My two sons 5&8 are playing Minecraft this morning on survival. They are working hard together to build their mansion. I crossed the room in front of the TV to grab my phone as they are balanced high on a wall constructing a roof. My son screams out, β€œDad get out of the way!”

I said, β€œYou’re the ones blocking!”

πŸ‘︎ 16k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Colbosky
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27
🚨︎ report
I can't find the control for my TV.

It must be in a remote location.

πŸ‘︎ 172
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Alex13104
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27
🚨︎ report
I’m selling a 55” TV for JUST $1, only problem is the volume button is broken...

... I mean, how can you turn that one down!

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/forest-of-ewood
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07
🚨︎ report
You can now watch the World Origami Championship on tv since all these other sports are being cancelled.

It’s on paper view.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BusyPooping
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03
🚨︎ report
Had a bargain on eBay today, brought a 65inch HD TV for Β£5, the only issue is the volume button doesnt work.

I thought, I cant turn that down.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrWulf360
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31
🚨︎ report
Did you hear they're making a prequel to the TV show Airwolf?

It's called Beowulf.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Apollonius_Cone
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11
🚨︎ report
Can i watch the TV?

Dad: yes but don't turn it on

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ihasanali
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29
🚨︎ report
My son fell asleep last night with the TV clicker in his hand.

He’s really embraced remote learning.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03
🚨︎ report
What did Yoda say when he saw himself on a 4K TV?

HDMI!

As in HD am I! πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜­

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LAUGHgan1stan
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10
🚨︎ report
A friend offered to sell me their TV for five bucks but said the volume dial was broken.

I couldn't turn it down.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Twiglet91
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01
🚨︎ report
Cemeteries remind me of the TV show Cheers.

It's a place where everyone knows your name.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Aagistar
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28
🚨︎ report
With so many sporting events being delayed or cancelled, one sports TV outlet decided to televise the 'World Origami Championships'

It's on paperview

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08
🚨︎ report
My sister was moving her TV into her house, and i said,

”Careful, that tv is SHARP!” since it was a sharp branded TV

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13
🚨︎ report
I watched a TV programme about the House of Lords last week. But I wasn’t really concentrating so I’m going to have to watch it again.

That’ll be the Peer review.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08
🚨︎ report
I snuck up behind my daughter and whispered, "I think our microwave and our TV are spying on us!!! And I also think our vacuum cleaner..."

"...has been gathering dirt on us for years!"

πŸ‘︎ 96
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 18
🚨︎ report
What’s a cats favourite button on the tv remote?

Paws

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/beardynolando
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11
🚨︎ report
There's a great documentary on tv tonight about perfume.

It's on Chanel No 5

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27
🚨︎ report
Where do lonely tv’s like to go?

A remote island.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hazelfly17
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28
🚨︎ report
Don't be worried about your smartphone and TV spying on you.

Your vacuum has been gathering dirt on you for years!

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jnew001
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05
🚨︎ report
After days I finally found the thing to turn the TV on with.

It was in a very remote place.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ashnakag3019
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01
🚨︎ report
With so many sporting events being delayed or cancelled, one sports TV outlet decided to televise the World Origami Championship.

It’s on Paperview!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dennyitlo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23
🚨︎ report
What is a witch's favourite TV show?

Game of Crones.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Abcd4321__
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28
🚨︎ report
I quit my job fixing controllers at the tv repair shop.

I wasn’t making remotely enough.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21
🚨︎ report
Saw a tv listed for $10. Only problem was the volume control was stuck..

Couldn’t turn that down

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PrisonMike1111
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19
🚨︎ report
My family can’t seem to find the tv remote. They’ll never find where I hid it.

It’s in a very remote location.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FunkyFaz
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07
🚨︎ report
What do you call the tv show where hot air balloons are attached to peoples cars

Blimp My Ride

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Brandon_Mercer078
πŸ“…︎ May 04
🚨︎ report
What's a relieved TV show?

Phewturama

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08
🚨︎ report
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.

More on this after the break.

πŸ‘︎ 835
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28
🚨︎ report
The weatherman for our local TV channel broke both his arms and his legs in a car accident.

