I pine fir the good oak days, when it was poplar to spruce up the living room with a real tree.
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/und88
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I don't know what to wear to the living room New Year's Eve

I might not even go

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/buckarooBanzii
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
After I was arrested, my ex-wife decided to hang a picture of my mugshot on the wall in her living room.

But she still won't admit she framed me.

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DestroyatronMk8
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
🚨︎ report
A couple is sitting in the living room drinking beer

Out of the blue the husband says, β€œ I love you”

β€œ Is that you or the beer talking” asks the wife

β€œIt’s me” says the husband β€œtalking to the Beer”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfortaco
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
A chef is in his living room, and someone knocks on his front door...

...he yells, "the door's open! Cumin in!"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/skubz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
If you're American in the living room, then what are you in the bathroom?

European

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MjarjoSAC11
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Trying not to mention the favourite part of my living room here

I think I've done well sofa

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sunsetskies_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Living room
πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/psychefreak22
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
🚨︎ report
My son walked into the living room only to find me looking around all misty eyed. Reluctantly, he asked, "What's up pop?" I blubbered, "My boy, I really love our furniture..."

"Me and my recliner go way back."

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife told me we didn’t need the surround system for our living room I bought...

I told her it was a Sound Investment.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PrivateRyGy
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2020
🚨︎ report
When my wife complained I was taking too long to paint the living room I told her she was worse than the warden in Shawshank.

She said β€œwell just paint it, Red”.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nftpc
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Burn the living room.
πŸ‘︎ 103
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sushal_Stha
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear that Jeff Bezos changed his name to Richard and started a living room furniture empire?

I guess you can do anything if you're Sofa King Rich.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Perrin42
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2020
🚨︎ report
You can’t die in the living room
πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FatherNigel
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
🚨︎ report
My son was browsing Reddit in the living room

when he began to sob into his keyboard. I went over to ask him what was wrong and he told me that despite lurking for years he still couldn't build up enough confidence to ask DIY how to build a fence.

Disappointed I could only say, "Well son, you can't start to build a fence if you can't even create a post."

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Minobus
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Have you heard about the dog that can design living rooms?

He is an in-terrier decorator.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MattTheKat86
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad came into the living room asking what I was watching on tv, after I told him he got mad and left.

I guess I’ll talk to him after I finish watching boomerang

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jareza
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
🚨︎ report
One cannot die in a living room.
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nonixious
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Me: β€œBilly passed out in the living room” Dad: β€œWell I guess it’s not the living room anymore”
πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/awildspenappears
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2018
🚨︎ report
In a one story house the walls are blue, the chairs are blue, the floor is blue, the lights are blue, the living room is blue, the bedrooms are blue, the kitchen is blue, even the air has a blueish tint. What color are the stairs?

The house is ONE STORY it has no stairs.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RICK-THE-STICk3
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me to buy a new stereo system for the living room

It was a sound investment

πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aliyahsboyfriend
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2018
🚨︎ report
My nephew just called us into the living room, saying "Dad, Uncle Squigles, all the light bulbs blew!"

We walked into him giggling having just asked Alexa to change the lights to blue.

My brother is still cracking up and very proud.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrSquigles
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
🚨︎ report
My renovator ask me if he can remove the mirrors in my living-room.

I asked him to wait, I need to reflect...

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yanualed
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2019
🚨︎ report
A few days ago my next door neighbours glass fell out of the window frame in the living room.

They called a company who came out to replace the glass, it happened again two days later so the company came back again and replaced it. My neighbour asked why it was happening and the company told him that it was happening a lot in the area, and that a local animal was eating the putty we use to hold the glass in. My neighbour asked him what kind of animal could possibly do that??? He said yes it’s a cat..... A putty cat......

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Funkcanna
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2019
🚨︎ report
After dinner, mom cow walks into the living room

to see her two calves watching tv, she grabs the remote, turns it off and says β€œokay you two. time to hit the hay, it’s pasture bedtime.”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/devtompoint
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2019
🚨︎ report
What is the shortest object in the living room?

The pil-low.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pdonkey
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2018
🚨︎ report
My grandfather walked into the living room

He looked at me and said, β€œWell...”

β€œYes grandpa?”

β€œIts kind of a deep subject”

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/donthateskate729
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2018
🚨︎ report
When I set up my living room surround sound I decided to hire a sound technician

over a mediocre one

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sukarsono
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2019
🚨︎ report
A mathematician sold me an end table, which I put in my living room. When I came in the next day, there were over a dozen of them!

Turns out it was a multiplication table.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2018
🚨︎ report
I was on the table with my son pretending to be shooting guns around our living room.

My wife came storming in angrily, looked at us and shouted, 'Get down!'

I said, 'Follow the commander's orders, son. There might be an ambush.'

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife walked in to see that our boys had built a fort in the living room. She shouted, ''PUT THOSE CHAIRS AND BEDSHEETS BACK!!"

I yelled, "YOU HEARD YOUR MOTHER!!" as I climbed out of fort…

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2017
🚨︎ report
As I sashayed around our living room, I shouted out to my family, " I'm like the fabric version of King Midas!"

"Everything I touch becomes felt!"

πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2017
🚨︎ report
My dad just walked into the living room and said β€œI went to buy tickets for Star Wars but all they had were Solo seats”.
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kwerdop
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2018
🚨︎ report
So we were installing new LEDs in our living room

Me: "Man, these lights are so bright, they will make you see our place in a whole new light!"

My friend groaned, but his gf didn't get it, so he had to explain the pun. After he explained it.

Me: "I guess you could say you LED her to the punchline."

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/x0okamix
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2017
🚨︎ report
My wife ran into our toddler's trampoline in the living room and bruised her shin

I told her she would bounce right back

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/krigito
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2018
🚨︎ report
We where sitting in the living room..

And a Fire Engine went speeding past the house, Sirens blaring.

My Dad turned to me

"He wont sell much ice-cream going that speed."

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SquishedGremlin
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2018
🚨︎ report
Last night i caught a burglar in my living room. He was super chilled and smelled of incense.

I think the break-in was pre-meditated.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/procrastiprov
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2018
🚨︎ report
My roommate and I have been working on re-wiring the living room in our house.

We’ve been having a lot of issues getting everything to work, so it was hard for my roommate to resist the excitement when I turned everything on and it worked. I, on the other hand, was shocked.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maximilian156
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2018
🚨︎ report
If you die in the living room, are you dead or alive?
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nick-o-lishous
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2018
🚨︎ report
I wanted to redo the flooring in my living room, but I did not have enough tiles...

It was a few'tile effort.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/v_cleaner
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2015
🚨︎ report
If someone dies in a living room...

Is it still a living room?

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/King_Pinn
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
🚨︎ report
If you're American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom?

European

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ebarnhard1983
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
🚨︎ report
What if someone died in the living room?
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/T-iredAries
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
🚨︎ report
If you're American in the living room and American in the kitchen, then what are you in the bathroom?

European.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/I-Come-Pre-Cooked
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
🚨︎ report

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