I just found out that β€œLincoln” made about $300 million in movie theatres.

Which is weird. Lincoln usually doesn’t do too well in theatres.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
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There was this guy pulling the curtains at the theatre...

He did a good job. Everyone there liked him, but his pay was just too small. One day though, he befriended some guys at the theater and slowling started stealing money from the theater winnings. He quickly made a fortune and quit his job after to live a happy, but ill-gotten life. You could say he just pulled some strings.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/voicpecablu
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
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Why do we say break a leg in the theatre?

Its because everyone in the play is in a cast

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πŸ‘€︎ u/akien0222
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
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Theatre humor.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/poerhouse
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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I told my wife I'd opened a theatre.

She said, 'Are you having me on?'

I said, 'I'll give you an audition but I'm not promising anything.'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
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It occurred to me today that I would have loved to see two of my favorite bands from the 90s, led respectively by David Usher and Gavin Rossdale, on the same ticket. The sign on the theatre would have been epic.

Moist Bush.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/average_legend
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
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I took my daughter to a sock puppet theatre...

It was a show of hands...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RonPossible
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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The ESPN Network should have a channel for drama and theatre

Thespian Network

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PacMook_Bro
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
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My boss at the movie theatre asked me why I haven't sold any M&M's

I told him it's not my fault they're hard-sell candy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kashindabank
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
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Over the weekend I took my wife to the theatre to see a performance that was all about puns.

It was a play on words.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bunselpower
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2020
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I have a degree in musical theatre. I may not be able to solve a complex math problem but..

I can solve a problem like Maria.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
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Why do my university lecture theatres have all this blank artwork on the walls?

Link.

It's baffling.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ktisis
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2020
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I saw a theatre production about puns recently

It was a play on words

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πŸ‘€︎ u/granndymadge2
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2019
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I went to see the famous "Iron Swordsmen of Venice" perform their street theatre.

But when I got there, the streets were empty with only a small sign saying that there would be no show today because it was the Ferrous Duelers' Day Off.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CyclopsRock
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2020
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[Interview] β€œIt says here on your resume that you used to be in the theatre. What made you leave?”

β€œWell, the movie ended, so...”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
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I never take my herding dog into the theatre, but tonight my children are performing.

So I might let my coliseum.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
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My family was talking about my sisters project where she had to make a Roman theatre. In it she put some guys stabbing each other, as a demonstration of how plays sometimes consisted of people actually killing each other to make it more realistic.

I mentioned that they used slaves and criminals, since they would have a hard time getting actors to play the part of someone that actually dies, and my dad disagreed.

He said: No, people were dying to have that job.

Sorry if something like this has already been posted.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ytrbpt_Hsbom
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
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Julius Caesar ordered pizza for the senate at the Theatre of Pompey

Casca: How could you not order enough pizza for everyone?

Julius: But there was enough for everybody to have a slice...

Brutus: I ate 2 slices.

Julius: ATE TWO, BRUTE?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Amanbbi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2019
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I saw a crowd of chess enthusiasts talking about how good they were when I was going into the theatre...

.... they were chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2019
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My local movie theatre got robbed tonight, and the thieves got away with just over $1200...

They got 2 Large Cokes, a Large Popcorn, and a box of Skittles.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ProjectOcoee
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
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An aspiring thief enters the theatre...

...and steals the spotlight.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tomholder
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2017
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What did a thief steal when he have broken into a theatre?

He stole the spotlight.

Edit: has broken* sorry

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πŸ‘€︎ u/minhman221299
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2018
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Just saw Pinocchio perform at the theatre.

His performance was kind of wooden.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Advnchur
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
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A thief broke into the local theatre last night...

Reports say that he stole the spotlight

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pootis__Spencer
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2018
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Why are jokes in theatres not funny?

They seem pretty staged.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ForbiddenGuy625
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2019
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Movie theatre are banning large bags to stop people from being in their own food...

Good thing I have a few Twix up my sleeve!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SerbianTarHeel
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2018
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I love using our theatre’s trapdoor...

...it’s just a stage I’m going through.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoDakZak
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2018
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My school did a theatre performance on the alphabet.

It was called "a play on words".

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πŸ“…︎ May 19 2018
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Movie theatre xpost

Several years ago my wife and I were the only two in a movie theater when an older guy (70ish) came in and very slowly moved to the row we were in and went to sit in the seat right next to me. I looked at my wife with a "can you believe this?" face.

