A "Beast-ie" Boys pun
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2014
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Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun and one brought some cough drops

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.

Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.

As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05
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So the doctor sat me down and gently revealed to me me that my child is a boy trapped in a girls body...

...Until my wife gives birth that is. Only three more months to go!

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RealTheAsh
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22
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I entered my sons room and said, "Remember, boy, masturbating can make you go blind."

"I'm over here dad." He replied.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OliPark
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27
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A boy knocks his father down the stairs in a freak accident.

The father breaks his neck and dies, leaving his son to mourn for days. However, one night, the boy wakes up to see an apparition of his father before him. All at once, he breaks down crying, and screams out, "I'm sorry!"

His father responds, "Hi Sorry, I'm dead!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aquarian9
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23
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I was once a boy trapped in a woman’s body

Then I was born

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thisispeculiar
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29
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A little boy asked his father why people would choose atheism.

The father replied β€œbecause it’s a non-prophet organization.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ialex2005i
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26
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I was talking to my friend and he asked me, β€œAs a young boy was your mom strict with you?” I told him, β€œTo be honest,...

β€œ...my mother was never a young boy.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30
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Fly straight and stay safe, boys
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AsAP0Verlord
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21
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Need some good puns when I whip this bad boy out on the course today. Help me out you geniuses!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mac-n-treez
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03
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Good boy
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DarthEquus
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13
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It's Arkansas now boy.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/peepeebigg
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27
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How do you know if an ant is a boy or a girl?

They are all girls, otherwise they'd be uncles!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hypeaze
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30
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What did the Buffalo say to his little boy as he left for school?

Bison.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xdefmodex
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26
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Boy. I bet Anakin Skywalker must have paid a lot of money for his suit.

I think It may have cost him a couple arms and a couple legs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Valbranz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02
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My twin preschool boys were playing with foam letters in the bathtub.

One happened to put the letter T into a toy stacking cup I was holding. I tried to give it to him but he didn't want it.

So I turned to my other son and said, "Hmm, guess it's not his cup of T".

Neither 3yo got it so I had to tell someone.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/1kings2214
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10
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There was a boy..

His name was Josh Buttlicker. Everyone used to make fun of him. On his 10th birthday his dad asked him what he wanted as a gift.

He said β€œI am so sick of everyone making fun of my name and I really want you to change it officially”.

Dad said β€œNo way! This is our family name, which represents our lineage, and I will never do it.”

He tried asking again on his 11, 12th up to his 17th birthday. But his dad denied his wish every time.

Finally on his 18th birthday, he told his dad β€œYou cannot do anything now. I am of legal age and it is my decision!!” He rushed to the court with a lawyer, and completed all the paperwork to change his name legally.

Then he came home, and his dad asked β€œwell, what is it?”

He said β€œDave Buttlicker”.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Transitionals
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29
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I remember the last words my grandfather ever said to me. He said β€˜You selfish boy!’

Not long after that, I became a fishmonger.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainAsia97
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31
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My wife is pregnant with a boy and i want to call him Lance /r/Jokes/comments/i9x83h/…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/daddycool6699
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15
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A mom angrily told her 4 year old son to say counting if he wanted to get his lunch. So the boy started... 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 9 10...

I don't think he need that lunch anymore. He already 8

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stent_kush
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17
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You know why I don’t eat Lazy-Boy recliners?

I don’t like chairy flavored food.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tkseizetheday
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09
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"Dad, what's it called if I like both boys and girls," the male buffalo said.

"I believe would be a bi-son," his father replied.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03
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Me and the boys on Call of Duty
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πŸ‘€︎ u/deathsticks4sale
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13
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Why did the boy fail his license test even though he took driver's ed?

It was a crash course.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vitaefinem
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01
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A boy leaned over to steal a kiss from his girl, but she was leaning over to steal a kiss at the same time.

They both made out like bandits.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lfantine
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02
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#Why didn't the dad let his young boy have the chocolate he wanted?#

Because it was too dark

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πŸ‘€︎ u/garavstar
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31
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My son walked into the living room only to find me looking around all misty eyed. Reluctantly, he asked, "What's up pop?" I blubbered, "My boy, I really love our furniture..."

"Me and my recliner go way back."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21
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Why was the German boy sad when sister ran away with his 3-Musketeers Candy Bar ??

Because he was Far-from-nougat!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bad11ama
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31
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Hi, I'm Poseidon. Just had to share this. I'm so proud of my boy. He's already working on his Christmas cards for this year, and I walked by and noticed what he was writing in each one.

