Its a shitzu.
"You two ladies are so beautiful with sparkling eyes. "
One of the women stopped him, called the waiter over and said, I ordered AROMATIC duck."
...the nurse asks the rabbit, “what blood type are you?”
The rabbit says, “I’m probably a type O.”
You can call me a jean attic engineer
A rainbro
(Recommended soundtrack for this joke: Bob Marley: Sun is shining. You’ll see why)
The bartender asks,"Why do you have a steering wheel in your pants?" The pirate responds,"Arghhh, it's driving me nuts."
The horse says, "I don't think so," then disappears into nothing.
This is the point in time when all the philosophy students in the audience begin to giggle, as they are familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito ergo sum, or I think, therefore, I am. The classic philosophy put forward by René Descartes.
But to explain the concept aforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.
The Higgs-Boson then replies, "But without me, how will you have mass?"
....
It was a shitzu.
EDIT: For those who say it's "stolen", i had no idea. A friend of mine told me this one yesterday and i just had to post it. That's it :)
The man orders a grasshopper. On the way home he notices a grasshopper on the ground and says: you know there is a drink named after you? The grasshopper responds: There is a drink named Irving?
The bartender says, “Hey! Aren’t you the rope that I just threw out?”
The rope replied, “No. I’m a frayed knot.”
“Ya, I’m positive.”
The interviewer waits for the man to sit down before putting the papers in his hand flat on the table between them. "I have here the CV you submitted when you applied for this job. Unfortunately there's a 4 year gap on your CV, can you explain that please?"
The man shuffles uncomfortably in his seat and says "those are the years I went to Yale..."
The interviewer, not expecting this, was taken by surprise and said: "wow that's very impressive! You're hired!"
The man, surprised himself, replies: thanks! I really need this yob!"
He said the police were expecting a crime wave
"They're draft horses"
Long time fan, first time poster.
Doctor: Would you like some cream for that?
Bam. They both fall unconscious.
Anyway, the sheriff burst in and arrested him for rustling.
He is amazed and wants to buy the duck. The man refuses at first but eventually agreed. As the man walks out of the bar the now owner of the duck shouts. Excuse me how do i stop the duck tap dancing. Simple says the man lift up the tin and blow out the candle......
“Wherever you go, there are those darn cameras!"
Huge axeman
Father: "So, how does it feel being a dad?"
Son: "It feels good. I'm a bit scared of course, but so excited at the same time. How does it feel being a grandfather?"
Father: "It feels pretty great. You've always been a good son and I've been patiently waiting for this special moment. There's something now that I have to give you."
The son watches curiously as his father pulls a large tome out of his backpack with exquisite text on the cover: 'The Big Book of Dad Jokes'.
Father: " For generations these sacred texts have been passed down through the patriarchs of our family. My father gave it to me when you were born and now, as a new father yourself, I bestow it to you. With this book you will have all the knowledge needed to become a truly great Dad."
Son: " Wow, Dad, this is amazing! Truly! I'm... I'm honored."
The father smiles as he extends his arm out to shake his son's hand and says,
"Nice to meet you, Honored. I'm Dad."
He sung: you picked a fine time to leave me, loose wheel.
The barman said, what does he look like?
She yells STAMPEDE!!! And threw a handful of animal crackers at me.
Rope: One beer, please.
Bartender: We don’t serve rope here.
Rope:walks outside and thinks
Rope:gets an idea, gets excited & messes up its hair
Rope:walks back in to the bar
Rope: One beer, please.
Bartender: Aren’t you that rope I just refused to serve. Rope: Nope, I’m a frayed knot.
Edit: Formatting.
...and says, "Hygiene".
Two guys are walking through a forest when they come across a lamppost. The first guy turns to the second and says "Whats a lamppost doing out in the middle of knowhere" and the second replies. "That's Narnia business"
About five feet away from me he stops and starts pushing the tape out to me. It gets closer and closer until it eventually smushes against my cheek.
I ask him "What are you doing?"
"I'm measuring your patience."
Taekwondo nut.
The pirate replies, “Arrgh, it’s driving me nuts!”
Nuts hanging out.
But you're homeschooled
Pun in, ten dead.
Because they can't even.
Cuz they like can’t even
I don't get it. I'd heard everyone's dying to go there.
You would think the 3rd one would have ducked.
It's a shitzu (Shih Tzu).
Rope replies I’m a frayed knot.
It’s A Shitzu
"Arghhh, I don't know but it's been drivin' me nuts all day"
