Too dangerous to be left alive
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anukrit_Subedi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17
🚨︎ report
What would Marilyn Monroe be doing if she was still alive today?

Probably scratching the inside of her coffin.....

πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/almac2242
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07
🚨︎ report
Dead Oar Alive, You're Coming With Me
πŸ‘︎ 80
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dramaticskill12
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27
🚨︎ report
What did the shoe say when he was the last one left alive?

β€œI guess I’m the sole survivor”

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hungry-Hippo_3124
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
just stayin' alive
πŸ‘︎ 297
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hilloviikot
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
🚨︎ report
THERE ISN'T A SINGLE PERSON ALIVE TODAY WHO IS

Married

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/oakvard
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13
🚨︎ report
I made a joke about the song Staying Alive and how it sounds like women singing. Apparently many of you didn’t like it.

Hereby my sincere apolobeegies!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pleasethelions
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
After WWII some of Hitler’s extended family was still alive. How many Hitlers could still be alive today?

I’m not certain, but I believe there are FΓΌhrer than there used to be!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What a time to be alive
πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DumbassNinja
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Houdini was a really great man when he was alive.

But after he died, he was just an average cadaver.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Wanted Dead & Alive

Schrodingerβ€˜s Cat

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Texgymratdad
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know that, while alive, Mozart composed symphonies in almost every major key?

Sadly, in death, he was relegated only to D-composition.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hsdad
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy that was burried alive?

It was a grave mistake.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/flippantteacup
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Dead Oar Alive, You're Coming With Me
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RevGrizzly
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2018
🚨︎ report
My new year's resolution is to stay alive

It's a do or die

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FlankyCranky
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2020
🚨︎ report
If you had your choice of having lunch with anyone ever, dead or alive who would you pick?

I would pick someone alive.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yello5drink
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I want to get myself in the guinness world records for the oldest man alive, but it's taking me a long time
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Panda2377
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
🚨︎ report
do you think Alexander would be an antivaxer is he were alive today?

i don’t think he would. after all, he’s not throwing away his shot.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thelittlestwoman
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Keeping the puns alive
πŸ‘︎ 93
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brawl_Noob
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
🚨︎ report
My brother thinks he's the smartest person alive. He thinks onions are the only foods that can make you cry.

So I threw a coconut at him.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Kim Jong Un isn’t alive...

They’re using Kim Jong Deux

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stolensupra
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
🚨︎ report
The Supreme Leader of North Korea has not died, he is alive.

His New Name is Kim Jong-Undead

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ajmansell
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I hope I’m alive in 48 years...

So I can ask on 2/4/68 who do we appreciate??

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/awburrou
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2020
🚨︎ report
This morning I asked my wife like a reporter, "The world wants to know, what it's like being married to the funniest man alive?"

She said, "Meh."

So I immediately said, "You heard it here, folks, it's a meh zing."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gamerspoon
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Wow, I lived during the time Bill Gates was alive

I can't wait to tell that to people a thousand years from now!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mawire
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
🚨︎ report
The Grape Depression by Berried Alive
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pielewis
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
🚨︎ report
This guy is getting berried alive
πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Burying someone alive...

Is a grave mistake.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Keauxbi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
🚨︎ report
The Dead Sea used to be alive...

... but then Chuck Norris swam in it 🀠

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2020
🚨︎ report
The ice age would be the coolest time to be alive.
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fistom
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Iβ€˜m afraid of being eaten alive.

If you want to eat me, you’ll have to do it over my cold, dead body.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/isRoan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Do you ever wake up, kiss the person beside you and feel glad you are alive?

I just did and apparently I will not be allowed on this airline again!

πŸ‘︎ 100
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Stoatwobbler
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad was buried alive...

He was in grave danger!

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SmyleKyleSmyle
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
🚨︎ report
If Jesus were alive and on Twitter...

He’d probably have a lot of followers.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lawnswizzle82
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2019
🚨︎ report
A witch is about to boil me alive.

I'm in hot water.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CoruscareGames
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you know that vultures will only eat animals that are not alive and not silly?

Dead Serious!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Saphen-
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2019
🚨︎ report
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JoshP99
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the man buried alive accidentally?

It was a grave mistake.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KOB-STR
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2017
🚨︎ report
If planes were alive, where would they drink water?

In the jet stream.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2019
🚨︎ report
If I could be anyone, alive or dead...

I'd definitely choose alive.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moonmanchild
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Is Schrodinger’s cat alive?

Short Answer: No.

Long Answer: Yes.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2019
🚨︎ report
If Leonardo da Vinci we’re alive today, the Mona Lisa would have been called β€˜IMG-20121020-00463.jpg.’
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yeetyboi8787
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Somebody in the world is the most oblivious person alive, and they don’t even know it.

https://www.reddit.com/r/Showerthoughts/comments/ad9ad6/somebody_in_the_world_is_the_most_oblivious/

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nitrodragon523
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2019
🚨︎ report
What would George Washington do if he were alive today?

Scream and scratch his coffin.

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/arz992
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2018
🚨︎ report
You guys know the undertaker vs Kane buried alive match?

Yeah they were both in grave danger.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ghost_Wish
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2018
🚨︎ report
How do you stay alive in a "dead pool"

You use the "death stroke"

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/theparadox69
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2018
🚨︎ report
My 7yr old got me: If the pilgrims were still alive today, what would they be famous for?

Being like 400 years old.

πŸ‘︎ 346
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YOLO4JESUS420SWAG
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2015
🚨︎ report
Is Kim Jong Un still alive?

Or is Kim Jong Urn?

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyjarvis
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
🚨︎ report

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