A priest, an imam and a rabbit walk into a bloodbank.

The rabbit says: "I think i am a Type O."

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a zoo. The only animal in the entire zoo is a dog.

....

It was a shitzu.

EDIT: For those who say it's "stolen", i had no idea. A friend of mine told me this one yesterday and i just had to post it. That's it :)

πŸ‘︎ 16k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gomass4
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06
🚨︎ report
A pastor, priest and rabbi walk into a bar
πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tribelawn
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27
🚨︎ report
A rope walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and says says, β€œGet out. We don’t serve rope in here.” So the rope goes out, cuts itself in two before tying the two sections together. It then pulls out a comb and combs its ends. The rope then walks back into the bar.

The bartender says, β€œHey! Aren’t you the rope that I just threw out?”

The rope replied, β€œNo. I’m a frayed knot.”

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ May 27
🚨︎ report
My dad would walk me to the bathroom when I was scared to pee at night...

That’s a number one dad

πŸ‘︎ 382
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30
🚨︎ report
A walk in St. Petersburg
πŸ‘︎ 215
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cja951
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23
🚨︎ report
I debated a flat earther once. He stormed off saying he’d walk to the edge of the Earth to prove me wrong.

He’ll come around, eventually.

πŸ‘︎ 16k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MohanBhargava
πŸ“…︎ May 17
🚨︎ report
An untalented gymast walks into a bar.
πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05
🚨︎ report
A Panda Walks into a Bar

A panda walks into a bar one day. He casually walks to the bar and sits on a bar stool.

The bartender thinks this is a bit odd, a panda walking into a bar isn’t something that normally happens to him.

He approaches the panda regardless and asks, β€œWhat can I get you?”

The panda grabs a menu off the bar, opens it and points to a cheeseburger.

The bartender is very impressed by this and so he decides to go ahead and make the cheeseburger for the panda.

The panda gets his cheeseburger, devours it, savoring every last bit. He then wipes its mouth with a napkin, impressing the bartender even more.

But then suddenly the panda pulls out a gun and shoots everyone in the bar, except for the bartender.

The bartender stands there in total shock, soaked in blood, and can only ask the panda, β€œWhy?”

The panda pulls a dictionary from his fur coat and turns to the bartender. He flips the book to the P section, places it on the bar, and points to his picture. Then he turns and walks out the door

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 98
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Donorob
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm.

He shouts, β€œA beer please! And one for the road!”

πŸ‘︎ 523
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/That-Big-Man-J
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11
🚨︎ report
Why did the legally blind man walk into a well

Because he couldn’t see that well

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EpicGamerman42069
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03
🚨︎ report
Two elves walk into a bar.

A hobbit laughs and walks right under.

πŸ‘︎ 120
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ZealousidealRise7
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16
🚨︎ report
A man is sitting in the hospital with his newborn baby when his own father walks in.

Father: "So, how does it feel being a dad?"

Son: "It feels good. I'm a bit scared of course, but so excited at the same time. How does it feel being a grandfather?"

Father: "It feels pretty great. You've always been a good son and I've been patiently waiting for this special moment. There's something now that I have to give you."

The son watches curiously as his father pulls a large tome out of his backpack with exquisite text on the cover: 'The Big Book of Dad Jokes'.

Father: " For generations these sacred texts have been passed down through the patriarchs of our family. My father gave it to me when you were born and now, as a new father yourself, I bestow it to you. With this book you will have all the knowledge needed to become a truly great Dad."

Son: " Wow, Dad, this is amazing! Truly! I'm... I'm honored."

The father smiles as he extends his arm out to shake his son's hand and says,

"Nice to meet you, Honored. I'm Dad."

πŸ‘︎ 214
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ChewyNutCluster
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01
🚨︎ report
A jumper cable walks into a bar

The bartender said, you can come in, just don't start anything

πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wantsumCHEESE
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15
🚨︎ report
An epidemiologist, a scientist, and a doctor walk into a bar...

Just kidding, they know better.

πŸ‘︎ 189
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/drichatx
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08
🚨︎ report
An Optimist and a Pessimist Walk into a Bar

The optimist orders a drink while the pessimist puts ice on the bruise.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jeffafa42
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04
🚨︎ report
A musician walks into a locksmiths, and asks them:

"Do you have any spare keys?"

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a fish and chip shop with a cod under his arm...

He says to the bloke behind the counter,

β€œDo you do fishcakes?”

The man behind the counter nods his head and smiles.

β€œYeah mate.”

Customer points to the cod under his arm.

β€œBetter make him one then mate, it’s his birthday.”

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cromantica
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a pet store and asks for a dozen bees. The clerk carefully counts 13 bees out onto the counter. β€œThat’s one too many!” says the customer.

