Cake joke for my cake day!
They always wanted a father figure.
The other yells, "Oh my god! It's a talking muffin!"
on Sonday.
...and boys develop them around the age of forty…
I mist it.
F'raternity
"I believe would be a bi-son," his father replied.
If it sinks it's a girl ant
If it floats it's boy ant
You might say he is a karma chameleon
A four de lease
He fixed it and said, “Beep repaired”
Because they know fifty ways to tie the knot
But you gotta fight! For your right! To part A!
He said, "C4 yourself."
We were pulling into Dairy Queen for ice cream. One of the boys sd Hey there is only 1 car there. I said "You might say it looks...Desserted."
They didnt catch it so I though I'd share it with you all.
Father: 'Really, what?'
Boy: 'That the potato should go in the front.'
"Mother?"
...
"Mother?"
Hey, Europe.
I decided to call him Carson.
I'm an adult now, I can't keep on calling it sleepy snoozies time.
"A Roomba? Makita? Ooooh! I want Eureka!"
He avoided me for the rest of the day.
"Elementary, my dear watts son."
“I’ve gotta take a dump-a dump dump!”
I was at work, sarcastically saying how much I love sweeping. Stoned coworker says "..We should just call you Cinderella then.."
I said "If the shoe fits!"
Just in case
The yeastie boys.
You should of seen her face when I drove pasta
Once upon a time, when I was a wee lad, still in Boy Scouts, I went on a camping trip to Montana with my troop. It was going to be a great time, enjoying the cool weather and scenic views of the evergreen forests. However, we did have one issue: Montana is pretty notorious for having lots of bears. We weren't scared though, since our park ranger guide told us that bears can be scared off by making lots of noise, like yelling or hitting sticks on trees. Anyway, me and one of my friends, we'll call him Frank, were out exploring in the woods. We were doing what we were told to scare off the bears, but we were still a little antsy.
After a while, we got hungry, so we decided to sit down and eat our packed lunch. We found a nice log to sit on and rest our feet, and we put down our packs and started to sit. But then, Frank let out the BIGGEST scream I've ever heard! Then, he took off running, fast as a cheetah. I thought, "Uh, oh! Frank must've seen a bear!", so I took off after him. Frank was running so fast, we must have run for miles at breakneck speed. Eventually, he started to tire, and as I got closer, I saw why Frank screamed and started running. He had sat on a bear trap, and it was stuck fast to his rear end! We had a good laugh about it, but the bear trap really did leave its mark.
It's been a long time since that happened, and Frank hasn't run in while, but I like to tell this story because it explains why Frank's only half-fast now.
(If you don't get the joke, say the last sentence out loud)
After a visit to the vets to be micro-chipped the other day; discovered Seamus is actually a girl kitten.
I guess she's more of a Seamiss.
Granddad: Did you take a shower at my house?
Kids: yes.
Granddad: Well I'm gonna need you to put it back.
Old man has still got it.
Girls develop tits around the age of thirteen, boys develop them around the age of forty…
