Our office has decided to employ livestock

So now I have a bunch of new cow-workers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wotah_Bottle_86
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12
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I could never raise livestock. But my nephew can.

He’s farmer qualified.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JMackOnBass
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
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The bank denied my friend a loan for his marijuana and livestock farm

They said the steaks were too high

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KD0AZT
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2019
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As a commercial livestock hauler, I’ve delivered quite a few donkeys to different farms.

My clients get their asses handed to them.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2019
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What's another name for Russian livestock?

A Mos-cow

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rwils926
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2018
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Working as a livestock broker is a rough job,

but it pays the bulls.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sventertainer
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2018
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Two livestock farmers were sat in the pub arguing over the government’s upcoming ban on exporting live animals...

The beef cattle farmer thought it was a silly policy and would greatly reduce his income from selling meat overseas....

The pig farmer disagreed, he thought it was a great opportunity for livestock farmers to benefit from higher profit margins in a strong domestic market with fewer overheads.

Feeling very passionate after a few beers, the beef farmer says to the pig farmer:

β€œThis time in 12 months, the government will have repealed this policy because it’s such a terrible idea... in fact, I’m willing to bet on it. If I’m wrong, and they don’t repeal it, I’ll give you my prized cow, Daisy. But if I’m right, and they do repeal it, you have to give me free bacon for a year”.

The pig farmer is confident that the policy will be a success and won’t be repealed. So he says β€œdeal”.

The beef farmer carries on:

β€œActually, I think this policy is going to be such a terrible failure that I’ll need to sell half of my cows to stay afloat... in fact, I’m willing to bet on it. If I’m wrong, and t

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dens382
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2018
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When I got into farming, I didn't know what to farm! Livestock, corn, wheat...

There's just too many fields to chose from!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/I-to-the-A
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2018
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Why did the Himalayan farmer have trouble hearing his livestock?

He couldn't find an Ox cord.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/photoast
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2017
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Urban livestock

Background: house in the suburbs. Cleaning before putting up Christmas decorations. Mom had a wicker box out for something.

Dad: And that just leaves the wicker pannier. We need a second one of these so the burro doesn't tip over... you know, they've got those in New York now.

Mom, only half listening: Panniers and donkeys?

Dad: Burros. Five of 'em.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anoria
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2017
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Did you hear about the farm that was taken over by the livestock?

There was mootiny.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hiya1307
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2017
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I feel my livestock professor could cover information better...

...It feels like he really GRAZES over the information.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZSR2010
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2016
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I recently heard that the agriculture industry will be discontinuing baling hay in big rolls

The livestock can’t get a square meal!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/oldwahsatch
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
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This farmer had a prize show bull.

This bull had won best in show awards. Groomed daily, perfect stance, it was a great bull.

One day the farmer goes out and sees the bull has gone cross-eyed. This was going to ruin ant chance of future awards, so he called the livestock vet out.

The veterinarian gets there and examines the bull, realizes he's seen this happen before and grabs a narrow metal tube from the back of his truck.

He brings the tube over and jams the tip of it into the bulls hind end and proceeds to blow as hard as he can through the end of it.

The farmer looks at the bulls eyes as the vet is blowing into the bulls backside and says "it's working! I see his eyes straightening right up, keep doing it!"

The vet blows and blows his face and cheeks turning red and finally says, "I'm out of breath I can't do it anymore, his eyes are almost straight you'll have to finish"

The farmer comes over and grabs the tube, pulls it out, turns it around and puts it back in the other way, the vet stops him and says, "What

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Amd20555
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2018
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Is there a prize for the most laborious set-up?

Down on his farm, Old MacDonald was hosting his annual talent contest amongst his animals and announced that, this year, the theme was Shakespeare.

All of his livestock had been busily and excitedly rehearsing because they knew that 1st prize was to be a gigantic gazebo festooned with flashing electric lights, a glitter ball, a speaker system and turntables.

Competition was fierce; the chickens performed Othello, the horse chose Hamlet, the sheep Romeo and Juliet and the cow performed Richard III.

After much deliberation, the farmer and his wife ordered a hushed silence and announced: "Cow is the winner of our disco tent."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JeffGoldbuns
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2014
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Driving down the highway...

We see a truck carrying cows or some animals and I ask my dad, "Is that a livestock truck?"

Dad deadpan replies, "No that's soon-to-be-dead-stock truck."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tofuuti
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2013
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I work at a grain elevator and fertilizer plant, dad joked my wife.

Wife: How's the market today?

Me: Grain is up in rows, livestock is outstanding in the field.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jimrob4
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2014
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