The clerk replies β€œIt’s a freebie”

πŸ‘︎ 23k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11
🚨︎ report
A duck walks into a bar and orders a drink

The bartender asks him how will he be paying. The duck replies, "Just put it on my bill"

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/snickerdoodlydo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09
🚨︎ report
The doctor told me I probably won’t be able to walk again after getting into an accident with a newspaper delivery truck.

I was crushed by the news.

πŸ‘︎ 91
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01
🚨︎ report
This might be hard to get, but a Man walks into a tavern and..ahh forget it.

Too much of an Inn joke.

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01
🚨︎ report
A pirate walks into an Apple store

He buys an iPatch

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24
🚨︎ report
Did you know chickens can only walk forward?

Yeah, they can't go bock.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ConstableBrew
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30
🚨︎ report
Learn to walk in two easy steps

Right, Left.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_Soviet_Boy_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a zoo. It only has one dog

Is a shitzhu

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pepethetoad69
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07
🚨︎ report
It takes 10 minutes to walk to the bar, and an hour to walk home.

The difference is staggering.

πŸ‘︎ 81
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dohpaz42
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27
🚨︎ report
A potato walks into a theripsists office

Walks out exlaiming "I am what I yam!"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fat-bandit
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25
🚨︎ report
Two conspiracy theorists walk into a bar

You can't tell me that's a coincidence

πŸ‘︎ 997
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thesabermaniac
πŸ“…︎ May 12
🚨︎ report
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says β€œWow, I’ve never served a weasel before. What can I get you?”

β€œPop.” Goes the weasel.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/No_Hard_Feelings_
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24
🚨︎ report
Why did a lost grizzly walk into a jewlery store?

Because he had to get his bear rings.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jwaldrip
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18
🚨︎ report
A guy walks into an empty bar...

He doesn't see the bartender behind the bar so figures he must be back in the stockroom. As the man walks across the floor he hears a quiet voice say....."nice pants!"

He looks around but sees no one, there are no other people in the bar. He shrugs it off and keeps moving towards the bar.

Then he hears....."your hair looks great!"

Again, he looks around but doesn't see anyone. A little freaked out, he takes a seat at the bar and hears....."I like your tie!"

At that moment, the bartender emerges from the back room and asks "howdy sir, what can I get you?"

The man replies "well, I'll have a whiskey, but I have to tell you the strangest thing has happened to me since I walked in. I keep hearing some voice that keeps saying nice things about me. I must really need that drink I guess."

The bartender smiles and says "ahh, don't worry about it, that happens sometimes, it's probably just the peanuts".

"The peanuts?" asked the man, even more confused.

"Yes, the peanuts" explains the bar

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 355
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_thundernugs_
πŸ“…︎ May 28
🚨︎ report
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. The bartender asks,”What’s with the steering wheel?”

To which the pirate replies,”Arrgh, it’s driving me nuts.”

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thedudeman144
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06
🚨︎ report
This guy walks into a bar...

He has a pig under his arm. The bartender looks at him and says β€œDude, why do you have a a pig under your arm?”

The guy says β€œin case I want a quick snort!”

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TTBoy44
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a bar

Another man walks into a bar

........

A midget walks under the bar

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/double_tap_00
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10
🚨︎ report
Okay so two whales walk into a bar. One whale goes β€œARRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOO” (whale sound)

The other one goes β€œShut up Phil you’re drunk”

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Woofer-of-Wisdom
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16
🚨︎ report
A scientist walks into a lab to pick up a dozen beakers for a new experiment he’s been working on, and the lab clerk hands him 13 upon his arrival. β€œ13?”, the scientist asks, β€œI wanted a dozen!”

The lab clerk says β€œI thought you wanted a beakers dozen!”

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ErectAnarchy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25
🚨︎ report
A skeleton walks into a bar

He orders a beer and a mop

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lilboba22
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01
🚨︎ report
A pun walks in and kills 10 people

Pun in, ten dead.

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JesusSaves002
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04
🚨︎ report
Mushroom walks into a bar

Bartender says: β€œHey! We don’t serve your lame kind!” Mushroom says: β€œCome on! I’m a fungi!”

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lvrcerosis
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12
🚨︎ report
A monk, a priest and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.

The rabbit says "I think I'm a type o"

πŸ‘︎ 737
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TomCanBe
πŸ“…︎ May 03
🚨︎ report
A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a bar...

The rabbit says, β€œI think I might be a typo.”

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Boom223
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a bar and orders helicopter flavor chips.

The barman replies β€œsorry mate we only do plain”

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Clubdrop14
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a bar

He hurts his head

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PitedApollo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16
🚨︎ report
A knight walks up to the king...

Knight: Nice roundtable, who built it?

