I don’t even like PokΓ©mon just live puns
πŸ‘︎ 183
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMrJelly
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Live savings spent in a second
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Raven_007
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Reflecting on Prince Philip death, I was chatting with the Mrs and I said, I know I’m getting a little older, but I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.

She got up, unplugged my laptop and threw out my beer….

EDIT: Thanks for the kind awards... My first ever! ❀️

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?

Lou.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joblesshopeful007
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you know that curious people live longer?

That's because curious people are lifelong learners.

Learners are also known as pupils.

And pupils dilate.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LateralAxes
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2021
🚨︎ report
I like to torture my friend's with excellent puns. These are the responses I *live* for. reddit.com/gallery/ms1o2z
πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Erasmusings
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Wild Falcons live to be about 13. So all the Falcons in the wild today were born in the 21st Century.

They're Millennial Falcons

πŸ‘︎ 112
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πŸ‘€︎ u/adfunk101
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2021
🚨︎ report
Why do fish live in salt water?

Because if they lived in pepper water, they would sneeze.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PeaPanties
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a witch that lives in the sand?

I don't know but I'm getting hungry.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alain389
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call Pikachu when he joined the Black Lives Matter movement?

A Wokemon.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAzrael2013
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2021
🚨︎ report
Where do Italian gangsters live?

The spaghetto.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wertyuio267
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2021
🚨︎ report
Do you think jugglers who live in houses with low ceilings...

Have lofty dreams?

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a witch that lives in the beach?

A sandwitch

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/v_Delavnici
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2021
🚨︎ report
Long live Rudolph the red
πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pasd84
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Polar bears only live in the Arctic, and Arctic means β€œnear the bear” while Antarctic means β€œnot near the bear"

So I guess you could say the Antarctic is the un-bear-a-pole region!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/misterboris1
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2021
🚨︎ report
A woman is sick in the hospital. Doctors tell her she only has days to live. She summons for her husband because she has something important to tell him. He rushes to the hospital.

When he arrives she says β€œI’ve decided what I want for dinner.”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dano558
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2021
🚨︎ report
I was interrogating a crab the other day and I asked it β€œWhat’s your name? Where do you live? What’s that on your back?”

It said β€œMichelle”

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KinglerKong
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife works with birds at the zoo. The other day I asked her about the lifespan of a falcon. She said they usually live for about 15 to 20 years.

"I guess that means all the Millennial Falcons are gone."

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gherkinstein
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2021
🚨︎ report
Picture this: A pandemic is unleashed by ticks that live on and around the mouths of alpacas.

Global chaos ensues.

The disease wipes out 99% of humanity, and the desperate survivors are forced to live in a post-alpaca lip tick wasteland.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/purpleibanez801
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2021
🚨︎ report
We live in a susiety
πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/motakira
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2021
🚨︎ report
Why is it that nobody who lives within ten miles of Wisconsin's Forest Home Cemetery is allowed to be buried there?

Because they're all still alive!!

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HughJamerican
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call an ex pimp who lives on the streets?

Hoemless

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icantgivetitwanks
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife works in animal medicine and rolled her eyes at me. "Where does a vet who specializes in neutering live?"

A cull-de-sack

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/waldo06
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2021
🚨︎ report
I live by my blood type

Be positive

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Giraffeeti
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2021
🚨︎ report
I took the kids to see Paw Patrol live

Mama troll was nowhere in sight.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/handr0
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Feel blessed to live in Hawai'i but apparently, I'm just not a funny guy. Every time I tell a joke, all I get is...

a low ha

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call two horses that live next to eachother?

Neigh-bors

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Smithsmiths
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2021
🚨︎ report
Where do sex worker monks live?

At a moanastery

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Dets
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
🚨︎ report
Where do poor meatballs live ?

The Spaghetto.

πŸ‘︎ 89
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2021
🚨︎ report
How can I get someone to hang out with me, laugh at each other’s jokes, and maybe share some fun platonic experiences together throughout our lives?

Asking for a friend

πŸ‘︎ 625
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What blade lives by the water?

A Beyblade

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GREENHOWLER18
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2021
🚨︎ report
People live forever

Or they die trying

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PreeIsAlive
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
🚨︎ report
While waiting for a school-related live stream, me and my friend decided to throw words at each other and make puns out of them. This is one of my most proudest puns.
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anathex_Adv
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Why are people that live on mountains smarter?

Because they have high-schools

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Geb69
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Why do seagulls live by the sea?

Because if they lived by the bay they’d be bagels.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/slcikdeaaal
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2021
🚨︎ report
I would say i live in africa but then id be lion

This one popped in my head out of nowhere.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/0rb1t4l
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
🚨︎ report
Where do British police officers live?

999 Letsby Avenue!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jamster_1988
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2021
🚨︎ report
My stressed out Mexican friend is moving to a place where one can live a life of ease on 100 centavos a day...

He needs a change of peso.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2021
🚨︎ report
We live next door to the Pullovers.

They're a tight knit family.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2021
🚨︎ report
Juan's friends and family always tell him how to live his life, but he's been doing some solitary soul searching

Because it takes Juan to know Juan

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xtilexx
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
🚨︎ report
What might you call people who live in the high Arctic?

Ice-olated.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between the police response to Black Lives Matter protests and their response to the Capitol Hill riots?

Well, it’s black and white.

πŸ‘︎ 87
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thisDiff
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
🚨︎ report
The inventor of the crossword puzzle lives near me...

He's 3 streets across and 2 down.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2021
🚨︎ report
Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper water would make them sneeze.

πŸ‘︎ 126
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AnEvilSunBro
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2021
🚨︎ report
I’m gonna live forever

or die trying

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jaxerfp
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
🚨︎ report
Why do seagulls live by the sea?

If they lived by the bay, they'd be bagels.

πŸ‘︎ 56
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/garth177
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
🚨︎ report
Movie pitch: A pandemic is unleashed by ticks that live on and around the mouths of alpacas. Global chaos ensues as the disease wipes out 99% of humanity.

Desperate survivors are forced to live in a post-alpaca lip tick wasteland.

πŸ‘︎ 745
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
🚨︎ report

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