βI canβt stand it here!β
A police officer radioed to headquarters: "Chief we've got a situation here. A woman just shot her husband for walking on a freshly mopped floor."
Chief: "Did you arrest her?"
Officer: "Not yet. The floor's still wet."
A TV
I told him βtread lightlyβ.
It was a treadful, deflating experience which left me feeling flat and tired.
Those were Goodyears.
Her- "Why in the world did they start charging for AIR?!"
Me- "Inflation"
βTread lightly,β my father warned, βbecause your mother canβt.β
I told her I'd need a step-by-step guide.
At work, I had to take off and re-seat the tire on the front wheel of my bicycle. I took the wheel up to my cube to do it. As I was taking it, I passed someone in the stairwell. My dad joke was, βIβm tired.β
LAME!! Shouldβve said βIβm retiring. Wish me luck!β
Shameful.
It must have been a lonely sole.
Sorry if this is a repost, I just made this joke when I found a single abandoned shoe on the road.
They're always up to something.
I have 4 Goodyear tires with almost no tread. Make offer.
While making dinner, The Wife spills a bag of frozen peas on the floor. She's instantly red faced.
I knew I had to tread carefully
"Man, if the dog did that you'd be yelling at her for peeing all over the floor."
She tried so hard not the laugh and she failed.
Dad: I dunno, I'm kinda tired
Bro: Yeah, I don't think I could handle that right now
Dad: I think we've already spoken about this
Bro: Give me a brake, dad
Dad: What, you can't keep the chain of puns going?
Bro: I can kick it into a higher gear
Dad: I might have to reflect on your puns for a minute
Bro: As long as you don't tread over any of my good ones
Dad: Wheel see how long you can keep this up
Me: Hey, I like...bikes
Dad: ΰ² _ΰ²
Bro: ΰ² _ΰ²
Mom: β_β
I think that guy's retired. Must be his way of telling people to not tread on him. He always tells his partner, "Wheel be fine."
My dad's tires were recalled for losing tread and exploding. Due to my recent business law class I informed him that if he didn't take them in for a replacement, and they blew up, he would be liable. He said he knew the term for this type of liability:
....A pop-tort
