The hipster version of a dad joke could be called a man pun
There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting...
He said, "Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it's completely gone now. My hair can't be saved. But look outside at the forest. It's such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they'll all be cut down and this forest will look as bald as my hair."
"What I want you to do..." the man continued. "Is, every time a tree is cut down or dies, plant a new one in my memory. Tell your descendants to do the same. It shall be our family's duty to keep this forest strong."
So they did.
Each time the forest lost a tree, the children replanted one, and so did their children, and their children after them.
And for centuries, the forest remained as lush and pretty as it once was, all because of one man and his re-seeding heirline.
What do you call a man with a rubber toe?
A man goes to a library and asks for books on paranoia
The librarian whispers "They're right behind you."
What do you call a man with no vacuum cleaner and itchy underwear ?
Novak Djokovic
(This is my fiancé’s favourite joke he wanted me to share with all of you because he thinks it will make me ‘Reddit famous’)
😂😅
A man walks in to a bar with a piece of asphalt
The man says to the bartender “1 for me, and 1 for the road”
Batman is afraid of bats, and Spider-Man is afraid of spiders.
Now I know why they call me a ladies' man.
What if Iron man and Silver surfer teamed up?
Why did the man rob the train?
I'm not sure, but I bet he had a loco motive.
Man walks into a shop and picks up a can of bug spray
The man asks "is this good for wasps?"
The cashier says "no sir, it kills them"
Today, I offered my seat to a blind man.
And that is how I lost my job as a bus driver.
I arrested the man who proposed to my daughter.
He committed a fell-on-knee.
A man was admitted to hospital after swallowing 6 plastic horses.
His condition has been described as stable.
My granddaugter today (she's 8) How did the man breath underwater for so long without help?
He put a glass of water on his head!
It's the first time I have been able to see and hug her in over a year, and she made me so proud!
*Edit: So many typos in my title.
BREAKING NEWS: A man has learned how to do origami backwards!
More on this story as it unfolds
A man walks out in the purring rain...
And he thinks to himself: "Why is it raining cats?"
Just had an officer at the door saying he was looking for a man with one eye...
Told him to use both and he’d probably find him a lot quicker.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying on your front porch?
I identify as a man, my birth certificate says I’m a man, everybody I know says I’m a man...
and yet according to Kraft Dinner, I’m a 4-person family
Once, when working in a store, a man dressed as a a wizard approached the counter...
He said "Do I get any money off for having this big stick?"
I said "No sir, we don't offer staff discount".
What’s the difference between a sharply dressed man on a bicycle, and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle?
Why did the happy-go-lucky man quit his job at the Pepsi can crushing factory?
Because it was soda pressing. 😬
Why did the blind man walk into the well?
He couldn’t see that well
What did the depressed man in Saint Louis say?
“I live in a constant state of Missouri”
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says...
"Two beers, please. One for me, and one for the road."
What do you call man who only eats breakfast... a cereal killer
What do you say about a man who's almost as strong, as hairy and as smelly as a bear?
That he's bear-ly bear-able
A man attends a funeral for his best friend. He approaches the grieving widow, gestures to the podium and asks; "May I say a word?" The widow responds "Of course.."
The man stands up and speaks "Plethora." and steps back down.
"Thank you..." says the Widow, "that really means a lot."
EDIT The responses here are incredible! 👌
A man came up to me and said "Man, your clothes look gay".
I said "I know, they came out of the closet this morning".
Two detectives were working on a murder case in which a man murdered his wife. They were sure he did it, but they needed some piece of evidence to place him at the scene. After only three days on the case, they found their piece of evidence.
A man gets arrested for illegally downloading Wikipedia
The man says, “Wait! I can explain everything!”
Have you heard of the man addicted to drinking brake fluid?
Says he can stop anytime!
A man goes to the hospital where his dad is hospitalized.
The nurse says, "I am sorry sir your Dad is pronounced dead.
The man says, " I can't believe I have been pronouncing it wrong the whole time.
What do you call a man with a car on his head?
Is it okay to compare a man getting “the snip” with a woman getting her tubes tied?
After all, there isn’t a vas deferens between the two ovum
I thought I saw a man in the sea...
A man goes to a funeral and asks the widow:
Mind if I say a word?" She says: "Please do." The man clears his throat and says: "Plethora."
The widow replies: “Thanks that means a lot.”
And another:
Mind if I say a word?" She says: "Please do." The man clears his throat and says: "Bargain."
The widow replies: “Thanks that means a great deal.”
What did the man say to the woman he liked who had bladder problems?
The man who invented Velcro is dead
Did you hear about the man who lost his whole left side?
A man with 2 left feet goes into a shoe store and asks...
"Do you sell flip flips ?"
A man wearing scrubs walks into the room of a woman about to give birth
A man wearing scrubs walks into the room of a woman about to give birth.
The woman asks: "Are you the nurse or the doctor?"
The man replies: "I'm the delivery guy."
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Did you hear the one about the man who hated being bald?
He got rabbits tattooed on his head so from a distance they looked like hares.
The Mafia have boiled a man to death in a industrial cooker.
Police are still trying to al dentefy the victim.
What’s the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle, and a poorly dressed man on a bike?
Why did the blind man fall into the well?
Because he couldn't see that well
Why did the blind man fall into the well?
Because he couldn't see that well...
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
