Long live Rudolph the red
π︎ 5k
π
︎ Dec 06 2020
How can I get someone to hang out with me, laugh at each otherβs jokes, and maybe share some fun platonic experiences together throughout our lives?
π︎ 626
π
︎ Dec 21 2020
Whatβs the difference between the police response to Black Lives Matter protests and their response to the Capitol Hill riots?
Well, itβs black and white.
π︎ 82
π
︎ Jan 07 2021
NASA scientists say it may be possible to live on Mars.
What a load of rubbish, I tried it and now I'm five stones heavier and diabetic.
π︎ 34
π
︎ Dec 27 2020
In college, I used to live on a houseboat, and started dating the girl next door.
Eventually we drifted apart.
π︎ 660
π
︎ Oct 30 2020
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
π︎ 25
π
︎ Jan 12 2021
Movie pitch: A pandemic is unleashed by ticks that live on and around the mouths of alpacas. Global chaos ensues as the disease wipes out 99% of humanity.
Desperate survivors are forced to live in a post-alpaca lip tick wasteland.
π︎ 739
π
︎ Oct 15 2020
So if a bird lives by the sea itβs a seagull. If it lives by the bay itβs bagel.
So if itβs covered in slime, is it a googull?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 10 2021
Fact: A single ant live about 29 years
Question: What about Married one?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 09 2021
My daughter was telling me about 'live streaming' and twitch...
Wow was I relieved to find out she wasn't going into the boys room to use the urinal.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 15 2021
I used to live paycheck to paycheck...
....but now that I'm older and better established, I live direct deposit to direct deposit.
π︎ 27
π
︎ Dec 28 2020
I just found out that my friend lives a secret life as a priest.
π︎ 22
π
︎ Dec 27 2020
I have a plan to live on two bucks for the whole next year.
Step 1: get a hunting license.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Dec 16 2020
I have recently been made homeless and have to live in my car...
...Now every room is the living vroom
π︎ 13
π
︎ Dec 27 2020
We live in Colorado and took my son outside today to play hide and seek for the first time. I pointed at the Rockies, looked him dead in the eye and said, "Under no circumstances can we allow them to play!" Confused, he ask why, so I explained, "Well, you see...
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 03 2021
What vegetable lives in your heart?
π︎ 25
π
︎ Nov 17 2020
Whatβs the difference between a live pyre and a dead pyre?
π︎ 12
π
︎ Dec 20 2020
I'm going to live forever
π︎ 5
π
︎ Dec 01 2020
Hugh Jackman is making a live action Frosty movie where he joins the circus!
Itβs called The Greatest Snowman.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Dec 13 2020
What do you call a guy who lives in a hole ?
π︎ 10
π
︎ Dec 04 2020
What do you call an elf that lives in New York City?
π︎ 21
π
︎ Nov 12 2020
Do you know the top 15 states to live in?
Alaska, Washington, Idaho, Montana, North Dakota, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Ohio, Pennsylvania, New York, Vermont, New Hampshire, & Maine
π︎ 23
π
︎ Oct 15 2020
Where do royal British ducks live?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Nov 20 2020
Iβve always wanted to live in a lighthouse...
Iβve been on and off the idea for years.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 10 2020
I finally see why people donβt like the live action DC films!
Because they donβt do the heroes justice
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 21 2020
Why do pirates live the alphabet?
Because they spend years at C
π︎ 3
π
︎ Oct 22 2020
What animals love to live in a sewer?
π︎ 33
π
︎ Sep 30 2020
What kind of habitat does a rabbit live in?
A rabitat.
My six year old just cooked this up; you're welcome.
π︎ 83
π
︎ Oct 08 2020
The best drummers are short guys who live in the city
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 30 2020
The vet said our chick has survived through the accident, but his brain was damaged so heβd have to live the rest of his life a vegetable.
Guess weβll call him Eggplant now
π︎ 11
π
︎ Nov 12 2020
a wise man once said "thick thighs saves lives"
https://preview.redd.it/m5ilmigjv4v51.png?width=640&format=png&auto=webp&s=ce48ec5cbcddbacbbaf121aed97c0585e6467cda
π︎ 4
π
︎ Oct 25 2020
My son kept chewing on live electrical wires
π︎ 825
π
︎ Jun 29 2020
I asked my Chinese friend what it's like to live in China
He says he can't complain
π︎ 271
π
︎ Aug 21 2020
Did you know Koalas live in groups?
So if you mess with one, they koala them to help...
π︎ 2
π
︎ Oct 24 2020
True story: My girlfriend just asked me if I knew any good jokes about physicists (my profession). I said yes, but they were all about physicists' dating lives.
So they're pretty much all one-liners.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 20 2020
What do you call a vengeful Australian spell caster who lives on the beach?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Nov 16 2020
Where do South American frogs live?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Sep 17 2020
Which part of our body lives the longest?
π︎ 31
π
︎ Oct 10 2020
Why do sharks live in saltwater?
Because pepperwater makes them sneeze.
π︎ 17
π
︎ Oct 25 2020
In honor of the occasion. What do you call witches who live together?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Oct 31 2020
Where do iron workers live?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Oct 30 2020
Why did the germaphobe go away to live by himself?
He wanted to be hermitically sealed.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Sep 12 2020
I live for dried grapes.
They are my raisin d'etre...
π︎ 40
π
︎ Aug 26 2020
How many people live in South America?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 06 2020
What has more lives than a cat? β¦
β¦ the frog in my garden. It croaks every night!
π︎ 4
π
︎ Oct 26 2020
What a sexist society we live in, today is National Daughter's Day and it's celebrated once a year.....
But we celebrate Son day every week!
π︎ 7
π
︎ Sep 26 2020
I live in the old city of Pompeii
I suppose you could say my life is in ruins
π︎ 7
π
︎ Oct 20 2020
Picture this: A pandemic is unleashed by ticks that live on and around the mouths of alpacas.
Global chaos ensues.
The disease wipes out 99% of humanity, and the desperate survivors are forced to live in a post-alpaca lip tick wasteland.
π︎ 14k
π
︎ May 01 2020
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