Told him to use both and he’d probably find him a lot quicker.
and yet according to Kraft Dinner, I’m a 4-person family
Because he couldn't see that well
Yeah he's all right now
I said "I know, they came out of the closet this morning".
He's currently in the ICU.
..' you'll just have to learn to be a little patient '
And then a table... And then a chair...
The therapist looks up from his paperwork, looks at the man, and says, "I'm busy at the moment, so I'll deal with you later."
is killing a friend homiecide
"This is going to revolutionize tables forever!"
He tells the host he has come dressed as a snail.
"But who's the woman?" The host asks, confused.
"Oh, This is Michelle"
This was my 6 year old cousins favourite joke for a while and it still cracks me up especially given the concerned looks the adults share when the joke starts
The kids were nothing to look at.
How do you breathe through that little thing?
I gave him a glass of water.
He’s been working tirelessly to get them back
"Do you sell flop flops?"
The mortician asked the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out the man looks good in the black suit he’s already wearing. The widow however said she thought her husband always looked his best in blue, and she would really like him in a blue suit. She then hands the mortician a blank cheque and says “I don’t care how much it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.” The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe. Remarkably, the suit fit him perfectly. She says to the mortician, “whatever this costs I’m very satisfied, you did an excellent job and I’m incredibly grateful. How much did you spend?” To her astonishment the mortician presents her with her blank cheque, and he says “there’s no charge.” Shocked she replies “no really, I feel like i must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit.” “Honestly ma’am”, the mortician says, “it costs nothing, you see a diseased gentleman about your husbands size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday. He was wearing an attractive blue suit. So I asked his wife if she minded if her husband went to the grave wearing black. She had said it made no difference so long as he looked nice. So from that point on it was really just a matter of switching the heads.”
It was a small price toupee.
Gay. Very gay
He replied: A man is someone who is responsible and takes care of his family.”
Son: I hope one day I grow up to be a man just like Mom!
I know he means well.
Turns out, he only does odd jobs.
...so to stall, he asked the doctor if he preferred to start with the left testicle or the right, to which the doctor replied, I don’t think there’s a vas deferens.
It cost him an arm and a leg...
He ran all the way upto the back till he was all pooped out.
Matt
Patient: no, I think I'll see my self out.
People must be stuck in it
He’s listed in serious but stable condition.
A man dressed in rubber boots, orange overalls, yellow hard hat with a light on, blacked up face and a canary on his shoulder walks into a pub. The whole pub goes silent and everyone stares at him for a few seconds then carries on what they were doing. It was only a miner distraction.
Every time I order chicken pellets and grain, they email me 3 days later, asking for their feed back.
Are they still brother and sister?
Everyone enjoyed the tea that he brew
It's not hard.
They're going to be alloys.
He should really be called Uncle.
Can't really take credit, my nieces made the joke while watching the movie. Regionally "Aunt" is pronounced as "ant"
Counterfeiting
Then he sat down with his hammer and saw.
I don't have time for this!
At first it was thought to be a freak accident but police are now treating it as a humuside.
He never got to finish his sentence
Then into a table... and then into a chair!
