I found out recently that it’s very common for Clowns to suffer from bad necks.

I guess it’s because they always sleep funny.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lethalwolfy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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A clown bets an old man $100 he can make him laugh. Man says "Sure, it won't happen"

Clown asks: "What do you call someone posing as a fake Italian chef? An im-pasta"

Man doesn't laugh

Clown asks: "What do you get when you cross a tiger and a bear? A tiger and a bear seeking revenge."

No response

Clown asks: "Which super hero asks the most questions? Wonder Woman"

Nothing

Clown asks: "Have you heard of the baseball team the Chicago Hot Dogs? They are the wurst"

Doesn't crack a smile

Clown asks: "Why was the alcoholic so annoying? He wined too much"

Clown starts to get nervous

Clown asks: "The disinterested hockey player got a penalty. What was it? Boarding"

Blank look

Clown asks: "What is a nun's favorite card game? Old Maid"

Yawn

Clown asks: "How do crustaceans celebrate birthdays? With crab cakes"

Annoyed

Clown asks: "What do you call a champion deer? A Win-doe"

grasping at straws

Finally Clown asks: "How do sheep sleep when they have nightmares? Baaaaadly"

He never laughs. Clown gives him his $100 and asks "Did any of my jokes make you laugh?"

Man says "No pun-in-ten-did"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scoob1978
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2019
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For Halloween, one of my sons dressed up as the clown from IT, and another son as a Twitter hashtag. They asked me my opinion...

I said "Penny wise, pound foolish"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/voip_geek
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
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Fun Fact: Steven King's 'It' is actually the story of a financially-responsible clown.

He's really penny-wise.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/paintedforfilth
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2019
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Did you hear about the pasta chef who couldn't make it as a clown?

He came up with 2 fusilli ideas.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Captain-Useless
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2019
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Pennywise the clown is listed in Forbes magazine, for what It's worth.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KairuSmairukon
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
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I went to an exotic seafood restaurant that serves clown fish, but I didn't eat it.

It tasted funny.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/brother_p
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2019
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I have a poster of the clown from it in my house that I move everyday.

Cause I like to move it , move it. I like to move it, move it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
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It's not a good idea to mess with a clown fish,

You'll just end up making anemone.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FairHairedWarrior
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2019
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It must suck having the world's best clown as your dad

You would have such big shoes to fil

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πŸ‘€︎ u/socalstokie
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2016
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It's a good thing they're taking care of this clown issue...

It was starting to effect the bozone layer.

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2016
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If I send a clown to deliver flowers to my wife...

is that a romantic jester?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jlenney1
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
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We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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Took my kids to the circus.

They especially enjoyed watching the clowns.

We won a backstage tour after the show, and happened to notice that all the people who were tallying up the tickets and sales were dressed as clowns, and happened to be little people...but none of them had been in the performances. When I asked the tour guide why they were dressed up even though they weren’t in the show, he replied, β€œDon’t you know? It’s the little jesters that count”.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/schoonerw
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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13 of my BEST Jokes

I used to be addicted to soap but ... I am clean now.

I am addicted to brake fluid but ... I can stop anytime.

If you are attacked by a group of clowns ... go for the juggler.

I just moved and IMMEDIATELY after we move in he starts banging on my door every night yelling at me ... coincidentally I just happen to be playing my drums those nights so I could easily tune him out.

I was just diagnosed with colorblindness ... It came right out of the purple.

I failed math so many times at school ... I can’t even count.

Once i threw a boomerang, it never came back, ... Now I live in CONSTANT fear

When life gives you melons ... you might be dyslexic.

Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician.

My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline ... She hit the ceiling!

There are 3 types of people in this world, those who can count ... and those who can't

They say three out of five people suffer from diarrhea ... so ... does that mean two out of five enjoy it?

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather ... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toydles
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
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Got played by my niece the other day

I was on the couch, visiting with family. My niece is about 2 or 3. She grabs my hand and says "Ewwwwwwwwwww"

Confused, I responded "Eww?"

And as if on cue, she looks down and spits directly into my palm, with a small piece of food for good measure.

Ah...."Eww."

