I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet?
I asked my 18 brothers and sisters and they don't know either.
My parents were upset when I told them I wouldn't be taking over the family bakery.
That's just not how I roll.
When I was a kid, I accidentally caught my parents having SEX
These were the most awkward 40 minutes of my life
Growing up, there was a time my parents couldn't pay the electric bill.
It was the darkest day of my life.
Tony the tiger ate both of my grandmother's parents.
Tearfully, I asked him why.
He just looked at me and said,
"They're GREAT!"
When I was 15 my parents told me I was adopted.
And that I'd be meeting my new parents that afternoon.
So I brought my girlfriend home to meet my parents. She looks like my mum, sounds like my mum, even dresses like my mum..
Both of my parents don't identify with the gender they were assigned at birth. They are both very honest and open people.
I guess you could say they're transparent.
When I was a kid, my parents would always say, “Excuse my French” after a swear word...
I’ll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any French...
I visited my retired parents the other day. They said they wanted some change in their lives.
I gave them two quarters, three nickels and a penny.
An Italian man loses his hands from bike accident. What did his parents ask the doctor?
“Will my son able to speak again?”
Those parents must be nuts
Child walks past the parents bedroom, peaks inside and mumbles....
"And you want to send me to a psychologist for sucking my thumb."
The inventors of the first successful aeroplane's parents were Asian
I guess two Wongs do make a Wright.
Do unfit parents have to exercise a lot to get their children back?
When my parents would go to the bar, my dad would always carry his drink to the table in his left hand and my mother’s in the other. I finally asked him why...
And he said, “Because your mother is always right.”
I've always had a difficult relationship with my parents.
When I was first born, I didn't speak to them for 2 years.
Learn from your parents mistakes....
How much did it cost HYDRA to kill Tony Stark’s parents?
When I was a kid, my parents used to make me walk the plank.
We couldn't afford a dog.
You know you've failed as a parent....
....when you let your 14 year old daughter smoke at the table, infront of her kids.
As a child, I wanted to be an astronaut but my parents didn't allow it.
They said the sky is the limit.
Why does a baseball bat have no parents?
Because it's just a Bat, man!
Big Foot has been spotted throwing tantrums and talking back to his parents.
No wonder they call him the Sassquatch.
Why did the melons run away and get married instead of have a big church wedding like their parents wanted?
Because they could elope.
I called my parents and told them not to worry, but I'm in the hospital.
They told me "You're the doctor and this wasn't funny the first time".
why do children have trouble looking at their parents after a gender change?
Because parents become Trans-parent
Whom does Asian parents love more than A honorable child ?
Having gay parents must be horrible
You either get twice the amount of dad jokes or you get stuck in an infinite loop of "go ask your mom."
Edit: On another Sub someone called me a homophobe. I want to say I'm not a homophobe it was simply a light hearted joke. I'm gay myself and wouldn't want to create hate or controversy. So sorry if I offended anyone.
Edit 2: Thanks for giving me my first award.
Edit 3: if you have heard it else where then fine Like this one guy in the comments said "I’ve seen it a few times but no doubt many people haven’t. No reason a good joke can’t be posted bc someone’s posted it in the past."
Edit 4: making too many edits but thanks for the gold kind stranger (And all of them means alot)
I was at my parents house over the weekend. As a joke, I swapped all the labels around on their herbs and spices.
They haven’t noticed yet... but the thyme is cumin.
Having one child makes you a parent...
Having two you are a referee
When I was young, my parents used to buy all my sports gear but now that I’m an adult I figured I should splurge and buy myself a nice hockey stick. When I went looking at the store I realized that my parents would only buy me low quality, inexpensive sticks to save money.
Cheapskates!........cheap helmets, cheap gloves...
I was recording my wife’s speech at her parents’ 50th wedding anniversary, but my battery died halfway through.
Now I’ll never hear the end of it.
I crack bad jokes about having to borrow my parents old clothes because my job doesn't pay well...
What can I say? I've got my father's jeans.
How do astronaut parents soothe their baby to sleep?
What was the first thing Sinatra said to his parents when he was born?
The parents that started the wildfire with their gender reveal party announced what they will name their baby.
I often wish I'd been adopted by gay parents.
So I could have twice as many dad jokes.
I need to move out of my parent's house
Their wifi password is " our40yrsoldbaby", i mean come on I'm 45.
How do you know Rin Tin Tin's parents were Chinese?
Because they were Ma 'n' Da Rin.
When I was little my parents always have me alphabet soup claiming that I liked it but they were just...
...putting words in my mouth
A girl potato told her parents she was marrying Tom Brokaw, but they forbid it because...
He was just a common-tater.
When I was 15, my parents told me that I was adopted....
......And I'd be meeting my new parents that afternoon.
When I was a kid, my parents would always say "Excuse my french" after a swear word.
I'll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any French
Having a child makes you a parent.
Having two, makes you a referee.
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