He is calling in from the hospital with his four casts.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 29
🚨︎ report
I'm selling a TV for $1, but it's broken and it's stuck on the highest volume.

That's a deal you can't turn down.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MacItaly
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03
🚨︎ report
Anyone want to help me make a TV show about Abraham Lincoln?

The plan is to shoot it in front of a live audience.

πŸ‘︎ 615
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15
🚨︎ report
A cable TV installer walks into a bar and orders a beer.

The bartender says, "You'll be served sometime between 7am and 2pm."

πŸ‘︎ 47
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BlankPhotos
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13
🚨︎ report
A punny take on the coronavirus situation using movies/tv series as puns
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Viv3K_Banerjee
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12
🚨︎ report
What's Hulk Hogan's favorite TV show?

Big Brother

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NYRion7
πŸ“…︎ May 08
🚨︎ report
Why can’t people in Afghanistan watch TV?

teleban

πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yellowlightsaber
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04
🚨︎ report
I saw my wife, slightly drunk, yelling at the TV: 'Don’t go in there! Don’t go in the church, you moron!'

She was watching our wedding video again.

πŸ‘︎ 162
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tsir18
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28
🚨︎ report
Don't be worried about your smartphone or TV spying on you.

Your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years.

πŸ‘︎ 507
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JamesHaven75
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
🚨︎ report
For my COVID quarantine, I got a tent and put a TV and all the Tarantino movies I could find in it.

I call it my Tentin' Quarantino.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15
🚨︎ report
What’s a dogs favorite button on a TV remote?

Paws

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/I_Am_An_Engineer_
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24
🚨︎ report
Did you see that Cheers reunion special on TV??

It was Danson with the stars!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25
🚨︎ report
Microwaving a TV dinner without opening the package to allow steam to escape is the best way to cook it!

It will be bursting with flavor!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24
🚨︎ report
They're making a new TV show about flying...

...so far they've only filmed the pilot.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SindySinn
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
TV Narrator* This is a mallard. A mallard is a dabbling duck that breeds throughout the world. This one is in search of a mate. A female will lay 8 to 13 eggs.

Duckumentary

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Odd-looking
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28
🚨︎ report
Everytime I see a plasma TV...
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Laurieeeee5
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31
🚨︎ report
My wife's been re-watching the TV show 'Medium'...

I asked her if she'd seen the hard-to-find special season they made towards the end of the show's run.

She gave me a puzzled and intrigued look and wanted to know more info on it.

I told her I believe that specific season is commonly called 'Medium Rare'.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/braxistExtremist
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12
🚨︎ report
One day I found an abandoned tv store

It was in a very remote place

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/realsuperguy199
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23
🚨︎ report
Why didn't the hitman cancel his cable tv?

He didn't want to pay an early termination fee.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/warpedddd
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06
🚨︎ report
If you got a 4k TV for Christmas, your New Year's resolution is 3840 x 2160.
πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/StarkeStrawberry
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01
🚨︎ report
How do Canadians eat while watching TV?

They use a fork, eh

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/therealtechnird
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27
🚨︎ report
My TV was placed on suicide watch.

Apparently, it tried to off itself.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rvvl
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08
🚨︎ report
"Dad! Why did you shoot the TV?"

"I needed to take a screenshot, son"

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GeekyNexi
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend wants me to choose between her and my career as a TV journalist.

I have some breaking news for her.

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2019
🚨︎ report
An octopus was filming a TV show, but they had to temporarily stop filming

They were experiencing tentacle difficulties

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Escalade1414
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
🚨︎ report
This evening, everyone remember to relax and sit in front of the TV

Because you will see nothing if you sit behind it.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chaff800
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2019
🚨︎ report
After winning the game I decided to throw the ball into the crowd like they do on TV.

Apparently, that's unacceptable in bowling.

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I don't understand why the Australian authorities haven't called out the lady sheep to deal with the fires. Everyday, when I was a child, Smokey the Bear was on TV telling me,

"Only EWE can prevent forest fires."

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/slowshot
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
🚨︎ report
My wife told me to pick a bigger New year's resolution than "watch more sports on TV".

Unfortunately, our TV only does 1080p 60fps.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/My_Name_O
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I almost got into a fight with the TV remote the other day...

