True story: I was a kid, watching TV in our living room. My dad was outside using the grill. All of a sudden he bursts in the door hopping on one foot yelling “I stepped on a Bee!”
I was so concerned I jumped up and ran over to him...
Earlier that day my friend and I who were really into mountain biking had been using really sticky letters to put our names on our bikes. We were working near the general area of the BBQ.
Apparently I had dropped one...
Stuck to the bottom of my dads foot was the letter B....
A legendary dad joke from a legendary dad.
“So what’s it like living in the mountains?”
It’s got it’s ups and downs
If you sell pee for a living...
I'm a 40 year old woman who delivers babies for a living and I just bought a brand new Corvette...
Everyone thinks I'm have a Midwife crisis.
Living with my friend Cole can be tough sometimes.
He's got all these really weird rules you have to follow, like whenever you eat cabbage, he insists you have to eat it with mayonnaise.
It's just Cole's law.
(Thought of this one whilst trying to come up with puns to annoy my husband. He abhors dad jokes, and receiving this look -_- means I did a good job.)
Why did the crab like living alone?
My new neighbour asked what I did for a living, and I told her that I'm an existentialist philosopher...
Her: "So what does that mean, you just sit around thinking about being all day?"
Me: "No, some days I also think about nothing."
I saw a homeless guy living in a tyre...So, I punctured it.
Since then, he's living in a flat.
A fraudster who installs kitchen worktops for a living got arrested
Police say he was charged with counter fitting
What does Samuel L. Jackson's mom do for a living?
My buddy said he's been living on tins of baked beans all month.
That can't be good for his back.
It’s really hard for me to say what my wife does for a living.
She sells sea shells on the sea shore.
Once I finally finished installing the thin wood flooring in my large living room, I thought to myself...
Mrs. Dracula, from the living room: "Count Dracula!"
Count Dracula, from the basement:"1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6..."
I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.
Covid can cause another condition, however, this condition won't come up in people living in sweden.
It's called Stuckhome syndrome
I have created living numbers! In fact, one of them is psychic and told me that certain things will continue to happen for a long time.
At least for the four-seeable future.
Why was the farmer given an award for acting as a living scarecrow?
Because he was simply outstanding in his field.
Why do they call the Engineer living at 4th Lane "Robert"?
Because his name was "Robert"
Coming this fall to CBS, a new sitcom about a pair of actresses living in the 17th Century...
It’s called “2 Baroque Girls”.
My friend makes a living off of being the sound of a clock.
Her actual words were, "I'm a tiktoker," but I knew what she meant.
What do you call a polar bear living in Florida?
A solar bear
Bonus: what do you call a bear that practices dentistry?
A molar bear
What do ye call a fish that makes a living with computers?
What’s the advantage of living in Switzerland?
Well, the flag is a big plus.
The other day I decided to install a highly decorative wall plug in my living room.
I needed a creative outlet.
After I was arrested, my ex-wife decided to hang a picture of my mugshot on the wall in her living room.
But she still won't admit she framed me.
I pine fir the good oak days, when it was poplar to spruce up the living room with a real tree.
I make Christmas wreaths for a living. So I decided I would make one out of 100 dollar bills the other day.
I call it a wreath of Franklin.
I don't know how our Mohel can possibly make a living.
What do you call an American living in Russia during the winter?
Is life worth living ?
It depends upon the liver.
I used to dig trenches under roads for a living
but I had to quit because it was just boring.
What do you call wrestling with your dog in the living room?
A person who crushes can for a living is always sad
Because his job is Soda pressing
Me: So, what do you do for a living? Ornithologist: Well, I’m an ornithologist.
Me: Oh, really? Knock, knock!
Ornithologist: Who’s there?
Me: Woodpeckers.
Ornithologist: Woodpeckers who?
Me: No, that’s the owl. And you call yourself an ornithologist?
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
What's The Best Part Of Living In Switzerland?
I don't know, but the flag is a big plus!
I'm never leaving a living will.
As soon as my foot falls asleep, my wife's going to declare me brain dead.
I cut lumber for a living, but I keep sleeping on the job.
As you can tell, I'm a slumberjack.
My kid dreams of one day living in the attic.
I don't know what to wear to the living room New Year's Eve
Its been hard living with a Tampa Bay Rays fan
Why did the bear leave the forest he was living in?
Because it was unbearable to live there anymore...
Why did the living door fall over?
He was knocked unconscious!
Did you know there’s a law stating no one living within 5 miles of a cemetery can be buried there?
I find it really hard to say what my wife does for a living.
She sells seashells by the sea shore.
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