Just as the guy's butt hit the chair he looked at us and said "gotcha!" Then sprang up and went to a seat several rows away chuckling to himself as if he does that all the time. Never said anything else to us, just loving his old man life and trolling strangers at the movies.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spore2012
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2013
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I don't trust theatre artists

Everything they do is STAGED.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mikekhan7
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2018
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My local theatre is showing a play called 'The Dictionary.'

It's a play on words.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/keithasaurus
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2018
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Why don't you see any Formula One movies in the theatres?

They're too racy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChaoticFather
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2018
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I was at the movie theatre and somebody turned off the screen... thats a pretty dark joke if you ask me
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IronFootBoy1234
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2018
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I just saw Les Miserables in the theatre

Personally I think the whole rebellion thing was staged

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πŸ‘€︎ u/taaffe7
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2017
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Coming to theatres near you
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SebbyZING
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2012
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Why did the fruit theatre company not pick the melon to star in Romeo and Juliette?

Because it cantaloupe

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ItsFrank11
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2017
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My dad at a movie theatre

So my family goes to watch this Bollywood mystery movie. We get there a little late, and there's only space for us at the very front row. Upon sitting in our seats my dad says "I'm so glad we're sitting at the front."

Hearing this I said "What, these are the worst seats possible."

He says back to me "At least we'll know the ending before any of these suckers."

I heard people behind me groan.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/timelord71
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2013
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My theatre dadjoke

So I just realized that my "epic" theatre joke is also a dadjoke.

Now this requires some explaining before I get to the joke. I just completed my 55th theatre production - mostly community theatre; most designing and running sound, but I get on stage sometimes. A decade or so ago, I came up with a terrible pun. Told it, got groans, and promptly forgot about it.

A production or two later, someone said - "Hey, aren't you going to tell your joke?" It took a little prompting to remind me of it. Once I was reminded, I told the joke - to more groans.

I enjoyed the groans so much - and was touched that someone remembered the joke that I'd forgotten. So I did decide it was going to forevermore be: THE JOKE.

So the NEXT production, I started warning people that "The Joke" was coming. One or two remembered the previous time I'd told it, and reacted - "Oh god. Please no."

So now it has truly become a thing. Every production I'm in, I start reminding people that The Joke is coming, and the reactions from those who know the joke really help set up the anticipation.

So finally it happens. Most theatre productions I've been in run Fri-Sat-Sun performances. And thus, as I explain, I can only tell The Joke after the last Friday night's performance ends, and before the last Saturday's performance begins. It shifts if the days are different because The Joke depends on the number of remaining shows.

So, finally that time period comes, and I explain that I can only tell the joke during that time period, only the once per production - from auditions to strike - and that we're in that period of time.... which is known as.... the "cancer period". AND would you like to know WHY this period of time is known as the "cancer period"?

(at which point the tension for the punchline is usually quite palpable)

"Because we have...... TUMOR!" (as I hold up two fingers).

This is usually followed by shouts to "GET OUT!" and threats of violence against my person. hehehe

And the NEXT time, when I start warning that "The Joke" is coming, most of these groan "Oh god... no...." and helps set it up for the next poor bunch of folks who haven't yet heard it. :)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IsaacEiland-Hall
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2017
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If the Globe Theatre has a cafΓ©, its motto should be "Service with a Simile."
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Injustpotato
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2015
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At the Theatre

Ordering snacks to eat during a movie. My dad orders a large popcorn, 2 drinks, and some candy. The employee gets everything, we pay and as we are walking away:

Employee: "Enjoy the movie"

Dad: "What movie?"

He walks off towards the door...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wailmerhater
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2013
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Friend's dad at the movie theatre

This happened a few years ago, but I only just discovered this sub, so here it is. Friend's dad took a few of us to see 300 in IMAX. There were a couple big digital marquees with the movie names and times once we got inside. One of them included "RESTROOM" on the bottom. We thought this was hilarious and started saying "let's go see Restroom instead! It sounds great! Hahaha."

Friend's dad turns to us with a completely straight face and says, "Nah, I heard it stinks."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SlapYourHands
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2013
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Recently made a trip to Ford's Theatre in Washington D.C....

Made a trip to DC by myself and went to Ford's Theatre as part of the trip. I uploaded a couple picture's I took into an album and made a brief description of each, because I knew my family would be interested in looking. Then my father, who is normally a very silent man who rarely ever smiles (let alone cracks a joke), commented this.

Simple, yet effective.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ResRevolution
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2016
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Why do they say β€œbreak a leg” in theatre?

Because every play has a cast

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MangoAway17
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
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An aspiring thief enters the theatre...

and steals the spotlight.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dacs1306
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2018
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Aspiring thief enters theatre..

He stole the spotlight

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joe_Ferro_890823
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2018
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