Sea son's greetings.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Danielaurence
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26
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Did you hear about the storms that hit the boy scouts at camp last night ?

They were in tents

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Olaffubbuffalo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30
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As a dad of boys, poop is always a solid conversation topic.

Sometimes, not so solid, either.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/astucker85
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24
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A boy breaks his calculator just before a big math test

From the shelf beside him, an abacus says "Dont worry kid, you can always count on me"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bobdole4eva
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10
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When I was a young boy, I was walking down a gravel road with my grandpa. I accidentally slipped and fell to the ground, cutting my knees. Grandpa gently bent down and began to clean the wound, removing the little pebbles now embedded in my skin as I cried...

I'd always heard adults talk about it, but I finally knew what they were talking about.

I'll never forget the pain of my first kid knee stones...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04
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What did the father say to his baby boy before killing him with a vacuum cleaner?

Dyson

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πŸ‘€︎ u/excalibron
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10
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A guy says he taught his dog Morse code. "Aye right Show me." Mate says. Guy turns to dog and asks "who's been a good boy then?" Dog uses paw on ground. Tap tap pause tap long pause tap pause tap pause tap long pause tap pause tap pause tap long pause tap tap tap pause tap. "what he say?" Mate asks

"woof" guy replies

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedDogBoyMark
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
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There was once a troop of boy scouts camping in the mountains

Needing to refill on water, they approached a pristine mountain stream. "Surely we don't need to boil THIS water. It's so clear!" they thought. They all got sick.

Never judge a brook by its color.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/evanmcook
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11
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My nephew is working on the new house for his wife and two boys.

He plans to have one sunroom and two son rooms.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheWolfEmperor82
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05
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How is honey like the Boy Scout motto?

They're both bee-prepared.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RonPalancik
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06
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Shania Twain has given birth to a baby boy.

Choo Choo, was born at 3:30pm today weighing 6lb 8oz.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12
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I told both of my boys to beware of brassieres

They're all booby-traps.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bentnotbroken96
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27
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My brother and his wife decided to name their baby boy Tinnitus.

He claims it has a nice ring to it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17
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Boy, with all these statues getting torn down...

... I guess you could say these protests are changing the landscape.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrJPLH
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10
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Boy if you keep playing with that thing you're going to go blind.

Now quit playing with my arc welder!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/oppy1984
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03
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A young boy was walking to school when he saw a dead dog in the road. When he got to school he told his teacher what he saw. β€œHow do you know if the dog was dead?” She asked the boy. β€œI know because I pissed in his ear.” The teacher looked horrified. β€œWhat do you mean you pissed in his ear??”

β€˜I went up to him and went β€œPssstt!” in his ear and he didn’t move.’

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/No_Commment
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18
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Some boy scouts came to our house today and asked for donations for a local community pool being built.

I went and got them a glass of water.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/B1gB0iM3ME
πŸ“…︎ May 14
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A father was reading a book while his son was playing with toys on the floor. β€œDaddy, why is that book so thick?” asks the boy.

β€œIt’s long story,” replies the father.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustinJSJ
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24
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What did Mommy Spore & Daddy Spore name their first Baby Boy??

FunGus

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bad11ama
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03
🚨︎ report
So my kids want to become a Boy Band

I went to their first practice, and they spent the whole time tripping over each other while trying to dance.

I guess they weren't N-Sync.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calmfan5
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11
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Genie: What is your final wish? Boy: I wish I were you.

Genue: weurd but alrught.

πŸ‘︎ 15k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
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What is it called when someone rents a camp from the Boy Scouts for half a week?

A four de lease

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hfoste1380
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17
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[from my 4yo boy] How do you keep warm in a cold room?

Go to the corner there always around 90Β°

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/123sam321
πŸ“…︎ May 08
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Not many people know this, but Boy George had a taste for exotic and somewhat illegal Indian cuisine...

His favourite was the Korma Chameleon.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dongwaffler
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11
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Not all dogs are good Boys.

Some are Bitches

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alvbatross
πŸ“…︎ May 25
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No one has a Game Boy anymore.

Seems everyone has Switch-ed.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoomRulz
πŸ“…︎ May 22
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It is a very little known fact that Boy George has an anonymous Reddit account

You might say he is a karma chameleon

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πŸ“…︎ May 25
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What separates men from boys?

from

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the-other-alt
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10
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Did you hear the Pillsbury Dough Boy fell off the wall with Humpty?

