I told my daughter, “Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field.” Puzzled, she asked, “What’s that got to do with anything?” I chuckled, "Well, that means..."
I told my son to go find out what "nada" means in english
But he came back with nothing
I always said that I would never ever go walking the dark scary tunnels in the earth.
Where do men in Southeast Asia go to buy neckwear?
Me and my Dad were in a car on our way to go hunting and saw a sign....
It said bear left, so we went home.
When my parents would go to the bar, my dad would always carry his drink to the table in his left hand and my mother’s in the other. I finally asked him why...
And he said, “Because your mother is always right.”
When I die, I want to go peacefully, in my sleep, like my Grandfather.
Not like the people screaming in his car
From my 70 year old dad: I hung up a map of the US in the kitchen and gave my wife a dart. I told her we would go on a two week vacation wherever she stuck the dart.
Looks like we’ll be spending two weeks behind the fridge.
What did the Kansas City Chiefs quarterback say when he saw his real estate properties go up in flames?
My son told me the house was cold, I told him to go stand in the corner...
'Cause the corner is 90 degrees.
What kind of watercraft go in a line?
I got into an argument with someone I thought was a "birds aren't real" supporter. I'm an idiot; they were just messing with me and they made some amazing bird puns along the way that deserve attention. The link to the post is in the comments so you can go give the user karma and see the context.
https://preview.redd.it/n7zvpwxkj6m51.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=54f0549ebd3c055929698d6fef3bc05782bf5282
A man is found dead in the desert. Cause of death appeared to be dehydration. The police go to his mother's house.
After hearing about my history major, my dad said, “You should go visit Italy in late August.”
..Then you can witness The Fall of Rome.
When we were leaving the maternity ward the baby pooped himself and the wife said to go in and change him.
So I went inside, put him down, took one of the clean babies, and left.
I had to go find my kid in a farmers field
My kid said, "Why did you come and get me?"
Me: "Its pasture bed time."
When you go into the bathroom you're American. When you leave the bathroom you're American. What are you when you're in the bathroom?
I saw my wife slightly drunk yelling at the TV saying “don’t go in there you idiot”
She was watching our wedding video again.
Did you hear about the pay as you go toilet in space?
The price was gastronomical!
You should wear your mask whenever you go to a cemetery in this pandemic.
Cemeteries have a lot of coffin.
Dad: Son, did you know that if you, as an American, go into a bathroom in France you are no longer an American? Son: No, I didn’t. What would I be?
Theres 3.3 million people in here so I figured id go ahead and post that im looking for one night stand.
Matter of fact, make it 2. I need one for each lamp.
We’ve come to a fork in the road... don’t know where to go from here..
Who do you go see when you've got no signal in the waiting room?
Why was it so hard to go to church in England after WWII?
A friend of mine asked me to go hunting up in a dangerous mountain range.
I didn't bother because i thought the steaks were too high
I just went to go visit my late grandmother buried in the cemetery, but when I went there I found her dancing!
It was quite the Plot Twist
Had to have blood taken today. Staff tried to put needle in but didn't go into the blood vessel.
So since it didn't go in the vein, it was in vain
First child born in a couple of weeks so I thought to give it the good ol try. Sometimes when I’m down I go to the mall and use the elevator.
So it can lift me up and make my day better.
I tried to OC.
Why should you keep at least a buck in your back pocket when you go gambling?
So you can bet your bottom dollar
Be careful if you go swimming in Philosophy Lake.
I have decided to go to a city in SW France to study history and art.
I figure, what do I have Toulouse.
What kind of house do ninja turtles live in when they go on vacation from living in the sewers and fighting crime?
A couple of dogs were sitting in the kitchen chewing the fat. First dog says, “I heard a good joke today.” Second dog replies, “Go on then.” First dog continues, “Knock Kno..."
Second dog leaps up and goes berserk...
People who go out in public without a mask make me sick.
My dad was telling me about his doctor’s appointment today. He needed to get some vaccines, but because of Covid he would have to go to the office and they would give them to him in his car.
He said he was going to be involved in a drive by shooting.
I burst into the kitchen and shouted at my wife, "Honey! Whatever you do, do NOT let them take your temperature on your forehead when you go into the supermarket!! It erases your memory!! I went in for bread and milk like you asked..."
"...and came out with two cases of beer!!!"
You go into the bathroom American, and you come out American... What are you when you're in the bathroom?
European
I figured we could all use a light hearted chuckle right about now.
Love you all out there and stay well!
Cam a vampire go outside while it's raining in Africa
Where do you go if you get in an accident playing peek-a-boo?
I told my daughter, "Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field." She said, "What's that got to do with anything?"
I said "That means it's pasture bedtime."
When I die, I want to go out peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather...
Not kicking and screaming like the passengers in his car.
If you're American when you go in the bathroom and American when you come out of the bathroom, what are you while you're in the bathroom?
If you go into the bathroom an American, and you leave the bathroom an American, what are you while you’re in the bathroom?
If you're Canadian when you go into the bathroom and again when you come out.. What are you whilst you're in there?
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