Her dad sitting next to me on the ps4 looks over and asked what happened. I explained what happened and we both laughed. I'm not even mad, I'm impressed. It wouldn't surprise me if she becomes a stand up comic one day, or at least the class clown.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Marcofromda510
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
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Channel Shark News

I wrote a little skit for my grandkids let's see how much I remember. CHUM 8 news Ted Hammerhead reporting with sky Chompter traffic report. Top story, a lone shark, who is a loan shark is alone in the dark making loans to sharks! There is a new place to gamble, the place is full of sharks who turn out to be card sharks playing card games with sharks on the cards. Imagune the dogs playing poker for this story, but it's sharks. The other reporter asks Ted Hammerhead how he did on his recent drivers test, Ted responds "nailed it". Crime scene where a clown has been killed and the Detective states, " No way a shark did this as they taste funny". On a comment about the victim. I never did the weather or figured out names for the other reporters we used to laugh and laugh at my stupid puns.

Edit: I can't spell fixed typos

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Phroedrick
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Betting on the man jumping off a ledge

Two clowns were watching the late evening news. The current news story was about a man up on a ledge and threatening to jump. The station then cut to a commercial.

The first clown said, β€œI bet you $20 he’s going to jump.”

The second clown repliedΒ  β€œOkay, it’s a bet!”

(Back to newscast.) The man jumped.

The second clown, being a good sport, pulled out a twenty dollar bill and handed it to the other clown. β€œOkay. Here’s my $20.”

However, the first clown refused, saying β€œNo, I can’t take it.”

The second clown replied, β€œI insist. I lost the bet fair and square.”

The first clown said, β€œI have a confession to make. I saw the same thing on the 6:00 news and knew he jumped. So it wasn’t really a fair bet.”

But the second clown replied, β€œI know. I saw the same newscast. But I didn’t think he would be stupid enough to jump twice!”

http://bestcleanfunnyjokes.com/betting-on-the-man-jumping-off-a-ledge/

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfraymond
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2019
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Who killed Abraham Lincoln?

A clown walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask him a few questions.

Officer: What’s 2+2?

Clown: (counts on his fingers) … 4!

Officer: Good.Β  What’s the square root of 100?

Clown: (thinking fiercely) … 10!

Officer: Very good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln?

Clown: Ummmm … I don’t know.

Officer: Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow.

The clown goes home and calls up one of his friends, who asks him if he got the job. The clown says, excitedly, β€œNot only did I get the job, I’€™m already working on a murder case!”

Source: http://bestcleanfunnyjokes.com/who-killed-abraham-lincoln/

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfraymond
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
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Why do elephants paint their toenails red?

One clown asked another clown, β€œWhy do elephants paint their toenails red?”

The second clown thought and replied that he didn’t know.

The first clown said, β€œSo they can hide in cherry trees! Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?”

β€œNo,” replied the second clown.

β€œSee how well it works!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfraymond
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
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The clown with the dented car

A clown was driving home and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. His clown car was covered with dents, so the next day he took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that he was a clown, so he decided to have some fun. He told the clown just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.

So, the clown went home, got down on his hands and knees and started blowing into his clown car’€™s tailpipe. Nothing happened. He blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.

His roommate, another clown, came home and said, β€˜Β€ΒœWhat are you doing?’€ The first clown told him how the repairman had instructed him to blow into the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.

The roommate rolled his eyes and said’, "HEL-LOOOOOOOO "! You gotta roll up the windows!!!

https://bestcleanfunnyjokes.com/the-clown-with-the-dented-car/

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfraymond
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2019
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A family affair

My youngest was watching Netflix, deciding on a few episodes of Captain Underpants. In one particular episode, the titled character is forced to share a room with a clown. My wife, watching this show, laughs about him having Coulrophobia (Fear of clowns), and repeatedly panicking in subsequent scenes. Finally near the episode, she asks ,"What did that clown ever do to him?"

My response: "Nothing. He's It's Cousin. Pound Foolish"

Wife stares at me. Blinks twice. Goes back to watching the TV that has more comedy than her idiot husband

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Coulrophiliac444
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
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Whose dog is smarter?

Two clowns are arguing whose dog is smarter:

First clown : My dog is so smart. Every morning he waits for the paperboy to come around, and then he takes the newspaper, unrolls it and brings it to me.

Second clown : I know

First one : How could you know?

Second one : My dog told me

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfraymond
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
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Man, I killed it tonight

But that damn clown had it coming

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SandyHoey
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2019
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Puns for Kids

The funniest and shortest puns for kids, you always remember while teaching children puns, try to choose the short ones because they are easy for them to remember and register.

