I like German sausage, but its puns are the wurst.
Don't be bitter about dank puns. Danke. Bitte.
I don't get it (Puns Daily calendar)
Its punning on a whole new level.
Pun enters room, kills 10 people. Pun in, ten dead. GET IT, PUN IN TEN DEAD
Southwest steps up its pun game
I met a girl on Reddit and it ended in Pokemon puns
A few days ago I met a really cool girl on Reddit and then this happened. I asked and she is ok with me sharing it.
Puns here: https://imgur.com/a/8BOsNgn
Forgive my spelling but it was like 6am
I hate the word "xenophobia", it sounds so...
Well someone had to do it
It FINALLY happened.
Almost 40 and growing my beard out for the first time. Wife finally says "You know I'm starting to like it." And I could finally say "Yeah. It's growing on me."
There's so many bad puns on this sub' it's making me just feel numb, and don't talk about the math ones..
..they make me feel even number.
I meant to cross post it but I don’t know why I cannot cross post so here is the screenshot version
I gave my daughter a watch for her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, "That's a pretty watch you've got there! Does it tell you the time?"
She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"
It would be shocking if this isn't a repost but I could not resist
Never thought of it like that haha
Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. That's it.
Today is the day I can post it
Why is it a bad idea to iron a four leaf clover?
Because you shouldn't press your luck!
It’s kind of sad that Christianity, Judaism, and Islam have been fighting each other for centuries.
Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.
Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
Who's the genius that decided to call it "Emotional baggage ".....
.....and not "griefcase."
It's pretty obvious, that if you run in front of a moving car, you will get tired. But if you run behind it..
..do you just get exhausted ?
What do you call a bee that cannot make up its mind?
A maybe....
Courtesy of my 5 y/o daughter.
It would suck not being able to eat bread :')
It's different. Take note everybody
It’s sad the neighborhood went down the crapper
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took
“So what’s it like living in the mountains?”
It’s got it’s ups and downs
Today I learned that if you're in a canoe and it flips over in water...
....you can safely wear it on your head... because it's capsized.
It used to be free to fill up your car tires with air, now it costs $1.25 You know why?
I built a model of Mt.Everest and my son asked, "Is it to scale?" I replied "No."
If you want to weigh a whale you take it to a whale weigh station. So where do you go if you want to weigh a pie?
Somewheeere over the rainbow...
I found pictures of Mt. Rushmore before it was carved
Its natural beauty was unpresidented
You know it's a great dadjoke when you say something and your family groans, but the stranger dad behind you laughs.
I was out looking at beds with the family.
Wife: "I really like this bed."
Me: "I like it too, but I think this one is bedder."
Me: the earth isn’t flat. Fiat Earther: correct. Me: huh? Fiat Earther: it’s the shape an italian car. Me: what?
Fiat Earther: you read my name wrong didn’t you?
I went to the zoo the other day. There was only one dog in it
A coworker of mine spilled boiling hot coffee on my leg and had the nerve to ask where it hurts
I certainly soap you like it.
Why is it pronounced Bri ish in Britain?
Because they drank the t.
I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my son’s train set by myself. In a moment of panic, I threw a bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
I can’t believe it’s not butter!
What do u call a boomerang that doesnt come back!??? (Its not stick)
Why is it pronounced Bri ish?
Because they drank the t.
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