I told my parents I was bisexual
My dad asked, "so you like both men and women?"
I responded with, "yeah, but I'm not seeing anyone right now"
He said, "so you must be on stand-bi"
My parents always tell me their world doesn’t revolve around me...
so I guess that means I’m not actually their sun.
Our kids tee ball team, the Tigers, won the championship. All the parents were very proud and put in for a little statuette of the front of a tiger to give them to celebrate. When it came in, for some reason it was the back half of a tiger.
Needless to say, it was a cat ass trophy.
My parents found this while camping... someone has a good sense of humour
I had a friend in high school that really wanted to become a pilot. His parents hated the idea. Every time he brought it up, they were like
Parents of reddit: you can't just waltz into your kid's room whenever you want!
At least make sure the song they're listening to is in triple time first.
My parents always pushed me to get a big job. So i worked at a soda company just to sprite them.
Once I became a parent, I finally understood the . . .
scene where Yoda gets so tired of answering Luke's questions that he just dies.
MY PARENTS RAISED ME AS AN ONLY CHILD
THIS REALLY ANNOYED MY YOUNGER SISTER.
So I told my parents I’m gray…
Dad said he didn’t like my tone.
Two letters wanted to get married, but their parents wouldn't let them...
How do parents lose their kids in the mall?
Seriously, any tips are welcome
My parents always said money couldn't by happiness...
Then I got Antidepressants
I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet?
I asked my 18 brothers and sisters and they don't know either.
Do you remember when you were a kid and whenever you cried, your parents would say, “I’ll give you a reason to cry!?" I always thought they were going to hit me...
...not that they were going to destroy the housing market 20 years later.
My parents told me today that my grandmother was Indian
I have a friend who loves computer programming but his parent wanted him to be a doctor. So he became a plastic surgeon.
Now he's a full rack developer.
Being a parent is hard - my son won't ever let me have a good night's sleep; so when my wife came home the other day and asked why I was so red...
I told her I was just completely sunburnt
When I was a kid, I accidentally caught my parents having SEX
These were the most awkward 40 minutes of my life
My parents were upset when I told them I wouldn't be taking over the family bakery.
That's just not how I roll.
When I was 15 my parents told me I was adopted.
And that I'd be meeting my new parents that afternoon.
When I was a kid, my parents would always say, “Excuse my French” after a swear word...
I’ll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any French...
Why were your parents so honest with you growing up?
Beacuse they were trans-parents
Tony the tiger ate both of my grandmother's parents.
Tearfully, I asked him why.
He just looked at me and said,
Those parents must be nuts
So I brought my girlfriend home to meet my parents. She looks like my mum, sounds like my mum, even dresses like my mum..
How much did it cost HYDRA to kill Tony Stark’s parents?
Growing up, there was a time my parents couldn't pay the electric bill.
It was the darkest day of my life.
Both of my parents don't identify with the gender they were assigned at birth. They are both very honest and open people.
I guess you could say they're transparent.
An Italian man loses his hands from bike accident. What did his parents ask the doctor?
“Will my son able to speak again?”
Child walks past the parents bedroom, peaks inside and mumbles....
"And you want to send me to a psychologist for sucking my thumb."
I've always had a difficult relationship with my parents.
When I was first born, I didn't speak to them for 2 years.
Do unfit parents have to exercise a lot to get their children back?
When my parents would go to the bar, my dad would always carry his drink to the table in his left hand and my mother’s in the other. I finally asked him why...
And he said, “Because your mother is always right.”
The inventors of the first successful aeroplane's parents were Asian
I guess two Wongs do make a Wright.
Learn from your parents mistakes....
When I was a kid, my parents used to make me walk the plank.
We couldn't afford a dog.
Having gay parents must be horrible
You either get twice the amount of dad jokes or you get stuck in an infinite loop of "go ask your mom."
Edit: On another Sub someone called me a homophobe. I want to say I'm not a homophobe it was simply a light hearted joke. I'm gay myself and wouldn't want to create hate or controversy. So sorry if I offended anyone.
Edit 2: Thanks for giving me my first award.
Edit 3: if you have heard it else where then fine Like this one guy in the comments said "I’ve seen it a few times but no doubt many people haven’t. No reason a good joke can’t be posted bc someone’s posted it in the past."
Edit 4: making too many edits but thanks for the gold kind stranger (And all of them means alot)
As a child, I wanted to be an astronaut but my parents didn't allow it.
They said the sky is the limit.
You know you've failed as a parent....
....when you let your 14 year old daughter smoke at the table, infront of her kids.
Why does a baseball bat have no parents?
Because it's just a Bat, man!
I called my parents and told them not to worry, but I'm in the hospital.
They told me "You're the doctor and this wasn't funny the first time".
When I was 15, my parents told me that I was adopted....
......And I'd be meeting my new parents that afternoon.
When I was a kid, my parents would always say "Excuse my french" after a swear word.
I'll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any French