When I was a kid, my parents would always say, βExcuse my Frenchβ after a swear word...
Iβll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any French...
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︎ Dec 30 2020
Those parents must be nuts
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︎ Nov 25 2020
I've always had a difficult relationship with my parents.
When I was first born, I didn't speak to them for 2 years.
When I was 15, my parents told me that I was adopted....
......And I'd be meeting my new parents that afternoon.
You know you've failed as a parent....
....when you let your 14 year old daughter smoke at the table, infront of her kids.
When I was a kid, my parents used to make me walk the plank.
We couldn't afford a dog.
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︎ Dec 22 2020
As a child, I wanted to be an astronaut but my parents didn't allow it.
They said the sky is the limit.
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︎ Dec 11 2020
How much did it cost HYDRA to kill Tony Starkβs parents?
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︎ Jul 03 2020
Why does a baseball bat have no parents?
Because it's just a Bat, man!
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︎ Nov 20 2020
Why did the melons run away and get married instead of have a big church wedding like their parents wanted?
Because they could elope.
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︎ Dec 10 2020
Big Foot has been spotted throwing tantrums and talking back to his parents.
No wonder they call him the Sassquatch.
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︎ Nov 28 2020
Whom does Asian parents love more than A honorable child ?
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︎ Dec 09 2020
why do children have trouble looking at their parents after a gender change?
Because parents become Trans-parent
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︎ Dec 04 2020
I called my parents and told them not to worry, but I'm in the hospital.
They told me "You're the doctor and this wasn't funny the first time".
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︎ Oct 23 2020
Having one child makes you a parent...
Having two you are a referee
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︎ Nov 23 2020
I was at my parents house over the weekend. As a joke, I swapped all the labels around on their herbs and spices.
They havenβt noticed yet... but the thyme is cumin.
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︎ Sep 21 2020
Parents:Your brother wanna major in chemistry. Me: BrO
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︎ Oct 20 2020
When I was young, my parents used to buy all my sports gear but now that Iβm an adult I figured I should splurge and buy myself a nice hockey stick. When I went looking at the store I realized that my parents would only buy me low quality, inexpensive sticks to save money.
Cheapskates!........cheap helmets, cheap gloves...
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︎ Nov 01 2020
I crack bad jokes about having to borrow my parents old clothes because my job doesn't pay well...
What can I say? I've got my father's jeans.
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︎ Oct 28 2020
How do astronaut parents soothe their baby to sleep?
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︎ Nov 07 2020
I was recording my wifeβs speech at her parentsβ 50th wedding anniversary, but my battery died halfway through.
Now Iβll never hear the end of it.
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︎ Sep 10 2020
What was the first thing Sinatra said to his parents when he was born?
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︎ Oct 14 2020
Having gay parents must be horrible
You either get twice the amount of dad jokes or you get stuck in an infinite loop of "go ask your mom."
Edit: On another Sub someone called me a homophobe. I want to say I'm not a homophobe it was simply a light hearted joke. I'm gay myself and wouldn't want to create hate or controversy. So sorry if I offended anyone.
Edit 2: Thanks for giving me my first award.
Edit 3: if you have heard it else where then fine Like this one guy in the comments said "Iβve seen it a few times but no doubt many people havenβt. No reason a good joke canβt be posted bc someoneβs posted it in the past."
Edit 4: making too many edits but thanks for the gold kind stranger (And all of them means alot)
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︎ Dec 28 2019
The parents that started the wildfire with their gender reveal party announced what they will name their baby.
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︎ Sep 09 2020
How do you know Rin Tin Tin's parents were Chinese?
Because they were Ma 'n' Da Rin.
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︎ Oct 15 2020
I need to move out of my parent's house
Their wifi password is " our40yrsoldbaby", i mean come on I'm 45.
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︎ Oct 05 2020
I often wish I'd been adopted by gay parents.
So I could have twice as many dad jokes.
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︎ Jul 24 2020
A girl potato told her parents she was marrying Tom Brokaw, but they forbid it because...
He was just a common-tater.
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︎ Oct 04 2020
When I was little my parents always have me alphabet soup claiming that I liked it but they were just...
...putting words in my mouth
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︎ Aug 03 2020
How does a baker with siblings for parents describe his occupation?
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︎ Sep 26 2020
It was around Christmas and I had bought gifts for everyone except my parents.
I had no idea what to get them. But after a long brainstorming I finally decided to get the a new fridge.
It's was actually so satisfying to see their faces lit up as they opened it.
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︎ Aug 31 2020
I went to my parents house for dinner and when I walked through the front door my mom asks,"Are you hungry?"
So I told Her,"No.I'm half German and half Irish."
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︎ Aug 10 2020
I feel bad for children of gay parents
They either suffer twice as many dad jokes or an endless cycle of βask your motherβ.
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︎ Jul 20 2020
Little known fact: Bruce Wayne's parents owned a baseball team.
It's true, before he was the batman, Bruce was the bat boy!
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︎ Aug 13 2020
Martha had always listened to her parents when they said βstay away from fireβ, but today, her interests got the best of her and she intentionally lit herself on fire just to see what it felt like.
Martha was burning with curiosity
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︎ Jul 15 2020
For years, my parents sent me to a child psychologist
That kid didnβt help me at all.
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︎ May 29 2020
Why were margarine's parents disappointed in her?
They had raised her butter.
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︎ Sep 06 2020
I boasted to my son, "Did you know scientists discovered that the brains of male parents irreversibly change after their first child was born?" He rolled his eyes and ignored me, but I carried on...
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︎ Aug 25 2020
My parents would always feed me alphabet soup when I was younger and theyβd insist that I liked it
But I didnβt! All they were doing was putting words in my mouth!
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︎ Aug 04 2020
Simon is in the school play and invites his parents, who don't think he'll be very good.
Halfway through the play, a floorboard breaks underneath Simon and he falls through. 'Don't worry' Simon's dad whispers to his mum 'it's just a stage he's going through!'
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︎ Aug 31 2020
Son: "Hey Dad, Happy 25th Anniversary. Jeez! Almost all my friend's parents are divorced. What did you have to do to stay married for this long?"
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︎ Aug 15 2020
Some children treat their parents like god.
They acts like they donβt exist until they want something.
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︎ May 09 2020
I got home from work and sat down for dinner with my parents. "Wow, haddock for dinner?"
Dad responds "So I take it you haddock-good day?"
(Note: This actually happened today.)
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︎ Jun 10 2020
Jesus was an automobile enthusiast and had a car he really loved. Everytime Jesus went to visit his parents, he would return with his car sporting a new colour
His father was a Carpainter
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︎ Jul 21 2020
Having a child makes you a parent.
Having two, makes you a referee.
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︎ Nov 28 2020
When I was a kid, my parents would always say "Excuse my french" after a swear word.
I'll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any French
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︎ Jul 08 2020
When I was little, my parents always fed me alphabet soup, claiming that I liked it, but they were just...
...putting words in my mouth.
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︎ Aug 02 2020
When I was a kid, my parents would always say, βExcuse my Frenchβ after a swear word...
Iβll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any French...
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︎ Jul 14 2019
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