The folks who live in my town aren’t allowed to be buried in the old cemetery on the edge of town.
Mostly because they’re not dead yet.
In college, I used to live on a houseboat, and started dating the girl next door.
Eventually we drifted apart.
NASA scientists say it may be possible to live on Mars.
What a load of rubbish, I tried it and now I'm five stones heavier and diabetic.
Movie pitch: A pandemic is unleashed by ticks that live on and around the mouths of alpacas. Global chaos ensues as the disease wipes out 99% of humanity.
Desperate survivors are forced to live in a post-alpaca lip tick wasteland.
What do you call a sorceress that lives on the beach?
I have a plan to live on two bucks for the whole next year.
Step 1: get a hunting license.
My son kept chewing on live electrical wires
What do you call a vengeful Australian spell caster who lives on the beach?
I live on top of the mountain and i usually have 99 problems
What kind of house do ninja turtles live in when they go on vacation from living in the sewers and fighting crime?
Why can't cats live on mars
Did you hear about the man who lost his home and had to live on the streets?
What do you call a group of horses and male swine that live on a farm nearby?
Ever heard of the polar bear that lives on both north & south poles, is manic depressive and attracted to both sexes?
Hes known as the bi-polar bi-polar bi polar bear.
We used to live on a very busy main road.
But after our 4th child got run over, we decided to move into a house.
Wife (we both live in the US): I have to make sure my work phone is on do not disturb mode before bed so I don’t get email notifications from co-workers in our office in Europe.
Me: Sure, because when they send email, they don’t care if you’re up.
What’s the difference between an Oklahoman marsupial and a conspirator who lives on the moon?
One is a Sooner lemur and the other is a lunar schemer.
What do you call a cactus that lives on Sesame Street?
"Okay Fred, Shaggy and Daphne, can you name an animal that lives in Africa and has a large horn on its face?"
"Rhino!"
"We know you know the answer, Scooby, but it's not your turn."
What Star Wars character lives on the beach?
Sando Calrissian
Courtesy of my 11 year old brother. He came up with a pretty clever dad joke
Why does Darth Vader live in a castle on Mustafar and not in the capital?
Because he does not like coarse sand.
I live in an apartment building, and my neighbour, Nami, on the floor above me, managed to flood my entire apartment! There are practically tidal waves in my kitchen. She refuses to pay for the cleanup, too.
I don't know if this was the right choice, but I decided to tsunami.
My son keeps chewing on the live electric wires...as a parent, I handled it...
I told him he’s grounded.
What do you call a tick that lives on the moon?
What planet does a seal live on?
It’s hot where we live. Wife was lamenting on how we don’t have A/C.
I said “Honey, we don’t need that modern technology,” pointing at the ceiling fan I continued, “When we’ve got something that’s revolutionary.”
Why did Bilbo live on for so long even after Frodo took the One Ring away from him?
Because old hobbits die hard!
When you really want to live life on the edge and be healthy
Watching bears fish for salmon in Alaska live on YouTube when my GF asks what I'm watching.
What do you call a woman who lives on top of a house?
What do you call a conspiracy theory blood sucker that lives on the moon?
Sheep either die a gyro, or live short enough to become the veal-on...
They have found an animal that lives both on the north and south pole
Sadly, it has a natural mental disorder.
It's a bi-polar bear
What kind of street does the Pink Panther live on?
Dead end, dead end, dead end dead end dead end dead end dead eeeeeend.
I live in an old neighborhood with a 100 year old oak tree. One day every year, all the kids in the neighborhood put all their boy/girl scout badges on the tree. One day, I wonder why the kids do this. So, I called up my dad to ask him, and he said...
"Oh, it's just a badge oak."
I let a homeless mouse live on my clock for a few weeks while he pulls his life back together
He’s living on borrowed time
When the Offspring play live they all perform on a partitioned stage...
Cause, "You gotta keep 'em separated!"
Picture this: A pandemic is unleashed by ticks that live on and around the mouths of alpacas.
Global chaos ensues.
The disease wipes out 99% of humanity, and the desperate survivors are forced to live in a post-alpaca lip tick wasteland.
In college, I used to live on a houseboat, and started seeing the girl next door.
Eventually we drifted apart.
In my twenties, I used to live on a houseboat, and started seeing the girl next door.
Eventually we drifted apart.
When I was in college, I used to live on a houseboat and started dating the girl next door.
Eventually we drifted apart.
"Okay Fred, Shaggy and Daphne, can you name an animal that lives in Africa and has a large horn on its face?" "Rhino!"
"We know you know the answer, but it's not your turn Scooby!"
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
