When I was a kid, my parents would always say, “Excuse my French” after a swear word...
I’ll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any French...
Those parents must be nuts
I've always had a difficult relationship with my parents.
When I was first born, I didn't speak to them for 2 years.
When I was 15, my parents told me that I was adopted....
......And I'd be meeting my new parents that afternoon.
You know you've failed as a parent....
....when you let your 14 year old daughter smoke at the table, infront of her kids.
When I was a kid, my parents used to make me walk the plank.
We couldn't afford a dog.
As a child, I wanted to be an astronaut but my parents didn't allow it.
They said the sky is the limit.
How much did it cost HYDRA to kill Tony Stark’s parents?
Why does a baseball bat have no parents?
Because it's just a Bat, man!
Why did the melons run away and get married instead of have a big church wedding like their parents wanted?
Because they could elope.
Big Foot has been spotted throwing tantrums and talking back to his parents.
No wonder they call him the Sassquatch.
Whom does Asian parents love more than A honorable child ?
why do children have trouble looking at their parents after a gender change?
Because parents become Trans-parent
I called my parents and told them not to worry, but I'm in the hospital.
They told me "You're the doctor and this wasn't funny the first time".
Having one child makes you a parent...
Having two you are a referee
I was at my parents house over the weekend. As a joke, I swapped all the labels around on their herbs and spices.
They haven’t noticed yet... but the thyme is cumin.
Parents:Your brother wanna major in chemistry. Me: BrO
When I was young, my parents used to buy all my sports gear but now that I’m an adult I figured I should splurge and buy myself a nice hockey stick. When I went looking at the store I realized that my parents would only buy me low quality, inexpensive sticks to save money.
Cheapskates!........cheap helmets, cheap gloves...
I crack bad jokes about having to borrow my parents old clothes because my job doesn't pay well...
What can I say? I've got my father's jeans.
How do astronaut parents soothe their baby to sleep?
I was recording my wife’s speech at her parents’ 50th wedding anniversary, but my battery died halfway through.
Now I’ll never hear the end of it.
What was the first thing Sinatra said to his parents when he was born?
Having gay parents must be horrible
You either get twice the amount of dad jokes or you get stuck in an infinite loop of "go ask your mom."
Edit: On another Sub someone called me a homophobe. I want to say I'm not a homophobe it was simply a light hearted joke. I'm gay myself and wouldn't want to create hate or controversy. So sorry if I offended anyone.
Edit 2: Thanks for giving me my first award.
Edit 3: if you have heard it else where then fine Like this one guy in the comments said "I’ve seen it a few times but no doubt many people haven’t. No reason a good joke can’t be posted bc someone’s posted it in the past."
Edit 4: making too many edits but thanks for the gold kind stranger (And all of them means alot)
The parents that started the wildfire with their gender reveal party announced what they will name their baby.
How do you know Rin Tin Tin's parents were Chinese?
Because they were Ma 'n' Da Rin.
I need to move out of my parent's house
Their wifi password is " our40yrsoldbaby", i mean come on I'm 45.
I often wish I'd been adopted by gay parents.
So I could have twice as many dad jokes.
A girl potato told her parents she was marrying Tom Brokaw, but they forbid it because...
He was just a common-tater.
When I was little my parents always have me alphabet soup claiming that I liked it but they were just...
...putting words in my mouth
How does a baker with siblings for parents describe his occupation?
It was around Christmas and I had bought gifts for everyone except my parents.
I had no idea what to get them. But after a long brainstorming I finally decided to get the a new fridge.
It's was actually so satisfying to see their faces lit up as they opened it.
I went to my parents house for dinner and when I walked through the front door my mom asks,"Are you hungry?"
So I told Her,"No.I'm half German and half Irish."
I feel bad for children of gay parents
They either suffer twice as many dad jokes or an endless cycle of “ask your mother”.
Little known fact: Bruce Wayne's parents owned a baseball team.
It's true, before he was the batman, Bruce was the bat boy!
Martha had always listened to her parents when they said ‘stay away from fire’, but today, her interests got the best of her and she intentionally lit herself on fire just to see what it felt like.
Martha was burning with curiosity
For years, my parents sent me to a child psychologist
That kid didn’t help me at all.
Why were margarine's parents disappointed in her?
They had raised her butter.
I boasted to my son, "Did you know scientists discovered that the brains of male parents irreversibly change after their first child was born?" He rolled his eyes and ignored me, but I carried on...
My parents would always feed me alphabet soup when I was younger and they’d insist that I liked it
But I didn’t! All they were doing was putting words in my mouth!
Simon is in the school play and invites his parents, who don't think he'll be very good.
Halfway through the play, a floorboard breaks underneath Simon and he falls through. 'Don't worry' Simon's dad whispers to his mum 'it's just a stage he's going through!'
Son: "Hey Dad, Happy 25th Anniversary. Jeez! Almost all my friend's parents are divorced. What did you have to do to stay married for this long?"
Some children treat their parents like god.
They acts like they don’t exist until they want something.
I got home from work and sat down for dinner with my parents. "Wow, haddock for dinner?"
Dad responds "So I take it you haddock-good day?"
(Note: This actually happened today.)
Jesus was an automobile enthusiast and had a car he really loved. Everytime Jesus went to visit his parents, he would return with his car sporting a new colour
His father was a Carpainter
Having a child makes you a parent.
Having two, makes you a referee.
When I was a kid, my parents would always say "Excuse my french" after a swear word.
I'll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any French
When I was little, my parents always fed me alphabet soup, claiming that I liked it, but they were just...
...putting words in my mouth.
When I was a kid, my parents would always say, “Excuse my French” after a swear word...
I’ll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any French...
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