Puns for Kids

Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!


What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon!


Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.


What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room? Odor in the court!


Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.


Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.


The streets in the capital of Afghanistan are paved with Kabulstones.


How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you.


What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An egg roll!


No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.


Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken!


What musical is about a train conductor? β€œMy Fare, Lady”.


A man drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.


What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.


What animals are on legal documents? Seals!


Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!


Why did the bumble bee leave the house? It heard the school was having a spelling bee.


Being struck by lightning is really a shocking experience!


How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans!


Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!


Dockyard: A physician’s garden.


What did the angry mother say to the boiling pot of spaghetti? Simmer down!


The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.


β€œWhat’s purple and 5000 miles long?” β€œOoh! I know! The Grape Wall of China!”


Every calendar’s days are numbered.


This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. β€œFour bucks,” says the bartender. β€œPut it on my bill.”


I used to be twins. My mother has a picture of me when I was two.


What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch!


When does a well-dressed lion look like a weed? When he’s a dandelion (dandy lion).


Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a-salted.


A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2017
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Chemistry Puns

Funny collection of chemistry puns

What do you get when you mix sulfur, tungsten, and silver? SWAG


Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now.


What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A one molar solution.


How do Sulfur and Oxygen communicate? A sulfone


What do you call Iron blowing in the wind? Febreeze.


Why do chemists call helium, curium, and barium the healing elements? Because if you can’t helium or curium, you barium!


Why did the noble gas cry? Because all his friends argon.


Why did the acid go to the gym? To become a buffer solution!


Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!


Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak? Because it’s in the ground state.


How many moles are in a guacamole? Avocado’s number.


If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.


What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.


Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.


What element is a girl’s future best friend? Carbon.


I had to make these bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.


Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na


Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!


Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now.


What do you do with a dead chemists? Barium


What animal is made up of calcium, nickel and neon? A CaNiNe


What did the chemist snack on during lunch? A β€˜gram’ cracker.


What would you call a clown in jail? Silicon (Silly Con)


What weapon can you make from the elements potassium, nickel and iron? A KNiFe.


How did carbon propose to Hydrogen? With a β€œcarbonkneel”


What did one titration tell the other? Let’s meet at the endpoint.


How can you spot a chemist in the restroom? They wash their hands before they go.


Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.


Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na


Why do chemistry professors like to teach about ammonia? Because it’s basic material.


Did you hear about the chemist who was reading a book about helium? He just could not put it down


Why do chemistry professor like to

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2017
🚨︎ report
Studying for my MCAT when I came across this passage in Verbal.

I have written this book to sweep away all misunderstandings about the crafty art of punnery and to convince you that the pun is well worth celebrating.... After all, the pun is mightier than the sword, and these days you are much more likely to run into a pun than into a sword. [A pun is a witticism involving the playful use of a word in different senses, or of words which differ in meaning but sound alike.]

Scoffing at puns seems to be a conditioned reflex, and through the centuries a steady barrage of libel and slander has been aimed at the practice of punning. Nearly three hundred years ago John Dennis sneered, β€œA pun is the lowest form of wit,” a charge that has been butted and rebutted by a mighty line of pundits and punheads.

Henry Erskine, for example, has protested that if a pun is the lowest form of wit, β€œIt is, therefore, the foundation of all wit.” Oscar Levant has added a tag line: β€œA pun is the lowest form of humorβ€”when you don’t think of it first.” John Crosbie and Bob Davies have responded to Dennis with hot, cross puns: β€œ...If someone complains that punning is the lowest form of humor you can tell them that poetry is verse.”

Samuel Johnson, the eighteenth century self-appointed custodian of the English language, once thundered, β€œTo trifle with the vocabulary which is the vehicle of social intercourse is to tamper with the currency of human intelligence. He who would violate the sanctities of his mother tongue would invade the recesses of the national till without remorse... ”

Joseph Addison pronounced that the seeds of punning are in the minds of all men, and tho’ they may be subdued by reason, reflection, and good sense, they will be very apt to shoot up in the greatest genius, that which is not broken and cultivated by the rules of art.

