I pine fir the good oak days, when it was poplar to spruce up the living room with a real tree.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Dec 24 2020
After I was arrested, my ex-wife decided to hang a picture of my mugshot on the wall in her living room.
But she still won't admit she framed me.
π︎ 14k
π
︎ Aug 02 2020
I don't know what to wear to the living room New Year's Eve
π︎ 5
π
︎ Dec 31 2020
A couple is sitting in the living room drinking beer
Out of the blue the husband says, β I love youβ
β Is that you or the beer talkingβ asks the wife
βItβs meβ says the husband βtalking to the Beerβ
π︎ 5
π
︎ Nov 18 2020
If you're American in the living room, then what are you in the bathroom?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Aug 31 2020
Trying not to mention the favourite part of my living room here
I think I've done well sofa
π︎ 18
π
︎ Jul 30 2020
Living room
π︎ 74
π
︎ May 27 2020
My son walked into the living room only to find me looking around all misty eyed. Reluctantly, he asked, "What's up pop?" I blubbered, "My boy, I really love our furniture..."
"Me and my recliner go way back."
π︎ 12
π
︎ Jul 21 2020
My wife told me we didnβt need the surround system for our living room I bought...
I told her it was a Sound Investment.
π︎ 13
π
︎ May 09 2020
Burn the living room.
π︎ 102
π
︎ Dec 22 2019
You canβt die in the living room
π︎ 29
π
︎ Jun 24 2019
My son was browsing Reddit in the living room
when he began to sob into his keyboard. I went over to ask him what was wrong and he told me that despite lurking for years he still couldn't build up enough confidence to ask DIY how to build a fence.
Disappointed I could only say, "Well son, you can't start to build a fence if you can't even create a post."
π︎ 30
π
︎ Jun 04 2019
Have you heard about the dog that can design living rooms?
He is an in-terrier decorator.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Nov 19 2019
My dad came into the living room asking what I was watching on tv, after I told him he got mad and left.
I guess Iβll talk to him after I finish watching boomerang
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 23 2019
One cannot die in a living room.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Feb 19 2019
Me: βBilly passed out in the living roomβ Dad: βWell I guess itβs not the living room anymoreβ
π︎ 24
π
︎ Oct 13 2018
In a one story house the walls are blue, the chairs are blue, the floor is blue, the lights are blue, the living room is blue, the bedrooms are blue, the kitchen is blue, even the air has a blueish tint. What color are the stairs?
The house is ONE STORY it has no stairs.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jul 31 2019
My wife asked me to buy a new stereo system for the living room
It was a sound investment
π︎ 63
π
︎ Aug 09 2018
My nephew just called us into the living room, saying "Dad, Uncle Squigles, all the light bulbs blew!"
We walked into him giggling having just asked Alexa to change the lights to blue.
My brother is still cracking up and very proud.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jul 16 2019
My renovator ask me if he can remove the mirrors in my living-room.
I asked him to wait, I need to reflect...
π︎ 7
π
︎ Feb 03 2019
A few days ago my next door neighbours glass fell out of the window frame in the living room.
They called a company who came out to replace the glass, it happened again two days later so the company came back again and replaced it.
My neighbour asked why it was happening and the company told him that it was happening a lot in the area, and that a local animal was eating the putty we use to hold the glass in.
My neighbour asked him what kind of animal could possibly do that???
He said yes itβs a cat.....
A putty cat......
π︎ 3
π
︎ Mar 29 2019
After dinner, mom cow walks into the living room
to see her two calves watching tv, she grabs the remote, turns it off and says βokay you two. time to hit the hay, itβs pasture bedtime.β
π︎ 3
π
︎ Feb 28 2019
What is the shortest object in the living room?
π︎ 9
π
︎ Dec 29 2018
My grandfather walked into the living room
He looked at me and said, βWell...β
βYes grandpa?β
βIts kind of a deep subjectβ
π︎ 8
π
︎ Dec 19 2018
When I set up my living room surround sound I decided to hire a sound technician
π︎ 2
π
︎ Mar 02 2019
A mathematician sold me an end table, which I put in my living room. When I came in the next day, there were over a dozen of them!
Turns out it was a multiplication table.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Nov 02 2018
I was on the table with my son pretending to be shooting guns around our living room.
My wife came storming in angrily, looked at us and shouted, 'Get down!'
I said, 'Follow the commander's orders, son. There might be an ambush.'
π︎ 5
π
︎ Sep 17 2018
My wife walked in to see that our boys had built a fort in the living room. She shouted, ''PUT THOSE CHAIRS AND BEDSHEETS BACK!!"
I yelled, "YOU HEARD YOUR MOTHER!!" as I climbed out of fortβ¦
π︎ 13
π
︎ Aug 08 2017
As I sashayed around our living room, I shouted out to my family, " I'm like the fabric version of King Midas!"
"Everything I touch becomes felt!"
π︎ 70
π
︎ Dec 28 2017
My dad just walked into the living room and said βI went to buy tickets for Star Wars but all they had were Solo seatsβ.
π︎ 9
π
︎ May 28 2018
So we were installing new LEDs in our living room
Me: "Man, these lights are so bright, they will make you see our place in a whole new light!"
My friend groaned, but his gf didn't get it, so he had to explain the pun. After he explained it.
Me: "I guess you could say you LED her to the punchline."
π︎ 16
π
︎ Nov 06 2017
My wife ran into our toddler's trampoline in the living room and bruised her shin
I told her she would bounce right back
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jul 15 2018
We where sitting in the living room..
And a Fire Engine went speeding past the house, Sirens blaring.
My Dad turned to me
"He wont sell much ice-cream going that speed."
π︎ 11
π
︎ Mar 10 2018
Last night i caught a burglar in my living room. He was super chilled and smelled of incense.
I think the break-in was pre-meditated.
π︎ 17
π
︎ Jan 11 2018
My roommate and I have been working on re-wiring the living room in our house.
Weβve been having a lot of issues getting everything to work, so it was hard for my roommate to resist the excitement when I turned everything on and it worked. I, on the other hand, was shocked.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Mar 17 2018
If you die in the living room, are you dead or alive?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Feb 24 2018
I wanted to redo the flooring in my living room, but I did not have enough tiles...
It was a few'tile effort.
π︎ 21
π
︎ Sep 11 2015
If someone dies in a living room...
Is it still a living room?
π︎ 39
π
︎ Dec 06 2019
If you're American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Aug 12 2019
What if someone died in the living room?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Aug 17 2019
If you're American in the living room and American in the kitchen, then what are you in the bathroom?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jul 07 2019
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