Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun and one brought some cough drops
They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.
Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.
As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and
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So the doctor sat me down and gently revealed to me me that my child is a boy trapped in a girls body...
...Until my wife gives birth that is. Only three more months to go!
I entered my sons room and said, "Remember, boy, masturbating can make you go blind."
"I'm over here dad." He replied.
A boy knocks his father down the stairs in a freak accident.
The father breaks his neck and dies, leaving his son to mourn for days. However, one night, the boy wakes up to see an apparition of his father before him. All at once, he breaks down crying, and screams out, "I'm sorry!"
His father responds, "Hi Sorry, I'm dead!"
I was once a boy trapped in a woman’s body
A little boy asked his father why people would choose atheism.
The father replied “because it’s a non-prophet organization.”
I was talking to my friend and he asked me, “As a young boy was your mom strict with you?” I told him, “To be honest,...
“...my mother was never a young boy.”
Fly straight and stay safe, boys
Need some good puns when I whip this bad boy out on the course today. Help me out you geniuses!
How do you know if an ant is a boy or a girl?
They are all girls, otherwise they'd be uncles!
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy as he left for school?
Boy. I bet Anakin Skywalker must have paid a lot of money for his suit.
I think It may have cost him a couple arms and a couple legs.
My twin preschool boys were playing with foam letters in the bathtub.
One happened to put the letter T into a toy stacking cup I was holding. I tried to give it to him but he didn't want it.
So I turned to my other son and said, "Hmm, guess it's not his cup of T".
Neither 3yo got it so I had to tell someone.
There was a boy..
His name was Josh Buttlicker. Everyone used to make fun of him. On his 10th birthday his dad asked him what he wanted as a gift.
He said “I am so sick of everyone making fun of my name and I really want you to change it officially”.
Dad said “No way! This is our family name, which represents our lineage, and I will never do it.”
He tried asking again on his 11, 12th up to his 17th birthday. But his dad denied his wish every time.
Finally on his 18th birthday, he told his dad “You cannot do anything now. I am of legal age and it is my decision!!” He rushed to the court with a lawyer, and completed all the paperwork to change his name legally.
Then he came home, and his dad asked “well, what is it?”
He said “Dave Buttlicker”.
I remember the last words my grandfather ever said to me. He said ‘You selfish boy!’
Not long after that, I became a fishmonger.
A mom angrily told her 4 year old son to say counting if he wanted to get his lunch. So the boy started... 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 9 10...
I don't think he need that lunch anymore. He already 8
You know why I don’t eat Lazy-Boy recliners?
I don’t like chairy flavored food.
"Dad, what's it called if I like both boys and girls," the male buffalo said.
"I believe would be a bi-son," his father replied.
Me and the boys on Call of Duty
Why did the boy fail his license test even though he took driver's ed?
A boy leaned over to steal a kiss from his girl, but she was leaning over to steal a kiss at the same time.
They both made out like bandits.
#Why didn't the dad let his young boy have the chocolate he wanted?#
My son walked into the living room only to find me looking around all misty eyed. Reluctantly, he asked, "What's up pop?" I blubbered, "My boy, I really love our furniture..."
"Me and my recliner go way back."
Why was the German boy sad when sister ran away with his 3-Musketeers Candy Bar ??
Because he was Far-from-nougat!
Hi, I'm Poseidon. Just had to share this. I'm so proud of my boy. He's already working on his Christmas cards for this year, and I walked by and noticed what he was writing in each one.
Did you hear about the storms that hit the boy scouts at camp last night ?
As a dad of boys, poop is always a solid conversation topic.
Sometimes, not so solid, either.
A boy breaks his calculator just before a big math test
From the shelf beside him, an abacus says "Dont worry kid, you can always count on me"
When I was a young boy, I was walking down a gravel road with my grandpa. I accidentally slipped and fell to the ground, cutting my knees. Grandpa gently bent down and began to clean the wound, removing the little pebbles now embedded in my skin as I cried...
I'd always heard adults talk about it, but I finally knew what they were talking about.
I'll never forget the pain of my first kid knee stones...
What did the father say to his baby boy before killing him with a vacuum cleaner?
A guy says he taught his dog Morse code. "Aye right Show me." Mate says. Guy turns to dog and asks "who's been a good boy then?" Dog uses paw on ground. Tap tap pause tap long pause tap pause tap pause tap long pause tap pause tap pause tap long pause tap tap tap pause tap. "what he say?" Mate asks
There was once a troop of boy scouts camping in the mountains
Needing to refill on water, they approached a pristine mountain stream. "Surely we don't need to boil THIS water. It's so clear!" they thought. They all got sick.
Never judge a brook by its color.
My nephew is working on the new house for his wife and two boys.
He plans to have one sunroom and two son rooms.
How is honey like the Boy Scout motto?
They're both bee-prepared.
Shania Twain has given birth to a baby boy.
