When I was a kid, my parents would always say, β€œExcuse my French” after a swear word...

I’ll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any French...

πŸ‘︎ 93
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
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Those parents must be nuts
πŸ‘︎ 389
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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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I've always had a difficult relationship with my parents.

When I was first born, I didn't speak to them for 2 years.

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01
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When I was 15, my parents told me that I was adopted....

......And I'd be meeting my new parents that afternoon.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01
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You know you've failed as a parent....

....when you let your 14 year old daughter smoke at the table, infront of her kids.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04
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When I was a kid, my parents used to make me walk the plank.

We couldn't afford a dog.

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
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As a child, I wanted to be an astronaut but my parents didn't allow it.

They said the sky is the limit.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrPantaleon
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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How much did it cost HYDRA to kill Tony Stark’s parents?

One Buck.

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2020
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Why does a baseball bat have no parents?

Because it's just a Bat, man!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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Why did the melons run away and get married instead of have a big church wedding like their parents wanted?

Because they could elope.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
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Big Foot has been spotted throwing tantrums and talking back to his parents.

No wonder they call him the Sassquatch.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iwndlsoqjsjdnwkqk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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Whom does Asian parents love more than A honorable child ?

A+ Honorable child

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xplodingotaku
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
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why do children have trouble looking at their parents after a gender change?

Because parents become Trans-parent

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shrinivas2098
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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I called my parents and told them not to worry, but I'm in the hospital.

They told me "You're the doctor and this wasn't funny the first time".

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
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Having one child makes you a parent...

Having two you are a referee

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfortaco
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
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I was at my parents house over the weekend. As a joke, I swapped all the labels around on their herbs and spices.

They haven’t noticed yet... but the thyme is cumin.

πŸ‘︎ 72
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πŸ‘€︎ u/viky_boy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
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Parents:Your brother wanna major in chemistry. Me: BrO
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/soliivagant
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
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When I was young, my parents used to buy all my sports gear but now that I’m an adult I figured I should splurge and buy myself a nice hockey stick. When I went looking at the store I realized that my parents would only buy me low quality, inexpensive sticks to save money.

Cheapskates!........cheap helmets, cheap gloves...

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/deathorcharcoal
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
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I crack bad jokes about having to borrow my parents old clothes because my job doesn't pay well...

What can I say? I've got my father's jeans.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cumdaddy01
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
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How do astronaut parents soothe their baby to sleep?

They rocket.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fordskis
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
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I was recording my wife’s speech at her parents’ 50th wedding anniversary, but my battery died halfway through.

Now I’ll never hear the end of it.

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
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What was the first thing Sinatra said to his parents when he was born?

Let me be Frank

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ursamajor73
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
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Having gay parents must be horrible

You either get twice the amount of dad jokes or you get stuck in an infinite loop of "go ask your mom."

Edit: On another Sub someone called me a homophobe. I want to say I'm not a homophobe it was simply a light hearted joke. I'm gay myself and wouldn't want to create hate or controversy. So sorry if I offended anyone.

Edit 2: Thanks for giving me my first award.

Edit 3: if you have heard it else where then fine Like this one guy in the comments said "I’ve seen it a few times but no doubt many people haven’t. No reason a good joke can’t be posted bc someone’s posted it in the past."

Edit 4: making too many edits but thanks for the gold kind stranger (And all of them means alot)

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SergeantSolar
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
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The parents that started the wildfire with their gender reveal party announced what they will name their baby.

Bernie.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stefan715
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
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How do you know Rin Tin Tin's parents were Chinese?

Because they were Ma 'n' Da Rin.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xholdsteadyx
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
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I need to move out of my parent's house

Their wifi password is " our40yrsoldbaby", i mean come on I'm 45.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
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I often wish I'd been adopted by gay parents.

So I could have twice as many dad jokes.

πŸ‘︎ 80
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dilborg
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
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A girl potato told her parents she was marrying Tom Brokaw, but they forbid it because...

He was just a common-tater.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
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When I was little my parents always have me alphabet soup claiming that I liked it but they were just...

...putting words in my mouth

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
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How does a baker with siblings for parents describe his occupation?

β€œI’m in bread”

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/billbrasky43
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
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It was around Christmas and I had bought gifts for everyone except my parents.

I had no idea what to get them. But after a long brainstorming I finally decided to get the a new fridge.

It's was actually so satisfying to see their faces lit up as they opened it.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_joshi_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
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I went to my parents house for dinner and when I walked through the front door my mom asks,"Are you hungry?"

So I told Her,"No.I'm half German and half Irish."

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
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I feel bad for children of gay parents

They either suffer twice as many dad jokes or an endless cycle of β€œask your mother”.

πŸ‘︎ 98
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
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Little known fact: Bruce Wayne's parents owned a baseball team.

It's true, before he was the batman, Bruce was the bat boy!

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/breakone9r
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
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Martha had always listened to her parents when they said β€˜stay away from fire’, but today, her interests got the best of her and she intentionally lit herself on fire just to see what it felt like.

Martha was burning with curiosity

πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/husbus
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
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For years, my parents sent me to a child psychologist

That kid didn’t help me at all.

πŸ‘︎ 174
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ventanaman
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
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Why were margarine's parents disappointed in her?

They had raised her butter.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShanShen
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
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I boasted to my son, "Did you know scientists discovered that the brains of male parents irreversibly change after their first child was born?" He rolled his eyes and ignored me, but I carried on...

"They become brain-dad!"

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
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My parents would always feed me alphabet soup when I was younger and they’d insist that I liked it

But I didn’t! All they were doing was putting words in my mouth!

πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ‘€︎ u/onemangang15
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
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Simon is in the school play and invites his parents, who don't think he'll be very good.

Halfway through the play, a floorboard breaks underneath Simon and he falls through. 'Don't worry' Simon's dad whispers to his mum 'it's just a stage he's going through!'

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
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Son: "Hey Dad, Happy 25th Anniversary. Jeez! Almost all my friend's parents are divorced. What did you have to do to stay married for this long?"

Dad: "Keep mum."

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ball5deeper
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
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Some children treat their parents like god.

They acts like they don’t exist until they want something.

πŸ‘︎ 68
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2020
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I got home from work and sat down for dinner with my parents. "Wow, haddock for dinner?"

Dad responds "So I take it you haddock-good day?"

(Note: This actually happened today.)

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Umikaloo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
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Jesus was an automobile enthusiast and had a car he really loved. Everytime Jesus went to visit his parents, he would return with his car sporting a new colour

His father was a Carpainter

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AccidentalPundit
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
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Having a child makes you a parent.

Having two, makes you a referee.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
When I was a kid, my parents would always say "Excuse my french" after a swear word.

I'll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any French

πŸ‘︎ 678
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
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When I was little, my parents always fed me alphabet soup, claiming that I liked it, but they were just...

...putting words in my mouth.

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
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When I was a kid, my parents would always say, β€œExcuse my French” after a swear word...

I’ll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any French...

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
🚨︎ report

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