I like German sausage, but its puns are the wurst.
Don't be bitter about dank puns. Danke. Bitte.
I don't get it (Puns Daily calendar)
Its punning on a whole new level.
Pun enters room, kills 10 people. Pun in, ten dead. GET IT, PUN IN TEN DEAD
I met a girl on Reddit and it ended in Pokemon puns
A few days ago I met a really cool girl on Reddit and then this happened. I asked and she is ok with me sharing it.
Puns here: https://imgur.com/a/8BOsNgn
Forgive my spelling but it was like 6am
I certainly soap you like it.
Went to GameStop to use the bathroom, but it was out of order...
I guess I have to keep holding it.
My wife gave me an ultimatum. It was either her or my addiction to sweets.
The decision was a piece of cake.
I can’t believe it’s not butter!
A century ago, two brothers insisted that it was possible to fly ...
... and as you can see, they were Wright
When my wife found me playing with my son’s train set, I was so embarrassed that I threw a bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
Ah yes medical pun (putting the actual joke in the title would kinda ruin it all ngl)
I was on a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies...
Is this a trick question?
I came home really drunk last night and my wife wasn’t happy at all. “How much have you had to drink?” she asked sternly, staring at me. “Nothing” I slurred. “Look at me!” she shouted. “It’s either me or the pub, which one is it?”
I paused for a second while I thought and mumbled, “It’s you. I can tell by the voice.”
Before my surgery today, the anesthesiologist asked if I'd like to be knocked out with gas or he could just hit me over the head with a canoe paddle. So I guess it was...
...an ether/oar situation...
I wrote down the names of all the people I hate on a piece of paper, but my roommate used it roll up a joint.
Now he’s high on the list of people I never want to talk to again.
I met a beautiful cactus today, so I told it, " you're looking sharp today ".
" I'm just a cactus " , it said. " You have a point there ", I replied.
A blonde goes into a church and asks the minister, "How much does it cost to rent a church singing group?"He said,"Do you mean a choir?"
She said "Fine... How much does it cost to acquire a church singing group?"
I have a pencil that used to belong to William Shakespeare. He chewed it a lot.
Now, I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B!
It’s funny cause it’s true.
From r/askreddit's thread "If your sex life was a country, what country would it be and why?"
My printer was making music so I checked it out.
I built a model of Mount Everest and my son asked, “Is it to scale?” I replied, “No…”
Fun fact: Every dictionary has at least 1 mistake in it!
In the M section, right after mist.
Thanks HAI
No no it’s not sbread that’s the stuff you put on the bread.
I tried dating a communist, but it didn’t work out.
There were too many red flags.
I took the shell off of my racing snail, thinking it would make him faster.
But if anything, it made him more sluggish.
What do Mexicans eat when it's cold out?
If you had a Tesla and it got stolen...
Would it now be an Edison?
Gonna milk this one for all its worth
All my hispanic friends love it when I say “mucho.”
To kill a French vampire, you have to drive a baguette through it's heart.
Sounds easy, but the process is painstaking .
It's a 5-minute walk from my house to the pub. It's a 35-minute walk from the pub to my house
The difference is staggering
It’s been years since the show ended, and I’m a little annoyed that people are still making ‘Friends’ references.
No one told me life was gonna be this way.
My wife told me that my botanical garden was so expensive that it was preventing us from starting a family. She said I can either have a hobby...
ADAM IT IS I, YOUR LORD GOD!
Why it’s hard to teach Aussie’s how to play chess?
Because they think every check is check mate
It's also, done by A minor
I was walking past the river today and this guy asked me if his rod looked good. Then, he asked if I liked his net. When he continued on and asked if I was impressed by the amount of fish he had caught, I finally lost it and shouted...
"Hey buddy, quit fishing for compliments!"
You're damn right it will
Lol (Got it from r/memes)
Maybe she’s born with it. Maybe it’s...
Got a lot of it in quarantine
I tried to organize a professional Hide and Seek tournament, but it failed miserably.
Good players are hard to find.
My printer was making music so I checked it out
Turns out the paper was jamming
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