The Pilgrim's Pride CEO plead "not guilty" today in a poultry price-fixing case

What a chicken.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/badenglishihave
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05
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I stopped eating poultry.

I gave up cold turkey.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18
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I think I'm addicted to eating poultry from the fridge

Looks like I'm going to have to quit cold turkey.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kingcasel
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
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What do you call poultry that knows algebra?

A mathemachicken

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
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I just need dad joke enthusiasts to know that the International Poultry Meat Congress is held in Turkey this year.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PhilipGlassEye
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
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It is with deepest regret that I have to inform you all, my poultry dating site will be closing down,

as I can no longer make hens meet!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Twigsnapper
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2018
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My friend was addicted to eating frozen poultry

He quit cold turkey

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Huardy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2018
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Apparently made with conservative poultry.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spyrulfyre
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2018
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I gave up eating deli meat poultry

I quit cold turkey

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HPAP
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2018
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Mr. Jones loses his poultry and drove of pigs in a vicious coyote attack one night.

Upon hearing the news, his neighbours and other farm owners decide to chip in to help him through a tough time.

With high hopes and heavy pockets, they reach Mr. Jones' farmhouse, only to see him merrily sipping lemonade on the porch. Confused, a person from the horde asks him, "Aren't you devastated?"

To which the farmer says,

No ham, no fowl

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theswarthyknight
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2018
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My poultry business isn’t doing so well, my chicken account is almost at zero.

lol

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fus_ro_derrp
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2018
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My Jamaican friend invited me to his poultry farm

The second I arrived his chickens started to attack me.

He fought them off and said, β€œSorry about them. They’re jerk chickens.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ToroZuzuX
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2018
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What do you call a successful, wealthy poultry farmer?

A chick magnate

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πŸ‘€︎ u/itsmoolla
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2017
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I really can't stand poultry seasoning.

It just smells so fowl.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/carnageraiser
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2017
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What dating app does poultry use?

Chicken Tinder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tyburskii
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2017
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Poultry in motion.

Co-worker and I were talking about his contract here, and if he's heard anything about the position here at work. He told me he hasn't, but that he has some other interviews coming up.

"I don't want to keep all my eggs in one basket" he tells me.

"That's right." I reply. "You should keep them in the fridge so they don't spoil!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TrainAss
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2016
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Terrible Party
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πŸ‘€︎ u/windsa1984
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10
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A Car Shaped Like A Chicken Won the Pinewood Derby.

Judges said it was poultry in motion.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TrixyUkulele
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26
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I killed a chicken last week

Now I Think I’m getting haunted by a poultrygeist

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/smokycash
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2019
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My buddy was concerned about his chicken crossing the road.

I said his concerns are poultry.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JuteScrap
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04
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What do you call a chickens ghost

A poultry-geist

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πŸ‘€︎ u/saberking007
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
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When I play country music for my chickens they start to sway and circle the coup to the music...

It's poultry in motion!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
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What did the rooster do to impress the hen?

He wrote poultry for her.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/abacadavocados
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2019
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Now that we’ve discussed β€œwhy the chicken has crossed the road”, what does it look like?

It’s poultry in motion

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xOffthepost
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
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I have a chicken proof lawn…

Its impeccable…

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2017
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Why did a chicken cross the road?

Because it is poultry in motion

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mortalily
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2019
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I don't know why the chicken crossed the road

but it was poultry in motion.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/elokwins
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2019
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My dad quit his job at the chicken farm.

He said the pay was too poultry.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
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What do you call a ghost chicken?

A poultry Geist!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PFflymolo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2019
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I tried to bring two dead chickens with me on my flight, but they said I was only allowed one carrion.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Griznuq
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2017
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I went to a seafood party last night

I had so much fun I pulled a muscle

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mattpudzilla
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2017
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I've been working day an night in a chicken farm

and now I am eggsausted

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πŸ‘€︎ u/joseph_yau
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2018
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My Thanksgiving Confession

Hey guys. As I'm sure most of you know, it's currently Thanksgiving in Canada. This time of year for me has, in the past, caused a lot of issues in my life.

