The hipster version of a dad joke could be called a man pun
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2018
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this is the best mega man pun ever TomPreston.deviantart.com…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeathbyChiasmus
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2012
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A man who had just died was delivered to the mortuary wearing a beautiful black suit.

The mortician asked the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out the man looks good in the black suit he’s already wearing. The widow however said she thought her husband always looked his best in blue, and she would really like him in a blue suit. She then hands the mortician a blank cheque and says β€œI don’t care how much it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.” The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe. Remarkably, the suit fit him perfectly. She says to the mortician, β€œwhatever this costs I’m very satisfied, you did an excellent job and I’m incredibly grateful. How much did you spend?” To her astonishment the mortician presents her with her blank cheque, and he says β€œthere’s no charge.” Shocked she replies β€œno really, I feel like i must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit.” β€œHonestly ma’am”, the mortician says, β€œit costs nothing, you see a diseased gentleman about your husbands size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday. He was wearing an attractive blue suit. So I asked his wife if she minded if her husband went to the grave wearing black. She had said it made no difference so long as he looked nice. So from that point on it was really just a matter of switching the heads.”

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaladinDanza
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07
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What do you call a depressed man with a robotic arm?

A sighborg.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
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Three men were onboard a ship playing dice on deck when the oldest man angrily jumped off the front of the boat. The younger man said..

You keeled my father. Prepare two die.

*I sent this to my brother and he replies: Was his name Inyougo?

^(What a freaking professional)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/calvinweight
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05
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I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, β€œI don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”

I told him, β€œI don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
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A man has been stealing wheels of police cars.

The police is working tirelessly to catch him.

πŸ‘︎ 281
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Buffunder
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?

Attire

πŸ‘︎ 753
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
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What do you call a half man half horse in the middle of an army formation?

The centaur of attention..... ill see myself out

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gambitK9
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I got to meet the tallest man in the world last week.

I was disappointed by how he looked down on everyone else.

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YourLocalCreep
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07
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A friend of mine just said to me β€œI’m training to be garbage man”

I said β€œYou don’t need training for that! You just pick it up as you go along”

πŸ‘︎ 63
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OwenJthomas89
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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To boldly go where no man has gone before
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RogueDisciple
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
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A Man rushed into a Doctor's office shouting ' help me Doctor, I'm shrinking' The Doctor calmly said ' Now settle down a bit '..

.. you'll just have to learn to be a little patient.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06
🚨︎ report
Why did the partially blind man fall into a well?

Because he could not see that well.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IDRambler
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07
🚨︎ report
I shot a man with a paintball gun...

....just to watch him dye.

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09
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I visited a monastery the other day and as I walked past the kitchen I saw a man frying chips. I asked him "Are you the friar?"

He replied "No, I'm the chip monk..."

πŸ‘︎ 578
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
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Why couldn't the man stop buying birds?

They were going cheep

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πŸ‘€︎ u/maccer20
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
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Pikachu gets stabbed by a Jamaican man and then asks why?

The Jamaican man replies he just wanted to poke a mon.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/4294
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03
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A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out...

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"

"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."

The man can't believe it.

"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"

Naturally, they're both shocked.

"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."

Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."

They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.

"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"

The man puts down his fruit and responds,

"It's a date!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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From my 11 year old daughter. Did you hear the one about the man with the broken hearing aids?

Neither has he...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thrillhouse74
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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My wife and I were woken up at 3am by loud banging on our door. I got up, opened the door and there was a drunken stranger standing in the pouring rain, asking for a push. "Are you insane man?!!? It's 3 in the morning!!" I screamed, slamming the door and stormed back to bed...

"Who was that?" asked my wife.

"Just some drunk asking for a push." I grumbled.

"Did you help him?" she asked.

"No, I did NOT! It's 3am and it's pouring rain!"

"Well, you've a short memory." she said. "Don't you remember three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? You should be ashamed of yourself! Now get out there and help him!"

She had a point, and angrily, I got dressed and went out into the darkness, calling out, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes."

"Do you still need a push?"

"Yes please."

"Where are you?"

"Over here...on the swing."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
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What did the trans man say after his masectomy?

β€œI’m glad that I got that off my chest.”

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tranz-geek
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09
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A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, β€œA beer please, ..."

"... and one for the road."

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
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What does a deaf man and a gynecologist have in common?

They both read lips.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Forsaken1372
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01
🚨︎ report
What happens if Iron man gets angry?

He becomes Ferrocious!

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kitianoxx
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06
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I am Buzz Aldrin. Second man to step on the moon

Neil before me

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
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What do you call a Mexican man who misplaced his car?

Carlos

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AndytheMVP
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11
🚨︎ report
A man went to the doctor’s and told him, β€œI feel like such a failure. All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up.”

He said, β€œWow, that’s the worst case of parking son’s disease I’ve ever seen.”

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cyclopropagative
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
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To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket:

You can hide, but you can’t run.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/reddit_reddit03
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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I saw it all said the blind man,

To his deaf wife.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mastiff_Speed
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06
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If you give a man named Rick a pat on the back

Then you’re Patrick

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MintySack
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
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A man has no body and no nose. Who is he?

Nobody knows

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PowerfulTour4204
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10
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I used to be a man stuck inside a womans body....

Then I was born.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
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How do you spot a blind man at a nude beach?

It ain't hard

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πŸ‘€︎ u/patdaddy007
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09
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What do you call s man with no arms and legs in a swimming pool?

Bob.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/s_tormbringr
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10
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My friend started making fun of a man on wheelchair.

I said him "dude stop pulling his leg... It's not funny"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WetSoggyTaco
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03
🚨︎ report
A man's daughter wanted to have a tea party with him...

... the man agreed, but he doesn't have much experteas in the subject

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WarriorCats423
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03
🚨︎ report
Iron man is female

Iron = Fe

Man = male

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tigecyclindamycin
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06
🚨︎ report
The Invisible Man married an invisible woman.

The kids were nothing to look at either.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/farrukhsshah
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11
🚨︎ report
A blind man walked into a bar

then a table, and a chair

πŸ‘︎ 91
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AshamedTurtwig
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
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A man walks into a zoo.

The only animal is a dog. It’s a shitzu.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/archit14
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
A man goes to a beekeeper and asks for 12 bees. He counts, and sees he has been given 13....

β€œSir, you gave me an extra!” he says. The beekeeper replies β€œOh, that’s a freebie”

πŸ‘︎ 152
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MARKHENRY88
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
The bathroom fixtures delivery man is here, honey!

Let that sink in

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotA_Drug_Dealer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05
🚨︎ report
There was a man who read a joke so funny that he died of laughter.

After reading it, the authorities all agreed that it was a killer joke.

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
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I ordered a Hit Man to take care of my business partner the other day.

After a change of heart I cancelled the order, but it was too late.

He'd been despatched.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JimmoBM
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03
🚨︎ report
A man walks into the library and asks, "Do you have any books on poor eyesight."

"NO, We don't!!!" replies the barman.

πŸ‘︎ 102
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between a well dressed man on a bicycle and a poorly dressed man on a tricycle?

A tire.

πŸ‘︎ 180
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πŸ‘€︎ u/winnt7
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
A man has been stealing police car tires

The police are working tirelessly to catch him

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ismailumair90
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the old man fall in the well?

Because he couldn't see that well!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheIndrajitKar
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a bicycle, and a poorly-dressed man on a unicycle?

Attire

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report

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