It's pretty obvious, that if you run in front of a moving car, you will get tired. But if you run behind it..

..do you just get exhausted ?

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2021
🚨︎ report
[META] Could we get some moderation in this sub?

In my eyes, this sub has a serious problem with non-dadjoke posts. Sub-reddit rule #1 is "Jokes must be dad jokes.". What good are the rules if they aren't enforced? I do realize that what constitutes a dadjoke might not be clarely defined, but we get a lot of posts that are marked nsfw. That's a "This is not a dadjoke"-flag. Why not start with removing nsfw posts?

PS: Why do we have rule #6? It is not possible for a dadjoke to be nsfw, so it should never be relevant.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Buddhainhair
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
🚨︎ report
You get nowhere in life without taking a Risk, officer.

That’s why I robbed the board game store.

πŸ‘︎ 59
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AkoVendettaOSRS
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
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I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.

Poor bastard.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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If two vegans get in a fight...

... is it still considered a beef?

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sault9
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth.

Then it becomes a soap opera.

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JesusSaves002
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
🚨︎ report
I stood in the park wondering why a frisbee gets larger when it gets closer

Then it hit me.

πŸ‘︎ 111
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πŸ‘€︎ u/willem640
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2021
🚨︎ report
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you’d get the well-fortified tower area back.

Guys back then were playing for keeps.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/astrosmash77
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2021
🚨︎ report
April Fools Jokes don’t get any big laughs in Hawaii.

They only get a low β€˜Ha’.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TwoValiant
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Don't you hate it when a cranberries song gets stuck in your head

In your head in your heeeaaad

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2021
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I work as a tattoo artist in a wellness center making very specific designs and everyone get really surprised when I tell them that I'm also a doctor...

Nobody expects the Spa Niche Ink Physician.

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DandyBeyond
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2021
🚨︎ report
What grade do pirates get in school

High seas

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/emmaallyssa
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2021
🚨︎ report
An ape joined a monastery but couldn't get in.

He was missing his monk-keys.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DavidkDavid
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2021
🚨︎ report
How'd you get in here?

Oh I'm a locksmith, and I'm a locksmith

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Darth_Ranga
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2021
🚨︎ report
Why would a pig dressed in black never get bullied?

Because Batman has sworn to protect goth ham

πŸ‘︎ 355
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordCinko
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
🚨︎ report
How do trees get in the internet?

They log in.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dpete88
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2021
🚨︎ report
My son asked, "Dad, every time I talk to girls, I get butterflies in my stomach! What should I do?!" I gently put my arm around him and replied, "That's easy son..."

"Stop eating caterpillars!"

πŸ‘︎ 867
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl. One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face".

That was the punchline

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/neo-1000
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I waited all afternoon to get my Covid vaccine in our small remote village, by the time it was my turn, they were administering them by candlelight...

I’m really not sure how effective they are, seems as if they are a shot in the dark.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2021
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Saw two members of a string section of an orchestra get in a fight...

They should know violins is never the answer..

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Feral1991
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2021
🚨︎ report
A priest in the woods has been attacked by a pack of wolves. In a moment of desperation, the priest started to ask God how to get out of this situation.

The wolves may be predators but he pray

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MegaFamous
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2021
🚨︎ report
The best way to get in touch with your long lost relatives....

....is to win the lottery.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear what happened when a man lied about his credentials to get in the band?

It was quite a con on drum ...

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ashjmc89
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
🚨︎ report
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...

The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2021
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I think everyone should get married at some point in life

Noone deserves to be happy forever

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/st_jimmy_02
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
🚨︎ report
So last night my boyfriend left the bedroom door open to get more heat in the room because there are more heating vents in the hallway than in the bedroom. I said, "You might say it's eVENTful." He didn't laugh. So then I said, "You'll laugh eVENTually."
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lovina9
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Can't seem to get a job in the Covid Era...

I think I have hired immunitity.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2021
🚨︎ report
Not to get all political in this sub, but...

Did you guys know that the guy who was recently pepper sprayed by Portland's mayor is a big dairy heir?

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DieFlavourMouse
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
🚨︎ report
I was having problems with the printer at work last week and I had to ring the engineer. I told him that I kept putting paper in to the printer but the display kept saying it just can't get enough...

The engineer said "ah yes.... it's stuck in Depeche Mode"....

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bobbylake71
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the tree say to his buddy, who was about to get in a fight?

I got your bark.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dwarerulz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2021
🚨︎ report
My two sons 5&8 are playing Minecraft this morning on survival. They are working hard together to build their mansion. I crossed the room in front of the TV to grab my phone as they are balanced high on a wall constructing a roof. My son screams out, β€œDad get out of the way!”

I said, β€œYou’re the ones blocking!”

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Colbosky
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I ran out of toilet paper last week and can't afford to buy more till I get paid next week, so I started using the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in......

......... The Times are really Rough!!!

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ball5deeper
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
How much does it cost to get your ears pierced in Tampa Bay?

A Buccaneer

Good win for them tonight.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NaviSkater
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
🚨︎ report
A fish steps outside her house and get hers fins and gills blown out of order by the weather, so she goes back in for a jacket. Her husband asks, β€œWhat’s it like Outside Right Now?” She replies,

β€œCurrently”

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/axolitl-nicerpls
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
🚨︎ report
They say if you want to be a successful prospector, you shouldn't get a major in geology.

You should get a miner instead.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/antirabbit
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
My 16 year old son was in the kitchen baking up a storm when my wife came downstairs. "What are you doing?" she asked him. "I'm going to have a bake sale to buy a car," he answered. "Where on earth did you get that idea? We're in a pandemic! No one is going to buy baked goods!" He said...

"I heard on Reddit that you need cake to get the car, ma."

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thebikerdad
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
🚨︎ report
A rope walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and says says, β€œGet out. We don’t serve rope in here.” So the rope goes out, cuts itself in two before tying the two sections together. It then pulls out a comb and combs its ends. The rope then walks back into the bar.

The bartender says, β€œHey! Aren’t you the rope that I just threw out?”

The rope replied, β€œNo. I’m a frayed knot.”

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the president's backup plan in case the USA gets invaded?

USB

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/corken01
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
🚨︎ report
How did the Roman Empire get split in two?

With a pair of caesars

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/modular-emergence
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you get when there is an oil spill in the middle of the ocean?

Black currents

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chenzi1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife tried to get me interested in this documentary about Alaska and its people.

I'm just not Inuit.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Running in front of a car will get you tired, but...

Running behind a car will get you exhausted

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/frudedude
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Why would a pig dressed in black never get bullied?

Because Batman has sworn to protect goth ham.

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/meggieveggie
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2021
🚨︎ report
Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth

Then it becomes a soap opera

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
🚨︎ report
What is it called when your singing in the shower and shampoo gets in your mouth?

A soap opera

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mm401
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2021
🚨︎ report
2 drunk guys getting into a fight. One gets up and draws a line on the ground. He says "you cross this line and I'll punch you in the face".

That was the punchline...

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dinnen1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
🚨︎ report
My son asked, "Dad, every time I talk to girls, I get butterflies in my stomach! What should I do?!" I gently put my arm around him and replied, "That's easy son..."

"Stop eating caterpillars!"

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
🚨︎ report

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