A list of puns related to "The Walk In"
The horse says, "I don't think so," then disappears into nothing.
This is the point in time when all the philosophy students in the audience begin to giggle, as they are familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito ergo sum, or I think, therefore, I am. The classic philosophy put forward by René Descartes.
But to explain the concept aforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.
“Ya, I’m positive.”
....
It was a shitzu.
EDIT: For those who say it's "stolen", i had no idea. A friend of mine told me this one yesterday and i just had to post it. That's it :)
Rope replies I’m a frayed knot.
Long time fan, first time poster.
The bartender says, “Hey! Aren’t you the rope that I just threw out?”
The rope replied, “No. I’m a frayed knot.”
Huge axeman
He is amazed and wants to buy the duck. The man refuses at first but eventually agreed. As the man walks out of the bar the now owner of the duck shouts. Excuse me how do i stop the duck tap dancing. Simple says the man lift up the tin and blow out the candle......
He sung: you picked a fine time to leave me, loose wheel.
The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve your kind here"
“Wherever you go, there are those darn cameras!"
Taekwondo nut.
Father: "So, how does it feel being a dad?"
Son: "It feels good. I'm a bit scared of course, but so excited at the same time. How does it feel being a grandfather?"
Father: "It feels pretty great. You've always been a good son and I've been patiently waiting for this special moment. There's something now that I have to give you."
The son watches curiously as his father pulls a large tome out of his backpack with exquisite text on the cover: 'The Big Book of Dad Jokes'.
Father: " For generations these sacred texts have been passed down through the patriarchs of our family. My father gave it to me when you were born and now, as a new father yourself, I bestow it to you. With this book you will have all the knowledge needed to become a truly great Dad."
Son: " Wow, Dad, this is amazing! Truly! I'm... I'm honored."
The father smiles as he extends his arm out to shake his son's hand and says,
"Nice to meet you, Honored. I'm Dad."
Two guys are walking through a forest when they come across a lamppost. The first guy turns to the second and says "Whats a lamppost doing out in the middle of knowhere" and the second replies. "That's Narnia business"
The pirate replies, “Arrgh, it’s driving me nuts!”
I don't get it. I'd heard everyone's dying to go there.
His reply: "Oh, I live in a state of Missouri."
About five feet away from me he stops and starts pushing the tape out to me. It gets closer and closer until it eventually smushes against my cheek.
I ask him "What are you doing?"
"I'm measuring your patience."
"Arghhh, I don't know but it's been drivin' me nuts all day"
But I refuse to go with that stereotype.
Yet, I just fit a bus in here.
“I’m looking for the man that shot my paw.”
Regardless if it Texas along time, Alaska.
It was tense.
The barman says 'y, the long face'
They said he wasn't Koalafied
POP Goes the weasel
"Greetings, comrade." says the spy, but before he could finish his sentence, the Russian says, "I think you are American spy."
The spy is alarmed, but being a skilled, trained, spy, he says, "That is not true! I am the proudest Soviet there is! I can sing the anthem more beautifully than any other man in the country!"
He then proceeds to sing the Soviet anthem, so melodically and beautifully, that everybody in the bar cheers.
"Very good, very good!" says the politician. "But I still think you are spy."
The man continues to keep his cool.
"I am a historian! I can tell you everything about this glorious country!"
He then spends about two hours recounting the Revolution, the Great Patriotic War, about how superior to the Russia is in terms of technology compared to America and makes a great argument about how communism is beneficial to society.
"Amazing! You are skilled!" says the politician.
The spy smirks.
"But I still think you American spy."
The spy is getting frustrated, but still unfazed.
He replies, "I am good drinker, a true Russian! Let us drink, and see who can come out top!"
The bar turns its attention to the politician and the spy, who are now in a drinking contest.
The bartender serves drink after drink of vodka.
After about an hour of drinking, the politician nearly passes out, unable to hold as much liquor as the spy, to a resounding cheer amongst the bar.
In the midst of the cheering, the Russian politician gets up, smiling, and in a slurred speech, repeats, "You are good, you are good... but I still think you are spy."
The American spy, piss drunk, loses his skill and gives up.
"Okay, you got me. I am an American. But what made you think that way, after all this time?"
The Russian politician replies, "There aren't many black people in Russia."
If you don't, you might not have a descent day
“Pop.” Goes the weasel.
He picks up the ketchup bottle, glances at it and gives a hearty chuckle before slathering his brat in ketchup.
Puzzled, the woman watches as the next customer, a young girl, walks up to order her hot dog.
As she takes the container of relish, she bursts into a fit of giggles and walks off with her food, still laughing merrily.
A middle-aged man steps up next. Shoveling sauerkraut onto his hot dog, he laughs uproariously and walks away grinning.
When she reaches the front of the line, the woman asks the hot dog vendor,
“Excuse me, sir, but why does everyone laugh when they get their hot dogs?”
“It’s simple, ma’am.” he says, handing her a piping-hot sausage. “I’m surprised you haven’t discovered for yourself.”
Glancing at the mustard, the woman lets loose a peal of laughter.
“Ya see, ma’am? The real_joke’s always in the condiments!"
Slippers.
Because they might be trying to catch a pikachu.
Nothing he was just born 2 hours ago
People hate it, but I’m a fan.
Rolling back 40 yrs or so, here's the story I told to my 2nd grade class.
To catch an elephant, you first need to go to the jungle where elephants are found. Then you cut down all the trees in a big circle, and dig a hole out. Put the trees in the hole and burn them down to ashes. Carefully line the edge of the hole with peas.
And when an Elephant comes to take a Pea, you kick him in the Ash-Hole!
Everyone about died. Hell, even the teacher and principal were laughing about it. Dad was amused. Mom was not.
"I was hoping that you could give me some pointers."
The priest, after taking a moment to accept the fact that he's speaking with a pastry, offers a warm smile in response.
"That is truly a noble calling." he says. "Most frequently, individuals who wish to become priests begin by growing active in their parish, then entering a seminary. While in attendance there, would-be clergy members work to excel in every regard, reaffirming their beliefs and devoting themselves to the path of righteousness. When the time comes, a given initiate will be ordained as a deacon, which will allow them passage to priesthood."
"That sounds like a very involved process." the donut confesses. "I'm not sure I have the time."
"If you don't mind me asking…" replies the priest. "What made you think you wanted to join the clergy if you're not willing to make a commitment to the process? Why do you want to be a priest at all?"
"Well…" the donut answers. "See, it's because I'm holey."
He says, “I’m applying the turn-a-cut!”
Bartender says “Sure... If you say so. Now please leave.”
Guy says, “No really I can prove it.” *turns to dog * “Dog, what is on top this building?” Dog goes “Roof.”
Bartender says “Very clever. Now I’ll ask you again: will you please leave?”
Guy goes “No no seriously! Listen to this: Dog, what is the texture of sandpaper?” Dog goes “Ruff.”
Bartender says “This is the last time I’m going to tell you!”
Guy says “Wait wait please. Dog who is the greatest baseball player of all time?” Dog replies “Ruth”
Bartender: “Get out! I’m calling the authorities!”
Guy and dog leave.
Outside dog turns to guy and says “Jeez. Maybe I should have said Barry Bonds.”
punchline
Bartender says: We don't serve food here.
It’s A Shitzu
To which the pirate replies,”Arrgh, it’s driving me nuts.”
It was a Shitzu.
The pirate replies, “ Arrrgh, it’s drivin’ me nuts!”
His reply: "Oh, I live in a state of Missouri."
“But today...” he continued. “Wherever you go, there are cameras...”
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