To give a little bit of background on me, I'm usually an extremely healthy and fit guy, as I play high-level sports and have a physically demanding job. However, for much of my life, my willpower began to crumble around this time of year.

I first started taking my diet seriously when I was about 12 years old. I had some kind of realization where like, I dunno, I started looking at how jacked these movie stars were and was all, "wow, I want to be that cool too." Judging by the bowl cut I had when I was 12, my perception of cool may have been a little skewed, but I digress.

Anyhow, it was my first Thanksgiving where everything started falling apart. One of my relative's families ended up no-showing for dinner, so we were left with a load of Thanksgiving leftovers. For the next week, every single meal or snack I had was Thanksgivin

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/M3gaC00l
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2018
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I was offered $3.50 for a dozen chickens...

I could never agree to sell them for such a poultry sum.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/technically_art
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2018
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What do you call a chicken dancing ballet?

Poultry in motion.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/this_is_grand
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2018
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Why did the ghost cross the road?

It was a poultry geist

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hi_HungryImDad
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2018
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Why did the chicken add two and two?

I don't know but it was a poultry sum.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MisterPamp
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2018
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What do you call the spirit of a dead hen haunting a farm?

A poultry-geist.

Courtesy of my father while eating rotisserie chicken.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/valmian
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2018
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I was awoken last night by a strange, "cluck cluck cluck" sound and feathers falling on my face...

Must have been a poultry-geist...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2017
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Did you hear about the chicken ballerina?

To watch her dance was like poultry in motion.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/werdnadrew
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2017
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What do you call the apparition of a chicken?

A poultry-geist.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spendthelove
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2018
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In some parts of the world an AK-47 costs the equivalent of a chicken.

Which is a pretty good deal for those on a poultry wage.

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2018
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What kind of tree doesn't have leaves?

Poultry.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NyarlathotepJR
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2016
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A king had a problem with a serial killer chicken...

He placed 30 silver coins as a bounty, and was peeved after a month had passed and nobody had taken the offer. He inquired to his squire, who responded that nobody would undergo such an unpleasant pheasant hunt for such a poultry sum.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KetoSaiba
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2016
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Puns for Kids

The funniest and shortest puns for kids, you always remember while teaching children puns, try to choose the short ones because they are easy for them to remember and register.

Puns for Kids

Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!


What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon!


Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.


What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room? Odor in the court!


Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.


Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.


The streets in the capital of Afghanistan are paved with Kabulstones.


How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you.


What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An egg roll!


No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.


Why did the turkey cross the road? To

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2017
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Have you ever seen a chicken dance?

It's pure poultry in motion

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πŸ‘€︎ u/omnomnosaurus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2017
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What did the dad say when he apprehended the man who stole a roast chicken from a supermarket?

There's no such thing as a poultry crime! (Stolen from a hero dad in country Australia http://www.smh.com.au/nsw/give-me-the-bloody-chicken-hero-dad-thwarts-chook-thief-outside-coles-20180109-h0fl5g.html )

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cloverface
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2018
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What do you call a turkey sausage rolling around in a pan?

A poultry-geist

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NyanMudkip
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2016
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What do you call it when you throw a chicken out of a window?

Poultry in motion.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sapphira_Roan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2014
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My grandpa sent me this email. King of dad jokes.
  1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

  2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

  3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

  4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

  5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

  6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

  7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

  8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

  9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

  10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

  11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

  12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

  13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said t

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mattybreit
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2014
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Thought This Up a Couple Nights Ago

Just sitting around watching tv, and put this one together on a commercial break.

> Q: What do you call the angry ghost of a turkey? > >A: A poultry-geist

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πŸ‘€︎ u/archaic_entity
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2015
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What kind of ghost haunts a hen house?

A poultry-geist.

This actually came from an NPC in WoW today...I groaned. He must have been a dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Azsunyx
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2013
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