Whoever named it a television ...

Should've called it a watching machine.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ May 24
🚨︎ report
The national Origami Championship is on television tonight.

It's on paper view.

πŸ‘︎ 77
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alunde05ps
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I saw an ad in a shop window, β€œTelevision for sale, $1, volume stuck on full”, I thought

β€œI can't turn that down.”

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CulturedGrass
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2019
🚨︎ report
What television video interface standard was created by Yoda?

HDMI?

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GotMyOrangeCrush
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13
🚨︎ report
A television newslady is interviewing a horse that can tell whether a person is a homosexual or not. "Am I homosexual?" Asked the newslady. "Neigh," said the horse.

The newslady turns to the camera and says, "you heard it folks. 'Straight' from the horses mouth."

πŸ‘︎ 62
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2019
🚨︎ report
We talk about groundbreaking inventions like electricity, and sliced bread, and television...

But how come nobody ever mentions the jackhammer?

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
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I walked by a store with a sign that said β€œTelevision $1- volume stuck on full”

I thought to myself β€œI can’t turn that down!”

πŸ‘︎ 81
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πŸ“…︎ May 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do television station announcers have such small hands?

Wee paws for station identification.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/twowhlr
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I saw an advertisement that read: β€œTelevision for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.”

I thought to myself, β€œI can’t turn that down!"

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2017
🚨︎ report
When "The Untouchables" first appeared on television in 1959, it was very popular...

People tuned in like gangbusters!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2019
🚨︎ report
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies

She Satired

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bruce_Wang007
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Television is a medium

Because anything we'll done is rare

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rigatavr
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2019
🚨︎ report
someone asked me if i wanted to watch Black Entertainment Television...

i said BET

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πŸ‘€︎ u/red_raider1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2018
🚨︎ report
I was stargazing with my uncle, who is a television camera operator

He said, "I love shooting stars."

I replied, "I know – you've made a career out of it."

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rybread13
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the television do at the beach?

Channel surf!

Courtesy of my 6 y/o

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BloodyDaft
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2017
🚨︎ report
Why is television called a communications medium?

Because it is neither rare nor well done.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DarthEwok42
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2016
🚨︎ report
There should be a Network Television show to inform teens about the dangers of unprotected sex.

They can call it "Genital Hospital".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/slowshot
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2017
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I saw this advert in a window that said: "Television for sale, $1, volume stuck on full." ipfs.pics/QmW69HATNpMdjqj…
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dachewie
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2015
🚨︎ report
What is a germaphobe's favorite kind of television?

Soap-operas

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2017
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The television is too loud

Last night, my son said to me, "Dad, the television is too loud. Can you see what the volume is?" I said, "The volume is 7000 cubic inches." My son looked puzzled, so I said, "You asked what the volume was." He groaned when he realized what I said.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dawsonju
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2015
🚨︎ report
Buying a television.

I saw this advert in a window that said: β€œTelevision for sale, €1, volume stuck on full.” I thought.....

β€œI can’t turn that down.”

πŸ‘︎ 90
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nertballs
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2013
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I'm giving away a brand new television. Problem is, volume is all the way up and can't be changed.

"Can't turn that down."

(Stolen from Gus Johnson: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T-w0h3g07aE )

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shay9999
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2016
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Our two year old has started calling the television 'The TB'

My wife: "That's a fair name for it, because it consumes all his attention"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/desultir
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2016
🚨︎ report
Tim Duncan dadjokes national television after winning the Finals

"It's been fifteen years since you won your first championship, what is the biggest difference between then and now?"

"15 years probably"

Tim Duncan's the man Basing this off of memory, don't remember word for word actually

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Leviiii
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2014
🚨︎ report
I saw an ad in a shop window, β€œTelevision for sale, $1, volume stuck on full”, I thought

β€œI can’t turn that down”

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I saw an ad in a shop window "television for sale 1$, volume stuck on max." I thought

I can't turn that down.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
🚨︎ report

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