Far from being invertebrate, the inveterate punster is a brave entertainer. He or she loves to create a three-ring circus of words: words clowning, words teetering on tightropes, words swinging from tent tops, words thrusting their head into the mouths of lions. Punnery can be highly entertaining, but it is always a risky business. The humor can fall on its face, it can lose its balance and plunge into the sawdust, or it can be decapitated by the snapping shut of jaws. While circus performers often receive laughter or applause for their efforts, punsters often draw an obligatory groan for theirs. But the fact that most people groan at, rather than laugh at, puns doesn’t mean that the punnery isn’t fu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zil2mz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2014
🚨︎ report
I made salmon for dinner last night...

Girlfriend: "I can't eat this it tastes funny."

Me: "Are you sure? I'm certain the label said salmon and not clown fish."

Cue groans and eye rolling

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πŸ‘€︎ u/champthebit
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2014
🚨︎ report
My dad had this marine themed anti-vaxxer zinger last night.

We were watching a documentary about the ocean. At one point they described the process of clown fish "vaccinating" themselves to the sting of the anemone by exposing themselves to it from birth.

My dad: "Jenny McCarpy is outraged."

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2016
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My brother is ready to be a dad.

My sister was telling us about how she has to do a project about serial killers for her forensics class. She said that one of her classmates had chosen one who dressed up like a clown.

My brother says "Oh yea, I think they made a movie about that... What was IT called again?"

I couldn't help but laugh my ass off with him.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OneSkinnyBastard
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2016
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My friend's dad's Facebook posts are golden

*Khakis: What you need to start the car in Boston.

*Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

*Doctors tell us there are over seven million people who are overweight. These, of course, are only round figures.

*What do you call a cow who gives no milk? ...A milk dud (or an udder failure)

*There was a terrible fight reported in our local shopping center. It just so happened that a news reporter from one of our local stations was there to record the entire episode. It was an altercation between a prominent dentist and a manicurist. Their disagreement escalated to the point that they wound up fighting each other tooth and nail.

*The little old woman who lived in a shoe wasn't the sole owner - there were strings attached.

*I recently saw a theatrical performance on puns... turned out, it was just a play on words!

*Have you ever tried watching a magician with an anger management problem? Every time he gets mad, he pulls his hare out!

*If you lose your hearing, is it ear replaceable? -Just wondering

*Harvard has long been known for its championship Rowing team – until this year. They had their first ever indecisive rower... he couldn’t choose either oar.

*I found an excellent seamstress who is so enthusiastic about her work that she's happy to make a pair of pants for you …or at least sew its seams.

*No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

*I bought a new weed whacker yesterday & it is cutting-hedge technology!

*Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.

*I read about a recent fire at the circus. The heat was in tents.

*I was saddened to hear that our local bakery was going out of business. They said they had decided to stop making donuts after they got tired of the hole thing.

*I decided that becoming a vegetarian was a missed steak.

*Why do seagulls fly over the sea? …Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels!!

*I wonder if their manure spreader is the only equipment John Deere won't stand behind.

*I saw a very emotional wedding recently... even the cake was in tiers!

*I'm glad I'm not a cross-eyed teacher... otherwise I'd find it too difficult to control my pupils!

*What time is it when little white flakes fall past the classroom window? ...Snow and Tell

*I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.

*The other day I held the door open for a clown. I thought it was a nice jester.

*What kind of math do Snowy Owls like? …Owlgebra

*What

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gwildcat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2014
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Clowning around

My 7yr old was in a parade last night and along with a bunch of candy, came home with a picture/buisness card for a local clown. This morning he was looking for it. "Dad where is my clown picture?" "Look in the bathroom above the sink" he looks. "Not there Dad"
"Get your sister, there are two clowns in the picture now" They get halfway to the bathroom before I die laughing and get the" Hey!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/everluvblueeyed
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2014
🚨︎ report
Most memorable dadjoke- My friend's dad a few years ago

It was my friend's 15th birthday and for his party his dad drove a bunch of his mates to the local aquatic centre. On the way there he started asking us what we'd been doing with our time and we told him about the band we'd just formed.

We went through each of our band members and what each of us played. Finally got to our last member (who was renowned for being very clumsy and a bit of a class clown) and told him that he played bass. His reply?

"Huh, I thought he'd be playing the fool"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/garythegyarados
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2013
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 74
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
What do cannibals call clowns

Happy meals...

Jk they don’t eat clowns because they taste funny

Edit: if this has already been posted tell me and I’ll remove it.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZianTurner
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
i know its a really bad joke

a clown waved at me , i thought it was a nice jester

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/roshanshaji310
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2019
🚨︎ report

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