It was really pressing my buttons...

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthony_014
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm tired of 1080p. Come January, I'm getting a 4K TV

It will be a new year's resolution.

πŸ‘︎ 130
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WildcardSearch
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife is kicking me out of the house because of my obsession with acting like a TV News anchor.

More on that after the break.

πŸ‘︎ 47
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I just saw on the TV that there’s been a spate of robberies in the area.

It’s break-in news.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/alliedcola
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.

It was riveting.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PringyUK
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2019
🚨︎ report
What is the favourite TV network of angry boomers?

BoomerAng.

(Audience yells Ok, boomer)

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Gualdrapo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Kids: Hey dad, Don Lemon is interviewing Ice-T on TV!

Dad: Half Lemon, half Ice-T? Why didn't you just save time and say it was Arnold Palmer?

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/phish_tacos
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I watch TV so much that I should get 1000 awards for it.

It's about time that I get some M-mys.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JohnnyZillion
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Saw my dad outside with a tv antenna on his head

When I asked him why, he said he was trying to get more in tune with nature.

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fourwindsgone
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the orchestra loose its tv contract?

Too much violins on tv.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/slvrdiver
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
🚨︎ report
What's the Foundlings favorite TV station?

Mandolodeon

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/-E-Cross
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2019
🚨︎ report
If TV sitcoms were like real life, ratings would go down.

Because everyone would be at their worst half of the time, every episode would be β€œvery special” and little, if anything, would end happily for the protagonists.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cindybubbles
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad came into the living room asking what I was watching on tv, after I told him he got mad and left.

I guess I’ll talk to him after I finish watching boomerang

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jareza
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I tried to pick up the TV remote with my foot the other day.

My laziness is getting a little out of hand.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FIGHTSONG_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad Sits on top of an old TV

Me: what are you doing dad?

Dad: LOOK SON! IM ON TV!

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Youshould_know
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Global Warming! - Too Hot for TV!
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nimja_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
🚨︎ report
[Pun request] I need a child appropriate pun that could make a good TV show title about hunting for ghosts in bathrooms
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Derek275
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
🚨︎ report
The actor that played Luke on the Disney channel original TV show β€œJessie” died the day after Friday

So Saturday’s really are for the Boyce

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ohmy_cod
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Where’s the best place to put a TV?

In a remote area

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sponge2hard
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
🚨︎ report
It took a lot of balls for my friend to go on the Reality TV show called β€œEmbarrassing Bodies.”

Three, to be exact.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2019
🚨︎ report
While watching TV Land I turned to my son and said

gee, commercials back then sure were good at predicting the future.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AcesOverPacific
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I was trying to get a TV show made, one where each episode covers a different job title at the airport.

It never made it past the pilot.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/theydeletedme
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Son: Can I watch TV?

Dad: Yes, but don't turn it on.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/iknowthisischeesy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
🚨︎ report
All the props from the bay watch TV show recently sold at auction for well over the asking price.

When the winner was asked how she could justify the expense for old towels? Her response was that it is still the best way to dry Hoff.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/whitespys
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Can I watch the TV?

Dad: Yes, but don’t turn it on.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
What's it called when hyperactive grandma's buy flat screen TVs?

80HD

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MF62SW
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2019
🚨︎ report
You’ve been watching tv for entertainment!?

My whole life I’ve been making sure it didn’t leave.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/robbiewesters
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.

More on that after the break.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17
🚨︎ report
What did yoda say when he saw himself on a HD tv?

HDMI

πŸ‘︎ 53
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ThanosPizzaCrust
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I saw my wife, slightly drunk, yelling at the TV: β€œDon’t go in there! Don’t go in the church, you moron!”

She is watching our wedding video again.

πŸ‘︎ 21k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2018
🚨︎ report
I saw my wife, slightly drunk, yelling at the TV: β€œDon’t go in there! Don’t go in the church, you moron!”

She is watching our wedding video again.

πŸ‘︎ 60
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad, can I watch the TV?

Yes, just don't turn it on.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dumb-reply
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife is kicking me out of the house because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.

More on that after the break.

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
🚨︎ report

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