True story: I was a kid, watching TV in our living room. My dad was outside using the grill. All of a sudden he bursts in the door hopping on one foot yelling β€œI stepped on a Bee!”

I was so concerned I jumped up and ran over to him...

Earlier that day my friend and I who were really into mountain biking had been using really sticky letters to put our names on our bikes. We were working near the general area of the BBQ.

Apparently I had dropped one...

Stuck to the bottom of my dads foot was the letter B....

A legendary dad joke from a legendary dad.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2021
🚨︎ report
β€œSo what’s it like living in the mountains?”

It’s got it’s ups and downs

πŸ‘︎ 294
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Im-Not-dead-yet1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2021
🚨︎ report
If you sell pee for a living...

Urine business.

πŸ‘︎ 62
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2021
🚨︎ report
I'm a 40 year old woman who delivers babies for a living and I just bought a brand new Corvette...

Everyone thinks I'm have a Midwife crisis.

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrippyGoods
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2021
🚨︎ report
Living with my friend Cole can be tough sometimes.

He's got all these really weird rules you have to follow, like whenever you eat cabbage, he insists you have to eat it with mayonnaise.

It's just Cole's law.

(Thought of this one whilst trying to come up with puns to annoy my husband. He abhors dad jokes, and receiving this look -_- means I did a good job.)

πŸ‘︎ 156
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πŸ‘€︎ u/arthur_nemosnax
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did the crab like living alone?

He was a real hermit

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/THPSROCKS
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2021
🚨︎ report
My new neighbour asked what I did for a living, and I told her that I'm an existentialist philosopher...

Her: "So what does that mean, you just sit around thinking about being all day?"

Me: "No, some days I also think about nothing."

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/antastic
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2021
🚨︎ report
I saw a homeless guy living in a tyre...So, I punctured it.

Since then, he's living in a flat.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2021
🚨︎ report
A fraudster who installs kitchen worktops for a living got arrested

Police say he was charged with counter fitting

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Epelep
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2021
🚨︎ report
What does Samuel L. Jackson's mom do for a living?

She's a mother trucker.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ May 12 2021
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My buddy said he's been living on tins of baked beans all month.

That can't be good for his back.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/incredibleinkpen
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2021
🚨︎ report
It’s really hard for me to say what my wife does for a living.

She sells sea shells on the sea shore.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2021
🚨︎ report
Once I finally finished installing the thin wood flooring in my large living room, I thought to myself...

At lath.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Uncle-Zippers
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2021
🚨︎ report
Mrs. Dracula, from the living room: "Count Dracula!"

Count Dracula, from the basement:"1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6..."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Phripheoniks
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2021
🚨︎ report
I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.

It made it look a little more classy.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnrichmondman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2021
🚨︎ report
Covid can cause another condition, however, this condition won't come up in people living in sweden.

It's called Stuckhome syndrome

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Major_Cupcake
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2021
🚨︎ report
I have created living numbers! In fact, one of them is psychic and told me that certain things will continue to happen for a long time.

At least for the four-seeable future.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Why was the farmer given an award for acting as a living scarecrow?

Because he was simply outstanding in his field.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pistolwinky
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2021
🚨︎ report
Why do they call the Engineer living at 4th Lane "Robert"?

Because his name was "Robert"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Coming this fall to CBS, a new sitcom about a pair of actresses living in the 17th Century...

It’s called β€œ2 Baroque Girls”.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bgva
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend makes a living off of being the sound of a clock.

Her actual words were, "I'm a tiktoker," but I knew what she meant.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Derpvboii
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a polar bear living in Florida?

A solar bear

Bonus: what do you call a bear that practices dentistry?

A molar bear

πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/westsoutheast
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
🚨︎ report
Living my best loaf
πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mister_Cranch
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
🚨︎ report
What do ye call a fish that makes a living with computers?

Microsoft Offish

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2021
🚨︎ report
What’s the advantage of living in Switzerland?

Well, the flag is a big plus.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LayThatPipe
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
🚨︎ report
The other day I decided to install a highly decorative wall plug in my living room.

I needed a creative outlet.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shu-di
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
🚨︎ report
After I was arrested, my ex-wife decided to hang a picture of my mugshot on the wall in her living room.

But she still won't admit she framed me.

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DestroyatronMk8
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I pine fir the good oak days, when it was poplar to spruce up the living room with a real tree.
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/und88
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I make Christmas wreaths for a living. So I decided I would make one out of 100 dollar bills the other day.

I call it a wreath of Franklin.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZealousidealRise7
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I don't know how our Mohel can possibly make a living.

He only works for tips.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call an American living in Russia during the winter?

Edward Snowden

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Peachho
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2021
🚨︎ report
Is life worth living ?

It depends upon the liver.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cyborg_robot
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
I used to dig trenches under roads for a living

but I had to quit because it was just boring.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/noobmoney_rs
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call wrestling with your dog in the living room?

Ruff housing

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirFrankPork
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
🚨︎ report
A person who crushes can for a living is always sad

Because his job is Soda pressing

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/its_boogeyman
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Me: So, what do you do for a living? Ornithologist: Well, I’m an ornithologist.

Me: Oh, really? Knock, knock!
Ornithologist: Who’s there?
Me: Woodpeckers.
Ornithologist: Woodpeckers who?
Me: No, that’s the owl. And you call yourself an ornithologist?

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BinBender
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
🚨︎ report
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?

Pyramid schemes

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Arakashi_moku
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What's The Best Part Of Living In Switzerland?

I don't know, but the flag is a big plus!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
I'm never leaving a living will.

As soon as my foot falls asleep, my wife's going to declare me brain dead.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Xi_32
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
I cut lumber for a living, but I keep sleeping on the job.

As you can tell, I'm a slumberjack.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SegavsCapcom
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
My kid dreams of one day living in the attic.

He has lofty ambitions.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryanooooo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I don't know what to wear to the living room New Year's Eve

I might not even go

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/buckarooBanzii
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Its been hard living with a Tampa Bay Rays fan
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JackieLouCue
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the bear leave the forest he was living in?

Because it was unbearable to live there anymore...

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alexgen9
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did the living door fall over?

He was knocked unconscious!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DecIsMuchJuvenile
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know there’s a law stating no one living within 5 miles of a cemetery can be buried there?

Because they’re living

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DronePilotNYC
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I find it really hard to say what my wife does for a living.

She sells seashells by the sea shore.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report

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