King: β€˜Twas Sir Cumference.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Onyx_Ninja
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25
🚨︎ report
Thanks to whoever left some goodies hanging all through my morning walk today..
πŸ‘︎ 98
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/herecomesthesonny
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14
🚨︎ report
A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank...

The rabbit says, β€œI think I might be type o.”

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jigglytep
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22
🚨︎ report
E-flat walks into a bar. The bar tender looks up and says,

β€œI’m sorry. We don’t serve minors.”

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02
🚨︎ report
A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender "how much?"

The bartender replies "For you? No charge."

πŸ‘︎ 111
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MahiraMalik
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02
🚨︎ report
Were you forced to walk 500 miles then walk 500 more?

You could be due compensation. Contact the Pro-Claimers now!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06
🚨︎ report
A priest, a rabbit, and a minister walk into a bar....

A priest, a rabbit, and a minister walk into a bar....

The bartender asks the rabbit, "What'll you have?"

The rabbit says, "I don't know, I'm only here because of auto correct."

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Wish14
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06
🚨︎ report
A man walks into his home to realize that all his lamps were stolen

He was delighted

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TJPancaker
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23
🚨︎ report
An epidemiologist, an ICU doctor and a scientist all walk into a bar.

Just kidding. They know better.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KingInTheNorth57
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06
🚨︎ report
A blind guy walks into a bar

Ouch

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_joshi_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19
🚨︎ report
Sure, Jesus could walk on water...

But Stephen Hawking ran on Batteries

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Aloneexplorer
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04
🚨︎ report
A magician walks up to a fisherman's booth.

The magician pulls a quarter from the fisherman's ear. The fisherman looks at the magician annoyed. The magician says can you do any better? The fisherman says sure and then pauses. The magician says annoyed "How are you going to start the trick. The fisherman just says... Pick a cod, any cod!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jolly2284
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21
🚨︎ report
Bacon and eggs walk into a bar

Bartender says β€œget out of here, we don’t serve breakfast!”

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lvrcerosis
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a bar...

Lucky bastard.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bringojackprot
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26
🚨︎ report
If Wonder Woman walks around aimlessly, she is

Wander Woman.

πŸ‘︎ 75
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madforfeijoa
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01
🚨︎ report
A man holding several miniature pigs walks into a bar.

"Hey, barkeep!" he says, struggling to keep control of his quarry. "Any room for me and my friends?"

The bartender smiles and sets down some plastic cups. The man plops his friends inside, but the cups are too small.

"Um...barkeep?" the man says, pulling them out again. The bartender reaches for some larger mugs, but as he places them next to the cups, it becomes obvious that even these will be too small for the pigs.

Seeing the man struggle to continue holding them, the bartender runs to the kitchen for help.

A cook emerges, holding several large measuring cups. "Sorry, I just used these to make a batch of cheese dip, but they're all yours!"

The man carefully plops each pig into its respective gooey yellow cup.

Arms exhausted, breathing heavily, he drops into a stool at the end of the bar, between his tiny friends and a beautiful girl.

He glances her way, gasping coyly. "Hey...I'm...Tom."

She smiles, having watched the whole ordeal. "Hi Tom, I'm Liz. And if you don't mi

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 243
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KairuSmairukon
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30
🚨︎ report
A pilot, Jedi, and Sith Lord walks into a cantina

The bartender says, "What can I get you, Anakin?"

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mommypanda35
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11
🚨︎ report
A roman man walks into a bar...

He shows the barman 2 fingers and says " Five beers please"

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CoatHangerCLinic
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30
🚨︎ report
A trillion neutrinos walk into a bar

One says "ouch"

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Alaskan_Lost
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28
🚨︎ report
It's a 5 minute walk from my house to a pub...

And its a 45 minute walk from the pub to my house. The difference is staggering.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wB68
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15
🚨︎ report
A rock I saw on my walk
πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jamatuzi2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16
🚨︎ report
3 Irishmen walk in to a bar.

You would think the 3rd one would have ducked.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/davidwayland
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03
🚨︎ report
Bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender: "One whiskey and ................... one coke.

"Why the big pause?" - says the bartender.

"I don't know. I was born with them" - says the bear.

πŸ‘︎ 965
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/woodybg
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25
🚨︎ report
Two man walk into a bar

The third one ducks .

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ivanshu
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05
🚨︎ report
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his belt buckle.

Bartender: Do you mind if I ask why you have a steering wheel on your belt buckle? Pirate: Arrrrg, it’s drivin’ me nuts.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/davidwayland
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02
🚨︎ report
Bacon and eggs walk into a bar...

The bartender says: β€œSorry, we don’t serve breakfast.”

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bringojackprot
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11
🚨︎ report
Three vampires walk into a bar.

