her father a turkey?”

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JiminyKirket
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
If a highly skilled bird lands on your father’s sweater...

That’s a pro sparrow on your fleecy dad. Looking forward to a happy 2021!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a father or a mother who's kid looks a lot like them ?

Apparent

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PhantomD3vil
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
You have your mother in law, father in law, son in law doughter in law but your wife is

The law

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I just found out how Kim Jong Un's father died.

Kim Jong Ill

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chanzy94
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
🚨︎ report
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.

So, I have an uncle once removed.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
How can you tell a good father?

By the quality of his dad jokes....

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RasberryOnline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
What does a baby computer call its father?

Data

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thishotleafjuice
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report

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