He says he's good dough.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nvflip
πŸ“…︎ May 10
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What did the Mexican firefighter name his twin boys?

Hose A and Hose B

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jumbawumba07
πŸ“…︎ May 09
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What do you call a teenage boy's bedside diary?

Sticky Notes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Allgen
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16
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A woman is running up the front stairs of a church. She asks the boy sitting at the top, "Is mass out?" The little boy looks at her and says...

"No, but your hat's on crooked."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sineofthetimes
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26
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My son asked me how to tell a boy squirrel from a girl squirrel.

I told him to check for nuts.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YDAQ
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11
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A little boy went up to his father and asked:

Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?" The father replied, "Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cuase I still have mine!"

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07
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If boys have Adam's apple, what do girls have?

Eve's drop

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AVKD14
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28
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Did you know you can tell if an ant is a boy or a girl by dropping it in water?

If it sinks it's a girl ant

If it floats it's boy ant

πŸ‘︎ 153
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trtlman
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25
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Boy ants float WHO KNEW
πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/glitchomojo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08
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On our imaginary trip to Maui, my boy and I both stubbed our toes at the same. We were the chosen ones because we were gifted...

The Hurt of two feetie.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/simmsnation
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20
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If boys are cigars

Then that means

girls are cigarettes

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drupadvb
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03
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The question was: "How do people with extremely long fake nails properly wipe their butts after pooping? Saw someone struggling to type on their phone today with those bad boys"
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LogangYeddu
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22
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This one goes out to my musician boys
πŸ‘︎ 98
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrTurtle22
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2019
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Don't smoke, boys and girls
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Madserialkiller
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2019
🚨︎ report
one day a young boy was asking his dad about being in war

son: dad, did you ever get shot in the army?

dad: no son, I got shot in the leggy.

πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wumbojimbo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26
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Two little boys were at a wedding. One leaned over and asked "How many wives can a man have?"

The other answered "16. Four better, four worse, four richer, four poorer"

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/twoboxingfiend
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07
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My 10yo boy seriously thought I'm an atheist.

Because I was born in the 80's and that makes me an eightieist.

//I'm not making this up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/2balls1cane
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
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I told my son that if he brings home a boy, that he wouldn’t be my favorite son.

I would have two sons that are my favorite

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Poyweson
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14
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How do you tell the difference between a boy ant and a girl ant?

You throw them in water, if it sinks, it’s a girl ant, and if it floats, it’s a...

Buoyant!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/comefindme1231
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21
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Why did Boy George’s pet get upvoted?

Because it was a karma chameleon.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02
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When you and the boys are about to sweep her off her feet
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/randomguy2388
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15
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The Beach Boys walk into a bar.

"Round?"

"Round".

"Get a round?"

"I'll get a round".

πŸ‘︎ 796
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShredderSte
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
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What did the boy cat say to the girl cat on Valentine's Day?

You're purr-fect for me!

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheNefelivata
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14
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A couple expecting a baby girl made a long list of possible names for a girl child, but only one name in the event that they have a boy. They ended up having a boy.

He was named Justin Case.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kilokiilo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18
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What did the girl melon say to the boy melon?

We're too young, we cantaloupe!

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chordophonic
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01
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A little boy watched, fascinated as his mother gently massaged cold cream on her face. "Why are you rubbing that on your face, mommy?" he asked.

"To make myself beautiful!" said his mother.

A few minutes later, she began removing the cream with a tissue.

"What's the matter?" he asked. "Are you giving up?"

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15
🚨︎ report
What is the most popular book of the Bible amongst frat boys?

DUDEronomy

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrhjx
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01
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Why did the little boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?

Because he heard there were sleeping pills in there.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/leftonasournote
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04
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MIRACLE: Baby boy birthed on an airplane

Cabin crew says he was air-born.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Magnoxx
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06
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To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money.

On the plus side, he makes great Subway sandwiches.

πŸ‘︎ 147
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πŸ‘€︎ u/skylly100
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
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The boys are getting together for some Cooperative Video Gaming tonight

Or what I like to call COVID.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lemonloaff
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21
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When Sean Connery was a boy, people would often find him cleaning plates when they arrived.

His Mother would always turn around and say "dishes Sean Connery"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04
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How do you tell a boy Gene from a girl Gene?

Look for genetic makeup

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ajohn555
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27
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"Hey dad, what does gay mean?" The boy asked his dad

wife bad amiright?

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/usernametakenexe
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2018
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