I was bartending and a man came in with his son. “Is it okay if he sits here? He’s a minor”
“I don’t care what his job is. If he wants a drink, let’s get him a drink.”
TIL: In spite of Covid, all African countries are insisting that customers should sit in a restaurant and eat dinner.
After many years of therapy, my psychologist has finally cured me of the desire to sit in the corner in public and blow on people that walk by! But now I have the urge to wear teen idol t-shirts and lean against the wall...
Long time fan, first time poster.
Whats yellow and sits in the tree
A Prostitute tweetie
What does the Prostitute Tweetie say?
"Cheap Cheap"
Just heard that about 5 mins ago at the Christmas dinner table... from my dad.
Where do vegans sit in a restaurant?
I went to sit down in my dads truck, but there were some wooden stands in the way. "What do I do?" I asked. He replied:
"Put the horses in the back."
I hate the song but it made me laugh
What do you call a guy with one arm and one leg, who sits in front of your door?
Sometimes, I like to sit down in the shower
And pretend I'm the captain of a sinking submarine
I can't remember which comedian this was
This guy I know is paid to sit in an elevator and tell jokes all day.
I gotta say, his sense of humor has gotten higher these days.
When you roll in from a night out but you're tyred so you just sit down in the garden slumped against the wall
When I reach home, my 1.5 y.o. son rushes out to the gate to sit in my lap while I park the car. Then he just grabs the steering and starts shaking it with brrrmmm brrrmmm sound. His cute antics always make me forget that he's suffering from a rare disease.
It's called Parking Son's disease.
Edit: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger.
If you're having trouble connecting your bluetooth device, just dress in green, sit on a perch and repeat everything that tech support tells you.
It's the only way to parrot.
In what state do you watch a priest, sneeze, and sit down?
massachusetts.
It gets worse. My kids and I have a ton of these for different states. Should it be one thread?
Two wind turbines sit in the ocean, one turns to the other and says “What music do you listen to?”
The turbine says “I’m a massive heavy metal fan”
Dad:”back when I had to do wall-sits in school..”
“I had enough and told my gym teacher I couldn’t stand doing them
My dad lost his legs in the war and he sits on a wheelchair.
He gets off on lame jokes.
Cicadas sit in trees all day and scream.
But when I do it I’m “disturbing the peace” and “under arrest”
Where are people who sit down in the shower at in life?
What is Irish and sits in the back yard?
This evening, everyone remember to relax and sit in front of the TV
Because you will see nothing if you sit behind it.
I stood up in the middle of a meeting to fix the time on the clock. My boss told me sit down and do it later. I said...
“I guess it’s probably the wrong time.”
Saying the wealthy sit in their ivory towers is really just saying that the rich like Tuskeny-inspired architecture
My grandfather was captured by the Germans in WWII. Being a high-ranking officer, they kept him captive for months but all he would do is sit in his cell saying "tick... tick... tick...". Their top interrogator was sent in to get important information out of him...
When in the interrogation room, he told my grandfather
"vee haf vays of making you tock!"
My dad likes to sit in his front yard chasing kids off his property...
...Like some Lawn Enforcement Officer.
Growing up I couldn’t do math unless I was sitting in someone’s lap. When I was younger it was never a problem finding someone that would let me sit on their lap, but now that I’m older...
I thought I could sit in front of a computer for as long as I wanted
If you’re cold, go sit in the corner.
Growing up, my brothers and I weren't allowed to sit in the front of the car
We were the back seat boys
Did you hear about the sit-in at the polling place?
The police told them to get up, vote and leave.
A patient bursts into a doctor’s office, "Doctor, I believe I'm a deck of cards!" The doctor calmly replies, "Go sit in the waiting room, please, I'll be dealing with you later."
short-funny.com/best-puns…
Two fresh grapes decided to sit together out in the sun one day...
Pretty soon they were raisin kids
What's Irish and sits outside in the summer?
What do you call it when a grape gets paid to sit in the sun all day?
In medieval times the knights would sit around a table and tease Lance.
Studies show when car-pooling, when going through a tunnel, people who sit in the back are shown to experience more anxiety.
Scientists call it "car-pool tunnel syndrome"
Someone in my office asked her boss if anyone else usually sits on the same desk
Her boss replied "yeah, we got a bit of a hotdesk arrangement"
I chimed in and said "Well if it's a hotdesk, you could always turn the fan on."
She was not impressed.
My wife and kids say I'm lazy because all I do is sit in my lounge chair all day.
I'm half inclined to agree with them.
Sometimes a dad joke just sits in your hand...
http://m.imgur.com/gallery/6SdMTOF
... Mini-Soda Vikings, everyone.
Which paddle do you use when you sit in the front of a canoe?
My neighbour built a patio on his flat roof and now he sits and stares at us in our garden.
Best prank to pull on Stevie Wonder? Sit him in front of a piano tuned two keys low.
On Christmas Eve, three eggs, named Dora, Moira, and Gloria, sit in a chicken nest...
Suddenly, Dora hatches and the mama hen says proudly, "Dora in the nest; Day One!"
Then, on Christmas, Moira hatches. The mama hen says, "Dora in the nest; Day Two! Moira in the nest; Day One!"
Dora is confused, and asks, "Well, what about our other sister?"
The mama hen explains, "Gloria In Eggshell, Sis; Day Oh."
My wife said that we should get an ottoman so we can sit more comfortably in the family room.
I replied: "We ought ta, man".
In what state do you watch a priest, sneeze, and sit down?
massachusetts.
It gets worse. My kids and I have a ton of these for different states. Should it be one thread?
When I reach home, my youngest son rushes out to the gate to sit in my lap while I park the car. Then he just grabs the steering and starts shaking it while making car sounds. His cute antics always make me forget that he is suffering from a rare disease.
It is called Parking Son's disease.
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