Choo Choo, was born at 3:30pm today weighing 6lb 8oz.
I told both of my boys to beware of brassieres
My brother and his wife decided to name their baby boy Tinnitus.
He claims it has a nice ring to it.
Boy, with all these statues getting torn down...
... I guess you could say these protests are changing the landscape.
Boy if you keep playing with that thing you're going to go blind.
Now quit playing with my arc welder!
A young boy was walking to school when he saw a dead dog in the road. When he got to school he told his teacher what he saw. “How do you know if the dog was dead?” She asked the boy. “I know because I pissed in his ear.” The teacher looked horrified. “What do you mean you pissed in his ear??”
‘I went up to him and went “Pssstt!” in his ear and he didn’t move.’
Some boy scouts came to our house today and asked for donations for a local community pool being built.
I went and got them a glass of water.
A father was reading a book while his son was playing with toys on the floor. “Daddy, why is that book so thick?” asks the boy.
“It’s long story,” replies the father.
What did Mommy Spore & Daddy Spore name their first Baby Boy??
So my kids want to become a Boy Band
I went to their first practice, and they spent the whole time tripping over each other while trying to dance.
I guess they weren't N-Sync.
Genie: What is your final wish? Boy: I wish I were you.
Genue: weurd but alrught.
What is it called when someone rents a camp from the Boy Scouts for half a week?
[from my 4yo boy] How do you keep warm in a cold room?
Go to the corner there always around 90°
Not many people know this, but Boy George had a taste for exotic and somewhat illegal Indian cuisine...
His favourite was the Korma Chameleon.
Not all dogs are good Boys.
No one has a Game Boy anymore.
Seems everyone has Switch-ed.
It is a very little known fact that Boy George has an anonymous Reddit account
You might say he is a karma chameleon
What separates men from boys?
Did you hear the Pillsbury Dough Boy fell off the wall with Humpty?
What did the Mexican firefighter name his twin boys?
What do you call a teenage boy's bedside diary?
A woman is running up the front stairs of a church. She asks the boy sitting at the top, "Is mass out?" The little boy looks at her and says...
"No, but your hat's on crooked."
My son asked me how to tell a boy squirrel from a girl squirrel.
I told him to check for nuts.
A little boy went up to his father and asked:
Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?" The father replied, "Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cuase I still have mine!"
If boys have Adam's apple, what do girls have?
Did you know you can tell if an ant is a boy or a girl by dropping it in water?
If it sinks it's a girl ant
If it floats it's boy ant
On our imaginary trip to Maui, my boy and I both stubbed our toes at the same. We were the chosen ones because we were gifted...
If boys are cigars
Then that means
girls are cigarettes
The question was: "How do people with extremely long fake nails properly wipe their butts after pooping? Saw someone struggling to type on their phone today with those bad boys"
This one goes out to my musician boys
Don't smoke, boys and girls
one day a young boy was asking his dad about being in war
son: dad, did you ever get shot in the army?
dad: no son, I got shot in the leggy.
Two little boys were at a wedding. One leaned over and asked "How many wives can a man have?"
The other answered "16. Four better, four worse, four richer, four poorer"
My 10yo boy seriously thought I'm an atheist.
Because I was born in the 80's and that makes me an eightieist.
//I'm not making this up.
I told my son that if he brings home a boy, that he wouldn’t be my favorite son.
I would have two sons that are my favorite
How do you tell the difference between a boy ant and a girl ant?
You throw them in water, if it sinks, it’s a girl ant, and if it floats, it’s a...
Why did Boy George’s pet get upvoted?
Because it was a karma chameleon.
When you and the boys are about to sweep her off her feet
The Beach Boys walk into a bar.
"Get a round?"
"I'll get a round".
What did the boy cat say to the girl cat on Valentine's Day?
A couple expecting a baby girl made a long list of possible names for a girl child, but only one name in the event that they have a boy. They ended up having a boy.
He was named Justin Case.
What did the girl melon say to the boy melon?
We're too young, we cantaloupe!
A little boy watched, fascinated as his mother gently massaged cold cream on her face. "Why are you rubbing that on your face, mommy?" he asked.
"To make myself beautiful!" said his mother.
A few minutes later, she began removing the cream with a tissue.
"What's the matter?" he asked. "Are you giving up?"
What is the most popular book of the Bible amongst frat boys?
Why did the little boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
Because he heard there were sleeping pills in there.
MIRACLE: Baby boy birthed on an airplane
Cabin crew says he was air-born.
To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money.
On the plus side, he makes great Subway sandwiches.
The boys are getting together for some Cooperative Video Gaming tonight
Or what I like to call COVID.
When Sean Connery was a boy, people would often find him cleaning plates when they arrived.
His Mother would always turn around and say "dishes Sean Connery"
How do you tell a boy Gene from a girl Gene?
"Hey dad, what does gay mean?" The boy asked his dad