But she still won't admit she framed me.
European
I have to make every second Count.
Because they’re made of cells
Gotta be Low key
He rasped, "Cuz they’re still alive!"
I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus
I think I've done well sofa
She's nun the wiser!
She sells sea shells by the sea shore.
Because he's still alive
It’s my secret ‘stache.
A1C por favor
Well, there are a lot of good reasons, but the flag is a big plus.
I Just responded with “dad, stairs don’t talk”
He doesn't get paid much, but at least he gets to keep all the tips.
"Me and my recliner go way back."
He's been hospitalized, his condition is listed as stable.
You know. “Cause spiders are naturally good web designers.”
It's dead quiet.
She said “well just paint it, Red”.
I told her it was a Sound Investment.
Its just something I could see myself doing
You matter.
How boring!
it remains popular.
Laika million to one
-WHO wants you to wash your hands.
-Who does?
-Yes
-Who wants me to wash may hands?
-Yes, WHO wants you to wash your hands and practice social distancing.
-I don't know who. My mom?
I can picture myself doing it!
He's a lyin' tamer.
The first person says “I was a doctor, I saved lives.” St. Peter lets him in.
The second person says “I was a teacher, I educated and inspired hundreds of children”. St Peter lets him in.
The third says “I was a musician, I brought joy and beautiful music to many people.”
St. Peter says “ok, but you’ll have to go around back and come in through the kitchen.”
An entre-manure!
I told him he needs to grow a pear
I'm in recovery.
Hangs up peoples blinds.
It turns out he was just spinning a yarn
I wake up wondering if it could ever Brie.
Sometimes I have to cut corners.
They just stare at you while European
Are soda pressing
I guess you can do anything if you're Sofa King Rich.
It's something I can really see myself doing.
"I must acetone for my sins"
He is my stepfather
I race cars.
Do you win many races?
No the cars are much faster.
Nevermind, it's an inside joke.
A livestream.
He is an in-terrier decorator.
I guess I’ll talk to him after I finish watching boomerang
Unbeliebubble
There was a man in Bulgaria who drove a train for a living.
He loved his job, driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child.
He loved to make the train go as fast as possible.
Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash.
He made it out, but a single person died.
Well, needless to say, he went to court over this incident.
He was found guilty, and was sentenced to death by electrocution.
When the day of the execution came, he requested a single banana as his last meal.
After eating the banana, he was strapped into the electric chair.
The switch was flown, sparks flew and smoke filled the air- but nothing happened.
The man was perfectly fine.
Well, at the time, there was an old Bulgarian law that said a failed execution was a sign of divine intervention, so the man was allowed to go free.
And somehow, he managed to get his old job back driving the train.
Having not learned his lesson at all, he went right back to driving the train with reckless abandon.
Once again, he caused a train to crash, this time killing two people.
The trial went much the same as the first, resulting in a sentence of execution.
For his final meal, the man requested two bananas.
After eating the bananas, he was strapped into the electric chair.
The switch was thrown, sparks flew, smoke filled the room- and the man was once again unharmed.
Well, this of course meant that he was free to go.
And once again, he somehow manages to get his old job back.
To what should have been the surprise of no one, he crashed yet another train and killed three people.
And so he once again found himself being sentenced to death.
On the day of his execution, he requested his final meal- three bananas.
"You know what? No," said the executioner. "I've had it with you and your stupid bananas and walking out of here unharmed. I'm not giving you a thing to eat, we're strapping you in and doing this now."
Well, it was against protocol, but the man was strapped in to the electric chair without a last meal.
The switch was pulled, sparks flew, smoke filled the room- and the man was still unharmed.
The executioner was speechless.
The man looked at the executioner and said "Oh, the bananas had nothing to do with it. I'm just a bad conductor."
Me: You can now that women got the vote.
It’s not a glamorous job, but at least I can make ends meet.
His legacy will forever be carved in stone
Once upon a time, there was a small desert village with a single well on the outskirts of the town. One morning, a woman went to the well to fetch water for the day. The lady was crying and the well heard this. A voice came from the well and asked “what’s wrong?”
The lady stopped sobbing and asked the well, in utter disbelief, “you can talk?”
“Yes” the well said, “long ago, the witch living in this town gave life to me so I could protect the towns people”
“Alas” the woman said, “I am the daughter of that witch. She lived in peace with the town for many years, but the new mayor, who is a violent and hateful man, riled the townspeople up against her. The town burnt my mom at the stake! I am still young and do not know much magic. I tried to curse the town, but failed, and now I fear I may never avenge my mother.”
“Do not be afraid” the well said, “I will take care of this.”
The next morning the mayor was going to the well to fetch water when he heard an odd noise. He peered over the edge to look down as far as he could when an impossibly long arm shot up at him. The arm grabbed the mayor and dragged him down into the depths of the well. There was a horrible crunching sound and the mayor was never seen again. The townsfolk apologized to the witch’s daughter and everyone lived happily ever after.
See moral above for the pun...
A pro gamer.
when he began to sob into his keyboard. I went over to ask him what was wrong and he told me that despite lurking for years he still couldn't build up enough confidence to ask DIY how to build a fence.
Disappointed I could only say, "Well son, you can't start to build a fence if you can't even create a post."
Well, the flag's a big plus
I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus!
I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus
She sells sea shells by the sea shore.
I'm not sure, but the flag is a big plus.
I don't know,but the flag is a big plus.
He rasped, "Cuz they’re still alive!"
I'm not really sure, but the flag is a huge plus.
She sells sea shells by the sea shore.
I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
Is it still a living room?
Well, the flag is a big plus.
Well you know, the flags a big plus
I don't know, but their flag is to die for.
She sells sea shells by the sea shore
I don't know, but the Flag's a big Plus
I don’t know but the flag is a big plus
The flag is a big plus
Well, the flag is a big plus.
Well, the flag is a big plus.
Well, the flag is a big plus.
Well, the flag is a big plus.
Well, the flag is a big plus.
She sells sea shells by the sea shore.
Well, the flag is a big plus.
