I don’t even like Pokémon just live puns
Live savings spent in a second
Reflecting on Prince Philip death, I was chatting with the Mrs and I said, I know I’m getting a little older, but I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.
She got up, unplugged my laptop and threw out my beer….
EDIT: Thanks for the kind awards... My first ever! ❤️
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Did you know that curious people live longer?
That's because curious people are lifelong learners.
Learners are also known as pupils.
And pupils dilate.
Wild Falcons live to be about 13. So all the Falcons in the wild today were born in the 21st Century.
They're Millennial Falcons
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because if they lived in pepper water, they would sneeze.
What do you call a witch that lives in the sand?
I don't know but I'm getting hungry.
What do you call Pikachu when he joined the Black Lives Matter movement?
Where do Italian gangsters live?
Do you think jugglers who live in houses with low ceilings...
What do you call a witch that lives in the beach?
Long live Rudolph the red
Polar bears only live in the Arctic, and Arctic means “near the bear” while Antarctic means “not near the bear"
So I guess you could say the Antarctic is the un-bear-a-pole region!
A woman is sick in the hospital. Doctors tell her she only has days to live. She summons for her husband because she has something important to tell him. He rushes to the hospital.
When he arrives she says “I’ve decided what I want for dinner.”
I was interrogating a crab the other day and I asked it “What’s your name? Where do you live? What’s that on your back?”
My wife works with birds at the zoo. The other day I asked her about the lifespan of a falcon. She said they usually live for about 15 to 20 years.
"I guess that means all the Millennial Falcons are gone."
Picture this: A pandemic is unleashed by ticks that live on and around the mouths of alpacas.
Global chaos ensues.
The disease wipes out 99% of humanity, and the desperate survivors are forced to live in a post-alpaca lip tick wasteland.
Why is it that nobody who lives within ten miles of Wisconsin's Forest Home Cemetery is allowed to be buried there?
Because they're all still alive!!
What do you call an ex pimp who lives on the streets?
My wife works in animal medicine and rolled her eyes at me. "Where does a vet who specializes in neutering live?"
I took the kids to see Paw Patrol live
Mama troll was nowhere in sight.
Feel blessed to live in Hawai'i but apparently, I'm just not a funny guy. Every time I tell a joke, all I get is...
What do you call two horses that live next to eachother?
Where do sex worker monks live?
Where do poor meatballs live ?
How can I get someone to hang out with me, laugh at each other’s jokes, and maybe share some fun platonic experiences together throughout our lives?
What blade lives by the water?
While waiting for a school-related live stream, me and my friend decided to throw words at each other and make puns out of them. This is one of my most proudest puns.
Why are people that live on mountains smarter?
Because they have high-schools
Why do seagulls live by the sea?
Because if they lived by the bay they’d be bagels.
I would say i live in africa but then id be lion
This one popped in my head out of nowhere.
Where do British police officers live?
My stressed out Mexican friend is moving to a place where one can live a life of ease on 100 centavos a day...
He needs a change of peso.
We live next door to the Pullovers.
They're a tight knit family.
Juan's friends and family always tell him how to live his life, but he's been doing some solitary soul searching
Because it takes Juan to know Juan
What might you call people who live in the high Arctic?
What’s the difference between the police response to Black Lives Matter protests and their response to the Capitol Hill riots?
Well, it’s black and white.
The inventor of the crossword puzzle lives near me...
He's 3 streets across and 2 down.
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper water would make them sneeze.
Why do seagulls live by the sea?
If they lived by the bay, they'd be bagels.
Movie pitch: A pandemic is unleashed by ticks that live on and around the mouths of alpacas. Global chaos ensues as the disease wipes out 99% of humanity.
Desperate survivors are forced to live in a post-alpaca lip tick wasteland.
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