My wife said, βI donβt really understand the science behind human cloning.β
I said, βThat makes two of us.β
π︎ 8k
π
︎ May 09 2021
I told my daughter, "Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?" She rolled her eyes at me, but I persevered. "Itβs true!"
"When was the last time you ate a monkey?!"
π︎ 34
π
︎ Jun 01 2021
Baby Roach: βPapa, what happens if the humans spray us with Raid?β
Papa Roach: βSuffocation. No breathing.β
π︎ 34
π
︎ May 14 2021
How does a mockingbird wake up a human?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jun 03 2021
What do you call a human swimming in the ocean?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jun 01 2021
The human brain is truly fascinating
It really makes you think
π︎ 3
π
︎ May 22 2021
TIL: Humans are born with four kidneys
When they grow up, two of them becomes adult knees
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Jan 26 2021
Why don't the Chinese understand the human leg?
Because they constantly ask "Knee-How?"
π︎ 11
π
︎ May 02 2021
Did you know humans can be struck by lightning?
I was shocked when I found out
π︎ 33
π
︎ Mar 23 2021
Petco has a new Covid vaccine for animals & humans. In tests, some people have reported excessive hair growth on their hands. I'm going to get it anyway...
but it does give me paws.
π︎ 16
π
︎ Apr 13 2021
One of the Russian acrobats in our human pyramid has been deported.
We don't have Oleg to stand on.
π︎ 31
π
︎ Apr 19 2021
I'm starting my new job as a human chess piece.
The money is great. I'm on knights next week.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Apr 02 2021
Lil Nas X sold his sole to make these nike shoes with a drop of human blood
π︎ 6
π
︎ Mar 28 2021
I used to be a head of human resources.
But then it got too personnel.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Apr 06 2021
To err is human
π︎ 16
π
︎ Apr 01 2021
If you think Earth has too few human-animal hybrids
then it behooves you to become a centaur.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Apr 01 2021
Swedish inventors have created cyborgs which are hard to distinguish from real humans.
Critics are concerned about the use of artificial Swedeners.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Mar 24 2021
I successfully crossbred a human and a coffee plant
The first human bean is here
π︎ 27
π
︎ Feb 10 2021
How does a train eat human food?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Mar 14 2021
I built a catapult that can send a human from the USA all the way to Africa
What country you end up in depends on the Angola approach
π︎ 6
π
︎ Feb 20 2021
My friend creates hybrid animals. She made a cow with human glutes. It turned out to be so cute!
I really like to look at her butt-ox!
π︎ 6
π
︎ Mar 13 2021
9 times out of 10 a carnivore will choose a small space rock over human flesh...
Because the rock is a little meteor.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Feb 28 2021
My friend is making a lot of easy money by taking pictures of salmon dressed in human clothes.
Itβs like shooting fish in apparel.
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Jun 21 2020
One of my buddies asked me if I could find out what the largest organ in the human body was.
So I googled and told him exactly what I found.
Basically a skin for a friend.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Feb 26 2021
Introducing the fauna of the human body
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Aug 03 2020
Human interest for 2021 Lent
A particular family in LA has been abstaining from using one letter of the alphabet for Lent each year, since 2001. It started as a joke, giving up "A" in 2001 and "B" in 2002, but developed into a strong family tradition.
This year, one of the members has a tough choice to make. Unlike the rest of the Astleys, Rick made a solemn vow...
π︎ 11
π
︎ Feb 17 2021
What did the fish say to the human
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 31 2021
So I read a study the other day claiming that βhumans eat more bananas than monkeysβ
Which to me sounded a bit obvious. I canβt remember the last time I ate a monkey.
π︎ 128
π
︎ Nov 12 2020
Humans go through reincarnation. What do shoes go through?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Dec 18 2020
The Mama Roach asked "What will happen to us if that human sprays us with Raid?"
The Papa Roach replied "Suffocation. No breathing."
π︎ 26
π
︎ Jan 18 2021
Severed Human Nose Found
I live across from a lake and some fisherman found a severed human nose. The detective on the case asked if I know who it belongs to. I replied, "no body nose."
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jan 12 2021
Scientists have finally discovered exactly how much sleep a human needs?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 14 2021
Ridiculously photogenic humans (Credit: how.how)
π︎ 9
π
︎ Dec 02 2020
I have a human DNA joke
Itβs pretty long. It comes in 46 parts. Also, everyone tells the joke differently, but usually family members tell pretty much the same joke.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Nov 28 2020
If humans were trees, how deep would the roots be ?
π︎ 26
π
︎ Dec 15 2020
How many bones are in a human hand?
π︎ 110
π
︎ Sep 30 2020
What do Demons store human souls in?
π︎ 12
π
︎ Nov 20 2020
TIL: Humans are born with four kidneys
When they grow up, two of them becomes adult knees
π︎ 17k
π
︎ Sep 24 2020
My wife said, βI donβt understand the science behind human cloning.β
I said, βThat makes two of us.β
π︎ 159
π
︎ Feb 13 2021
I told my daughter, "Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?" She rolled her eyes at me, but I persevered. "Itβs true!"
"When was the last time you ate a monkey?!"
π︎ 17k
π
︎ Jun 26 2020
One of the Russian acrobats in our human pyramid has been deported.
We don't have Oleg to stand on.
π︎ 45
π
︎ Jan 23 2021
If you want to make easy money, just take pictures of salmon dressed in human clothes.
Itβs like shooting fish in apparel.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jan 29 2021
My wife said, βI donβt quite understand the science behind human cloning.β
Me: That makes two of us.
π︎ 52
π
︎ Jan 12 2021
Today I learnt that humans eat more bananas than monkeys
I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey
π︎ 12k
π
︎ Apr 13 2020
So, I read a study the other day claiming that "humans eat more bananas than monkeys".
Which - to me - sounded a bit obvious. I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Aug 01 2020
My friend hit it big taking pictures of salmon in human clothes.
He said it was like shooting fish in apparel.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 21 2021
I told my daughter, "Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?" She rolled her eyes at me, but I persevered. "Itβs true!"
"When was the last time you ate a monkey?!"
π︎ 30
π
︎ Nov 29 2020
Scientists have finally discovered exactly how much sleep a human needs...
π︎ 21
π
︎ Dec 05 2020
I've just been offered a job as a human chess piece...
The money is good.
I'm on knights this week.
π︎ 26
π
︎ Oct 26 2020
My friend is getting rich by taking pictures of salmon dressed in human clothes.
Itβs like shooting fish in apparel.
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Jan 20 2020
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