The first vampire says to the bartender, β€œI’ll have a pint of blood.” The second one says β€œI’ll have a pint of blood also.” The third vampire says to the bartender, β€œI’ll have a pint of plasma.”

The bartender says, β€œSo, that will be two bloods and a blood lite?”

πŸ‘︎ 96
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01
🚨︎ report
When your crush walks in your class

But you're homeschooled

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Joker6983
πŸ“…︎ May 31
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a Chinese restaurant

Is told by the Maitre'd that there will be at least a twenty minute wait.

"Would you like to wait in the bar, Sir?", he says.

The man goes into the bar and the bartender says, "What'll it be?"

The man replies, "Give me a Stoli with a twist."

The bartender pauses for a few seconds, then smiles and says, "Once upon time, there were FOUR little peegs . . . "

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15
🚨︎ report
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. He asks, "How much?"

The bartender replies, "For you, no charge!"

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GuardianoftheVoid
πŸ“…︎ May 29
🚨︎ report
Pete, Pete, and Repeat walk into a bar

Pete takes a few too many shots and gets sent home in a cab, Pete gets into a fight and taken to the drunk tank for the night.. who's left?

Repeat.

... Pete, Pete and repeat walk into a bar...

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NunYaBizzNas
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11
🚨︎ report
The Sahara desert walks into a bar.

The barman says "long time no sea."

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BookerGinger
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08
🚨︎ report
Went on a walk today. Had a couple of crows following me around.

I'm pretty sure I have the CORVID.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/earthwulf
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22
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A priest, a rabbit, and a minister walk into a bar.

The bartender says to the rabbit, "What can I get ya, sir?" The rabbit says, " I have no idea. I'm only here because of Autocorrect."

πŸ‘︎ 110
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wB68
πŸ“…︎ May 26
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Guy walks into a bar and notices pieces of meat hanging from the cieling.

He asks the bartender about it and the bartender says that if someone can jump up and touch one of the pieces of meat on their first try then they will get free drinks there for life. However, if they try and can’t do it, they have to buy everyone’s drinks for the rest of the night. The bartender asks the guy if he’s willing to try it and the guy says β€œno, the steaks are too high”.

πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tugboattt
πŸ“…︎ May 29
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A dishevelled Nunn walks into a nunnery

Mother superior confronts her and says "what on earth happened to you? You look like you've gone through a hedge backwards"

The Nunn responds "I know I've got a bad habit"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thelastwilson
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11
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A man walks into Apple and says β€œHi, I’m after an iPhone 11”

The assistant says β€œOk I’ll serve the iPhone 11 first then”

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr-E-Droflah
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15
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I was wearing a soccer jersey in the bathroom and this guy walks in and asks 'European?'

And I said 'Nope I'm a peein''

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GeoffisFly
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21
🚨︎ report
The past, present and future walk into a bar

It was tense.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pomfritten__
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11
🚨︎ report
What do you call a walking stick that makes you walk faster?

A hurricane.

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09
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An Italian man walks into a prestigious hotel.

After inspecting his room, he comes back to the hotel manager saying, "I would like six forks and a sheet" after noticing the absence of those items in his room.

He gets kicked out.

"Why did you kick him out?" says one of the hotel staff.

"He told me he wanted sex, fucks, and a shit!"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_w1n5t0n__
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07
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A limbo champion walks into a bar

He's disqualified

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TitaniumPeak
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15
🚨︎ report
Horse walks into a bar

Bartender said to the horse , what’s with the long face.

I must have herd that 1,000,000 times as a kid never got old.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dieselgains1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05
🚨︎ report
(Compliments of my 5 year old) Why did the chicken walk under the cow?

To get to the udder side

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Beeturia
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24
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A hamburger walks into a bar and orders a beer.

Bartender: I'm sorry, we don't serve food here.

πŸ‘︎ 92
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NOTLD1990
πŸ“…︎ May 04
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A termite walks into a bar and asks...

is the Bar Tender here?

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07
🚨︎ report
A hotdog walks into a bar and orders a whiskey. The bartender says...

"Sorry we don’t serve food here."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ALizardKing
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04
🚨︎ report
Comic sans walks into a Helvetica bar.

The bartender says β€œsorry we don’t serve your type here”

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wolfy621
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25
🚨︎ report
I debated with a flat earther once. He got so mad and steamed of saying he would walk of the edge of the earth.

He'll come around eventually.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/-_Vapor_-
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02
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A blind man walks into a bar.

Thunk!

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ydoesnothingwork
πŸ“…︎ May 18
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a bar.

Lucky bastard.

πŸ‘︎ 224
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnreese421
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17
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A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.

It was a Shitzu.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zzuhruf
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27
🚨︎ report

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