I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.”
I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
My favorite crime tv show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
True story: I was a kid, watching TV in our living room. My dad was outside using the grill. All of a sudden he bursts in the door hopping on one foot yelling “I stepped on a Bee!”
I was so concerned I jumped up and ran over to him...
Earlier that day my friend and I who were really into mountain biking had been using really sticky letters to put our names on our bikes. We were working near the general area of the BBQ.
Apparently I had dropped one...
Stuck to the bottom of my dads foot was the letter B....
A legendary dad joke from a legendary dad.
Was planning a big announcement that I’m watching the new Marvel TV show.
But I’m keeping it low key.
I noticed that Marvel aren't going very much promotion for their new upcoming tv series...
They want to keep it low key
"The perfect TV crossover doesn't exi.. oh."
My grown son asked me how I never seemed to lose the tv remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
Did you hear about the new TV show called The Walking Dad?
It’s about dads who walk around the house all day turning off lights and muttering that they’re “not made of money.”
Came to the living room and found the TV screen was white.
"Who's watching Peace TV?"
I hate TV Tropes
I was watching a show about these politicians. But then I woke up and it was all a dream.
What tv show did the astronaut appear in?
How does a dog stop a TV show....
Bounty Paper Towels has introduced a drone which will retrieve a TV remote from anywhere in your house...
It’s the “Clicker Picker Upper.”
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry
What do you call a Smart TV?
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
I just saw an announcement on TV. Seems there’s a fortune teller that happens to be a dwarf, wanted by the FBI
To sum it up, there’s a small medium at large.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
TV repair during the pandemic has been pretty easy.
True story: As kids, my sister and I were fighting over the TV remote and it got heated. The remote flew across the room and a couple AAA batteries fell out. My sister threw one at me, and I grabbed a nearby salt shaker and threw it at her.
My mother, who was watching this go down, just laughs and says, "Assault and battery!"
She then left the room, cackling.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Why can't they watch TV in Afghanistan?
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV
My two sons 5&8 are playing Minecraft this morning on survival. They are working hard together to build their mansion. I crossed the room in front of the TV to grab my phone as they are balanced high on a wall constructing a roof. My son screams out, “Dad get out of the way!”
I said, “You’re the ones blocking!”
Why couldn't I find the TV remote??
It was in a remote location.
I’m selling a TV for $1, but it’s broken and it’s stuck on the highest volume.
It’s something you can’t turn down!
What do you call a TV dinner that's average at best?
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant.
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
What is the most common nationality of the people who manufacture fake pubic hair for tv and movies?
My dog has learned out to use the TV remote...
All she does is paws and unpaws.
Have you heard about the TV repairman's marriage?
The reception was excellent
I went to a wedding yesterday where two tv antennas got married
The wedding was horrible but the reception was great
TIL my tv hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
What's a psychic's favorite TV network?
My TV started playing random Netflix shows. It was weird...
But I’ve seen Stranger Things
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
Why shouldn't you let kids watch big band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.
I couldn't resist the sexy TV remote
It was an instant turn on
If someone yawns on tv and yawning is contagious, that person has a chance of being a superspreader and causing a short yawndemic 🐸
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
My girlfriend is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.