How do you tell the sex of an ant? You drop it in water. It sinks: girl ant. It floats:...
Why is it so hard to get a date with a girl who likes horses?
Because she is already in a stable relationship...
Girl, when a guy swears he doesn't need to wear a condom, don't fall for it...
A girl potato told her parents she was marrying Tom Brokaw, but they forbid it because...
He was just a common-tater.
When a girl makes stupid decisions when she's turned on, can it be called clitical thinking?🤔
I once went on a date that ended with me and the girl sleeping together. After sex she lit a cigarette and told me me all about her hobby: collecting roadkill and pinning it to her wall. Well, there's no way I could see her after that...
Smoking is such a turn off.
I met a girl on Reddit and it ended in Pokemon puns
A few days ago I met a really cool girl on Reddit and then this happened. I asked and she is ok with me sharing it.
Puns here: https://imgur.com/a/8BOsNgn
Forgive my spelling but it was like 6am
"Dad, what's it called if I like both boys and girls," the male buffalo said.
"I believe would be a bi-son," his father replied.
I proclaimed to my wife that the world does not revolve around our little girl. Perturbed, she shot back, "Why on Earth would you ever say that!?" I explained, "Well, it's really quite simple you see, she's our daughter..."
Pregnant wife: What should we call it if it’s a girl?
me: Herbert
pregnant wife: but what if it’s a b-
me: Himbert
What do you call it when a movie star steals your girl?
The classic "chick-flick"
A girl I’m dating owns a bakery and works long hours. I don’t think it’s going to work out.
So I was driving uber tonight and I picked up a girl from the dorms at UNCW. She sat in the front and we were chatting when suddenly she sneezed.... Now. I didn't realize it while talking, but she had a glass eye, and when she sneezed her glass eye came flying out at me.
I caught it, handed it back to her and she popped it in and said thank you. I didn't know what else to say...
So, we rode in silence for the rest of the trip until we got to the bar. When we arrived at the bar, she turned and asked if she could have my number. I was flattered because she was so pretty, but I told her I was happily engaged.
She smiled at me and said, "That's a shame, you really caught my eye."
What was that one French girl from Harry Potter’s name? Oh yeah, it was
I dated an Eskimo girl once but it didn’t last
I was in a KFC in Prague, standing in line waiting to order my lunch when I noticed the beautiful girl wearing a black and white tiled apron who was giving the man in front of me a bucket of Buffalo wings..and then it dawned on me.
I was checking out a chequered Czech check-out chick who was checking out some chicken at the checkout.
A conductor kissed a girl in his bus, police took the conductor to jail and gave him electric shocks but it had no effect. Why?
because he was a bad conductor.
One time I lowered my standards when it came to a girl but I told my friends afterwards the girl was hot like a summer day in the Sahara. You could say I metaphor.
I met a girl on the internet once but it didn’t work out
A boy complains to his father: 'You told me to put a potato in my swimming trunks! You said it would impress the girls at the pool! But you forgot to mention one thing!'
Father: 'Really, what?'
Boy: 'That the potato should go in the front.'
What do you call it when a guy tries to sneak peeks at a girl's cleavage?
Cleavesdropping.
Shoutout to my wife for dropping this one on me.
Edit: About 6 people have responded with "peek a boob" already. I applaud the effort, but to me that would be better nickname for nip slips.
Ive got a petunia who doesnt know if its a boy or a girl.
Lost my watch at a party once. Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing this girl.
I walked up to the guy, punched him right in the face.
No one does that to a girl...... not on my watch.
Learned today that you can tell an ant's gender by putting it in water. If it sinks, it's girl ant.
If it floats, it's buoyant.
The person at the hairdressers asked me, "Are you braiding that girl's hair whilst dyeing it silver?"
Dad joked my girl friend when she lost her phone, it has a Beyonce case on it
Me: Do you want me to call it?
Her: It is on silent
Me: If you like it you should have put a ring on it
Her: Fuck you
I can't believe the girls at school can't wear tank tops, it totally violates the second amendment...
Don't they have a right to bare arms?
Did you know it's easy to teach girls not to eat tide pods?
It's much harder to deter gents.
After being warned to protect my new phone, I finally got my protection in the mail today. They sent me one meant for a teen girl with bieber on it. I still will use it until i can replace it to protect my phone.
Just in: Case; Justin case. Just Encase, just in case.
So I decided to make a tinder profile and I thought you guys would appreciate it more than the girls in my area.
imgur.com/1dVN6Ax
A man walks into a bar looking depressed. Bar tender asks whats wrong? Man says its his 50th wedding anniversary. And that when he was a teenager he got his girl friend pregnant. And to make it worse the father was a Judge and he told me if i did'nt marry his daughter i would go to Jail for 50 year
Today I could be a free man !
I remember my first girlfriend. She was an almond delivery girl. Sadly, it didn't work out.
Son, if a girl tells you a perfume is unisex, it’s probably still too feminine to wear. If YOU tell her the perfume is unisex, well...
I tried to explain to my little girl that it's perfectly normal to accidently poo your pants...
She didn't buy it, she's still making fun of me.
Overheard at the park: Little Girl- "Dad there's something in my shoe!" Dad- "Is it a foot?"
A girl took her past due bill and set it on fire. What's her name?
How to tell the sex of an ant. Drop it in water. If it sinks, girl ant. If it floats....
Did you know you can tell if an ant is a boy or a girl by dropping it in water?
If it sinks it's a girl ant
If it floats it's boy ant
You can tell the sex of an ant if you gently place it on water. If it sinks it's a girl ant, if it floats it's a buoyant.
Lost my watch at a party once. Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl. I walked up to the dude, punched him straight in the nose. No one does that to a girl, not on my watch.
I can't believe girls at school can't wear tank tops, it totally violates the second amendment
Don't they have a right to bare arms?
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